Communicating Appreciation

A concerned parent asked, “How do I get my child to say ‘Thank you’ without prompting? Here are some thoughts.

Model a leadership role. Manners are more caught than taught. Be diligent in verbalizing thanks to others for acts of kindness, large or small. As you create an optimal environment of appreciation – at home as well as in social settings – the child is going to mimic you.

Give time time. It takes an incubation period, but at the end of the day, children are mirrors reflecting you. In YOU Raising Your Child, Drs. Oz and Roizen pronounce parents as the most powerful messenger in a child’s life from day one and that the communication “may involve no words at all.”

Robert B. Sloan, Jr., former President of Baylor University and father of seven, calls it the “lunch pail principle”. If you plan to be a good parent, then bring your lunch pail, for it is an all day affair.

Observe and comment. As a young mother I watched our daughter’s childish response to an impromptu gift given to her. She received the beautifully wrapped box with wide-eyed wonder. She issued “aahs” and “oohs” while un-wrapping it, but did not utter “thanks”.

As she removed the object from its container, she said, “I have always wanted one of these.”

Still no magic words.

The giver was obviously receptive to the child’s joy. It took great patience for me to observe without prompting.

As Melinda rewrapped the gift and returned it to its treasure chest she said, “Well, all I know to say is, ‘Thanks’.

I breathed a sigh of relief and learned a valuable lesson. A smile can imply “thank you” before words are formulated. To anxious parents I preempt their prodding by acknowledging the child’s unspoken communication. You can do that too.

Be gracious and give grace. In reflection, what is more gracious, an instant canned reply or a delayed genuine response? Extending training and patience is more a test of the parents own character than that of the child.

Parenting skills do pay off. Enjoy your child as you learn and teach each other.

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