Eight Ways to Improve Your Life

Little things mean a lot. In striving to achieve the bigger goal, do not lose sight of today. Go ahead and vie for the corner office, get a college degree, design and build the new home or establish your own company. Here are a few thoughts while doing and getting that will aid in the vital role of being.

Smile Research shows it takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown, thus is less wrinkle producing. Smiling gives your face a pleasant expression, aids in stress reduction, cultivates acceptance and makes others wonder what you are up to.

Walk it off. Whether it’s fat, fatigue or frustration a walk works wonders. The philosopher Kirkegaard said, “There is no problem in the world so great that it cannot be solved by a brisk walk.”

Family dinner time. At least once a week make it a priority to sit at the table as a family to eat a meal without interruptions from anything technical. Tune in to each other and share positive experiences. Research shows that families who share one meal a day on a consistent basis become aware of eating disorders, substance abuses and behavioral manners before they become major problems.

Read a book. Reading takes you to worlds otherwise inaccessible, allows you to go on adventures only imagined, and introduces you to people, cultures and customs. Reading merely one book a year places you in an elite percent of the world’s population.

Have a weekly no-tech day - including e-mails, i-pods and cell phones. Connect with the music of singing birds, rustling wind and the sound of human voices. Allow your mind to think without mechanical noise vying for your attention. Get in touch with your inner self by disconnecting from the world wide web.

See pictures in the clouds. Get in touch with your inner child and set your imagination free by gazing into the sky and finding wonderful objects. Use your creativity. It is a great way to connect with your children or to converse with a stranger.

Become a positive parent. Be a good finder and commend the child’s correct behaviors. Give specific praise such as “I appreciate the way you shared with Jamie”, rather than the blanket statement of “You’re a good boy.” Specific praise rewards appropriate behavior that sets the child up for repeat positive actions.

Volunteer. A basic human need is to be needed. Expand your horizons by stepping outside your comfort zone and reaching out to others. It is a given that you will receive more than you give.

At the end of life’s journey the haunting question is “Did my life matter?” By regularly incorporating the above suggestions for improvement, the answer displaces the question.

Holiday Priorities and Organization

Sunrise. Sunset. Life is a continuous, on-going process. Planting, weeding, harvesting and canning. As much as we accomplish, there is always more to do. As much as we know, there is always more to learn. Here are a few thoughts on prioritizing and organizing.

Identify the most important. Write down all the needs for the day, arrange in order of priority and tackle number one. Stay with number one until completed. Continually assess, “What am I doing now?” Weigh the current activity against what you have identified as the most important.

Make it a part of your routine. Remember the hare and the turtle? It is better to consistently devote one-hour a day to planning and implementation than hours of stressful catch-up. Habits form character and determine destiny.

Practice the One to Four Ratios. Time management experts say that for every one of planning reduces execution by four to ten times. One hour of advance preparation can take up to ten hours off the finished project. One day of concentrated planning can reduce the job by four to ten days. One week of deliberate groundwork can knock off ten weeks from the completed task.

Preto’s 80/20 Law of Predictable Imbalance. This principle ascertains that 20% effort produces 80% results. Using this predictable imbalance, 20% of your outfits are worn 80% of the time, leaving 80% of the items in your closet as clutter. Busy-ness does not mean business. In a given workday, 20% of your activities produce 80% results, leaving 80% as non-productive bustle. Twenty-percent of your social interaction will produce 80% of your leads. By eliminating 10% public commitments, you will gain time to develop better customer service.

Simplify through elimination. Be realistic about what you can do, what you cannot do and what you do not intend to do. Rather than delaying and denying, let yourself know your conclusion. Schedule in and pursue the can do’s and will do’s. Obtain help where needed and discard the rest.

Be an investigative reporter. Budget your time by asking pertinent questions, such as who? what? when? where? and how? Who needs to be involved in this task? Who will benefit from my completing this chore? What resources are needed for efficiency? What results are anticipated? What benchmarks point to accomplishment? When will supplies be available? Where do we eliminate fluff? How does this element compliment that component? Keep these qualifiers and quantifiers in sight to help you stay on track.

Find balance. Live one day-at-a-time while planning for the future. Plan around your entire life; being diligent to include family.

Much of the business of life is repeated over and over. Michael Gerber states that the “solution is in the system.” Developing a smooth running system reduces frustration, increases productivity and is easily taught to new workers.

Our U. S. Heritage and Thanksgiving

I visited with a Russian immigrant and mentioned our upcoming Thanksgiving Holiday. He attested that America is special in so many ways and how appropriate for her citizenry to have a yearly holiday devoted to being thankful.

Of all the holidays, Thanksgiving is my favorite as it is the only one that remains unmarred by crass commercialism. It is a special time for us as a nation to pause and reflect on the things for which we are thankful. In spite of the recent destruction life and property by storms and other issues of unrest, there is much to be thankful for.

With the exception of the American Indian, all of us have our roots in other soil. We are all children of immigrants from oppressed countries who came to this land in search of freedom. One of the greatest freedoms sought is religious freedom.

The Pilgrims withstood hardships and seemingly insurmountable odds to come to a land and establish freedom of worship. The freedom to worship. The freedom to worship God according to the convictions of your one’s own heart, not according to the dictates of a church state.

Still today there continues to be a mass worldwide exodus of people leaving established homes in search of freedom. The freedom to be safe. The freedom to be educated. The freedom to worship.

As a child I learned Emma Lazarus’s poem that is inscribed at the base of the Statue of Liberty.

                   “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breath free.
                     Send these, the homeless, tempest tossed to me.
                     I life my lamp beside the golden doors.”

