The Turtle's Edge

You remember the story, the turtle and the hare, and how slow consistency won over spurts of speed. Although I love those inspirational moments of quantum leap productivity, I am finding that persistent intermittent activity proves to be more sustaining of long-term success. Does persistent
intermittent sound contradictory? Let me explain.

Decision vs. Circumstances: Words carry weight. To a hare, commitment is heavy, demanding onerous; with little or no fun. A decision is simply changing one’s mind from doing this to doing that. A decision is lighter, easier to handle, even energizing. The benefits of following your decision are such a blessing that one unconsciously slides into being committed to the goal.

Stretch/Grow/Stretch: The human body is equipped to meet challenges. Adrenaline may be released to power-up for a Herculean feat, or the parasympathetic system may be activated to power-down to preserve life (trauma in a fall, fatigue from overwork).

Small Steps: Ironically, speed walking is not in the length of the gait but in short steps. A health article predicted an individual’s longevity based on the time in which he completed a mile. The suggestion to increase speed was to take smaller steps. I tried it. It works. I am now applying this strategy to projects and receiving quicker results. As the task is broken down into small steps for quicker completion, energy is increased to keep on going.

Six-a-Day/Three-a-Day: The story goes that Ivy Lee proposed to Charles Schwab, president of Bethlehem Steel, a strategy to increase his company’s efficiency. Each executive was asked to take a few minutes at the end of each day to make a list of the six most important things to be done the next day; then number the tasks in order of importance. Early the next morning, they were to tackle number one and continue down the list until closing time. Whatever was left over would move to the top of tomorrow’s list. It worked.

This plan still works today. Pre-determine where your energy will go and start at the top. Feel good about marking off an accomplished task and proceed to the next. In my turtle’s edge frame, I go for three-a-day and anything else is a bonus.

Four/Seven: Release the popular 24/7/365 self-defeating attitude for performance. Decide to devote a minimum of four days out of seven to the newly formulated goal. I think back to a goal on my to-do-list that kept being moved to tomorrow until it became a drudgery to even think about doing it. So I marked it off. There. Forget about it. Go on to other things. Only subconsciously that goal was too important to mark off. Once I took it out of my have-to sphere of to-do, I found myself excitedly making plans and looking forward to doing them.

Just as the rising tide elevates all boats in the harbor, so, too, improvement in one area positively influences all. That is the power of decision; it creates a domino effect in the composite whole of your life.

For all your speaking and training needs, contact Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, monadunkin@gmail.com www.monadunkin.com.” Basic Intensive Training, Introduction of Choice Theory Psychology scheduled in Waco, Tx for January 25-27, 2019 Call me today.  254-749-6594 

 

 

Reflections on Our Fifty Years Together

In an otherwise bleak February there shines a bright spot where we as a nation celebrate love. During this Valentine’s season, may your heart be filled with love and compassion for all humanity, yourself included.
They say ‘love is blind’ but I’m not so sure. In reflection on our beginning 50 years ago, I saw Garland’s flaws. I just choose to overlook them. His quirks were just that – quirks - they weren’t big enough to detract from his being loveable. Not until they kept happening over and over. And no matter how hard I tried, he would not be fixed. Actually, neither would I. Guess that is part of our wonderful – yet dangerous – gift of a free will. Adjustment time. I had to ask and answer some hard questions.

Attraction plays a large part in getting a couple together but attraction will not keep a couple together. Staying together takes the maturity of one fabulous and flawed individual getting along reasonably well with another fabulous and flawed individual. It requires patience, long-suffering, forgiveness, fun, commitment, history, grace, respect, cooperation, loyalty – all the finer ingredients of love. Love is about giving and receiving, never taking. Love for the long haul needs to remain a little blind.

I am humbled by Garland’s love. When I am honest with myself I know what I can be like. And yet, he stays with me. We love each other in spite of as well as because of. Garland’s strength offset my shortcomings and my strength offset his shortcomings, which works for the good of the whole. That is when we work with it rather than oppose it. Being rubbed the wrong way helps to smooth out rough edges and perfect strengths.

So what’s the formula? Make love last by knowing that God, the Master Matchmaker, had a hand in getting you together. Also know that an individual’s free will is a major factor in staying together – and in liking it. Choice is a big deal in liking your mate and in being thankful for your relationship. See his worth and value beyond the everyday irritants. Lovingly overlook those continuing quirks that you’ve unsuccessfully tried to change (think Edith and Archie Bunker). Negotiate. Get along anyway. Choose to love. Know that giving and receiving is a two-way street; keep the pavement smooth.

