Every choice a person makes affects every one who cares about him. Emotional investment causes one to project an ideal image onto the addict and becomes frustrated when this ideal is not being realized. This frustration stimulates the creative system to find answers. Statistics indicate more hot line calls are from family members than from the substance abuser. Here are thoughts about living peacefully with an addict and aiding his recovery.
Recognize the hard truth. You cannot fix him. You feel powerless because you are powerless over the addict. He is self-determining in the addiction and in the recovery. You are self determining in the “enableing” and in the “tough-love” of a change-encouraging environment.
Prepare for the long haul. Do not assume you are dealing with a normal person. Substance abuse distorts thinking, emotions, moods and the ability to relate to others. The bonds of an addiction are too weak to be noticed until they become too strong to be broken.
Understand your role. Do not minimize your position. Your input and influence are significiant, even though it may not be readily visible. Taking a fix-it mentality sets you up to be an enabler. Understanding facilitates your becoming a needs-fulfilling element that allows the addict to evaluate her own behavior and discover her own destructive actions. Understanding does not administer manipulation, coercion, threats or fear tactics. Understanding loves without controlling. Within generous limits, abide the addicts self-destruct behavior until she comes to the conclusion that she needs help.
Total recovery involves total behavior. Focusing on a single area can severely limit recovery. The body, mind, spirit connection is vital. Statistics show that the majority of addicts seek help from clergy before other professionals, even non-believers.
It takes a village. A wide support system plays a key role in recovery. Just as “your sickness is in your secret,” so also your healing is in openness. Without blame or shame, acknowledge the problem and be open to receive insights and prayers from others.
It is my premise that all of us are broken and all of us are in process of recovery. Caregivers need caring too. Al-Anon is an excellent organization for those who care about the self-destructive behavior of a loved one.
Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker, Corporate Trainer and Personal Success Coach of f Solution Principles, specializes in maximum people development. Contact Mona at 254-749-6594 or mdunkin@flash.net Read past articles at http://www.monadunkin.blogspot.com/
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