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4/28/11

Investment in Wellness

What does it mean to invest?
What does wellness or wholeness mean?
What are some synonyms of wellness?

If I could take all of these questions and boil them down to one concept that embodies the totality of wellness, it would be relationship. We meet all of our needs -directly or indirectly- through our relationships with others. The irony is that when we are out of sorts, we attack the very people we need.

It’s all about relationship. From the cradle to the grave, two universal human needs are to love and to serve. No matter the venue – home, family, workforce, salesmanship, community involvement, volunteer work, government, law enforcement, or breakthrough sciences like Albert Einstein’s Theory of Relativity, it is all about the state or quality of relating.

Relationship is about people skills. The foundation of people skills is about valuing the individual. Everything requires people. Everything is about people. We never get anything in life without having someone we need to thank. Psychiatrist William Glasser suggests that except for abject poverty, incurable illness or living under tyranny all human misery is a result of failure to have a good relationship with those people important to us.

Four great relationships of a lifetime. The four relationships include self, God (higher power), people in our quality world and the rest of the people in the world. All of these relationships are interconnected and affect each other.

Shakespeare had Hamlet to proclaim: “To thine own self be true and it follows as surely as night follows day thou canst not be false with any other man.”

What we give into the life of others comes back into our own. As we are true to self, we will be trustworthy in all our dealings with others. As we invest in determining self-motives, we will lessen judgments of others. As we genuinely assess our human flaws we become less critical of others. As we understand our humanity, we will have compassion for those weaker and appreciation of those stronger.

Anytime we are improving one relationship, by default we are improving all our relationships. Anytime we are destroying one relationship, by default we are destroying all our relationships. Even though circumstances change, all categories of relationships have value. All are worthy of investment of time and energy.

We welcome reprinting of articles in your newsletter or magazine, providing credit is given as follows: “This article was written by Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, www.monadunkin.blogspot.com or www.monadunkin.com.”

Investment in Wellness

What does it mean to invest?
What does wellness or wholeness mean?
What are some synonyms of wellness?

If I could take all of these questions and boil them down to one concept that embodies the totality of wellness, it would be relationship. We meet all of our needs -directly or indirectly- through our relationships with others. The irony is that when we are out of sorts, we attack the very people we need.

It’s all about relationship. From the cradle to the grave, two universal human needs are to love and to serve. No matter the venue – home, family, workforce, salesmanship, community involvement, volunteer work, government, law enforcement, or breakthrough sciences like Albert Einstein’s Theory of Relativity, it is all about the state or quality of relating.

Relationship is about people skills. The foundation of people skills is about valuing the individual. Everything requires people. Everything is about people. We never get anything in life without having someone we need to thank. Psychiatrist William Glasser suggests that except for abject poverty, incurable illness or living under tyranny all human misery is a result of failure to have a good relationship with those people important to us.

Four great relationships of a lifetime. The four relationships include self, God (higher power), people in our quality world and the rest of the people in the world. All of these relationships are interconnected and affect each other.

Shakespeare had Hamlet to proclaim: “To thine own self be true and it follows as surely as night follows day thou canst not be false with any other man.”

What we give into the life of others comes back into our own. As we are true to self, we will be trustworthy in all our dealings with others. As we invest in determining self-motives, we will lessen judgments of others. As we genuinely assess our human flaws we become less critical of others. As we understand our humanity, we will have compassion for those weaker and appreciation of those stronger.

Anytime we are improving one relationship, by default we are improving all our relationships. Anytime we are destroying one relationship, by default we are destroying all our relationships. Even though circumstances change, all categories of relationships have value. All are worthy of investment of time and energy.

We welcome reprinting of articles in your newsletter or magazine, providing credit is given as follows: “This article was written by Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, www.monadunkin.blogspot.com or www.monadunkin.com.”

4/21/11

Frugal Living

I’ve been frugal all my life and now, thanks to the current economy, I am in style.

Apply the oil-change-lesson to everything. Pay me now or pay me later. Maintenance is a must. Get the oil changed ever 3,000 miles (or do it yourself). Rotate the tires routinely. Check and replace worn belts.