However our paths have crossed, thanks for your blessings and well wishes. Your friendship has made our journey sweeter. Thank you for reading my blog or books. I appreciate the opportunity to share with you my insights for peaceful living. Take any of the ideas that may touch your heart and make them your own.

Mona Dunkin, Solution Principles. www.monadunkin.com To schedule training or life coaching contact Mona at monadunkin@gmail.com or 254-749-6594.

Building Families of Strength

I originally entitled this article Strong Families. While writing, I began to see that being strong is an end product, the result of something well-built; the robustness and durability of something nurtured and cared for.

Strength implies potential. Building indicates an ongoing, continuous process that could include remodeling if necessary. Having a solid foundation on which to fall and rebuild upon. Being supportive; not necessarily agreeing with actions but always accepting the individual.

Families of strength are team players. A universal concept of team is a number of people working together on a common task for the good of the whole.

The word origin of team, originally spelled teem, is English meaning offspring. A team is a number of related animals or people (related by working or playing together), and to teem means to be full to overflowing, as with children in a house.” Readers Digest, Family Word Finder

A team participates in giving and receiving. They appreciate differences, enjoy each others company and have fun together.

Families of strength have a faith foundation. They acknowledge a power outside themselves greater than present circumstance that gives purpose to their existence. They play together, work together, worship together, pray together, laugh together, cry together and become involved in helping others.

Families of strength are consistent. There may be rare exceptions, but rules apply across the board, evenly for everyone. The atmosphere of the home is accepting and learning. Disruptions are dealt with in a mature manner. They disagree, get mad, and move past the hurt.

“Our house changed. Our neighborhood changed. I went to a new school. But nothing important really changed…. Though we moved a lot, our essential life stayed the same. Regardless of where we lived, Mom sat by me at night listening to Dick and Jane stories… home and my sense of my family and my place in it were always the same. Mother and Daddy saw to that.”

Naomi Griffith, Red Clay and Vinegar

Families of strength develop open and honest communication. There are no hidden agendas and truth is told even if it hurts or puts self in a bad light. Families of strength listen for understanding rather than to prematurely jump to conclusions and pass undue judgment.

Communication begins at birth with a parent differentiating a hungry cry from an in-pain-cry and continues for a lifetime. Communication is expressed through more than words; tone of voice, facial expressions, body stance and manner of dress speaks volumes.

Families of strength understand that pain is a part of life. Their lives are not disrupted by upheavals. Painful situations are accepted and dealt with. They embrace it as an opportunity on which to learn. Problems are viewed as a challenge in which to grow individually and to grow together corporately.

Suffering is inevitable; transcend it by not being surprised when it happens. Like the Phoenix, families of strength rise from shattered foundations. They adapt. Families of strength overcome with the unit intact.

Families of strength build history together. Successes and failures are uniquely influential in building character. Become aware of the strength of your own family. Notice how well-built it is. Appreciate its robustness and durability as you continue to nurture and care. Embrace the love. 　

For success coaching, counsel or speaking engagements, contact Mona at 254-749-6594 or mona@solutionprinciples.com

Making Sense of Contradictions

We are complicated individuals filled with contradictions. Anthony Robbins says we have a core need for certainty and uncertainty. And they operate both at the same time!

Our certainty need wants everything to flow along in the same predictable, secure, and comfortable routine. Even if that consistency is a rut. Our uncertainty need craves risk, change, variety and challenges.

No wonder relationships are so complicated. It is difficult enough to come to terms with this yin/yang in us, let alone rectify it with spouse, parents, children, co-workers, etc.

But I believe it can be done. With work. And time. And maturity.

Absolute truth vs. truisms. There are some absolute truths. Absolute truth includes the law of gravity (at least within earth's atmosphere) and the rotation of the earth around the sun with a pattern of day/night and seasons. I suggest intangible absolute truth includes the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20), and that human wretchedness can be traced to the breaking of one or more of those laws.

There are truisms that apply to certain situations but not across the board to everything. This would include "Look before you leap” bookended by "He who hesitates is lost.” There is an element of truth in each. At times one needs to make a decision and go with it, while at other times deeper investigation is needed. What a conundrum.

