Self Care

It is more important that you take care of you than that you take care of them. Does that sound selfish? Done in the right spirit, it is the first step toward selflessness. You cannot give out of an empty basket. A hungry man is unable to feed another. A full chef delights in serving.

Decay or grow. Our bodies are built to move. Movement stimulates cell growth. Reduced movement results in cell atrophy. A lethargic lifestyle causes the body to waste away. Decay. The body is a good servant in that it responds as gracefully as possible to the treatment we give it.

Endless recycle program. Our bodies consist of trillions of cells. They continually die off and are replaced. Bones dissolve and regenerate. High school health class taught that we have a completely new body ever seven years. But it is in increments, like 1% a day. What determines the quality of replacement? Whether the replacement quality is high or inferior depends on the lifestyle choices we make every day. Stronger or weaker cells? Our choice.

Intentional care. Remember the airline instructions? In case of emergency, you place the air bag on you first before helping the child, elderly, infirmed or others. Be intentional about your nutrition, your rest and your needs so that you are in optimum condition - mentally and physically - to help others.

Emotions play a big part. Human beings are composed of molecules therefore everything affects our molecular structure. Destructive emotions such as anger, hate, stress and loneliness send a “decay” message to the cells. These long-held emotions lead to chronic pain. Even though the angry person may be wishing ill on another he is issuing his own death warrant.

Conversely, positive emotions such as optimism, love, compassion and community promote strength, thus healthy molecules. Not only does the molecular body benefit, but also one’s mind, heart, spirit and social life.

Handling the day-to-day stresses of life begins with self-care. Start with quality quiet time. What if it really does work?

Mona Dunkin is a Motivational Speaker, Corporate Trainer and Personal Success Coach.

As A Seed Grows

Growth is a natural by-product of a seed being planted in harmony with nurturing elements. Some seeds are released only through harsh circumstances.

Ego is a seed shell of one’s identity held in place until circumstances breaks the hard outer covering so the internal nugget can emerge and grow from form into substance. Ego is designed to keep you the same while giving the illusion of change. Ego set point returns us to identity.

You make positive changes in your life and have a measure of success. A setback happens. In frustration you zombie out in front of the TV. You don’t even realize that you have just reinforced your set-point of only earning so much. Or the weight battle treadmill; lose, gain, lose, regain. All returns to ego identity set points.

So you stop. You gather information. You listen to other ideas. You go in another direction, change jobs or get a new mate. Like a thermostat set to kick-in or off to keep the room at a certain temperature, so too the ego holds on to a ‘set points’ to keep us from changing.

That is not “just the way you are”. That is the way the neural pathways of your brain have been laid down as your internal set-point. They were laid down through habit of thoughts and actions. Habits of thought formed mostly pre-conscious and pre-verbal. Before we could talk and before we thought about what we were agreeing to. The more these neural pathways are traversed - the more we think and act in an unaware state - the more ingrained they become.

Even when the habit road is rutty and rough and difficult, your habit thought says "you can’t" and your habit action stays lazy.

Your soul’s set point is not permanent. The spirit of soul is ever ready to change. That is why you know deep down in your knower that you are more than what you are currently being. Failure to thrive is not your soul’s set point; it is your ego’s set point.

Unless a seed dies it cannot bring forth fruit. When a seed dies – if it had conscious awareness – it would reject dying, put the brakes on and become devastated because it was falling apart. But the shell has to be removed before the interior nugget can root and grow.

Can your ego identity change? Sure. Your ego identity changes as you nurture it to identify with a new stage of development. That becomes your new set-point. And then you grow into another identity set-point. No matter how broken the body, the soul is never broken. There is a part of you that is always whole and complete.

A corrupted damaged seed will grow in cultivated soil. Accept your defeats with grace and self-compassion and begin again. Be your own master gardener and nurture your own soul.

Happy Changing. Mona Dunkin, Success Coach mona@monadunkin.com

Make STRESS Work FOR You

Make stress work FOR you! Surely you jest!

Yes, we can make stress work for us by...
· Using stressful situation as a motivator to move – exercise or rest.
· Allowing stress to cause you to refocus on your priorities and values.
· Using stress as a springboard to develop new attitudes and habits.

Here are eight strategies for instant stress relief.

1. BELIEVE - Believe that life has a purpose. Believe that things will work out. Believe in God. Believe in yourself. Believe in others.

“My search led me to try to define what is meant by the word stress and its many uses. Then I turned to the world of anatomy and medicine to develop an understanding of how the body reacts to stress…. From my study I discovered the magnificent stress coping mechanism we have been given…. My conclusion is that stress is essentially a spiritual problem.” Dr. Lloyd J. Ogilvi

“There’s pressure every day in coaching. But pressure can be good. It can be a motivating factor to strive for excellence, unless you let it become fear. Because my faith is where it all starts, that pressure is not fear.” Kevin Steele, Former Baylor Head Football Coach

2. Make everything your choice. Even if it is a seemingly “have to” situation, refuse to be put upon by choosing to accept the task as a part of character development.

"Dr. Bernie Siegel, MD shocks his cancer patients when he asks them ‘Why do you need this illness?’ He claims our bodies break down to give us a message… and many times it is a message that we have been ignoring.” Pain, the Gift Nobody Wants, Dr. Paul Brand and Philip Yancey

3. Develop good communication skills. Be specific. Avoid the stress of repeating yourself.

4. Spend quality and quantity time with your family – and approach it with the right attitude.

“I tell my patients to release the work day and surrender to ‘kid time’. It’s a time when we can breath more deeply, laugh spontaneously, and just take in the natural loving energy that children bring to us.” Naomi Swanson, Ph.D.

5. Live one day at a time, and appreciate that one day for what it is and for who you are.

“Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it? – Ever? Every minute?” Thornton Wilder, Our Town

6. Determine “Who owns the problem?” If it is not your problem, do not make it so. Take yourself out of the middle so you can see more clearly.