In spite of the destruction of life and property in recent storms we can always be thankful for what we have left. We can renew our appreciation for what has been, what is and what is yet to come. Renew an appreciation to value people and our homes as never before. A renewed appreciation to value the wonderful gift of life and to take nothing - and no one - for granted.

A renewed love for our neighbor – no matter the color, age, size or cultural. And to realize our neighbor is global. A renewed appreciation for the infinite worth and value of each individual - including yourself.

O Lord, that lends me life, lend me a heart replete with thankfulness.

William Shakespeare

A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all other virtues. Cicero

NEED A SPEAKER: Mona Dunkin is a Motivational Speaker, Corporate Trainer and Personal Success Coach. Contact her at mona@monadunkin.com 254-749-6594

A Progressive Blessing

May you awaken each morning filled with excitement over a new day.

May you eagerly taste the deliciousness of life.

May you revel in challenges presented and humbly triumph.

May heaven shower you with love, joy, mercy, compassion and faith to overflowing.

May you be overcome by the awe of a sacred moment.

May you embrace change and see it as the life-giving force that it is.

May you be healed of poverty, lack, intimidation, or anything that keeps you bound.

May you be released from unforgiveness, anxiety, or whatever that may keep you stuck.

May you allow God to love you and to bless you.

May you receive the gift of yourself.

May you be free from fear, doubt, scarcity and be empowered to risk success.

May you be encompassed by peace in the midst of turbulence.

May you experience restful sleep and pleasant dreams.

May your last thought of the day be one of profound, yet simple, “Thanks”.

© Mona Dunkin 2008

Accidental Grace or Clumsiness

You have had times when life flows effortlessly. When all the pieces fit together? A plethora of events - including people and places - collide for accidental grace.

Or an accidental mishap? When something negative happens that we did not knowingly choose it is often labeled as an accident. It may seem to have ‘just happened’ but in truth all the conditions were met.

All accidents, happy or otherwise, are intentional.

Events are intentional even though we may loudly protest that we did not intend to… (fill in the blank).

And that is the crust of the problem. All accidents, positive or negative, are life displaying itself by design or default.

Can we set ourselves up to lean toward grace? To be accident-prone toward happy outcomes?

Yes! It’s called by a number of names like meditation, self-evaluation or living in the now. Life becomes more gracious when we live on purpose. When we let ourselves know that we are making the choice to do or not to do.

As in, choosing to drive distracted and thereby greatly increasing a wreck outcome. (Note: A wreck is a by-product of reckless driving – or living.)

Embrace the act of being aware of what you do and taking full responsible for the outcome of such action. And not just every now and then.

The proof is in the practice. Neuroscience says we can build new pathways in our brain that will reroute our thinking and become our new default position thus eliminating old habits of thought and action.

You can cultivate the habit of being fully present and mindful and engaged and happier. Practice until it becomes habit. Practice - like the habit of brushing your teeth – where you feel fuzzy until you meditate. Practice until a new supersonic highway bridge is built over the old reactive turbulence.

That is not to say that others are not contributors; but it is to acknowledge that you have no control over the part they play. It is to say that you will lean toward positive influence as you interact with clarity, grace and calm.

Every area of your life benefits – relationships, work, health – everything is enhanced through meditative self-evaluation and conscious decision making.

Go on. Not only is the proof in the practice but also practice makes permanent.

Mona Dunkin, Solution Principles, Maximum People Development. Please remember us for your training needs. mona@monadunkin.com

A Progressive Holiday Blessing

The Christmas Season is a time for joy and peace and goodwill to all men. Unfortunately for some it is a time of sadness; not only on a personal scale but also with family tension of togetherness. May these thoughts bless you, not just today, but progressively, on and on, again and again, forever.

Life is too short to hold on to grudges, stress or anything that weighs heavy on your mind and heart.

And too long.

We live in a fast paced society and seem to want everything instantly. Yet character is developed over time and by going through difficulties. Struggles have the ability to forge qualities in us such as patience, compassion, humor and moral fiber. 　

Lower emotions such as fear, anger or stress damage your nervous system. Higher emotions such as love, courage and forgiveness repairs, heals and energizes every system in your body.

Prepare your heart – or a special place of your choosing – to be the location where you exchange and transform lower emotions into higher ones. 　Make this special spot internally as your emotional recycle center. Give permission to your body, mind and soul to be the healing place it is designed to be.

Light dispels darkness. Truth weakens the shadow side. Breathe in the white light of truth and feel it permeate every cell, tissue, system and muscle in your body. Let the white light of truth goes as deep, as broad and as expansive as you can imagine.

Expose darkness to the light and be healed physically, emotionally, relationally and spiritually. The quality of your thoughts determines the quality of your actions.

Allow the following Progressive Blessing to be instrumental in effecting transformation.

May you awaken each morning filled with excitement over a new day.
May you eagerly taste the deliciousness of life.
May you revel in challenges presented and humbly triumph.
May heaven shower you with love, joy, mercy, compassion and faith to overflowing.
May you be overcome by the awe of a sacred moment.
May you embrace change and see it as the life-giving force that it is.
May you be healed of poverty, lack, intimidation, or anything that keeps you bound.
May you be released from unforgiveness, anxiety, or whatever that may keep you stuck.
May you allow God to love you and to bless you.
May you receive the gift of yourself.
May you be free from fear, doubt, scarcity and be empowered to risk success.
May you be encompassed by peace in the midst of turbulence.
May you experience restful sleep and pleasant dreams.
May your last thought of the day be one of profound, yet simple, “Thanks”.
© Mona Dunkin 2008

Thanks Be To God

Life is filled with tension. What to do, not to do? What is too much, not enough? Knowing, not knowing, not caring. Emotional highs and lows and joys and disappointments – all at the same time.

