Overcoming Being a Jerk

In the movie, The Call of the Wilderness, Stewart Little befriended Carlos the Skunk. In building their relationship Stewart Little taught Carlos valuable life lessons. Carlos said “I thought the other animals didn’t like me because I smelled. Now I realize they didn’t like me because I was a jerk.”

Here is a simple assessment of jerky behavior and thoughts for overcoming.

Are you tactfully and respectfully able to speak openly and honestly? Do you give thought before addressing an issue? Do you respect the person even when you disapprove of the behavior? Or do you blurt out your truth (opinion) and let the chips fall wherever they may?

Can you address hard issues without undue anxiety? Are you emotionally honest about your feelings? Do you allow anger to mask your hurt?

Do you enjoy spending time with your family? Or do you dread togetherness? What is your attitude in taking care of common household responsibilities? Forced or willing? Are you a team player or a lone-ranger?

Do you recite a litany of what everyone is “supposed” to do? Do you keep score? If things do not go your way, do you raise a stink?

How do you handle criticism? Being defensive when corrected is a mark of immaturity. Rather than get honest with one’s shortcomings and deal with them head-on, a jerk tries to protect self at all cost. The ego is too bruised to handle the comment so he counter-attacks.

The jerk views his offensive behavior as an ill-fated flaw which he has no power to correct. It goes beyond being wrong to being a failure. Overcome being a jerk by realizing you have been given the opportunity of seeing yourself from another’s point of view. One outside of yourself. That the critic’s response is a mirror reflecting you back to you.

Do you mask your imperfections? Perfectionists are especially tough on themselves. Not so much from not knowing their faults but from fear of another finding them out.

Get over yourself. Become a part of the human race; one flawed individual interacting with other flawed individuals. See their comment as a meaningful suggestion not as a pronunciation of your being a totally inept person. Good response: “Oh, I hadn’t thought of it that way. Thank you for pointing it out.”

Are you willing to forgive? Regardless of how painful, do not allow a passing moment to become a lifetime hurtful memory. Do not allow your scars to turn into sarcastic, demeaning responses, aimed at the guilty and innocent alike. Start with the decision to forgive you. In time, that will give you the courage to extend forgiveness to others. Come to grips with your past so you can move beyond it.

Rationalization is not evaluation. Cessandra Farmer says that “Rationalization is giving a socially acceptable answer for a socially unacceptable behavior.” Rationalization is being a jerk. No matter how much information is given, either positively or negatively, until the individual evaluates the situation for himself, the confrontation is mute.

I suggest Carlos came to his conclusion by observing his previous off-putting behavior and assessing the lack of fulfillment. I encourage you to do the same. Self-evaluate, get honest and overcome. Even skunks can become pleasant to be around.

Let’s start a conversation. What jerky behavior have you observed? What are positive steps for change? Please make a comment regarding this post. Thanks.

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