Happiness is more internal than external. Ultimately happiness is a do-it-yourself job, but there are external contributors. Dr. William Glasser says that all human misery is the result of three things: 1) living under tyranny, 2) living in abject poverty, 3) debilitating sickness or 4) the inability to get along well with those people that are important to us. Although pain is inevitable; misery is optional.

Getting along well with those people that are important to us has a lot to do with locus of control. Namely, whose behavior can you control? The more we are in control of our own behavior - that includes thoughts thought and actions taken and emotions exuded - the less controlling we will be of others.

Conversely, the less we are in control of our own thoughts, actions and emotions; the more one will attempt to control others. This external control over others is attempted through complaining, blaming, guilting, criticizing, nagging, threatening and punishing.

Relationship building - and happiness - comes through supporting, encouraging, listening, accepting, trusting, respecting, forgiving and negotiating.

Here are other contradictions: Acceptance does not mean approval. Forgiveness does not mean things do not need to be settled and rectified. Listening does not mean refraining from speaking. Trusting does not mean being naive.

Bottom line is, each person is unique and special and sees things from differing points of view. They often take opposite routes to come to the same conclusion. The goal in the long run is for harmony.

P.S. Don’t forget to connect with me.

We welcome reprinting of articles in your newsletter or magazine, providing credit is given as follows: “This article was written by Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, www.monadunkin.blogspot.com or www.monadunkin.com.”

The Relationship Question

It’s all about relationship. Will they do what you want because they want to please you? Will they do the opposite of what you want because they want to spite you?

The Ultimate Question is: "Is what I am about to say or do going to draw us closer together or push us farther apart?"

Do you habitually fall into using the seven deadlies? They chip away at the relationship. Whereas, practicing the seven caring habits built, reinforce and repair. Pay attention to your interaction with mate, children, co-workers, boss, neighbors and strangers. Once you are aware you are in a position to decide which really work and which you want to incorporate.

Criticizing is a disconnecting way of making a request. Reframe the situation into an appeal.

Complaining is negative communication to a person about that person in an attempt to control him to stop something or to start something.

Blaming is disregarding your own involvement and turning the situation into the other person’s fault, thus placing you as the victim. “We are late because you did not clean up your mess.”

Nagging is repeating over and over and wrongly assuming it will help. “If you said it three times and they haven’t done it probably saying it three thousand more times will not get it done either.” Dr. Glasser

Threatening is pointing out negative outcome without allowing truth or consequences or without follow through.

Punishing is following through on your threat but done in a demeaning, demoralizing way. Punishment leads to rebellion more than to correction. Punishment temporarily appeases the ‘victim’ while solidifying spite in the offender.

Bribing is rewarding to get what you want and does not help the individual do what you want out of respect. For bribing to continue to work the reward needs to get bigger and better the next time. Once the bribes stop, negative behavior returns or worsens.

If this list has given you an “ouch”, don’t try to stop. Do start to pay attention. Increased awareness will help you stop without trying. The more you incorporate the seven caring habits, the easier and quicker the transition.

Supporting is being there. It is maintaining a foundation to fall on and to rebuild upon. It is not agreeing with but believing in.

Encouraging is to pour courage into. It is seeing undeveloped potential and believing in the person before he believes in himself. It is projecting a “you can do it” attitude until they acquire a fledgling “okay, maybe so” outlook. It is your verbal evidence that helps him believe in himself.

Listening is hearing where the person is coming from, not to agreement but to understanding. Once an individual feels understood, he is better equipped to evaluate whether to proceed or to adjust.

Trusting is having faith in something not as yet seen. When trust has been broken rebuilding can be difficult but not impossible. Who among us has not made a promise and failed to follow through. It takes a healthy dose of skeptical believing in self as well as in the other. It is talking about the infraction, giving and receiving forgiveness and making plans to prevent it from happening again. When someone repeatedly breaks trust you need to trust what that behavior is showing you.

Accepting is one flawed individual getting along with another flawed individual. It is understanding the innate worth and value of the person over and above his/her imperfections.

Respecting is treating the other person as though you were the other person. Respect looks different to each of us. You know what respect looks like to mom (child, mate, boss, friend). Give her what she wants not what you want in a similar situation.

Negotiating Differences is working together for an amiable solution. It takes communicating; speaking, listening, understanding, consulting and adjusting until the issue has been resolved in a way that is satisfactory to both/all.