Thank be to God for this Holy Easter Holiday that teaches us to die to live.

At the risk of being self-righteous, I share my Lenten sacrifice. This is a first for me. I am sad to say it had never seemed that important in preparation for Easter. How blind I have been. We must choose to be awake to receive the Son-rise.

At the risk of being petty, I choose to forgo the 2PM-4PM-half-price-drinks-run to Sonic. This is a habit I have fallen into that has taken on a life of its own. At 1:30 in the afternoon – I don’t want to miss it - my attention is drawn to the senses.

Everything is spiritual. How is it that denying the self can be as fulfilling as satisfying the self? Lent is not about the ego-self (edging God out) but the true-self (centering God in). Self-control is an essential part of the spiritual life. As the appetite is tamed the soul flourishes.

This iota of surrender is making an enormous shift in my thinking. My afternoon attention is being refocused from Dr. Pepper to the Great Physician. My thirst is being translated from soda pop to Living Waters. And in the process every sense is becoming sharper. God’s silence speaks volumes and my stillness listens and my wisdom heart hears.

How many times does God speak and we do not hear for our spiritual ear is dulled by the illusionary pleasures and pains of life? In The Liturgical Year, Sister Joan Chittister relates the story of a disciple who heard a voice calling, “Who is there?” Sensing a holy moment, she replied, “It is I, Lord.” But there was only silence.

Years later she again heard the voice and again she answered, “It is I, Lord. It is I.” But there was only silence.

In later years, the voice called a third time, “Who is there?”

This time she answered, “It is You, Lord, only You.”

Apostle Paul expressed it as decreasing so that God might increase. Diane Bardwell sings, “Ever dying into You am I, until there is only You.”

Living, dying; growing, overcoming, it's all, "Thanks be to God." 

mona@monadunkin.com

In Every Thing Give Thanks

 

In all things give thanks for this is God’s will for you. Apostle Paul

Even though the day set aside to celebrate Thanksgiving has past, It is always good to give pause to count our blessings.

I am thankful for being born an American where we have certain unalienable rights and where we are free to exercise them, or to take them for granted, or to ignore them.

I am thankful for the Pilgrims who braved an angry ocean and withstood seeming insurmountable hardships to blaze a country with freedom to worship.

I am thankful for our forefathers and their foresight and wisdom of our Constitution and the many freedoms afforded us. Even though it has been abused and taken to extremes, I am thankful for free speech.

I am thankful for my family of chance: For parents who lived godly values and taught me character, integrity and an appreciation for work. I am thankful for my sister who begged for a sibling and then mothered me to a fault. I am thankful for my brothers who taught me to be tough and tender.

I am especially thankful for my family of choice. I am thankful for my husband of 45 years; a gentle man who is secure enough in himself to give me the freedom to be who I am. I am thankful for our daughter and her special love, laughter and inspiration. I am thankful for our son-in-law for being so good to us, to our daughter and to our grandchildren. I am thankful for our four beautiful, funny and delightful grandchildren. I am thankful for the fifth grandchild on the way.

I am thankful for assorted relatives who have touched my life in various ways – some good, some bad – but all uniting us as a family. I am thankful for friends, neighbors, acquaintances and for those special comrades, who laugh with me, cry with me, grow with me. I am thankful for each person who has touched my person in a unique way.

I am thankful for less obvious reasons.  I am thankful for misunderstandings, because they teach me to strive to be a better communicator; for criticism, for it forces me to examine actions and attitudes of self-righteousness, and leads to repentance; for failures, because they make me appreciate successes; for adversity, because it is in the winter that roots grow deepest to find fresh nourishment; for financial reverses, because it helps me to be grateful for what I have.

I am thankful for challenges that tax every fiber of my being, for it forces me to grow in new directions. I am thankful for dreams, ideas and goals, for they keep me active and energetic and alive. I am thankful for a contented mind and a grateful heart.

When it may seem difficult to be thankful in those trying times, may you receive understanding through the insights of Author Oswald Chambers:

weaknesses that show our need for His strength

difficulties that can keep us close to Jesus

hardships that keep us hidden in Him each moment

earthly disappointments that set our hearts on eternity.

Need a Life Coach? Contact Mona at 254-749-6594 or mona@monadunkin.com

Developing Contentment

“He is the richest who is content with the least.” Socrates

Contentment is the art of being satisfied with what you have. Make a radical commitment of gratitude and thankfulness for what you already have. Anything that appreciates (or is appreciated) goes up in value.

Step up to the challenge of getting debt free and living within your means. Test and see that buying less and paying cash for incidentals of life will help get back the true meaning of living.

Challenge your spending habits. On a scale of 1-10, will you use it? How often will you use it? It is of value to you? Can you afford it? Budgeting focuses on lack and attracts spending. Focus on savings; see the challenge of getting a bargain. Let the savings feeling supersede the spending feeling.

Use wisdom in planning and in spending. Be frugal; shop for bargains and sales. Time is currency. Are you willing to trade time with your family – which you can never get back – for time spend to get money to buy stuff.

Anything worth anything takes discipline. Most Americans put spending ahead of savings yet saving is what builds security. Spending patterns account for your future. Living within your income = happiness. Living outside your income = misery.

Develop a healthy respect for “Just $1.00”. Depending on your income tax bracket, you have to earn more than $1.00 to replace the $1.00. Fifteen percent bracket repays $1.41; 28% = $1.73; $31% = $1.82; 36% = $2.01; $39% = $2.16. When you spend, you are spending more than $1.00. When you save, you are saving more than $1.00.

