Networking Assertiveness

Networking is a vital part of social capital. As in all areas of business, we want to be both effective and efficient. Following are ideas for disengaging from the prolonged networker.

Set limits. If there seems to be no end to the saga, hold your hand up as if to indicate, “Stop”. Jump in with the assumption that this could take awhile and that you have other obligations. Smile and graciously go on your way.

Ask for a conclusion. Assertively set boundaries by asking him to skip the details and briefly give the end result. Firmness shows respect for you and kindness shows respect for the bore.

Use Archer Bunker humor. Rather than gesture hanging yourself, in a playful manner act as though you are dozing off. Make your exit and go home to go to bed or the washroom to splash cold water in your face. No other explanations necessary.

Act as if. Give the individual an easy out by acting as if you have been monopolizing his time and offer to let him go. Then do it.

Stand up - physically as well as for yourself. If you are seated, stand up. Whether in an office setting, your living room or a barstool, when you stand up it gives a powerful non-verbal message that the encounter is over. In a standing encounter, give the physical stance of departure.

Pass the buck. I hesitate to suggest this, even though I have used it on more than one occasion. Using the networking strategy of acting the host, draw another person into the conversation then make an amiable exit (to entertain others, of course). Later, make it up to your unsuspecting pawn by taking her to lunch.

Even though bores are boring, they are still human beings so treat them kindly. Be firm without being rude. Be more cautious the next time you are around them to practice amiable avoidance.

People in Your Quality World

Somewhere in our brain is a picture of a quality world: the people, places and things that comprise our ideal. Our life is spent trying to develop the quality world pictures into a reality. This includes family relationships and those with co-workers.

Life success is dependent upon the over-arching principle of the intrinsic value of people and the needs of each to love and to serve. All people are searching for identity, position, purpose and significance. It is through integritious giving and gracious receiving of friendship and service that we are fulfilled and find purpose.

There are two types of networks, internal and peripheral. Co-workers come with the job. Neighbors move in and out. With the exception of your mate, families are by chance, not choice. In one sense we all live in blended families; valuing diversity is vital for harmony. Choose to make the by-chance people a part of your quality world. Relate to them in a caring manner. Become involved and seek to understand. Spend quality time together having fun and openly communicate.

Value people and their potential. People in your internal network are there by chance, not choice, but that does not diminish their value and importance. Make a conscious, deliberate, continual, on-purpose choice to see their intrinsic value and importance. Appreciate each one’s unique contribution to your life and work. Help in the development of talents and be encouraging. Anything that appreciates goes up in value. The relationship you have with your family is invaluable in building overall success and in your legacy to future generations.

This includes you. You did not choose to be born, yet life and family is the greatest gift God and your parents gave you. Honor self and be true to you.

Peripheral people. The human condition places too much emphasis on peripheral people and thereby tends to be on stage and give top performance for them. It may be easier to be patient with the rude customer than to be kind to your difficult mate. It may be easier to be more longsuffering with a peripheral person, than with your cranky child or your irritating in-laws. It may be easier to be polite to those on the peripheral than those who contribute most to your happiness and success. Get a new perspective. Nurture the individuals in your internal network as you nurture a love-interest. Court them as you would your boss or a new account.

The beauty of your internal network is the ready availability for frequent interaction. Look for ways to show appreciation. Be aware of their unique talents and give specific praise. In your dealings with those in your quality world, be open and forthright with no hidden agendas. Be faithful to keep them in the loop through the power of information.

Family, co-workers and community all contribute to our quality world. The healthier the relationship we develop with them – individually and corporately – the greater our life success and happiness.

We welcome reprinting of articles in your newsletter or magazine, providing credit is given as follows: “This article was written by Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, www.monadunkin.blogspot.com or www.monadunkin.com.”

Networking Strategies

Whether it is a planned networking event or common everyday encounters, make it a priority to meet new people. Be more concerned with the contact than the results. Always be prepared with a ready supply of business cards and/or brochures and have easy access to pen and paper on which to take important notes. Here are some other strategies to consider.

Act as a host. Unfamiliar events can be disconcerting. Acknowledge you are an invited stranger amid other invited strangers. Take the initiative to reach out to others in a welcoming way.

Approach expectantly. Smile as you move forward. Send out the aura of acceptance: you to them and they to you. Put the other person at east as you make a friendly, yet professional approach.

Wear a name badge. Write the name by which you wish to be called in large letters and include your business in smaller letters. If a nametag is not provided by the event, choose to have your own commercially made and wear it religiously.

Small talk before business. The eyes connect before the ears are engaged. If you start immediately with your name, the individual’s visual inspection lends to your voice falls on deaf ears. Use an icebreaker such as “Have you tried the wonderful cheese dip?” “How about those bears!” “How many Starbucks can be built in a two mile stretch?”