The more you incorporate the seven caring habits, the easier and quicker the transition - and the more enjoyable the relationships with self and others.

Let's communicate. Leave a comment about your caring relationship habits.

Forgiving and Being Forgiven

As we enter spring and the Easter Season there seems to be two things that go hand in hand. The beauty of spring causes us to participate in planting and growing. The reality of Easter causes us to get personal with Jesus. Easter brings us face-to-face with how we feel about our family member Jesus.

On the cross Jesus cried, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” Although transcribed only once in the Gospels, Bible scholars tell us the verb tense indicates the phrase was repeated over and over.

As the crowd jeered along the pathway, Jesus prayed, ““Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” As the spikes tore into his flesh, Jesus begged, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” As the soldiers gambled for his royal robe, Jesus urgently entreated, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”

One might posture that the unbelievers knew what they were doing. Yes and No. It was a knowing-not-knowing. A knowing that your emotions are angry and filled with hate. A knowing that one wants to lash out and hurt another - maybe the one seen as causing the pain. A knowing of the lie behind “revenge is sweet”. A knowing of the immediate actions, but a not-knowing of the long range effects. A not-knowing of the hurt afflicted on others by default. A not-knowing of the burden of guilt of a selfish act.

Since Jesus ever lives to make intercession for us, even yet today he intercedes on behalf of you and me, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”

Forgive and forget. People are often reluctant to forgive, mistakenly thinking the offender is off the hook. Some feel guilty for not forgiving. Some have tried to forgive but think they have failed because they cannot forget. Forgiving does not mean forgetting. Forgiveness often makes things not worth remembering. There are thing that are completely forgiven that we would never want to forget.

Did God forget the cross? Jesus interceded for those crucifying him. Does that mean it was over and he forgot the whole incident? Certainly not! He transformed it from a thing of hurt into a thing of grace. God remembers the cross; not to strike back but to give salvation. He would never want to forget it because it was a hard-fought victory of mercy.

Are there some things you wish you could forget? Allow the pain to remind you that God’s work isn’t finished yet. That he is calling you to a place of offering forgiveness so you can find healing. Let it call you into the arms of Jesus, the one who truly understand pain, rejection and injustice. Allow beauty to spring forth from the scars. Allow God to transform your memories into a testimony of his grace.

It is easier to choose to forgive another when we receive the reality that we are forgiven.

Forgiving and Being Forgiven

As we enter spring and the Easter Season there seems to be two things that go hand in hand. The beauty of spring causes us to participate in planting and growing. The reality of Easter causes us to get personal with Jesus. Easter brings us face-to-face with how we feel about our family member Jesus.

On the cross Jesus cried, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” Although transcribed only once in the Gospels, Bible scholars tell us the verb tense indicates the phrase was repeated over and over.

As the crowd jeered along the pathway, Jesus prayed, ““Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” As the spikes tore into his flesh, Jesus begged, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” As the soldiers gambled for his royal robe, Jesus urgently entreated, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”

One might posture that the unbelievers knew what they were doing. Yes and No. It was a knowing-not-knowing. A knowing that your emotions are angry and filled with hate. A knowing that one wants to lash out and hurt another - maybe the one seen as causing the pain. A knowing of the lie behind “revenge is sweet”. A knowing of the immediate actions, but a not-knowing of the long range effects. A not-knowing of the hurt afflicted on others by default. A not-knowing of the burden of guilt of a selfish act.

Since Jesus ever lives to make intercession for us, even yet today he intercedes on behalf of you and me, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”

Forgive and forget. People are often reluctant to forgive, mistakenly thinking the offender is off the hook. Some feel guilty for not forgiving. Some have tried to forgive but think they have failed because they cannot forget. Forgiving does not mean forgetting. Forgiveness often makes things not worth remembering. There are thing that are completely forgiven that we would never want to forget.

Did God forget the cross? Jesus interceded for those crucifying him. Does that mean it was over and he forgot the whole incident? Certainly not! He transformed it from a thing of hurt into a thing of grace. God remembers the cross; not to strike back but to give salvation. He would never want to forget it because it was a hard-fought victory of mercy.

Are there some things you wish you could forget? Allow the pain to remind you that God’s work isn’t finished yet. That he is calling you to a place of offering forgiveness so you can find healing. Let it call you into the arms of Jesus, the one who truly understand pain, rejection and injustice. Allow beauty to spring forth from the scars. Allow God to transform your memories into a testimony of his grace.

