There are a lot of training and books on Emotional Intelligent. Being emotionally intelligent has a lot to do with how one perceives events and what one believes in mind, heart and soul about the person or event. Perception is one’s personal point of view. Conversely, the way we perceive things becomes our reality. Only it may not be real.
Reality does not create your point of view; rather your point of view creates your reality. How so? What we see – what we take into our brains through our eyes - is processed on different levels. This processing is done emotionally as well as physically.
Physically our eyes see in stereo-effect depth. My Optometrist prescribed vision correction in a counter-intuitive way by having me wear only one contact lens. The eye without the contact lens focused on distance while the eye with the corrective lens focused close-up. Since our eyes adjust independent of each other - with a short learning curve - my eyes regulated to work in tandem to recede or to advance depending on where I focused. It became automatic. I didn’t give it a second thought.
Not only do our eyes see from different depths and angels, but also what is seen is dual-filtered through our conscious (aware) state of being and simultaneously filtered through our unconscious (programmed looped recording) identity of self.
One’s “conscious state of being” is the level of awareness at any given moment; i.e. sleepy/alert, hungry/satiated, frustrated/calm, happy/grumpy, ill will/good will – and a myriad of range within each. When a shift causes us to see something in a different light our understanding is automatically altered.
One’s “unconscious preprogrammed looped recording” is those things agreed to and embraced before having any choice in the matter (i.e. culture, beliefs, attitudes, values) and which challenges us when we choose to behave different from the initial training.
Oh what a conundrum. We interface with situations – and people involved in those situations - based on our skewed, limited and selfish point of view. That’s where emotional intelligence comes into play. It is developing the right mindset to handle the problem. It is to come from a position of responding to need rather than reacting to one’s neediness.
Emotional intelligence is preparing yourself mentally, emotionally and spiritually to take on the day just like you prepare yourself physically to go out publicly. It is to look inside to see who you really are and how you are capable of behaving.
Emotional intelligence is to gain insight and to act accordingly. Insight is to see what is true, genuine and authentic, albeit not always obvious, in self and in others. Insight has the power to instantly correct illusions.
Emotional intelligence is nurtured through self-love. Self-love is any simple act of treating you – body, mind and soul - with love, tenderness and compassion. Notice tension in your body and listen to what it is telling you that it needs; sleep, movement, healthy eating, rest or laughter.
Heed your guidance system and say “Yes” or “No” when it is in your best interest to do so. Renew yourself through walks, meditation, reading, hobbies, time off, or a nice long soak in the tub. Pamper yourself with a massage; connect with a friend, or make time to just be.
Your emotions will thank you.
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“But I’m doing the best I can.”
I’ve been tempted to use that excuse myself. Only my self-awareness, social understanding and spiritual consciousness prod me until I do some self-evaluation. Asking and answering defines the problem and seeks solution.
Look at your own history. Do you have a string of rocky/broken relationships, unsatisfactory jobs, contention with authority, stressful living and overall lack of happiness and success? Do not joust at windmills trying to fix everyone else. Look at the common denominator – you.
Pointing out a problem is not enough. Look for your underlying motive through reflection and find solutions through trial and error. The path includes honest thought, sincere planning, decision-making, willingness to sacrifice and unassuming action.
Questioning your hidden agenda is a good place to start. There is faith in honest doubt. Will you meet your need to belong by following the crowd or by being true to your authentic self? Listen and heed the still small voice inside. And you must become quiet to hear it.
Conscious is an inward knowing of right from wrong with a compulsion to do what is right. One’s faithful life purpose always includes doing what is best for you and, by default, is also best for others. We are all connected and our lives enter-twine.
Be responsible for your thoughts and your actions. Placing blame on someone puts the situation outside yourself and causes one to think and act like you have to fix him/her. When you identify your part of the problem and take responsibility for you – your thoughts, your attitude and your actions – you have something you can work with.
That is not to say that you work independently. I/we messed this us. I/we are each responsible to some degree. I/we need course correction. The thing is, the only one whom you have control over is the “I” portion, not the “we” factor(s). To take personal responsibility results in immediate empowerment. You have found the one and only locus of your control.
It is always need verses need. Once you make the decision to quit blaming and to take responsibility for your part, the atmosphere mysteriously softens and the seeming opponent is placed in a more comfortable position to follow your lead. Or at least to hear your input.
The greatest threat to taking charge of your own life is comparing yourself with others and deeming self as having fallen short. This leads to following the crowd and participating in group-think. It becomes a self-depreciating way that leads to stagnation and conflict (with you more than them).
Understand the necessity of self-imposed limits. I define responsibility as “having ability to determine how to respond”. It is through discipline that we move from dissatisfaction to hopeful. Placing limits leads to fulfillment.
Don’t Cope, Overcome: Flourish and overcome by really doing the best you can. Think it through, make a choice, act upon your decision and relish the feel good results. Your life is a gift worth receiving (or taking back).
For counsel or speaking engagements, contact Mona at firstname.lastname@example.org 254-749-6594