7. Play and have fun. A playful mind is a de-stressed mind.

“Good mental health is the ability to work and play.” Sigmund Freud


8. Hurry less and relax more.

“Hurry, but don’t rush.” Coach John Wooten

Don't Cope. Overcome. Put these strategies in to play daily. They Work.

For success coaching, counsel or speaking engagements, contact Mona at 254-749-6594 or mona@solutionprinciples.com

Take Charge of Your Life

Noted Psychiatrists, Dr. William Glasser, suggests the term “mental health” be replaced with “responsibility”.

Responsibility is the ability to get one’s needs met without depriving others of meeting theirs. When needs are unmet we feel unfulfilled and fail to live at optimum wellness. We are not taking charge of our lives.

In 1998 I attended a lecture given by Dr. Glasser in which he intimated that certain physical and mental maladies are chosen. I took issue with that; I mean, anyone who would choose pain and misery and unhappiness would have to be crazy!

He went on to explained our basic needs and how we are driven to have them met. Our health – physical as well as mental and emotional - is dependent on how our body responds to our actions, our thoughts and the way we feel about things.

This led me to do some deep thinking. I ask myself some hard questions: Was swallowing my anger inflaming my joints? Was my angry not only harming relationships but also my physical heart and blood pressure? How am I hurting myself?

I believe in God and wish to be responsible with the freewill given me. I began to pray. “Lord, I do not want to hurt others but neither do I want to harm myself.”

I began to practice the genius of Dr. Glasser’s wisdom. When we begin to lovingly notice our disconnecting habits of thought and actions we can then choose to turn our attention to matters that leads to greater health and happiness and improved relationships. Only when we come to a conclusion for our self are we willing to make changes or take charge of our own life.

Oh, and my health today? Thanks for asking. Peace reigns, relationships flourish, business is good, movement is pain free, most meds have been cut in half and I am releasing weight every day.

How about you? Are you ready to take charge of your life?

Well here’s the deal. William Glasser International has unveiled a new course titled, Take Charge of Your Life, an introduction to choice-theory psychology. The focus in this course is application to one’s personal life. It is involves the empowering notion of making our own choices in every area – thinking, feeling, acting, relating, responding. The concepts are easy to learn easy to apply and produce amazing results.

Dr. Glasser died in August at his home in Los Angeles, CA. This course was developed to provide a living tribute to Dr. Glasser’s vision to “Teach The World Choice Theory.” www.glassersunbelt.com

For the months of June and July 2014, the Faculty of the William Glasser Institute is offering this introductory course at no charge to the participants. There is no limit to the number of participants. It can be taught in one 6-hour session, two 3-hour sessions or three 2-hour sessions.

To schedule Take Charge of Your Life for your business, school, church or civic organization, please contact Mona Dunkin, 254-749-6594. A limited number of spaces are available. Call today.

Dreaming of a White Christmas

The Christmas Story is filled with angels, dreams and interpretations. That wonderful phenomenon was not just for long ago and is still prevalent for us today.

The dream center. Our conscious awake mind takes in information and responds. Sleep allows the brain to rearranges recent memories, a process that can lead to insight and new knowledge. Researchers believe that sleep is not only good for our physical health but also for our mental well-being.

Stages of sleep. In the process of falling asleep breathing and pulse slows and muscles relax. The brain waves are regular and the body can be easily awakened. In deep sleep the brain waves slow down with occasional spikes depending on surrounding noise or interference. In the deepest sleep, known as REM or rapid-eye-movement, the brain stem releases chemicals and fires electrical signals. The muscles are so relaxed the body is virtually paralyzed.

IT is during REM that dreams occur. Scientific research reveals that everyone dreams every night, whether remembered or not. During REM sleep chemicals go all parts of the brain gathering a mix of visual images and emotional feelings and coalescing them into a dream that has elements of both the real and the bizarre.

Train yourself. You can remember and benefit from your dreams but it may take time to train yourself. Put you to bed, quiet your breathing and deliberately turn off your mind’s rehearsal of the day’s events or tomorrow’s worries. Tell yourself that you will remember your dream upon awakening. Learn to wake naturally, without an alarm.

Write it down. Upon awakening, continue to lie still and concentrate on remembering your dream. Keep a pad and pencil by your bedside and immediately jot down the dream exactly as you remember it. Do not embellish and do not edit. Think on it. At off moments during the day, reflect on your dream for insights. Was it meaningful or simply entertainment? Embrace success and look forward to more.

Pay attention to your dreams. Even the wild ones. Dr. Carl Jung belived that dreams is how our unconscious tries to make sense of the way we think and act. Consider all the characters in your dream as being you in disguise; once you "own" that personallity as genuinely you, it becomes a catalysis to problem solving.

An example. I had a recurring dream of various meetings and demands made on me. Mixed up with all this was a nagging that I had lost a library book and a huge fine was awaiting. Upon awaking I was puzzled. The thing that stood out the most was the library book. It made no sense since I prefer to own the books I read.

My interpretation. I began to reflect upon the last time I had visited a library. Then I remembered having called several bookstores and the library trying to find a certain book for a client. The library had it and put it aside, in my name, to be picked up. I gave the information to my client. He never went. Consciously I dismissed it. Unconsciously I knew my name was on the list and my reputation was on the line. Once the problem came to light a solution was formulated.

Science gives validity to Mom’s advice to “sleep on it”. The function of the unconscious mind is to protect you. When you have a decision to make or a problem to solve, your mind works over-time - day and night - to honor you.

Sleep allows the brain to rearranges recent memories, a process that can lead to insight and new knowledge. Sweet dreams.

WARNING: Humor Can Be Beneficial To Your Health

“Humor is the ability to greet life with a fluid flexibility, in spite of its upsets, disappointments and crises.” John M. Irvin

Former Senator Bob Dole believes that “second only to a backbone, everyone needs a funny bone.”

Having a sense of humor is developing the ability to go with the flow of life - ups and downs - and still be able to maintain a strong sense of happiness and joy in being alive. A good sense of humor is beneficial to your physical health as well as to one’s emotional well-being.

