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4/15/07

It's All About Relationship

From the cradle to the grave, one of the most basic universal human needs is love and belonging. Or, in non “touchy-feely“ words, it’s all about relationship. Relationship is being accepted for who we are, feeling like we “fit in”, and that we matter. It is the mutual exchange of genuine caring and flow of ideas. Relationship is being esteemed as valuable and that your input counts. Relationship is akin to relate, meaning to connect, to understand, to be a part of.

No matter what the venue, from home life, to the workforce, salesmanship, community involvement, government, law enforcement, or to breakthrough science like Albert Einstein’s Theory of Relativity, it is all about the state or quality of relating.

Einstein’s Theory of Relativity applied to physics, and the same principles apply to human relationships. 1) the laws of love and belonging are the same in any system regardless of its velocity. 2) light (conscience) is a constant, independent source of the system. 3) an entity flowing in successful relationships, to a passive observer, appears to have happened with little or no effort. Relationship is about people skills. People skills is about healthy tension.

Choose to respect others, while earning respect from them. It’s more about you than them.

The only person you can control is you. But do you? Things over which you have control includes your words, your attitudes, your facial expressions, your actions, your thoughts, your choices, your feelings, your schedule, what you spend, where you go, with whom you associate. If you do not set the tone and pace of your life, then someone else will set it for you.

Feelings?! Did I say you can control your feelings? Yes, you can control your feelings, but it starts with controlling your thoughts and actions. It is easier to think and act yourself into feeling differently, than it is to feel yourself into thinking or acting differently.

You are always influencing others, either positively or negatively. Once words are harshly uttered - even if true - enormous damage has occurred in the relationship. Choose to be a positive influence by remaining pleasant, even in a difficult situation. Hold the person in high regard as a human being with infinite worth and value, even if you disagree with his/her ideas or politics. Find something good in each person and in every situation. See problems as solvable and as a challenge to build godly character in you.

Discover the door-way to communication. Your attitudes and behaviors create a door-way to you as well as away from you. If someone behaves according to your specifications, it equals an open door. If the person interacts (intentionally or unintentionally) against your specifications, your door closes – partially, all the way or locked and bolted. Set the pace as the relationship builder by choosing to adjust your style so the result is open communication, win/win relationships, and lessening or removal of tension.

Provide an inclusive, accepting environment that gives room to grow. The tension here is that acceptance does not mean approval. Many relationships are harmed by failure to accept the person as he is because of disapproval of how he thinks or behaves. Trying to make this person change results in resistance. As relationship is built, the other person is in a greater position to receive your vast wisdom.

You do not have to attend every argument to which you are invited. You do not have to acknowledge or try to correct every comment, behavior or attitude. Ignore as much bad behavior as possible and commend acceptable behavior. Accentuating the positive sets the environment to empower eliminating the negative. As Ann Landers says, “Just because a donkey brays, does not mean you have to acknowledge him.” But you do need to be kind to him.

DON’T COPE, OVERCOME: Power is the know-how to make things happen. Authority is the license to make things happen. Relationship is the ability to influence to make things happen. Influence supercedes power and authority in effective relationships to make things happen.

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“Mona Dunkin has ben a consultant, coach and friend in helping me to accomplish goals I sometimes wasn’t certain I’d be able to meet. Mona doesn’t muddy the waters with whip cracking, ‘ata-girling’ or patronizing; she simply provides insight, guidance and true regard.”
Gloria M. Gonzales, Parents for Public Schools

“The information shared can easily be used in every area of life - the business world, relationship with family and others.” Seminar attendee

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