Parenting is one of the greatest fulfillment of life and also the most challenging. Someone rightly said, “Children are such a good way to start people.” But, sometimes we expect these little people to be, and know, and act like an adult. We often expect our children to be something that we, their parents, are not willing to be - things like patient, kind, mannerly, and honest. Here are a few common sense thoughts on parenting that makes childrearing a joy.
1. Survive and Thrive. To survive, children need air to breathe, water to drink, food to eat and protection from harm. To thrive, they need love. The Apostle Paul admonished the older women to teach the younger women to love their children. (Titus 2:3-4) This seems to indicate that love does not come naturally but must be learned. Oh sure, most parents love their children, but they find it hard to “like” them; and that is exactly what Paul meant. To love means, “to be kindly disposed toward.” In other words, learn not only to love but also to like and enjoy being with your children.
2. Acceptance does not mean approval. In learning to like your children, you must accept them as they are! You may not approve of your child’s laziness, but accept him in spite of this character trait and teach him responsibility. You do not approve of your child’s disobedience, but accept him in this weakness and teach him to obey. A child needs to be acknowledged as a person. Show common courtesy to your children; introduce them to friends and acquaintances rather than ignoring their presence.
Children need to make choices so they can learn to reason. Be careful that the choices are not too overwhelming. Do not ask your child, “What do you want to wear today?” Give two alternatives, say, “Do you prefer to wear this outfit or this outfit?” Allow them to help make simple family decisions such as the choice of the restaurant when dining out.
Include your child as an important family member. This sounds so simple, yet it is often overlooked. I know a couple that purchased a house and were ready to move and the children were totally unaware they were moving until the big day arrived. When a major decision has been reached, at least let the children know what is going on so they will feel like a necessary part of your lives.
3. Children need to be useful. Often it is easier to do a task for a child instead of taking the time to help him learn, but this is damaging to his self-esteem and produces a lazy, dependent person. Remember that children are children and are not as proficient at chores as you are, but trial and error is an effective way to learn. Resist the temptation to redo the child’s effort, at least in the presence of the child. When our daughter was learning to make her bed, it was hard for me not to go behind her and smooth out the wrinkles and straighten the lop-sided spread. Instead, I would praise her effort and overlook the imperfections.
Those times it was too sloppy to overlook, I would straighten it while saying to her, “When you are a little taller you will be able to reach the middle of the bed better, and smooth out these lumps.” Or, “When you are a little bigger you will have stronger muscles to pull the spread”. Using the term when projects to the child that it just a matter of time until he/she will be able to perform the task as well as you. With loving guidance, she learned to make the bed beautifully.
4. Children need to be trusted. Set moral standards before them, teach them honesty and responsibility and then trust them. Of course, this does not mean they are turned loose on their own without monitoring. Children need to voice their opinions; to speak for themselves as to what their feelings are. Children need time alone just to think. In other words, children’s needs are much the same as yours.
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