Stop creating new debt. Credit cards cost you money. Even if you pay them off every month you are tricked into buying more than if you paid cash or check and actually saw it come out of the account. There is no such thing as a free lunch, i.e. earn cash back, airline tickets, vehicle, etc. Credit card users spend 212% more with plastic than with cash; it gives a false sense of having more money than you do. Opportunity costs. Do not be suckered into the “monthly payment” trap.

Number one cause of financial failure: THE INABILITY TO DELAY GRATIFICATION
Number one means of failure to delay gratification: CREDIT CARDS

Use your natural creativity. Remember, necessity is the mother of invention. Get control of your spending (and greed) and see how elimination promotes fulfillment.

I'd love to hear your insights. 

Beat the Winter Blues

Although February is the shortest month of the year, sometimes it seems like the longest. With cold days and gray skies and the deadness of the landscape, we overlook that spring is around the corner. Here are some thoughts for beating the winter blues.

Maintain an attitude of gratitude. Write down three things for which you are thankful. Everyday. Deliberate and do not record the same item twice. When being thankful for an individual – say your mate – enumerate a different character quality or deed.

Engage Life. Dance. Put on some music and sway back and forth. Allow the movement to awaken your spirit. Feed the birds and watch their antics. Socialize. Do something to add zest to your daily routine.

Let there be light. Dig out a few Christmas lights and swag over a window or fireplace to brighten the place up on dreary days. Give your home a festive look; decorate a table or special area. The theme is not so important, just add sparkle and cheer. Sit and luxuriate in the beauty of your handiwork.

Read for the pleasure of pure entertainment. Laugh with a comedy or be taken away by a romance novel. Hone your strategizing skills with a spine-tingling mystery. Find empowerment in true-life experiences written by those who have been there. Be comforted through Holy Scriptures.

Stay warm. Layer your clothing to allow air to act as insulation. Keep your hands, feet and head covered. Bundle up and take a relaxing walk.

Treat yourself. Employ simple ways to delight you. Drink hot chocolate from your best china cup. Wear a colorful scarf. Purchase a small item that makes you feel special. Surround yourself with the soft light and sweet smell of a candle.

This too shall pass. Carl Jung said, “The gold is in the dark.” What is the winter season trying to teach you? Allow this poem to be a source of encouragement.


When you're feeling down and all alone,
and your faith in tomorrow is gone;
Without the night, the sun would seem dim;
and thorns are found on the roses' stem;
It is stones in the brook that creates a song,
as the waters flow faithfully along;
And roots grow deepest in the winter's frost.
So cheer up, my child, your hope is not lost.
© 1986 Mona Dunkin



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Holidays and Hurry Sickness

What do the holidays mean to you? Cleaning? Cooking? Entertaining? Shopping? Decorating? Wrapping? Visiting? Does the rush, rush of our society that you have adopted dull your appreciation of the season? Stressors are inevitable but they do not have to be debilitating.

Applause is not necessary. Get in touch with who are, or who you want to become, and allow everything you do to come from that place of purpose. That includes participating as well as not participating. Life does not have to be tit-for-tat. Because another’s decorations light the city skies does not mean yours are not elegant. Give up the competition and be true to self.


“Hurry but don’t rush,” Coach John Wooden.


One might think that to stop rushing would mean to become a slowpoke. Not true. You can still hurry, just take care not to cross the line into a stressing rush. Rushing is energy draining and makes one more error prone. Hurrying is energy producing while allowing focused attention.

Do not expect easy. Everything has a learning curve. Some things have longer skill proficiency than others. To tackle a job expecting everything to flow seamlessly may be a contributor to the stress. Give yourself time to gain knowledge or to be trained. Factor in delays such as another’s lack of cooperation, materials shipment detained, inability to located needed resources or personal fatigue. Give time to patiently teach, as to inexperienced grandchildren making cookies. Spilled flour happens. Clean it up together and enjoy the adventure as well as the rewards.

Become rigidly flexible. I love goals and I find target deadlines invigorating. There was a time that I also found interruptions irritating; they got me off schedule. Then I adopted my oxymoron philosophy of being rigidly-flexible. I plan and prepare and stay focused to the degree that outside factors are within my reasonable control. But, when situations arise - a family emergency, a coworker needing help, a grandchild wanting a story read – no sweat, I’m flexible. Jesus could always be bothered.

Sometimes delays are blessings in disguise. Perhaps the interruption was needed for additional insight; or as a forced reprieve to catch your breath. Do not lie to yourself by thinking you cannot die until everything on your list is accomplished. Consider that maybe the packed schedule will hasten that event. Slow down and live. Slow down and enjoy. Slow down and love.

Include personal reflection. Rethink everything. Ponder deeply the meaning of life, celebrations, family, crises, relationships, God, work, play… What is life saying to you that you have been too harried to hear?

Activity does not mean accomplishment. Do not allow the demands of the season to propel you into over-spending, over-doing, over-committing, thus becoming over-bearing. Rest more and flurry less. Slow down and adopt simplicity.

The holidays come once a year. Embrace the true meaning. Enjoy family and friends. Be blessed by all your choices.

We welcome reprinting of articles in your newsletter or magazine, providing credit is given as follows: “This article was written by Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, www.monadunkin.blogspot.com or www.monadunkin.com.”

Daily Thanks

Two things cannot occupy the same space.

It is difficult, if not impossible, to remain stressed when focused on being thankful. Your frustration with the inept co-worker eases as you mentally search for his/her positive qualities. The disgruntled mate seems less irritable as you appreciate his/her continued contribution to the family on a daily-thankless-basis. The childishness of a child is softened as you are thankful for the contribution of his innocent life.

