Dynamics of Change

It has been said that change is the only thing that is permanent. Yet many rebel at change. The following dynamics may help give you a handle on the inevitable changes of life.

When change is seen as threatening, it causes distress. When change is embraced as positive and welcomed, it can be seen as stressful, yet produce a good stress that pumps you up and keeps you going. Positive changes which can be a combination of good and bad stress include weddings, new birth, graduation, job change, moving, buying new house, etc., etc. Change can represent the end of comfort and predictability, but it can also be seen as a challenge to embrace. Change should not be approached in a random fashion, but seen as an opportunity for personal growth. The following dynamics may help give you a handle on the inevitable changes of life.

Give yourself permission to change. Give yourself permission to become something you have not been before (i.e. spouse, parent, executive). We have a friend who was a stocker with Wal-Mart. He is a nice guy, but rather shy and retiring. Failing health necessitated a change. Wal-Mart moved him from stocker to greeter, and he was stressed in a negative way. I encouraged him to “give himself permission to be friendly.” Once he saw a positive slant and gave himself permission to become something that had not come naturally in the past, he blossomed in the new position.

Visualize change in small increments. See the new position as something into which you can grow. My father was a builder. As a child I sat at the table with him drawing plans, and at age nine, designed my “dream home”. It was fashioned after Tara of Gone with the Wind – large columnar porch, winding staircase, and more rooms than anyone would know what to do with. When I married we moved into a small apartment, it was difficult to see us as changing into the type of people who would live in a Tara mansion. When we moved to an 1800 square foot home, the possibility became a little clearer. When we nearly doubled the size of our house through expansion, the ability to change into a “plantation owner” has become even clearer. We are not there yet, but thorough embracing life changes and goal setting, it will become a reality.

Look at where you were, to more accurately measure where you are. Because I was good at my job, I was advanced to an executive position. I felt like a fish out of water.

• First, I gave myself permission to change.
• Second, I saw myself changing from staff to executive.
• Third, I looked at what kind of job I had done in the past that allowed the board to see possibilities in me that I did not see.

I knew a young lady who had been in a power position for two years and was still overwhelmed. I encouraged her to look at how much she had grown, how much she had learned, how much she had changed, how many good decisions she had made. When you recognize past change, future change becomes easier.

Change is scary because it takes more effort for transition.

Change is not the problem, but transition. - John Maxwell

We continually have to challenge our though patterns to see if they are serving us well, and when not, change them. When change is seen as threatening, it causes distress. Change can represent the end of comfort and predictability, but it can also be seen as a challenge to embrace.

Do You Love Me?

If you love me, keep my commandments. Jesus

• Love shows itself.
• Feed my sheep.
• Take out the trash.
• Clean up after yourself.
• Be punctual.
• Speak in a respectful manner.

Showing love goes hand-in-hand with the golden rule:

“Treat others the way you would like to be treated.” 

Respect is treating another as though you were the other person. Respect looks different to everyone. You know what respect looks like to your mate (child, boss, neighbor). Give what s/he wants not what you want in a similar situation.

Suppose your favorite dessert is chocolate cake and my favorite dessert is ice cream. Both of these delicacies are at my disposal but I choose to give you ice cream because I like ice cream with no regard to offering you chocolate cake.

One might protest.  “So. What’s wrong with that?”

One might argue that I treated you the way I wanted to be treated.

But did I really? Or did my preference supersede your liking?

I’m not talking about splitting hairs on minor matter; it’s just that little things lead to bigger things. The way we do one thing is the way we do everything. When we get real honest with ourselves, our heart knows what that means even though our mind may play brain-games.

Showing love is being selfless while maintaining a healthy self-love. It is manners dressed up in its Sunday best, even on grungy Friday. It is deliberately giving of respect to the one with irritating qualities.

Emotions are fragile. Love, trust and respect are easily broken and difficult to repair.

Star, our outside cat, loves to spend her days in the storage shed. She has a cozy warm bed to curl up in and a window ledge from which to observe the world. She has food and fresh water at her disposal.