It is easier to choose to forgive another when we receive the reality that we are forgiven.

Life Lessons

I gave a talk for Women in Banking. Since at one point in my career I worked in a bank, I entitled my talk Life Lessons from Banking. But they are really life lessons from life.

Whatever your hand finds to do… I entered the work force directly out of high school and loved the excitement of being in a grown-up world. I was a secretary and felt so important. I answered phones and interacted with clients and solved problems. I loved it. I looked forward to Monday mornings and TGIF was not a part of my vocabulary. Then I began to listen to the office chatter; the complaints and taking extra minutes at break. My zeal began to wane. In my daily reading was the axiom, “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might.” I learned the power of enthusiasm. I learned the power of personal accountability. This newly found work ethic served me well then and continues to do so to this day.

The creativity of uniform. We wore uniforms. They were red, white and blue and included blazers, skirt, pants and vests. I loved it. The more we dressed alike, the more individual we became; the more personalities shown through. The sameness released creativity in accessorizing. The standardized dress code saved time and energy in the morning. And in travel, it cut down on packing. This dress simplicity is a life lesson I continue to incorporate. The rewards are innumerable. The application has spread to other areas for effortless stress-free living.

A penny earned is a penny earned. When I became pregnant and wanted to be a stay-at-home Mom, we curtailed our spending and began to put every penny toward paying off our home loan. When you have purpose, sacrifice transcends and is no longer sacrifice. This principle has come in handy in situations like working through rocky patches in our forty-three year marriage. In choosing to be the caretaker for Garland’s aging Mom. When we released our growing daughter to become her own person, there was no worries for the relationship had been early solidified. With the current economic situation and downturn in the stock market, the value of frugality redeems itself.

Be a lifelong learner. The bank offered reimbursement for credit classes. I began to see how my job interrelated to other jobs in the organization, helping all to run efficiently as a whole. We are connected and what we do effect others. We live in community; happiness and success are about relationships.

I choose to live looking for the deeper meaning in every situation. And it is a choice. We can live haphazardly or we can live with intention. I want to live with conscious intention and encourage you to do the same. Together we can continually grow and bloom and blossom.

We welcome reprinting of articles in your newsletter or magazine, providing credit is given as follows: “This article was written by Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, www.monadunkin.blogspot.com or www.monadunkin.com.”

The Greatest of These is Love

February, the month of love. Icy cold days and warm hearts.

My sister - in her high school days - was given a homework assignment to define love. She interviewed couples. Their advice ranged from the melancholy - “being able to see through each other and still enjoy the view”, to the frustrated -“something sent down from heaven to aggravate the hell out of you.”

It’s all Greek to me. If love was not complicated enough, we Americans use the word to express our affection for everything from people to popcorn to places to puzzles to pets. The Greek language has different words for different loving emotions. “Eros” (cupid) is the romantic love, “Philio” is friendship or brotherly love and “Stoic” is the kind of love for whatever is still left - things, places, activities, chocolate.

Love, passive and active. The Hebrew language has two words for love and both of them are in the active tense. “Ahab” is choosing to love from afar with the intent to pursue and woo. It is hopeful. “Hessedh” is choosing to love and to keep on loving whether received or rejected. It is steadfast and eternal.

Faith, hope, love. With or without a Rabbi’s assignment, the Apostle Paul wrote a beautiful essay on love. He gave a benchmark for us mortals to use to measure our romantic and brotherly love. He said outrageous things such as; “Love is kind. Love does not envy. Love does not get puffed up or pout. Love does not always have to have its own way. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things.” (I Corinthians 13)

A flip of the coin. In meditating, I like to look at issues from all sides. To observe what is the direct meaning and also to see what it indirectly inferred. One day in measuring myself by Paul’s love yardstick I noticed two phrases coupled together. “Love is long-suffering” - I had that down to a fine art (I could roll my eyes and sigh deeply and it was so obvious I was suffering in my patience) - “and is kind.”

Give me a break. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I said out loud to God, “Surely You jest! Are You telling me You expect me to be kind to my mother-in-law?!” (Or mate, or boss or neighbor; you fill in the blank.) Another word for love is “charity”. “Charity” is used instead of “love” in that passage in the King James Bible translation. I like that. I find in many incidents that it is easier to be charitable than it is to be loving. Over time I am learning to be kind to the lovely and the unlovely alike. To overlook bad attitudes and respond in kindness to irritants or rudeness or disrespect.