It’s fact, not feelings. At the moment you may not feel grateful, but consider the alternative. No birthdays means no life. No messes means no opportunities to be responsible. No difficult relationships means no family, friends, neighbors or co-workers.

Eliminate negative thinking. Each time you feel negative, stop, acknowledge that thought and deliberately dismiss it. Look deeply to find the root of your emotion and consciously replace it with the greater truth of your potential. This practice is profoundly spiritual and life changing. Use it. Embrace it.

Adopt a spirit of forgiveness. To forgive or to not forgive, each has a powerful sway over your day-to-day existence. And it is a choice. True, it may be difficult to forgive. However, I suggest that it is also hard to not forgive.

Unforgiveness keeps one bound to the past. It sets you up for more hurts. Unforgiveness keeps you in misery. Would you not rather be happy?

Forgiveness does not mean condoning bad behavior nor does it render the offender free of justice. Forgiveness frees you of negativity. It gives you energy to enjoy life. It deepens your well of thankfulness.

Accept what is. Living in the present gives insight into the past and makes for more effective future decisions. The reason for this is because it adds depth. You begin to understand how yesterday touches today and connects to tomorrow.

Accepting what is lends to an unbiased assessment of what is working and what is not working. Failure to accept what is hinders the ability to make manageable improvements. Failure to accept what is magically expects things to improve in the future, while subconsciously doubting that it will happen. Failure to accept what is blinds you to the creative energy of solutions.

Having an “attitude of gratitude” serves you on a daily basis, 24-hours a day, 365 days a year, all the years of your life. Is there a downside to being thankful? I have not found one. Can you honestly think of an upside to focusing on the problem? I have not found one.

What if I am right? Isn’t it worth a try? A genuine expression of thanks for whatever shows up in your life contributes to ongoing happiness and improved relationships.

P.S. Don’t forget to connect with me.

We welcome reprinting of articles in your newsletter or magazine, providing credit is given as follows: “This article was written by Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, www.monadunkin.blogspot.com or www.monadunkin.com.”

Overcoming Being a Jerk

In the movie, The Call of the Wilderness, Stewart Little befriended Carlos the Skunk. In building their relationship Stewart Little taught Carlos valuable life lessons. Carlos said “I thought the other animals didn’t like me because I smelled. Now I realize they didn’t like me because I was a jerk.”

Here is a simple assessment of jerky behavior and thoughts for overcoming.

Are you tactfully and respectfully able to speak openly and honestly? Do you give thought before addressing an issue? Do you respect the person even when you disapprove of the behavior? Or do you blurt out your truth (opinion) and let the chips fall wherever they may?

Can you address hard issues without undue anxiety? Are you emotionally honest about your feelings? Do you allow anger to mask your hurt?

Do you enjoy spending time with your family? Or do you dread togetherness? What is your attitude in taking care of common household responsibilities? Forced or willing? Are you a team player or a lone-ranger?

Do you recite a litany of what everyone is “supposed” to do? Do you keep score? If things do not go your way, do you raise a stink?

How do you handle criticism? Being defensive when corrected is a mark of immaturity. Rather than get honest with one’s shortcomings and deal with them head-on, a jerk tries to protect self at all cost. The ego is too bruised to handle the comment so he counter-attacks.

The jerk views his offensive behavior as an ill-fated flaw which he has no power to correct. It goes beyond being wrong to being a failure. Overcome being a jerk by realizing you have been given the opportunity of seeing yourself from another’s point of view. One outside of yourself. That the critic’s response is a mirror reflecting you back to you.

Do you mask your imperfections? Perfectionists are especially tough on themselves. Not so much from not knowing their faults but from fear of another finding them out.

Get over yourself. Become a part of the human race; one flawed individual interacting with other flawed individuals. See their comment as a meaningful suggestion not as a pronunciation of your being a totally inept person. Good response: “Oh, I hadn’t thought of it that way. Thank you for pointing it out.”

Are you willing to forgive? Regardless of how painful, do not allow a passing moment to become a lifetime hurtful memory. Do not allow your scars to turn into sarcastic, demeaning responses, aimed at the guilty and innocent alike. Start with the decision to forgive you. In time, that will give you the courage to extend forgiveness to others. Come to grips with your past so you can move beyond it.

Rationalization is not evaluation. Cessandra Farmer says that “Rationalization is giving a socially acceptable answer for a socially unacceptable behavior.” Rationalization is being a jerk. No matter how much information is given, either positively or negatively, until the individual evaluates the situation for himself, the confrontation is mute.

I suggest Carlos came to his conclusion by observing his previous off-putting behavior and assessing the lack of fulfillment. I encourage you to do the same. Self-evaluate, get honest and overcome. Even skunks can become pleasant to be around.

Let’s start a conversation. What jerky behavior have you observed? What are positive steps for change? Please make a comment regarding this post. Thanks.

We welcome reprinting of articles in your newsletter or magazine, providing credit is given as follows: “This article was written by Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, www.monadunkin.blogspot.com or www.monadunkin.com.”

America, Land of the Free

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal,

that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights,

that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."

Declaration of Independence

The human spirit loves freedom. The human heart also searches for truth. Truth, morality and rights, are not of human origin, but of divine origin. The rights we enjoy in America did not come from Thomas Jefferson, nor from the founding fathers, nor from our constitution, but from a higher source.

Man is not the creator and arbitrator of right and wrong. Right and wrong, good and evil are universal moral facts. It is not a matter of relativity. Some things are right. Some things are wrong. And you know it. To try to alter them is to invite chaos. The ambiguity of morality is evidenced in the actions of a society by what it esteems and by what it disdains.