Closet cleaning and de-clutter. Break out the baking soda, vinegar and bleach to clean and disinfect most anything. They are more cost efficient than having a cleaner specifically for each area. With three products per closet, you have abundantly more space as well as more pocket change.

Use your creativity. How many new and exciting ways can you prepare hamburger meat? Create something new from old standbys. Mix and match clothes to make new outfits. Add pins or scarves for variety and newness.

Use the on-your-shelf supplies. How much food, make-up and cleaning supplies are about to expire from being shoved to the back of the shelf? Bring them to the forefront and make use of it. At the beginning of 2010 I committed to emptying our freezer and larder before restocking. Surprisingly, that decision has carried us four months with the exception of dairy products and produce.

Adopt the Shaker philosophy of “use it up, wear it out, make it do, do with out.” Allow it to become an adventure

Need vs. want. Save the sale price by refusing to buy just because it is a bargain. How many bargains currently clutter your closets and how many dollars have been dolled out for illogical emotional reasoning?

Rotate. Give a breather to clothes and shoes by allowing them to stand idle for a minimum of 24-hours between usages. The downtime makes lends to longer wear.

Learn to barter. Everyone likes to buy; no one likes to be sold. Buy on your terms, not the sellers. Make an offer whether it is an in-store product or a service. Ask, “Would you be willing to take $10.00 for this?” “I am able to pay $150.00 for the repair. Do you want the job?”

An apple a day…. Save on doctor visits by eating healthy, exercising, sleeping, washing your hands and engaging in positive thinking.

Frugal is not a dirty word. Being frugal is the best of cost-conscious living.

We welcome reprinting of articles in your newsletter or magazine, providing credit is given as follows: “This article was written by Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, www.monadunkin.blogspot.com or www.monadunkin.com.”

Forgiving and Being Forgiven

As we enter spring and the Easter Season there seems to be two things that go hand in hand. The beauty of spring causes us to participate in planting and growing. The reality of Easter causes us to get personal with Jesus. Easter brings us face-to-face with how we feel about our family member Jesus.

On the cross Jesus cried, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” Although transcribed only once in the Gospels, Bible scholars tell us the verb tense indicates the phrase was repeated over and over.

As the crowd jeered along the pathway, Jesus prayed, ““Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” As the spikes tore into his flesh, Jesus begged, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” As the soldiers gambled for his royal robe, Jesus urgently entreated, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”

One might posture that the unbelievers knew what they were doing. Yes and No. It was a knowing-not-knowing. A knowing that your emotions are angry and filled with hate. A knowing that one wants to lash out and hurt another - maybe the one seen as causing the pain. A knowing of the lie behind “revenge is sweet”. A knowing of the immediate actions, but a not-knowing of the long range effects. A not-knowing of the hurt afflicted on others by default. A not-knowing of the burden of guilt of a selfish act.

Since Jesus ever lives to make intercession for us, even yet today he intercedes on behalf of you and me, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”

Forgive and forget. People are often reluctant to forgive, mistakenly thinking the offender is off the hook. Some feel guilty for not forgiving. Some have tried to forgive but think they have failed because they cannot forget. Forgiving does not mean forgetting. Forgiveness often makes things not worth remembering. There are thing that are completely forgiven that we would never want to forget.

Did God forget the cross? Jesus interceded for those crucifying him. Does that mean it was over and he forgot the whole incident? Certainly not! He transformed it from a thing of hurt into a thing of grace. God remembers the cross; not to strike back but to give salvation. He would never want to forget it because it was a hard-fought victory of mercy.

Are there some things you wish you could forget? Allow the pain to remind you that God’s work isn’t finished yet. That he is calling you to a place of offering forgiveness so you can find healing. Let it call you into the arms of Jesus, the one who truly understand pain, rejection and injustice. Allow beauty to spring forth from the scars. Allow God to transform your memories into a testimony of his grace.

It is easier to choose to forgive another when we receive the reality that we are forgiven.

4/14/11

Quality Quiet Time

In a busy rush, rush world, you may think you do not have a second for yourself. And to take a few minutes would be selfish. Not so. You cannot give out of an empty basket. Taking a few minutes for quality quiet time pays huge dividends.