Charity begins at home. Garland and I married forty-four years ago this February 24th. I am humbled by the fact that this guy loves me and keeps on loving me. Opposites attract. Over time, that refreshing opposite way of seeing life from the way you view it becomes stale. Irritating. Wrong.

The hormonal passive love of Eros and Ahab may draw a couple together, but it is the active, on-going, over-and-over choosing to love of Hessedh that keeps a family together. And it is the friendship of Phileo love and the fun-seeking adventure of Stoic love that makes the relationship enjoyable. Valuable. In-it-for-the-long-haul.

Forty-four years and counting. It has been a wonderful, magical ride so far and the road ahead looks promising. Happy Valentines Day, on the fourteenth and everyday.

An Attitude of Gratitude

It was the beginning of a new year and John Kralik saw nothing to look forward to. He was divorced, had strained relationships, a failing business and deep in debt. Desperate and alone, he hiked in the Angeles National Forest, Pasadena, CA. He took a wrong turn and became completely lost. It was just him and his self-condemning thoughts.

In the midst of his pity party, he heard a voice: "Until you learn to be grateful for the things you have," it said, "you will not receive the things you want."

Lamenting over former days of friends and family he surprised himself with his resolution. He decided to write a “thank you” note every day of the incoming year. Two years later, he credits that decision as being, “The year a simple act of gratitude changed my life.” John Kralik’s book, 365 Thank Yous, is a collection of the notes he wrote. (Hyperion)

Initially John’s notes were for gifts received or kindnesses expressed to him. He expanded it to remembering old friends and reconnecting with long-neglected family members.

Being thankful is a simple, yet profound act. Many times one voices “I have so much to be thankful for”, yet fails to enumerate the blessings, thus rendering the appreciation doubtful; as words spoken from rote rather than sincere gratification.

As a new year begins, take time to count and recount your blessings. Start with being thankful for your own life and the talents you have been given. A thankful attitude alone will mysteriously open doors previously closed.

See the people in your life with fresh vision. Look for actions and attitudes that are admirable rather than dwelling on the irritating qualities. Clean out those heavy things that weigh you down; things like unforgiveness, grudges, resentment and anger.

See potential benefit regardless of current circumstances. Things can change in the blink of an eye – from bad to good or from good to bad – and thankfulness makes every transition more gracious.

To date, John Kralik estimates he has written over 640 thank you notes. The resolution has become such a part of his nature he sees it as continuing indefinitely. May that become your legacy also.

We welcome reprinting of articles in your newsletter or magazine, providing credit is given as follows: “This article was written by Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, www.monadunkin.blogspot.com or www.monadunkin.com.”

Growing Into the Goal

Just as the goal of a ballgame is to score points, there are other strategies involved to get to that end. Scoring one point is not the end result, but to score again and again and again.


To make goal setting and attainment less overpowering, use this simple formula.


1. Have an idea, either original or improvement of an existing product/service.

2. Incorporate strategies of how to turn those ideas into a reality.

3. Take steps, one after another, for implementation.

4. Develop discipline to keep on keeping on.

Of necessity, a goal must include a personality change. You do not attract what you want, but you attract what you are - thus far. To grow into the goal is to develop new attitudes and actions. Change comes not with planning alone, but with a new mind-set and exploits.

Perhaps an attitude change is the most imperative. How do you view yourself? As self-employed or as an entrepreneur? The self-employed individual hires self to do all the work, whereas an entrepreneur hires self to provide a service or product and to produce jobs for others.

The mind-set of being a job-developer changes the shift to grow into.

Spend a few minutes and write down a minimum of five personality changes needed for you to grow into your goals. Some examples are:

• Healthy lifestyle of quality eating and quality movement (as opposed to the dreaded diet and exercise)
• Develop an abundance mentality. Picture people being willing to pay you for your services and products.
• Appreciate the wisdom of life lessons and overcome self-imposed limitations.
• Consistently focus on top priorities.
• Say “No” when it is in your own best interest and feel good about it.
• Overcome limiting beliefs regarding your education, or skills, or people skills.