Although we do not have the right to make up our own right and wrong, we do have a duty to enforce established civil laws. This fact is evidenced in literature of all ages with the theme being good vs. evil, from the Bible to Harry Potter. Regardless of the ensuing death and destruction, good always wins in the end. Michael Esses observed, “An endless number of laws have been enacted just to uphold the Ten Commandments.”

Mankind has been gifted with a conscience; that innate knowing of right and wrong. Conscience is that small voice inside that compels us to do what is moral, honest and encourages humane actions. Conscience produces guilt when disavowed.

Psychiatrist Victor Frankl, a survivor of four concentration camps assessed the state of America by suggesting that a Statue of Responsibility on the West Coast supplement the Statue of Liberty on the East Coast. The liberties we enjoy - the ones fought for and sustained by the sweat and blood of patriots - are being threatened by usurped individual freedom to do what one sees as right.

Thanks to our God-given gift of freewill, mankind is ultimately self-determining. The liberty we experience and the world reputation we esteem will remain strong (and grow) in proportion to our individual and corporate appreciation of freedom and our moral responsibility to all humanity. Let freedom ring loud and clear.

Communicating Appreciation

A concerned parent asked, “How do I get my child to say ‘Thank you’ without prompting? Here are some thoughts.

Model a leadership role. Manners are more caught than taught. Be diligent in verbalizing thanks to others for acts of kindness, large or small. As you create an optimal environment of appreciation – at home as well as in social settings – the child is going to mimic you.

Give time time. It takes an incubation period, but at the end of the day, children are mirrors reflecting you. In YOU Raising Your Child, Drs. Oz and Roizen pronounce parents as the most powerful messenger in a child’s life from day one and that the communication “may involve no words at all.”

Robert B. Sloan, Jr., former President of Baylor University and father of seven, calls it the “lunch pail principle”. If you plan to be a good parent, then bring your lunch pail, for it is an all day affair.

Observe and comment. As a young mother I watched our daughter’s childish response to an impromptu gift given to her. She received the beautifully wrapped box with wide-eyed wonder. She issued “aahs” and “oohs” while un-wrapping it, but did not utter “thanks”.

As she removed the object from its container, she said, “I have always wanted one of these.”

Still no magic words.

The giver was obviously receptive to the child’s joy. It took great patience for me to observe without prompting.

As Melinda rewrapped the gift and returned it to its treasure chest she said, “Well, all I know to say is, ‘Thanks’.

I breathed a sigh of relief and learned a valuable lesson. A smile can imply “thank you” before words are formulated. To anxious parents I preempt their prodding by acknowledging the child’s unspoken communication. You can do that too.

Be gracious and give grace. In reflection, what is more gracious, an instant canned reply or a delayed genuine response? Extending training and patience is more a test of the parents own character than that of the child.

Parenting skills do pay off. Enjoy your child as you learn and teach each other.

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Frugal Living

I’ve been frugal all my life and now, thanks to the current economy, I am in style.

Apply the oil-change-lesson to everything. Pay me now or pay me later. Maintenance is a must. Get the oil changed ever 3,000 miles (or do it yourself). Rotate the tires routinely. Check and replace worn belts.

Closet cleaning and de-clutter. Break out the baking soda, vinegar and bleach to clean and disinfect most anything. They are more cost efficient than having a cleaner specifically for each area. With three products per closet, you have abundantly more space as well as more pocket change.

Use your creativity. How many new and exciting ways can you prepare hamburger meat? Create something new from old standbys. Mix and match clothes to make new outfits. Add pins or scarves for variety and newness.

Use the on-your-shelf supplies. How much food, make-up and cleaning supplies are about to expire from being shoved to the back of the shelf? Bring them to the forefront and make use of it. At the beginning of 2010 I committed to emptying our freezer and larder before restocking. Surprisingly, that decision has carried us four months with the exception of dairy products and produce.

Adopt the Shaker philosophy of “use it up, wear it out, make it do, do with out.” Allow it to become an adventure

Need vs. want. Save the sale price by refusing to buy just because it is a bargain. How many bargains currently clutter your closets and how many dollars have been dolled out for illogical emotional reasoning?

Rotate. Give a breather to clothes and shoes by allowing them to stand idle for a minimum of 24-hours between usages. The downtime makes lends to longer wear.

Learn to barter. Everyone likes to buy; no one likes to be sold. Buy on your terms, not the sellers. Make an offer whether it is an in-store product or a service. Ask, “Would you be willing to take $10.00 for this?” “I am able to pay $150.00 for the repair. Do you want the job?”

An apple a day…. Save on doctor visits by eating healthy, exercising, sleeping, washing your hands and engaging in positive thinking.

Frugal is not a dirty word. Being frugal is the best of cost-conscious living.

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An Attitude of Gratitude

It was the beginning of a new year and John Kralik saw nothing to look forward to. He was divorced, had strained relationships, a failing business and deep in debt. Desperate and alone, he hiked in the Angeles National Forest, Pasadena, CA. He took a wrong turn and became completely lost. It was just him and his self-condemning thoughts.

In the midst of his pity party, he heard a voice: "Until you learn to be grateful for the things you have," it said, "you will not receive the things you want."

Lamenting over former days of friends and family he surprised himself with his resolution. He decided to write a “thank you” note every day of the incoming year. Two years later, he credits that decision as being, “The year a simple act of gratitude changed my life.” John Kralik’s book, 365 Thank Yous, is a collection of the notes he wrote. (Hyperion)

Initially John’s notes were for gifts received or kindnesses expressed to him. He expanded it to remembering old friends and reconnecting with long-neglected family members.