Consider:

* Laughter changes body chemistry; revs up and releasing healing endorphins - the body’s natural painkillers.

* Not only is decision making easier when possibilities are taken lightly - for they are just possibilities - but creative possibilities and morale is increased.

* Aids in quicker recovery from tragedies and illnesses.

* Great help in stress reduction by lightening tense situations.

* Allows one to deliver a serious message while defusing potential stress.

* Improves mental and emotional health.

* Aerobic. When one laughs the lungs get a good work out.

* Doctors have asserted that twenty seconds of robust belly laughing equals three minutes of exercise.

* Improves relationships by building teamwork.

* Laugh lines add character to your face. Did you know it takes more muscles to frown, than to laugh?

* Since aging produces wrinkles anyway, why not make them laugh lines?

* Humor is the breeding ground for loyalty; if you are likeable, people will be more loyal to you.

* Makes you more memorable. Who can easily forget a pleasant person?

* Expands your comfort zone.

* Gives a new perspective on life; begin to see things a little differently.

“A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs – jolted by every pebble in the road.” Henry Ward Beecher

“A cheerful heart is a good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” Solomon Prov. 17:22

Use caution in using humor. What is funny to one may be offensive to another. Sarcasm, ethnic jokes, put downs, belittling, etc. are never universally funny and can cause - not only hurt feelings - but also actual harm in relationships.

Laugh at yourself and with others. But in laughing at yourself, do not fall into the Rodney Daingerfield syndrome of putting yourself down to the discomfort of your audience. Do not use humor as a defense to deny reality. “Oh, I was just joking”. Do not allow humor to trivialize an issue. Be sensitive to what you make light of.

If you are going to laugh about it someday, go ahead and make that day today. Have you ever experienced a difficult situation that was stressful or even anger producing, and yet later - when emotions were not so raw - the story became a big hee-haw? Get a handle on stressful situations by finding something humorous in it. See the absurd.

“If you can laugh at it, you can survive it.” Bill Cosby

Choosing Humility

Humility is a do-it-yourself job.

You may humiliate yourself through some ill-thought out behavior or even deem that another has humiliated you - usually by their having seen a chink in your armor - but choosing to be humble - in the face of great accomplishment or heartbreaking failure - is a personal choice, rooted in a true understanding of humanity. Humble is derived from the Latin word humilis, meaning low or lowly and is the same root word in humus (ground) and homo (man).

Humus… human… humility; all have the same root word. Humility is recognizing our humanness. We humans are on equal footing - good and bad, positive and negative, giving and selfish, shadow and light sides. It takes humility to accept both in self and others.

There are five ways of dealing with humiliating situations; the first three comes to us rather naturally and are more destructive than constructive. Doing those things that come naturally often gets us into big trouble. The later two have to be learned, cultivated and nurtured; they entail choosing humility.

1. Passive: suppressive, avoiding problems, gives in; mentally says, “I’m uncomfortable.” “I’ll withdraw. “I’ll get out.”

2. Aggressive: attacks others, demanding, abrasive; mentally says, “I can take care of myself.” “I win, you lose.” “I’m right!”

3. Passive-Aggressive: indirect, sneaky, underhanded, sabotage; mentally says, “I’ll give in, but I’ll get you.” “Got-cha!”

4. Assertive: open, honest, mature, mutual respect; the mental attitude is, “I have worth and value and you have worth and value.” “We may disagree and I’ll still hold you in high regard.”

5. Overlook: Recognizing personal limits and making healthy choices. The mental attitude is “Live and let live.” “ I choose to forgive.”

Learning to overlook an offence requires humility.

There are two questions that can never correctly be answered “Yes”. One is, “Are you asleep?” The other is, “Are you humble?” To answer either in the affirmative belies reality.

One may think of self as being humble, yet has difficulty accepting a simple compliment. It takes humility to graciously receive a flattering remark even though you may think your performance not up to par or deem your hairdo as the worst cut ever.

To respond in a self-depreciating stance, to deny another’s assessment or to launch into defense of the defect is actually to lapse into a false humility.

Learning to graciously respond in humiliating situations requires rigorous self-honesty. You cannot become truly honest and examine your actions and attitudes while in self-denial. As long as you stay in denial, you deceive yourself into believing your actions and attitudes are right. Remove face-saving masques and allow honesty to give fresh perspective.

When you, with God's grace, choose to get honest and to change, you begin to like you better, in a healthy way. You are working on the do-it-yourself project of being humble.

Truth or Dare

Lily Tomlin, portraying five year old Edith Ann, was a regular feature in Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In TV series (1967–1973).  Edith Ann sat in a huge rocking chair and recounted outlandish adventures from her childish point of view. Each segment was ended with her looking directly into the camera and boldly proclaiming, “And that’s the truth!”

Life tickles our funny bones. The comedy in Lily’s skit came from the audience’s knowing that Edith Ann’s truth may not have been quite like she saw it. We find humor in situations with which we identify. And sometimes it’s good to laugh at ourselves. To see our foibles. To recognize our shadow side.

 

Only sometimes life breaks our hearts. The heart ache is not from seeing truth, but from refusing to be set free by the truth we see. Truth hurts only when it is supposed to.

 

Feelings don’t tell you the truth; they just tell you what you feel. Beliefs don’t tell you the truth; they just tell you what you believe. And what you believe is your best guess at what is real. Our best guess at reality is conditioned by the society in which you live. 

 

Society doesn’t tell you the truth; society goes with fads, trends or the in-thing.  Your thoughts don’t tell you the truth; they just try to tell how you measure up to society’s dictates. Or not. Circumstances don’t tell you the truth. No matter how real they seem to be they are really your thoughts trying to prove to you that your beliefs and your feelings and your viewpoints are truth.

 

So what does tell you the truth? Life.

 

Life demonstrates truth. Life is not prejudice. Life tells us the truth whether we can handle it or not. Rain or drought or hurricanes or tsunamis falls equally on the just and on the unjust.