One day a stray cat wandered into her sanctuary and disrespected her territory. She fled. She spent her days hidden in the culvert and nights in the tree top. Our cajoling failed to satisfy Star that her abode was safe.

Frustrated, I said, “Okay, Miss Independence, have it your way.”

Immediately my spirit was checked. It is my own independent spirit that draws me to liking cats! Yes, Lord, teach me to show my love to you by keeping your commandments rather than rebelling or running away hiding or doing it my way.

Eventually Star returned to the storage shed and purrs loudly when we approach.

I’m still working on being secure enough to allow God’s love to give me grace to respect others in keeping with his commandments. It starts and stops with me loving me (or not).

Mona Dunkin, Solution Principles, Maximum People Development. Please remember us for your training needs. www.monadunkin.com mona@monadunkin.com

Perspectives on Time

Seems we all want "more time".  So, does daylight savings time give the false impression that we actually do have more time?  Regardless of the season, we must be awake to see the sunrise or to witness awakening. 

Here, in no particular order are some of my personal observations regarding time interspersed with thought provoking quotes.

 

Either you choose to control your own time, or someone else will control it for you.

 

“Lives are made up of millions of choices.  Some are made for you, but

it’s the choices you make that counts the most.”  Fish! Tale 

 

The one who complains the most about lack of time is the one who mismanages it most. 

 

“I love having ten times as much stuff to do as I can possibly find time to do. 

That way, I can pick the one-tenth that I want to do most. 

But if I only have enough to just occupy all my time, I’m stuck doing all of

whatever stuff it happens to be.”    Marilyn VosSavant

 

When I feel the time crunch, I realize my priorities may be out of order.

 

“Those who force time are pushed back by time;

those who yield to time find time on their side.” The Talmud

 

Busy-ness does not mean business.  Activity does not mean productivity. 

 

“Indeed, rest and work may involve similar activities done in a different spirit. 

The question is not about the activity itself but about the orientation of our hearts.”

Paul Marshall 

 

“When you don’t have time for a few minutes relaxation, that is when you need it most.

 

“If you don’t know the important, you become enslaved in the urgent.”  Don Schwieters

 

The pressures of the time crunch is a spiritual indication that we are eternal beings.

 

“We were not made for time… We were made for eternity, and even death

in its intrusive horror, merely functions as a transit point to

our ultimate destination,”  Dr. Ramesh Richard

 

The more in touch I am with the vastness of the universe, the more content I am to minister in my

       little corner of the world. 

 

“No, my child.  All our work is like a drop of water in the ocean.”  Mother Theresa

 

An ounce of pre-planning (organization) is worth a pound of extension time.  What gets scheduled, gets done.                      

“For every minute you spend planning, you can save from four to

ten times that amount of time in execution.”  My-Tyme 

 

Act on the wise words of Benjamin Franklin and make today count: “One today is worth two tomorrows.” 

Choices and Assertiveness

Choices are all around us. Even where there does not seem to be a choice, there is; no choice is a choice. Only it is by default. A choice without consent. A choice that brings stress and resentment. Rightly used, choices are empowering. The key for healthy choices is assertiveness. Assertive behavior speaks up without undue anxiety whether choosing for or against.

Chose to: When asked to do something that is right-up-your alley, be upfront in saying, “Yes”. Assertiveness does not wait to be begged; they may pass over you. Follow up with immediate action or planning. Put it on your calendar. Make cursory notes of resources, time frame and people you will ask to be co-creators.

Choose not to: It is okay to say “No” and feel good about it. Even if it is something you are super good as doing and have done a hundred times before. “No” is a complete sentence and does not have to be explained. Gently refuse with “this is not a good time” or “I already have something planned.” Personal downtime is a valid “something else”.

To continually say “Yes” when you prefer to say “No” builds resentment in you. Resentment undermines the very relationship that your dishonest “Yes” is trying to build.