Enjoy the learning curve. The things I suggest may seem hard, but I suggest they are more unfamiliar than hard. We recently redid the grandkids playroom and I installed ceiling tiles. I read the instructions and understood how to do it. I became frustrated. It wasn't as easy as it sounded. You see, I had the head knowledge but had not developed the skill level. Not wanting to leave the room unfinished, I persisted. By the time the project was done I was proficient enough to be willing to tackle another room. Every new skill has a learning curve.

Hear yourself think. Busy-ness lends itself to chaos. It keeps neutrality at bay. Sit for a minute and push the mind chatter aside. Listen objectively to your thoughts and consciously decide which ones are keepers, which ones need to be jettisoned and which ones need to be modified. Since thought precedes accomplishment, thinking things through leads to beneficial output.

Release your oomph. Rushing hampers vim and vigor. “The faster I go the behinder I get.” Do you identify? Thoughtful solitude turns potential energy into actual force.

Bio-rhythm benefit. Eight hours of restful sleep resets one’s internal clock. The hurry-hurry of a disorganized life easily disrupts it. Deliberate pauses allow the body and mind to catch up with each other and work in tandem. It also strengthens your immune system. Not getting restful sleep? Frequent mini-relax episodes are a precursor to sustained nightly sleep. Meditation before bedtime sets up the cadence-tempo-pulse-regularity sequence for the night.

Release your creativity. Quiet reflection loosens the thinking bottleneck. Thoughts that dart here and there comes together to produce and construct.

Solve problems. Similar to defragging on the computer, reflection allows the files of your mind to realign and settle into the right spot.

Balcony perspective. Step back and really see from a detached viewpoint. This stance allows the conversation to be different. You are stimulated to self-discovery that gives power to respond rather than react.

Build self-esteem. Get in touch with your true self. Get to know the wonderful you that you are.

Meditation is not another thing to add to your already jam-packed to-do-list. It is not a time waster. Actually, it is a time maker and peace generator. Try it. You’ll like it.

We welcome reprinting of articles in your newsletter or magazine, providing credit is given as follows: “This article was written by Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, www.monadunkin.blogspot.com or www.monadunkin.com.”

4/7/11

The Tension of Boundaries

Life is filled with tension; ask any self-willed child. The tension lies between what one wants to do and what is not prudent for one to do. Many times the tension is between timidity and courage. In order to establish boundaries in a difficult relationship, one must first determine his/her limits. And second, think through your approach. Here are some thoughts.

They are limits to what one can enforce. For instance, you can request another to reframe from using vulgar language (at least in your presence) or you can choose to walk away if the petition is not honored, but you cannot make the person cleanup his foul mouth. Although constraint can be feigned, change has to be a personal choice.

Timing is important. Speak with an offended person when his emotions are not guarded. Explain that you need to express how you feel in hopes of deeper understanding on both sides. Emphasize this is an observation, not an attack. The underlying emotion behind being defensive is a fear of loss; the loss of your respect, your concern, your love. Lack of giving meaningful feedback is the fear of being seen as critical or rude; also the fear of being wrong.

Do not back down from the consequences. Be forewarned that whether adhered to or balked at, the request may create added tension in the relationship. The resolution depends a great deal on your on-going attitude in further interaction with the individual. Do not back down and do not allow yourself to be less than who you are. Diminishing self gives another undue power over you. And both lose.

Do not hint around or pout. When you have something on your mind please say it.
Monitor your attitude to be matter-of-fact rather than condemning. Keep the lines of communication open by allowing feedback. Rephrase the comment to be sure you have understood the issue correctly. When respect and trust are missing in relationship resentment quickly moves in.

Give room to grow. To the person who assures you that everything is “Okay”, it is not your job to cajole him out of a snit. Give him alone time to work through his own issues. In future encounters say “Are you concerned about something?” If he is not receptive, disengage with the probe.

The beauty of establishing your limits is that your demeanor precedes you so that new encounters will sense and honor your principles. Should one broach your limits, your quick-and-firm-yet-kind response will evoke an apology and light stepping.

We welcome reprinting of articles in your newsletter or magazine, providing credit is given as follows: “This article was written by Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, www.monadunkin.blogspot.com or www.monadunkin.com.”