You can set a goal but you cannot do a goal. Setting is a passive endeavor; accomplishment requires action. After formulating the blueprint, it is activities (and personality change) that moves you to your goals.

We are complicated individuals of mind, emotions and will. It is with the mind that one thinks about the issues of life; consider, weights and measures. It is with the emotions that one feels the issues of life; happy, sad, angry, excited. It is with the will that one decides about the issues of life; says “Yes” or “No” to opportunities, “Yes” or “No” to temptations, “Yes"s” or “No” to challenges.

Procrastinate and think about your goals, or get in the game and do something about them. The choice is up to you and what you will yourself to do.
　
We welcome reprinting of articles in your newsletter or magazine, providing credit is given as follows: “This article was written by Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, http://www.monadunkin.blogspot.com/ or http://www.monadunkin.com/.” challenges c

New Year, New Goals

The beginning of a new year lends itself to renewal, a starting-over-point. That may mean going in a completely different direction or modifying a current situation. Either way, it requires a decision. Once when I faced a choice between two options, I sensed an inner voice (I believe it was God) saying… “Go and you will be blessed; stay and you will be blessed.”

Conversely, the opposite of that is also true. Go and you will have problems; stay and you will have problems. That is not to be negative, just a realistic look at how life works. Here are some thoughts regarding enhancing the success of those important decisions and new goals.

Make a decision. There are lots of choices and not all of them can be pursued at once. Clarify your top priority; select and simplify.

Clarify the decision. See the end from the beginning by painting a picture of the intended results. Since everything is created in the mind before it becomes reality, write brief statements giving specific terms and in present tense voice. Use “I am” statements as opposed to “I am going to.” Write it down as if it is already a reality. This step gives you finality and energy; it lets you see how it looks and feels.

Get honest. Detail things that will help and things that will hinder the accomplishment of this goal. Be pro-active in seeing problems and seeking solutions. This includes personality characteristics, mechanical issues as well as the input of others. Example: your creative ideas and energy are a plus, whereas your lack of focus and procrastination slows progress. Think about alternate sources for supplies. Who may be for you and who may be against you and how will you address each?

Day-to-day. This is the nuts and bolts where you take the big picture and reduce it to stepping stones. What needs to be done today? Such as items purchased, calls made, actions taken. What nee4ds to be done tomorrow? What will I have achieved by the end of the month? Use several specific time frames – one month, two months, six months, one year. This is short-term planning that brings long-range accomplishment.

Continually evaluate. Celebrate advancements and negotiate needed adjustments. This is the living out of the “Get Honest” step. What actions need to be implemented, changed or halted? Who needs to be brought on board, consulted with or let go? What back-up resources are available? NASA reports that space voyages are frequently off course. What keeps them on target? Constant evaluation and adjustment; aligning where-we-are-now with where-we-are-going.

Goal setting and planning is an excellent way to break out of the mundane. Follow NASA’s example to discover your own new worlds.

Epiphany

In the Christian faith, epiphany is a term used to mark the arrival of the Magi in their search for the Christ child. Epiphany has expanded to mean a sudden realization or deep understanding brought about through ordinary circumstances that made a profound change in an individual’s life. Here are three epiphanies in my life.

Beauty is more internal than external. I struggled with self-esteem issues for years. I had the mistaken idea that if only my weight was less and I was shorter than my 5’6” height and if my nose was a different shape then magically all my problems would be over. I erroneously reasoned that I would be little and cute and everybody would like me.

An individual came into my life that was overweight, tall and with less than perfect facial features. She was loving and kind and funny and people were drawn to her. It dawned on me that there may be reasons to dislike a person, but the package is not one of them. If people did not like me, it had to be something more than looks. And, if someone did not like me because of my weight or looks, who really owned the problem.

Peace came through recognition that I could not “add one cubit to my stature” (or take away) and calm reigned with thankfulness that my nose worked okay regardless of its size. Silence descended with the realization that weight management was in my power with the exercise of self-discipline. I began to work on things that were within my control, like letting go of the chip on my shoulder.

The result has been a humble acceptance of me with continued focus on character development. My healthy self-esteem has grown into a high regard for all humanity.