 

Life reveals whether our actions are plume or not. It matters not if one is a skilled iron worker or a nuclear scientist or an adventurous roof-scaling child, the truthful law of gravity shows itself to always be accurate.

 

When feelings are bruised, look deep inside to see if you really are a fool or if maybe you just did a foolish thing.  Big difference.  When your thoughts bring increased frustration or anger or sadness or instability then maybe it is time to challenge what you believe. Does it hold water? How’s it working for you?  When circumstances are less than ideal, look deep inside to see what lesson life is trying to teach you. Obey the rules of the road and the chances of speeding tickets, wrecks or traffic violations are greatly diminished.

 

Listen to your internal moral compass and obey its directions. BUT NOTE: it speaks quietly, softly, gently. It must be tuned into in order to be heard. It must be given space in order to grow.  It must be proven in order to stand firm. 

 

Need a Life Coach?  Contact Mona at 254-749-6594 or mona@monadunkin.com   

Real Age - Chronology or Biology

 

Drs. Michael Roizen and Mehmet Oz are on a campaign to help Americans determine their Real Age. Not chronological years, but health years. Improved health results in the very real reality of extended chronological years. Or at least better quality of life for the remaining number of years we are on planet earth. I had the opportunity to come face-to-face with my internal health issues.

Dr. Richard Couey is a cellular biologist with Baylor University in Waco, TX. He has a unique way of counseling clients. A tiny drop of one’s blood is put under a microscope that projects the image to a computer screen. On the wall are pictures of healthy blood cells and also of blood cells in various degrees of maladies. The individual is allowed to make his/her own diagnosis as to the health of one’s cells.

My husband and I were allowed to see for our self the decay of our cells. Reality of what was hidden to our eyes. My cells were thick (matches my heavy body) and clumped together. My husband saw rampant arthritis flecks and decaying cells. Both blood systems had puffs of stress.

For three months we followed Dr. Couey’s suggestions for eating and moving. Very simple things like fresh fruits and vegetables. Baked chicken and fish and reduced amount of red meat. Walk around the block twice a day. When sitting, lift your legs up and down and roll your shoulders and ankles for improved range of motion. We also took enzymes and vitamins.

On my own, I recommitted to daily quiet time and meditation. At the end of ninety days, the blood tests were re-administered. I was amazed. I had lost six pounds and had more energy.

But the proof was in the blood. The cell walls were appreciably thinner and the clumping was reduced, with a few flowing freely. And no puffs of stress.

It’s all about movement. When my last HDL cholesterol was not optimal, the nurse said the most effective way to increase those numbers was through exercise. Walking speaks to the body in powerful ways. So I am choosing to not make exercise into a four-letter word and have retitled it "energizing". Quality calories in and quality movement out.

We need community. We need movement. Seems our bodies are hard wired for exercise and to care. The caring part comes easy for me. Not so the physical fitness. But that is all changing and I eagerly anticipate the daily transformation. As my chronological age increases, with a positive change in activity and eating habits, my biological age can stay consistent – or reverse.

How about you?

Let's start a conversation: mona@monadunkin.com

Refusal to Forgive

“Now you have to decide if you want a life of bitterness, or to be set free.”
Jeanne Marie Laskas

To forgive is an emotional decision. Contrary to some line of thought, forgiving does not mean forgetting. The offense may so deep it is emotionally and psychologically impossible to forget. An offense may be so egregious that even the thought of forgetting is equally offensive.

Yet, to hold on to the bitterness and resentment harms you physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally and relationally. Refusal to forgive is to hold on to the grudge with a magically idea that you will thus be protected from future hurts.

Refusal to forgive is hidden behind hate and mistrust; wrapped in an ugly package of justification and rationalization. It sets you up for anger, hurt, resentment and bitterness that festers and eventually spews over into all relationships, not just the one(s) you refuse to forgive. Choosing to forgive is banishing an unwelcomed “renter” from your psyche and mind chatter.

Refusal to forgive effects major harm to your mental-health through preoccupation with disturbing thoughts that leads to depressing. It is a self-sentence to loneliness, distrust and misery. Physically the body produces stress hormones thus weakening the immune system and increasing susceptibility to viruses and disease.

One’s spiritual life is also harmed as a result of the refusal to forgive. C. S. Lewis said that the wrongs of life seems to prove that God is not good. Of course that is a lie.

Here are some thoughts in choosing to forgive:

1. Make a list of the hurts in your life. This is not to dwell on them, but to acknowledge so you can choose to release. Things you did or did not do as well as things that were done to you. Beliefs or teachings you acted on that you now regret. Include slights, injustices, labels, judgments and rejections. Write the experience in detail, saying what you wish you would have said or done at the time – good or bad.
2. Realize that people act out of their own hurts and pain. Regardless how you have been treated, know that you are a person of infinite worth and value with dignity and principles.
3. Revisit the pain through eyes of compassion for yourself and allow God to re-parent you and to comfort you.
4. Do the hard work of honestly looking at ways you may have been a part of the problem or exacerbated it. Value your feelings and insights. If appropriate, take steps to correct violated principles; to seek and/or to give forgiveness.
5. You may find it helpful to share your findings with a supportive person whom you trust implicitly, one who will be receptive and non-judgmental and not try to fix things for you or give advice.
6. Choose to give yourself the gift of forgiveness. Embrace peace. Smile. Laugh. Reach out again in love. Develop an attitude of ongoing forgiveness by choosing to not be offended.

Forgiveness does not eliminate past pain, it allows you to enjoy the present and build for the future. Choosing to forgive is not to tackle the impossibility of forgetting, but to forgo dwelling on past wounds. It is to be free.

Please leave your comments. Thanks.

Stress and Motivation

As you can see from my by-line, I call myself a Motivational Speaker. The truth is I cannot motivate anyone to do anything.

And neither can you.

I am not even going to try. That is too stress producing. Maybe you can identify.
It’s not stress that kills us …It’s our reaction to it!