Being thankful is a simple, yet profound act. Many times one voices “I have so much to be thankful for”, yet fails to enumerate the blessings, thus rendering the appreciation doubtful; as words spoken from rote rather than sincere gratification.

As a new year begins, take time to count and recount your blessings. Start with being thankful for your own life and the talents you have been given. A thankful attitude alone will mysteriously open doors previously closed.

See the people in your life with fresh vision. Look for actions and attitudes that are admirable rather than dwelling on the irritating qualities. Clean out those heavy things that weigh you down; things like unforgiveness, grudges, resentment and anger.

See potential benefit regardless of current circumstances. Things can change in the blink of an eye – from bad to good or from good to bad – and thankfulness makes every transition more gracious.

To date, John Kralik estimates he has written over 640 thank you notes. The resolution has become such a part of his nature he sees it as continuing indefinitely. May that become your legacy also.

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Growing Into the Goal

Just as the goal of a ballgame is to score points, there are other strategies involved to get to that end. Scoring one point is not the end result, but to score again and again and again.


To make goal setting and attainment less overpowering, use this simple formula.


1. Have an idea, either original or improvement of an existing product/service.

2. Incorporate strategies of how to turn those ideas into a reality.

3. Take steps, one after another, for implementation.

4. Develop discipline to keep on keeping on.

Of necessity, a goal must include a personality change. You do not attract what you want, but you attract what you are - thus far. To grow into the goal is to develop new attitudes and actions. Change comes not with planning alone, but with a new mind-set and exploits.

Perhaps an attitude change is the most imperative. How do you view yourself? As self-employed or as an entrepreneur? The self-employed individual hires self to do all the work, whereas an entrepreneur hires self to provide a service or product and to produce jobs for others.

The mind-set of being a job-developer changes the shift to grow into.

Spend a few minutes and write down a minimum of five personality changes needed for you to grow into your goals. Some examples are:

• Healthy lifestyle of quality eating and quality movement (as opposed to the dreaded diet and exercise)
• Develop an abundance mentality. Picture people being willing to pay you for your services and products.
• Appreciate the wisdom of life lessons and overcome self-imposed limitations.
• Consistently focus on top priorities.
• Say “No” when it is in your own best interest and feel good about it.
• Overcome limiting beliefs regarding your education, or skills, or people skills.

You can set a goal but you cannot do a goal. Setting is a passive endeavor; accomplishment requires action. After formulating the blueprint, it is activities (and personality change) that moves you to your goals.

We are complicated individuals of mind, emotions and will. It is with the mind that one thinks about the issues of life; consider, weights and measures. It is with the emotions that one feels the issues of life; happy, sad, angry, excited. It is with the will that one decides about the issues of life; says “Yes” or “No” to opportunities, “Yes” or “No” to temptations, “Yes"s” or “No” to challenges.

Procrastinate and think about your goals, or get in the game and do something about them. The choice is up to you and what you will yourself to do.
　
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The Value of Appreciation

It’s tax time. Instead of allowing paying taxes to be a burden, let’s look at ways to see it as a blessing. Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr., proclaimed that, “taxes are the price we pay for civilized society.”

I recently attended a Get Motivated seminar with renowned speakers like Zig Ziglar, Tim Timmons and Krish Dhanam. Krish is from India. As a child he dreamed of coming to the United States to live the American dream. Upon arrival he was disheartened with the pervading attitude of complaints and ingratitude. To the axiom of “the grass is always greener on the other side,” Krish said that a good eighty -percent of the world’s population knows the harsh reality that there is no grass on the other side. Krish noted that American’s complain about having nothing to complain about. I wanted to dismiss this assessment despite an inner agreement of conviction and sadness.

Garland and I had the wonderful opportunity of taking a cruise to Veracruz and Progresso, Mexico. When it came time came to debark, there was a rush to exit the ship back into the rat race. It takes a long time to wait for 2000 tourists plus luggage to go through the narrow hallways and down a gangplank, and even more time at customs. The complaints were abundant. I whispered a prayer for those weary souls who vacationed without being re-created. I also said a prayer for me to be patient with the impatient and to not be judgmental of the critical.

In years past I had the awesome privilege of being Education/Outreach Minister at Victorious Life Church in Waco, TX. Although I was staff and had a regular salary, income tax was not withheld. I set my own schedule and operated like contract labor. Having been self-employed before, I knew the value of deductions and kept accurate records of mileage, travel and entertainment expenses. When my CPA did our taxes, these deductions were not applicable, stating that since I had an office at the church away from my home-office those items were “un-reimbursed employee expenses.” Imagine my shock at owing a few thousand dollars immediately to the IRS.

I sat quietly to think about this predicament before responding. My CPA voiced surprise at my calm acceptance of this pronouncement of deductions annulled and funds owed.

Here is my thought process:

• Arguing and angering will not change the situation
• We have good credit
• The high road is always the smoothest road
• I had a responsibility to find out if I truly was contract labor and had tax privileges rather than assuming what someone else said was accurate
• I have a job that I love, working with employees that I love, being able to help others
  I am thankful to be an American

I continued to work in that position for five more years until starting my own consulting and training business in 1999. In the grand scheme of things, living in a country with income tax is a small price to pay for our freedom, abundance and many blessings.

DON’T COPE, OVERCOME:

“In all things give thanks and for all things give thanks.” (Ephesians 5:20 and I Thessalonians 5:18)

“WHAT? In all things and for all things give thanks. Surely you jest! Are you telling me that I am supposed to be thankful for hardships, rejections, toil, death and taxes? Are you telling me that it is God’s will for sickness, handicaps, accidents, rape and murder?”