Vows are not to be taken lightly. I hate to admit this, but I went into marriage with an escape clause in the back of my mind. From divorce statistics, that seems to be the irrational reasoning of society today. Through contemplation of separation I became aware of the sacredness of vows I had made before God and man. The wedding covenant is necessary because we are not capable of loving a flawed individual, (at least not for a sustainable amount of time) therefore the need for public and spiritual accountability. Instead of looking for ways out, I began to pray for grace to stay. And God’s grace is sufficient. It has been forty-two years and these two flawed individuals are still together. I am glad that we each have made the work-through-it-commitment again and again. It is imperative to fall in love again and again with the same person.

It is relationship, not religion. From childhood I have been tender toward the things of God. Even though teenage rebellion drove me in other directions, the wooing of Holy Spirit never let up – sometimes to my defiant anger. I relented and tried again and again to be godly, always messing up. In a downtime, a knowing although non-audible still small voice spoke into my conscious: “Mona, stop trying so hard. Quit trying to make me Lord and Master. Just let me be your friend.”

I needed a friend. My response was a subdued nodding of my head and a faint whisper of “Okay.” Rockets did not zoom and bells did not go off, but there was a definite change in my life from that day forward. I allowed Jesus to be my friend. It is a friend relationship that continues to grow, allowing me to be accepting of myself and compassionately charitable with a universe filled with other flawed human beings.

None of these transformations were instant but each gave enough light to foster permanent growth. Another meaning of epiphany is “a manifestation of a divine being.” The Magi were searching for solutions in a promised ruler king and were humbled to encounter the author of authority revealed in a vulnerable baby.

The peace and life-changes I have encountered, and continue to chance upon, are brought about through my search for the Christ child – born, died and resurrected. The guiding star is still shining. Follow it and receive.

Better Late Than Never

Where does the time go? Can you believe it is March already and daffodils are blooming? Seems like yesterday we were making, and breaking new years resolutions. With everything green and growing, seems like yet another opportunity to make or renew commitments. Here are a few thoughts to ensure your personal and business success.

Be realistic about the time frame needed for accomplishment. Perhaps your plans have not materialized because you stopped too soon. The resolve was for accomplishment within a calendar year. On Good Morning America, Robin Roberts and Dianne Sawyer are just now getting around to beginning to fulfill their new years resolutions. Robin’s goal was to organize her dressing room, a feat that could be accomplished within a few days of intense work. Diane’s goal is to fit into a smaller skirt size, a task that by its very nature requires a deeper commitment and longer time frame.

Give yourself room to grow. If your goal is not beyond your reach, then it is not a true goal. The distance between what you are already doing and what you want to do is called growth. Life is about tension. We need challenges that are invigorating; yet not so challenging they are frustrating. Yet, the distance between challenging and frustrating is called growth.
I have planted bulbs and wildflower seeds. In order to grow they need good soil, nutrients, water and sun. What do you need in order to grow? As the seedlings grow, they need to be thinned and replanted or discarded. What needs to be pruned from your life that will allow better growth?

Develop tenacity that overcomes tiredness, discouragement and unbelief. Suppose you were given a bucket of 100 oysters with the promise of finding two pearls. Would you take on the task of opening them? Most would readily exclaim, “Sure! Give them to me!”
In theory that sounds wonderful. You eagerly begin, but oysters are tough little critters to open. You open twenty and not one pearl. Thirty - and still no pearl. Forty, fifty, sixty, and no pearl! Not one. Not even a hint of one forming. Tiredness takes over. Discouragement sets in. Unbelief rears its ugly head. All too many people give up in despair.

Take heart! There are forty oysters to go. See the experience thus far as strengthening your muscles and resolve for throughput. To open 100 oysters requires personal growth. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. And it better late than never.

DON’T COPE, OVERCOME: Remember, it is better late than never. A goal set and accomplished. An expression of thanks given. An apology rendered. A word of encouragement spoken. A relationship mended. A bucket of oysters tacked.

TESTIMONIALS: What others say about Mona’s teaching

“As we near the 7th year of our business connection, I just wanted to tell you how valued you are by our staff and students alike. Your congeniality makes everyone feel so welcome and at ease in your workshops and your enthusiasm for life proves infectious!”
Katie Garrett, M.S. Project Director, SSS
McLennan Community College Waco, TX

NEED A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER: One of America's most interesting motivational speakers can be enjoyed in person in a presentation tailored to your specific need. Whether organizational, business or civic, you will be entertained with her humor, challenged with her gift of uncommon insights, and motivated by her thought provoking poems. Mona has developed a dramatic series of life changing, solution principles that address the universal needs of people.