We are each self-determining and make our own choices based on the pleasure-pain syndrome. We seek as much pleasure and success as possible while avoiding pain and failure. Example: one may think vegging out in front of the TV as more pleasurable than the boredom of exercise. However, after a near-death experience, one sees death more painful than the pleasure of staying alive - even if that means exercise and healthy eating.

Our mind is capricious and is capable of being deceived, and of being enlightened and of being changed.

You cannot motivate people, but people are motivated! They become self-motivated whenever a solution is seen to meet an individual need.

The emerging science of Epigenetics suggests that in our genetic code there is a protective layer above the gene.

Similar to our skin’s epidermis (epi- the protective layer above the “dermis”) the outer layer is sensitive to the environment. The outer skin sunburns, sweats when hot, becomes clammy when nervous and gets goose-bumps when chilled.

Different environments. Same body systems. Different results.

So too this epi-gene responds to the environment. Stress wrecks havoc. Limiting beliefs sabotage success. Calm restores. Abundance mentality heals.

Different environments. Same body systems. Different results.

In the book, Anti-Cancer, Dr. Servan-Schreiber states that human beings, like all living organisms, make defective cells. “But our bodies are also equipped with a number of mechanisms that detect and keep such cells in check.....”

He goes on to write: “This is what I learned: If we all have a potential cancer lying dormant in us, each of us also has a body designed to fight the process of tumor development. It is up to each of us to use our body’s natural defenses. Other cultures do this much better than ours.”

Are we pre-programmed with our current personality and habits? In 1980 enter the Human Genome Project; a global, scientific effort to create a catalog of all the genes present in humans. The stem cell results shows that no one gene that does anything.

Epigenetic explores the fact that the way you see the world influences your genes and that every gene in the body can be modified by the way you respond to events. The body structure remains constant but the gene functions are not hard-wired. You can actually feel the physiology change when you change your mind.

The invisible thing working against us is actually our unaware mind. When we become aware, we can be motivated to rewrite the program. We may think we know our conscious mind rather well; often overlook the power of the unconscious. Unfortunately, when we do, we overlook a wellspring of human potential to change, and limit our power to change, heal, grow and overcome.

Please post your comments; I love hearing from you. Thanks.

Melding the Past and Present

In the interest of health I have taken to heart the advice to “eat chocolate”. Most afternoons I have two “Dove” morsels. The fragile foil wrapping envelopes not only a silky smooth confection but also terse sayings:
· You should charge for your great advice
· Daydreaming is free
· It’s okay to be fabulous AND flawed
· Chocolate won’t let you down
· You are exactly where you are supposed to be

What!? No, No, No, No, No! By this time in life I am supposed to have done that and been there and have this and…

Do you relate? Relax. Growth happens as it is nourished.

We are complicated individuals living in a complex world. In the vastness of this universe we seven-billion human beings live in community. What one does on this side of the planet affects those on the other side of the globe. Through an invisible cord we are inseparably connected – not only to one another – but also to a Higher Power, to generations past as well as passing the baton to future generations.
So yes, in the grand scheme of things, we really are exactly where we are supposed to be.

According to history books, the belief in Christopher Columbus’s day was that the world was flat? They could not see beyond the horizon of the sea and so assumed that was the end; a drop off into nothingness - or worse. Columbus proved that once you sail so far your vision expands to see and explore unknown horizons.

Check any science book. Our universe is ever expanding. Even with all the modern technology there is no way we can know all there is to know, or imagine the frontiers yet undiscovered.

A recent news article pronounced Einstein as being wrong. It seems that new evidence proves sound travels faster than light. Was Einstein’s theory wrong or was it incomplete? Were Leonardo da Vinci’s wild futuristic drawings wrong or did they need wisdom of a new generation to be implemented?

We are incomplete without each other. How things were seen at the time changes over time.

This concept applies to human relationships also. An embarrassing event later becomes a funny story to regale party goers. Repeated antics of irritating relatives become cherished family history. How much genius would be lost except for traumatic events that forced change? Time softens suffering as it lends itself to different perceptions.

So maybe you really are exactly where you are supposed to be. Lessons of the past become relevant as it is applied today. We retard our own growth through lack of self-love and self-nurture. It’s time to employ yet another “Dove” philosophy: “Take this moment. Enjoy it!”

Get in touch with your humanity – and theirs.

Thank you for your friendship, your business and your continued support. Let’s reach our goals together.

Test Self-Talk for Truth or Error

Do you talk to yourself? Are you kind or critical? Do you argue with yourself? Do you win? Or do you find yourself exclaiming, “This is driving me crazy!”? Could it be that the thoughts are going over and over in your mind without ever coming to a conclusion?

The science of Epigenetic says that a cell can only be in one of two positions: open for growth or closed for protection. The brain, based upon messages the body sends, gives command to the cells to flow (growth) or to fight-flight (protection).


"Man's greatest instrument is his psyche and is little thought of
and often directly mistrusted and despised." Psychiatrist Carl Jung



The key to “self-talk” is self. Quit beating yourself up; it is counter-productive. Growth comes in a safe, nurturing environment. A state of flow awakens one to the truth of your own nature. Fight assigns consent to stand up for your legitimate needs. Flight grants the freedom to be the best you that you are created to be.

Become your own best friend. Take responsibility for your actions without judgment or blame. Do not use your words against you through guilting and shaming. Do not use your words against others by blaming, criticizing or gossiping. When you have a legitimate issue to confront, address it from a place of victory not from a victim stance.

Overcome the “Yeah, but” syndrome. Self-esteem and self-honesty go hand-in-hand. Instead of being critical, angry or upset, send love to the problem. Practice the command to, “Love your neighbor as yourself”. In the midst of acknowledging your own flaws, send love to you. Armed with a healthy dose of self-love, rather than nurse ugly thoughts of another, send love to the troublemaker.

Mirror images. Negative attitudes play a color-blinding role. It blinds one to powerful self-truths and dismisses positive character traits. One born with the gift of leadership becomes a dictator unless exposed to the eye-opening light of self-reflection. Without self-knowledge a polite response to an offender may be judged as being weak.

