Benefits of Getting Your Z's

Every parent knows that a cranky child is more pleasant after her “beauty sleep”. It works for adults too. If your life has become so busy that you have decided to give up on sleep, please reconsider. There are numerous benefits. Here are a few.

Sleep aids in the processing of emotions. REM is when sleep experts say dreaming takes place. Supposedly we start by reviewing the events of the day and trying to make sense of them. Thus, the right-brain/left-brain battle brings on some weird images or nightmares. As the night progresses these issues are settled and dreams become more positive, going into the realm of problem solving and goal setting type of daydreaming. What a shame to get too few hours’ sleep and miss out on this beneficial imagery.

Sleep helps to balance perspectives. Research says that because of the right-brain, left-brain switches over during sleep, one’s dream state gives more input and creativity than one’s awakened state. Also, in the relaxation of sleep, the intuitive side willingly receives new insight from the logical side.

The old recommendation to “sleep on it” bears a lot of truth. While your body is being reset through the restful mechanics of sleep, the mind is fully active, exploring through buried files unhindered by conscious thought. The engaged mind reviews and sorts and categorizes and comes to conclusions. Even though it happens frequently, I am still impressed when I awaken with the answer to last night’s cross-word puzzle.

Sleep helps elongates short term memory. Harvard University studies taken from different angles, has impressive research showing sleep improves information storage. Students that study intensely followed by sleep then awaken to testing, scored consistently higher than students who studied intently then immediately was tested while “it was still fresh on their mind.” There is something mysterious about sleeping that allows the mind to better understand information, associate it with prior knowledge, store it and easily retrieve it later.

Experts say the amount of regular sleep effects one’s overall weight. Too little restful sleep the more pounds on the frame and the more difficulty in losing weight.

Sleep resets our systems. As a person who functioned well on only a few hours of sleep, I was reluctant to stay abed longer. These benefits have been motivators to me to and have improved my life and health. It may take a while to learn new sleep habits and it is well worth the effort.

For all your speaking and training needs, contact Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, monadunkin@gmail.com www.monadunkin.com.”

Game Changers

We look around us to determine what is “normal”. Think of moving to another country with a different culture. Because of our genetic need to fit in, our programmed ego adjustment kicks in to bring us up to the status quo. To be able to adjust definitely has its good points.

This scenario is equally relevant in the automatic pilot ordering of our every day routine. We assess standards of conduct and search for evidence to confirm our perception. An unconscious involuntary mechanical regulator can be to our detriment. We internalize what we believe and carry it with us through life, even when it no longer serves us.

Most of us know ourselves only by hearsay. What we overhear about us may be right on – or not. We come up with notions about what is and is not true about ourselves. Others perception of us may be actual or eschewed, genuine or flawed, assumed or myopic.

We also come up with notions about what is and is not true about others in particular and about the world in general.

Walter Cronkite, then the most trusted man in America, famously ended his nightly newscast with “And that’s the way it is.” His affirmation of absoluteness was based on unbiased facts.

What if we made a deliberate-on-purpose-game-changing choice to test, weigh and measure our perceptions. “Is this really true?” “How can I know it is true?” “When I think it is true, how do I behave?”

What if we chose to give grace to our assumptions, as in “Maybe I really do not know what he is thinking”? How would the interaction with that individual change when we extended a little bit of honest doubt?

What if we became aware of inflections, nuances, tiny shifts in thinking that makes huge differences? As in going from the all-inclusive statement of “I am stupid” to a more accurate assessment of “I made a stupid statement” (or choice; whatever the situation dictates). How would one’s self-esteem blossom when we see ourselves as individuals in legitimate transition of growing and learning?

What if we made a conscious decision to change from automatic pilot to intentional choice? What if we chose to explore options and accept the mysteries of unique viewpoints?

I’m game. How about you?

Thinking For a Change

“As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” - Jesus

 

Or so he becomes. It behooves us to think about what we think (believe).   

 

Psychiatrist Carl Jung is known as the “doctor of the soul”.  Dr. Jung traveled worldwide living among and studying cultures, religions, arts, myths, legends, dreams and fairytales. His research led him to many psychological revelations such as the conscious and unconscious, the anima and animus and the human realities that connect us all - generations past, present and future.

 

Dr. Jung concluded that man is not complete without religion or myths. Mythology and religion support each other; it is our way of working out our understanding of God, the universe and people.

 

Dr. Jung’s sought to discard the “invisible pressure of being European.”  What invisible pressure do we, individually and corporately, need to examine? How can we know truth? We believe what we believe until we believe something else.

 

How can we know truth? We believe what we believe until we believe something else. True seekers observe without preconceived ideas. As sincerely as possible, accept what is whether it makes sense or not. Respect different – even opposing – viewpoints. Search for hints of truth in what may appear contradictory. There is an element of truth in most lies and a component of falsehood in most truths.