Choose to: Sometimes jobs have assignments met with dread, obligation or duty. The saving grace is to accept the task with a spirit of choice. Change “I have to” to “I choose to”. This refreshing challenge-accepted attitude sets you up to: learn something, hone skills, improve relationships, value work, earn your pay, be healthier and relieves stress.

Choose to: When asked to do something that scares you, yet you really want to accept (run for president, chair a committee, be promoted), go ahead and jump in. Overcome the false humility and agree. Others see in your possibilities you may not see in yourself. There will be a learning curve and you can grow into it.

How to choose: The first step in making any choice is to be aware. Anxiety is the body’s way of saying “pay attention”. Your survival mechanism wants to keep you healthy and cannot do so without your cooperation. Embrace a pregnant pause before responding. This small retrieve calms emotions and engages rational thinking. Discern if the anxiety is the feeling of being put upon or fear of a new challenge.

Allow your mind to scan for repeat patterns. Who/what are you passionate about and were the outcomes positive or negative? Has your default position left you being controlled or being in control? What is effective? What has not been effective? Based on your internal guidance system, make the choice that is best for you.

Glean life-changing information through self-help articles and books. Beware; knowledge absorbed without an outlet stagnates. The Dead Sea, though full of rich minerals, cannot support life. Action is the distraction. Knowledge applied, even in a fledgling way builds wings to soar. Allow your “Yes” or “No” to determine what is possible.

Making assertive choices is both a process and a product. The process involves regarding everything as though you do have a choice. You do. The product, the end result, is a life lived on your own terms while in cooperation with others. It is not to rule over others, but to make peace with you.






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Stress and Motivation

As you can see from my by-line, I call myself a Motivational Speaker. The truth is I cannot motivate anyone to do anything.

And neither can you.

I am not even going to try. That is too stress producing. Maybe you can identify.
It’s not stress that kills us …It’s our reaction to it!

We are each self-determining and make our own choices based on the pleasure-pain syndrome. We seek as much pleasure and success as possible while avoiding pain and failure. Example: one may think vegging out in front of the TV as more pleasurable than the boredom of exercise. However, after a near-death experience, one sees death more painful than the pleasure of staying alive - even if that means exercise and healthy eating.

Our mind is capricious and is capable of being deceived, and of being enlightened and of being changed.

You cannot motivate people, but people are motivated! They become self-motivated whenever a solution is seen to meet an individual need.

The emerging science of Epigenetics suggests that in our genetic code there is a protective layer above the gene.

Similar to our skin’s epidermis (epi- the protective layer above the “dermis”) the outer layer is sensitive to the environment. The outer skin sunburns, sweats when hot, becomes clammy when nervous and gets goose-bumps when chilled.

Different environments. Same body systems. Different results.

So too this epi-gene responds to the environment. Stress wrecks havoc. Limiting beliefs sabotage success. Calm restores. Abundance mentality heals.

Different environments. Same body systems. Different results.

In the book, Anti-Cancer, Dr. Servan-Schreiber states that human beings, like all living organisms, make defective cells. “But our bodies are also equipped with a number of mechanisms that detect and keep such cells in check.....”

He goes on to write: “This is what I learned: If we all have a potential cancer lying dormant in us, each of us also has a body designed to fight the process of tumor development. It is up to each of us to use our body’s natural defenses. Other cultures do this much better than ours.”

Are we pre-programmed with our current personality and habits? In 1980 enter the Human Genome Project; a global, scientific effort to create a catalog of all the genes present in humans. The stem cell results shows that no one gene that does anything.

Epigenetic explores the fact that the way you see the world influences your genes and that every gene in the body can be modified by the way you respond to events. The body structure remains constant but the gene functions are not hard-wired. You can actually feel the physiology change when you change your mind.

The invisible thing working against us is actually our unaware mind. When we become aware, we can be motivated to rewrite the program. We may think we know our conscious mind rather well; often overlook the power of the unconscious. Unfortunately, when we do, we overlook a wellspring of human potential to change, and limit our power to change, heal, grow and overcome.

Please post your comments; I love hearing from you. Thanks.