Muscles are meant to tense and relax, to close and open, and to hold and release as needed. Unfortunately, many hold residual tension in muscles that hinders relaxation. Tension remains in the body through the failure to release and let it go.

Become aware of the times you hold your breath and allow it to be a springboard to reflection.

Monitor your self-talk for criticism. Rather than beat you up, practice self-compassion and strategize self-improvement steps. Rather than mentally berate another, practice other-compassion and strategize self-improvement steps that will bring personal growth, health and peace.


Mona Dunkin is a Motivational Speaker, Corporate Trainer and Personal Success Coach. Read past articles at www.monadunkin.blogspot.com. Contact her at mdunkin@flash.net.

Holidays and Hurry Sickness

What do the holidays mean to you? Cleaning? Cooking? Entertaining? Shopping? Decorating? Wrapping? Visiting? Does the rush, rush of our society that you have adopted dull your appreciation of the season? Stressors are inevitable but they do not have to be debilitating.

Applause is not necessary. Get in touch with who are, or who you want to become, and allow everything you do to come from that place of purpose. That includes participating as well as not participating. Life does not have to be tit-for-tat. Because another’s decorations light the city skies does not mean yours are not elegant. Give up the competition and be true to self.


“Hurry but don’t rush,” Coach John Wooden.


One might think that to stop rushing would mean to become a slowpoke. Not true. You can still hurry, just take care not to cross the line into a stressing rush. Rushing is energy draining and makes one more error prone. Hurrying is energy producing while allowing focused attention.

Do not expect easy. Everything has a learning curve. Some things have longer skill proficiency than others. To tackle a job expecting everything to flow seamlessly may be a contributor to the stress. Give yourself time to gain knowledge or to be trained. Factor in delays such as another’s lack of cooperation, materials shipment detained, inability to located needed resources or personal fatigue. Give time to patiently teach, as to inexperienced grandchildren making cookies. Spilled flour happens. Clean it up together and enjoy the adventure as well as the rewards.

Become rigidly flexible. I love goals and I find target deadlines invigorating. There was a time that I also found interruptions irritating; they got me off schedule. Then I adopted my oxymoron philosophy of being rigidly-flexible. I plan and prepare and stay focused to the degree that outside factors are within my reasonable control. But, when situations arise - a family emergency, a coworker needing help, a grandchild wanting a story read – no sweat, I’m flexible. Jesus could always be bothered.

Sometimes delays are blessings in disguise. Perhaps the interruption was needed for additional insight; or as a forced reprieve to catch your breath. Do not lie to yourself by thinking you cannot die until everything on your list is accomplished. Consider that maybe the packed schedule will hasten that event. Slow down and live. Slow down and enjoy. Slow down and love.

Include personal reflection. Rethink everything. Ponder deeply the meaning of life, celebrations, family, crises, relationships, God, work, play… What is life saying to you that you have been too harried to hear?

Activity does not mean accomplishment. Do not allow the demands of the season to propel you into over-spending, over-doing, over-committing, thus becoming over-bearing. Rest more and flurry less. Slow down and adopt simplicity.

The holidays come once a year. Embrace the true meaning. Enjoy family and friends. Be blessed by all your choices.

We welcome reprinting of articles in your newsletter or magazine, providing credit is given as follows: “This article was written by Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, www.monadunkin.blogspot.com or www.monadunkin.com.”

Self-Care

It is more important that you take care of you than that you take care of them. Does that sound selfish? Done in the right spirit, it is the first step toward selflessness. You cannot give out of an empty basket. A hungry man is unable to feed another. A full chef delights in serving.

Decay or grow. Our bodies are built to move. Movement stimulates cell growth. Reduced movement results in cell atrophy. A lethargic lifestyle causes the body to waste away. Decay. The body is a good servant in that it responds as gracefully as possible to the treatment we give it.

Endless recycle program. Our bodies consist of trillions of cells. They continually die off and are replaced. Bones dissolve and regenerate. High school health class taught that we have a completely new body ever seven years. But it is in increments, like 1% a day. What determines the quality of replacement? Whether the replacement quality is high or inferior depends on the lifestyle choices we make every day. Stronger or weaker cells? Our choice.

Intentional care. Remember the airline instructions? In case of emergency, you place the air bag on you first before helping the child, elderly, infirmed or others. Be intentional about your nutrition, your rest and your needs so that you are in optimum condition - mentally and physically - to help others.

Emotions play a big part. Human beings are composed of molecules therefore everything affects our molecular structure. Destructive emotions such as anger, hate, resentment, stress and loneliness send a “decay” message to the cells. These long-held emotions lead to chronic pain. Even though the angry person may be wishing ill on another, in reality, he is issuing his own death warrant.

Conversely, positive emotions such as optimism, love, compassion and community promote strength, thus healthy molecules. Not only does the molecular body benefit, but also one’s mind, heart, spirit and social life.

Handling the day-to-day stresses of life begins with self-care. Start with quality quiet time. What if it really does work?

Please let me hear from you. Thank you for your friendship, your business and your continued support. Let’s reach our goals together.

We welcome reprinting of articles in your newsletter or magazine, providing credit is given as follows: “This article was written by Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, www.monadunkin.blogspot.com or www.monadunkin.com.”

Memory Boosters

No matter one’s age, all have periodic memory glitches. Can’t find your keys? Is it that you are losing your mind or that you were preoccupied as you rushed to a task? Stop and refocus. Take a deep breath and mentally retrace your steps. As you designate a home for frequently used items your automatic pilot will put them where they belong.

Reduce the stress. Worry and rushing tax the brain and constricts the ability to think. When you do not have time it becomes imperative that you take time to slow down and relax. Take a minute of quiet meditation to allow mind and body to reconnect. Whatever calms the body also clarifies the mind. It also becomes imperative that you say “No” when it is in your own best interest.

