Do people frequently get on your nerves? And if so, how do you handle the situation? Here are suggestions on how to minimize the annoyance so the encounter does not “ruin your day” and does not diminish the individual’s value in your eyes.
Go from personal to general. Focusing on my circumstances makes events overwhelming. My car broke down. My child disobeys. My spouse is inconsiderate. My job is demanding. Consider the same situations with the detachment of somebody. Somebody’s car broke down. Somebody’s child disobeys. Somebody’s spouse is inconsiderate. Somebody’s job is demanding. All of a sudden it is not a big deal. When viewing it from another’s perspective, you are open to see the problem more clearly and to find solutions. Do not take yourself so seriously.
They, You, I. Psycharitist Carl Jung says that what drives you crazy in another person is, in reality, a denied character defect in you. When we embrace our flaws, not only does it free us to acknowledge and discard the behavior, it also alleviates our frustration with the irritating individual displaying the same attributes. It sets us up for compassion toward the offender.
Try this focus changer: 1) Get alone and privately speak aloud about the irritating person in third person tense (she/he). 2) Repeat the frustration in second person (you) as though you are addressing the individual. 3) Then speak of the annoyance in the first person (I). Example below:
Speak in third person tense. “She interrupted my conversation and didn’t even care! She is so rude and selfish.”
Speak in second person tense. “You really offended me when you butted into my conversation as though you are the most important person in the universe.”
Speak in first person tense from based on your personal honesty. “I am selfish and guilty of speaking up when I have something to say. I am sure I come across as being ill-mannered and uncaring.”
Changed compassionate perspective is this: I am guilty of having done the same type of behavior. I acknowledge it and become aware and will stop before interrupting. Even though it is irritating in my co-worker, I have compassion for her and choose to hold her in high regard. With my anger subdued, I am in a better position to either speak up or overlook it should future such incidents occur.”
Those times when you are guilty of proclaiming “I am having one of those days”, remember, that statement is true only as long as you claim it to be so.
Mona Dunkin is a Motivational Speaker, Corporate Trainer and Personal Success Coach. Read past articles at www.monadunkin.blogspot.com. Contact her at mdunkin@flash.net. -30-
No comments:
Post a Comment