 

Live in the question. How can something as passive as mediation effect change? Where do ideas come from? Mystics and writers of profound truths lived in isolation, what does that say about our modern busy lifestyles?   Where does our dark side come from? How do we access the light? Prayer seems to work, but how? How does faith practices work for people who believe differently than me? Are dreams – nighttime as well as daydreams - really God speaking to me? Are my dreams trying to tell me things about myself that I am not yet ready to receive? How does a feminine divine fit in?

 

Live in the mystery. If the true King-of-kings and Lord-of-lords, the one before whom everyone bows and worships, has a secret name – as the book of Revelations states – how can anyone believe the name of his god is absolute?

 Are we all connected? Can people be spiritual and not religious? Are the Tibetan prayer flags and the Christian prayer shawls cousins? What about a Buddhist Zen garden and a Christian prayer garden? How can we know truth? We believe what we believe until we believe something else.

Challenge your truth. Be willing to release whatever stifles growth or engenders prejudice and stereotyping. I examine my own unresolved bias for solid foundation. When measured, is my position plumb? Those times I come face-to-face with my prejudice – such as contempt toward an obese person even though my own double-digit dress size is not that much smaller – I hear my sweet then-seven-year-old-daughter saying to me, with absolutely no guile, “Yes, Mrs. Pot.” 

 

Carl Jung says that people and life experiences are mirrors showing us to us. Give pause for open-minded contemplation whether you like or dislike what you see.  Know what you know while being open to other glimmering facets of the multi-dimensional diamond of life.

Getting Our Needs Met

Relationships are about need vs. need. Healthy relationships give and receive for the good of the whole. When your need is being frustrated by his need (and vice-versa) the key to maintain harmony is in learning to be responsive rather than reactive. 

 

You may ask, "But HOW?"

 

I love when people ask the question. If we try to give an answer before the question is being asked, no matter how wise our words, it falls on weak ears.  Let's start with the solution before we address the problem. 

 

Solution:  Start your day by choosing to invest time to set yourself up to have a great rest of the day. Making time to 'pray it forward' is enough to guarantee that you will be in charge of your thoughts throughout the day.  And, after all it is our thoughts that produce our emotions. A few minutes of sincere meditation/prayer gives you a different nervous system for the entire day.

 

Problem:  The content of our thinking produces our receptivity. The cells of our body have two modes, and one and only one mode operates at a time. Our cells are either open for growth or closed for defense.  By going into defense mode one compromises the optimal function of his/her nervous, endocrine and autoimmune systems.  Not only does defensiveness harm relationships, it harms you physically, emotionally and spiritually. 

 

Our thoughts produce our emotions.  So listen to what you are thinking because that is what is stirring up your emotions.  When you set the condition of me against you, you ironically set the conditions for you to be against yourself. It’s called “destroying your own house”.  

 

It is more about you than it is about them. There may be some truth to thinking that the situation will get better when the other person changes but it is not an absolute truth. How so? A person may genuinely be making strides (clumsy and inept) to cooperate but as long as we look at their actions through our angry glasses, we will fail to appreciate their effort and misjudge their intent and disregard their point. Even if our basic need is being met we neglect to notice.   

The progress s/he makes is in keeping with his innate gifting which is often different than the way we would do things.  Irony: opposites attract. We are drawn to someone whose strength compliments our weakness. We are repelled by that same someone when she does not measure up to our expectations.

But what if he never changes?  Then we have to decide if it is a deal breaker or not. If it is a not a deal breaker then look inside for your own answers.  Sometimes for the good of the whole we have to lower our expectations.  That is not to throw a wet blanket on hope; it is to dampen unrealistic expectations.  Assertive is making a request without demanding it.  

Honesty with self promotes personal growth. Every day you have a chance to set into motion positive changes in your relationships. It’s like the disgruntled office worker said when she began to appreciate her job and her co-workers, “These people around here sure have changed!” 

Maybe the Golden Rule really does work.  Respond to others in a respectful manner and give room to grow into reciprocating in kind out of their own human dignity.  Negotiate – give and receive - for the good of the whole. 

Again, you may ask, “But HOW?” 

Answer: Graciously. In the Bible verse, "God's grace is sufficient" the verb "is" is a past/present/future reality. As in…

        Past: God's grace was sufficient yesterday I just chose to say, "No thanks, I'll handle this myself, thank you anyway!" 

 

        Present: God's grace is sufficient today (right this second) and is a reality awaiting my acceptance and employment. 

 

       Future: God's grace will be present tomorrow or next week or whenever it is needed. 

 

There is always a current supply of grace to us and through us; grace can be refused or used but it cannot be horded or stored up. Like the manna in the wilderness saved grace becomes stale. Grace is delivered fresh, toasty warm and sweet smelling from God's outpost within you.  Receive it. Share it. Bask in the needs-fulfilling nourishment it gives in all relationships.