I am suggesting that a thankful spirit for the mundane or the ordinary sets us up to be healthier and happier and to avert discouragements and disorders. I am suggesting that it is God’s will for us to be thankful – not for the difficulty - but even in the midst of difficulties. I am suggesting that a thankful spirit in spite of the devastating results of a sinful world sets us up to overcome even in times of tragedy.

TESTIMONIALS: What others say about Mona’s seminars

“Mona is multi-talented. I have listened to other speakers and looked at my watch, hoping they would soon be finished. But Mona is so interesting, as well as encouraging class participation, that I am never wishing it would end. She is informative, witty, smart, and very sincere.” NJ

“I can see things in my life as your speak and can instantly begin to apply these principles and solutions to my problems. Your seminars are very effective and fun as well. As you said, 'Learning is fun' and I had fun learning.” Seminar participant

ASK MONA: Insights into perplexing questions

Q: “How can I develop an ‘attitude of gratitude’?” Seminar participant

A: The first step to any life-style change is to become aware of a need for change. Actively pay attention to how you respond to all situations and to feedback from others regarding how you respond. Monitor your thought processes: do you think like a victim or a victor? Monitor your self-talk: is it negative and depreciating or positive and problem solving? Look for life-lessons to be learned from difficulties and allow character qualities to be developed. Over time, this outlook can become the foundation, not only for a pleasant attitude, but also for wisdom.

Veterans Day Tribute

November 9, 2001 – aired on KBBW, Waco, TX

A few years ago I clipped out a cartoon – For Better or for Worse. It is a little girl and her mother walking down the sidewalk and a veteran is selling poppies.

The little girl asks, “Why are people selling poppies today, Mom?”

As the mother is pinning a poppy to the child’s lapel, she explains, “Poppies are a symbol. Something to make us remember. A man called John McCrae wrote a beautiful poem about the poppies that grew in Flanders Fields. Also in the fields were crosses, marking the graves of soldiers who died fighting the war.”

The child looks down at the poppy on her lapel and asks, “Why do I hafta wear a poppy? I’m not really sure what war is!”

To which the mother replies. “I know. And that, I think, is the best reason of all.”

Unfortunately, because of the recent turn of events, our young people can no longer say that.
September 11, 2001 was an attack on America. It was also a wake up call to Americans. A wake up call for us to value life as never before. A wake up call for us to appreciate our freedom anew. A wake up call for us to honor our soldiers, past and present. A wake up call for us to not take things for granted. A wake up call for us to love our neighbor – no matter what color, what age, what size, what condition. And to realize our neighbor is global. A wake up call to recognize the infinite worth and value of each individual.

I was patriotic long before September 11. I was a card carrying, pin wearing, flag waving American long before it became back in fashion to be so. So now am I even more so? No. But I am very thankful that we, as a corporate body, have gone back to our roots. And certainly going back to our roots is to honor our history. A people who forget – or treat lightly – a great past cannot have a great future. History records eighty (80) civilizations that have fallen, with an average of 200 years as the existence of any nation. I have seen several fall in my lifetime, the USSR being the largest. America is not exempt. Thus our wake-up call to change. And what could be a more appropriate way than to show honor to our veterans.

At Friday’s Chamber of Commerce Breakfast, Jack Smith poignantly reminded us that it is the soldier who gave us freedom of speech – even though it has been abused. It is the soldier who has given us freedom of the press – even though it has been taken to extremes. It is the soldier who has allowed us the freedom to fly the flag – or to burn it in protest. It is the soldier who has given us peace in the past, and it is the soldier who will restore peace and enact justice in the present.

As a child I learned Emma Lazarus poem which is inscribed at the base of the Statue of Liberty.
A mighty woman with a torch,... cries she with silent lips,

“Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breath free.
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest tossed to me.
I life my lamp beside the golden door.”

With the exception of the American Indian, all of us have our roots in other soil. We are all children of immigrants from oppressed countries who came to this land in search of freedom. And it is the soldier who won us this freedom.

According to a letter in Ann Landers, in May, 2001, our WW II vets are passing away at the alarming rate of 1,000 per day. The man who gave this statistic also forwarded a poem honoring veterans. It does not give the author’s name. Being a writer myself, it saddens me to see something which God has gifted another to write and he/she not be given credit for it.

I am going to read this poem to you, and, although you may not be able to see the tears in my eye, you will be able to hear the tears in my voice. Although I have practiced reading this poem aloud several times, my voice chokes. I say this, not to apologize, but to clarify. When your heart stirs, a lump catches in your throat or tears well within the eyes, it is a noble emotion. Feel it, embrace it. It shows that you are human.

The poem is entitled, JUST A COMMON SOLDIER

He was getting old and paunchy, and his hair was falling fast,
And he sat around the Legion telling stories of his past.
Of a war that he had fought in and the deeds that he had done,
In his exploits with his buddies – they were heroes, every one.

And though sometimes to his neighbors, his tales became a joke,
All his Legion buddies listened, for they knew whereof he spoke.
But we’ll hear his tales no longer, for old Bill has passed away,
And the world’s a little poorer, for a soldier died today.

He was just a common soldier, and his ranks are growing thin.
But his presence should remind us we may need his like again.
For when countries are in conflict, then we find the soldier’s part
Is to clean up all the troubles that others often start.

If we cannot give him honor, while he’s around to hear our praise,
Then at least let’s give him homage, at the ending of his days.
Perhaps a simple notice in a paper that would say,
“Our Country is in mourning, cause a Soldier passed away”.

Author Anon

Thank you, veterans, for all you have done. God Bless you. And God Bless America.