Make it stick. State your name clearly and with a tag line that makes it memorial. I extend my hand and say, “Mona Dunkin. Mona as in the “Mona Lisa” and D-U-N-K-I-N, like Dunkin’ Doughnuts – no relation to either.”

Strike up the band. A person’s name is music to his ears so let the melody flow. Repeat the person’s name in a questioning lilt as if to indicate, “Is that correct?” Ask for clarification in pronouncing. To help you remember, ask for the story behind an unusual name or interesting accent.

Listen. We have been given two eyes, two ears and one mouth. Use accordingly.

Engage. Body language speaks volumes. Show interest through eye contact, appropriate nods or gestures and an occasional sound like “m-m-m-m” or “Really?”

Actively make small talk connections. Be aware of paths conversation can lead to. If you mentioned the Baylor Bears and she responded with a bear claw and “sic ‘em”, inquire about her connection with the university. If he mentions the weather is perfect for hunting, find out his prey of choice and favorite haunt.

Discover commonalities. Find out what connects the person to this particular event then share your experience. “Is this your first time here?” “How long have you been a member of the chamber?” “How do you know Sharon?”

Be discrete. Show interested without being intrusive. Do not interrogate or overstep your bounds. I find it irritating when a too friendly grocery checker verbally inventories my purchases or makes assumptions about my going to have a party.

Give your “elevator speech”. Business Networking International encourages individuals to have a poignant thirty-second spiel introducing your business and its benefits.

Have we met before? In those instances where I am unsure if I should know the person, I will approach pleasantly with a quizzical look and say, “Do I know you?” If I recognize, but do not remember the connection, I will ask, “Please refresh my memory. How do I know you?” To be on the safe side, I am careful to end with “Good to see you” rather than “Nice to meet you.”

Let others in. Be aware of another approaching, step aside to make room for him to join in, smile and direct conversation to him. Make introductions as needed: you to him, or he the one with whom you are conversing.

Graciously move on. If you approach a small group and they fail to make way for you to join the huddle, do not become offended. Smile politely and go refresh your drink.

Aspire to remember. We teach ourselves what we need to know. The use of mnemonic or association tactics can be helpful, but be careful. Remembering that “Mr. Harrison has no hair” may result in you calling him Mr. Baldwin. A concrete reference made on a business card and frequently reviewed solidifies the information with the person.

Want to connect. We need people. Barbara Strisand sang that “people who need people are the luckiest people in the world.” One of my philosophies is that I want to connect with everyone I meet. Whether for a moment, a season or a lifetime, I choose to put the person into my quality world.

Networking is a necessity in finding and retaining customers and resources. Relax and enjoy yourself. Go with the attitude of making friends and let the positive results just happen.

How to Dissuade a Bore

We have all met them. The “know-it-all”, or perhaps worse, the “think-he-knows-it-all”. They can be quite captivating. Meaning, you are the one that is trapped. Allow these tips to help you disengage.

Set limits. If there seems to be no end to the saga, hold your hand up as if to indicate, “Stop”. Jump in with the assumption that this could take awhile and that, although you would love to hear every detail, you have other obligations. Smile and graciously go on your way.

Quit agreeing. Nothing heartens a bore more than encouragement. Watch your non-verbal cues to continue such as head nods, smiles, or utterances such as “Un-huh” or “I see”. I knew a man who spouted his opinions interspersed with a questioning, “Right?” In an effort to get to the matter at hand, I would unwittingly respond “Right”. Thinking that I was in agreement, he continued full steam ahead. I stopped agreeing and said, “No, I don’t know if that is right or not.” Without a concurring audience, what is the point.

Ask for a conclusion. Assertively set boundaries by asking him/her to skip the details and briefly give the end result. Firmness shows respect for you and kindness shows respect for the humanity of the bore.

Use Archer Bunker humor. Rather than gesture hanging yourself, in a playful manner act as though you are dozing off. Make your exit and go home to bed or the washroom to splash cold water in your face.

Act as if. Give the individual an easy out by acting as if you have been monopolizing his time and offer to let him go. Then do it.

Stand up - physically as well as for yourself. If you are seated, stand up. Whether in an office setting, your living room or a barstool, when you stand up it gives a powerful non-verbal message that the encounter is over.

Pass the buck. I hesitate to suggest this, even though I have used it on more than one occasion. Using the networking strategy of acting the host, draw another person into the conversation then make an amiable exit (to entertain others, of course). Later, make it up to your unsuspecting pawn by taking her to lunch.

Even though bores are boring, they are still human beings so treat them kindly. Be firm without being rude. Be more cautious the next time you are around them to practice amiable avoidance.