Obtain restful sleep. Lack of sleep hinders concentration and logical thinking. Sleep is the brain’s accounting system, taking information gathered during waking hours and placing it into long-term storage. Sleep categorizes it for easy retrieval. Seven to eight hours per night is recommended for adults and may require a healthy dose of self-love to train yourself to nurture you. Adding just thirty minutes per night on a regular basis can enhance your memory, increase your alertness and improve your overall health.

Do one thing at a time. Multitasking is the enemy of concentration. Answering an e-mail while listening to your mate's problem is not only self-defeating, it is also destroys relationship. Ego makes us think we can juggle many things but research shows we are kidding ourselves. And become less effective in the process. We forget promises made, redo tasks already completed, fail to recall where items are stored, disregard commitments, ignore purpose and neglect self-care. The secret to concentration is elimination.

Be present. Failure to pay attention produces sloppy results. Routine tasks often cause one to go into auto pilot, thus doing things without awareness. This is handy for such things as brushing your teeth but deadly when driving a car. Mindlessness is a contributor to dysfunctional relationships.

Get moving. Physical activity increase blood flow and oxygen to the brain for clearer thinking. An active lifestyle also generates the formation of new neurons and connectors. Although thirty minute spurts three or more times a week is ideal, some is better than none.

Enjoy brain foods. Our bodies need good fuel to produce maximum results. Brain foods include omega-3 fatty acids (salmon, soybeans, flaxseed), antioxidants (berries, green veggies), folate (orange juice, leafy vegetables) and water.

Yes, we are getting older and there is some truth to age affecting memory. Everyone forgets things at times but when it is time to seek professional help? Here are danger signs for you or someone you love:

• consistently forgetting common words or confusing the names of people or things
• one becomes disoriented in familiar surroundings such as your own home or neighborhood
• persistent foggy thinking or trouble concentrating
• difficulty performing common tasks such as grooming or running the microwave
• mood swings, erratic behavior or dramatic personality changes


NEED A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER: One of America's most interesting motivational speakers can be enjoyed in person in a presentation tailored to your specific need. Whether organizational, business or civic, you will be entertained with her humor, challenged with her gift of uncommon insights, and motivated by her thought provoking poems. Contact Mona at 254-749-6594 or mdunkin@flash.net.

When Reality Sets In

While reading to my granddaughter she suddenly exclaimed, “Nana, you have something on your face.” She said it looked like pencil marks between my eyebrows.

After unsuccessful attempts to wipe it off, I looked in the mirror. It was not pencil marks. It was wrinkles. Deep ones.

Long ago I came to peaceful terms with the reality of death. I know that each of us has been allotted only so many days on this earth, I guess I just never expected to look like I was aging.
Since the announcement of those first wrinkles, others have joined the ranks. I’m okay with that and gracefully settle into being a senior adult.

The way one perceives life becomes his reality – only it may not actually be real. The reality is that all of us alive at this moment are aging and have benchmarks to verify it. That does not discount one’s viability as a human being with infinite worth and value.

A current mantra is “Fifty is the new thirty.” Does that mean that thirty is the new ten?

On the front of a birthday card was the question: “What is the difference in a 40-year-old and a 4- year-old?” Answer: “The 4-year-old wants to grow up.” Is this inferring that a 40-plus often remains childish by adopting the immature foot-stomping stance of Peter Pan?

Is our society so obsessed with youth, that, in spite of advancing years, the population convinces itself that aging is bad? Wisdom does not necessarily come with advancing years. Humility is acceptance of one’s humanness including positives and negatives, strengths and limitations, abilities and diminishing facilities. I suggest humility and wisdom are akin.

Wisdom comes when we release childhood misconceptions for adult realities. Life does not stand still. We are growing or dying, enlarging or shrinking, maturing or reverting to juvenile behavior. To resist changing makes growth difficult, if not impossible.

How freeing to embrace another tomorrow with anticipation of acquired wisdom. Live life so the spirit stays young. Take care of the package and embrace the reality of aging.

On CBS’s Sunday Morning (11-29-09), Anthony Mason talked with rocker Tom Petty about his many accomplishments, life and the future. Mason mentioned Petty’s apparent ease with the encroachment of the Big Six-O (60) birthday.

Tom Petty accepts the reality of aging with his philosophy of: “If you’re not getting older, you’re dead.”

Good insight. Let us live while we are alive, wrinkles and all.

We welcome reprinting of articles in your newsletter or magazine, providing credit is given as follows: “This article was written by Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, www.monadunkin.blogspot.com or www.monadunkin.com.”

Tired of Being Tired

Chronic fatigue seems to be a national malady and in many cases, doctors find no pathology. Although exhaustion is a legitimate physical ailment, there are many underlying causal factors and accessible helps. Here are some suggestions.

Get moving. Exercise release energizing “feel good” chemicals called endorphins. The movement does not have to be drastic. A simple 15-minute-walk three of four times a week can do wonders. Get off the couch and do a dreaded chore; it can invigorate you to accomplish more.

Meditate. Rest is repairing to the body, soul and body. Periodically sit quietly and picture the stress falling off. Breathe deeply and mentally see the tense muscles uncoil and feel your backpacked burdens slide off. Sink into the chair with your entire weight rather than reserving alertness for the next crises.

Eat Right. Start the day with a breakfast of whole grain, protein and fruit. As good as a doughnut might taste, it contributes to fatigue. Continue through the day with a wholesome lunch, dinner and healthy snacks. Do not skip meals. Just as a car needs a continual supply of high-octane, un-watered down gas, so too does your body need nourishing food as fuel.

Evaluate Your Load. What do you need to jettison from your too full schedule and what needs to be added to energize you. Then do it.

Put yourself to bed. Research indicates that the adult body functions best with seven to ten hours of sleep per night. Prepare for sleep by turning off stimulators at least a half hour before bedtime. Allow your mind to unwind, disengage and embrace the need for refreshing sleep.

Settle Issues. Regret, unforgiveness and resentment are energy sapping. You have to own your emotions before you can move past the event. Honestly acknowledge the pain, humbly accept it and deliberately face the past with faith that you can heal.

Think positively. Your thought life has tremendous effect on your physical being and relationships. Negative thoughts of defeat, fear, anger, hate, resentment and hopelessness release stress hormones into the body resulting in tiredness, anxiety and irritability. By contrast, possibility thoughts of overcoming, love, thankfulness, appreciation, contentment and acceptance releases “feel good endorphins” resulting in energy, satisfaction and calm.

Life is too meaningful to sit on the sidelines. Use these thoughts to discover your energy leaks and take definite steps to plug them.

We welcome reprinting of articles in your newsletter or magazine, providing credit is given as follows: “This article was written by Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, www.monadunkin.blogspot.com or www.monadunkin.com.”

Stopping Stress

Stress is the body’s response to pressure. Your body goes into overdrive with the “fight or flight” syndrome in an attempt to protect you. Less necessary systems shut down so the main focus is on overcoming the present danger. Temporarily, this is wonderful; long-term, it is destructive. The body stays revved up in an altered state of alert and minor inconveniences become a crises. Here are a few thoughts to bring a conclusion to menacing residue stress.

Develop a mantra. Use your self-talk in a positive manner. Repeat over and over a guiding phrase such as, “Not helpful” or “I choose to take the high road.” A synonym for mantra is song or hymn. Allow this soothing refrain to connect you with the divine so you can accept your humanity.

Reframe. In stress overloaded nerves are raw and the smallest slight can seem devastating. Choose to see the offending party as a person of worth and value in spite of their flawed character. When you feel threatened, look around to confirm that a big Mac truck is not barreling down on you.

Breathe. Shallow breathing incites panic. Deliberately take a few seconds to breathe deep. Imagine a deflated balloon in your diaphragm. Slowly inhale through your nose, taking the air down, down, down and in full force until the balloon is inflated. Hold it for a second to relish the oxygen, and then slowly release the air through pursed lips. Repeat two or three times. Feel the tension and overwrought emotions leaving your body and your brain reconnecting with rational thinking.

Reflect. “The last time I hastily engaged in non-productive, frenzied behavior, the outcome was less than honorable.” Think about how you would have liked to have handled the situation had you been in a calm state. Picture it. See yourself responding differently. Practice it in your mind and then accomplish it in reality.

Develop appreciation. Thank your body for doing what it is designed to do. Focus on the competent work your co-workers do accomplish. Watch for the positive things your family members do carry out. Be thankful that the car or appliance lasted and functioned admirably for as long as it did.

Bio-Feedback. Continually check in with the body’s pain alert system for levels of tension or relaxation. Tell yourself: “Rest eyes. Flex shoulders. Unclench jaws. Drop the back-pack. Breathe. Appreciate. Live. Love.”

Say “No” and feel good about it. Say “No” to accepting responsibilities beyond your resources. Say “No” to running amok. Say “No” to berating the offender, both verbally and mentally.

These principles not only work to stop distressing, they also are preventative measures to ward off attracting negative situations to you. Just as a healthy body wards off infection, so also an emotionally nourished individual fends off negative responses. The result is the ability to deal pro-actively with everyday predicaments while reserving your Herculean strength for real emergencies.


We welcome reprinting of articles in your newsletter or magazine, providing credit is given as follows: “This article was written by Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, www.monadunkin.blogspot.com or www.monadunkin.com.”

RESILIENCY

There has been a lot of press about studies from the Blue Zone; countries and townships where the inhabitants are healthy and live into the nineties and even one-hundreds. Contributing factors are diet, relationships, activity, spirituality and resiliency.

New Webster’s Dictionary defines resiliency as “Capable of resuming its shape or position after being subjected to stress. Capable of recovering rapidly, especially from an emotional shock. To spring back."

Life, lemons and lemonade. Sounds a lot like the adage, “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.” Resiliency is the ability to take negatives and make positives, and in the process, to become a stronger individual. Resiliency is the belief that life - all life -has meaning, and finding the courage to see significance beyond the pain.

Being a resilient person may not seem natural to the human condition. But it is something you can teach yourself. It begins with a decision. Let’s look at becoming a resilient person by making an acrostic.

R – Relationships Realize that each person (you included) has infinite worth and value as a human being created in God’s image, regardless of labels or circumstances. See relationship as more important than opinion. Being moral and upright in all your affairs.

E – Emend Emend comes from a Latin word meaning, “to take the fault out”. It is to stop placing blame and look at reality. It is to give up the stress of controlling another by taking (or leaving) him as he is, instead of manipulating him to your ideal.

S – Spirituality Seeing you as a human being, subject to death, but also as an eternal spirit, destined to live forever. To surrender to a higher purpose that brings ultimate meaning to life. To recognize we are spiritual beings on a human journey.

I – Insight See beyond the surface to deeper meaning. Ask tough questions and give honest answers. Get brutally honest with you.

L – Larder Have a storehouse of new information and skills from which to draw. Being curious about the universe and open to learning. Be willing to evaluate, test and to stretch yourself.

I – Interdependence Realize we live in community and need each other. Learn to set healthy boundaries for self and respect wishes of others. Take initiative and exercise control of your own thoughts, actions and behaviors.

E – Embrace To hold in one’s arms. To see life as a precious gift and look forward to the dawning of each new day. See change as a means for growth.

N – Natural Know who you are and being comfortable in your own skin. Develop your innate gifts and talents.

C– Creativity See with different eyes. Learn to bring beauty out of chaos, meaning out of pain, and purpose from troubling experiences. Finding humor in the tragic.

Y – Yield To resist too stringently is to break. Be flexible. Know when to concede. Yield is also to bring forth fruit, to be productive, to give birth to.

Resiliency is the suitable combination of optimism and realism. You cannot control the events of life, but by choosing what you dwell on, you can control how you respond.

We welcome reprinting of articles in your newsletter or magazine, providing credit is given as follows: “This article was written by Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, www.monadunkin.blogspot.com or www.monadunkin.com.”