February, the month of love. Icy cold days and warm hearts.
My sister - in her high school days - was given a homework assignment to define love. She interviewed couples. Their advice ranged from the melancholy - “being able to see through each other and still enjoy the view”, to the frustrated -“something sent down from heaven to aggravate the hell out of you.”
It’s all Greek to me. If love was not complicated enough, we Americans use the word to express our affection for everything from people to popcorn to places to puzzles to pets. The Greek language has different words for different loving emotions. “Eros” (cupid) is the romantic love, “Philio” is friendship or brotherly love and “Stoic” is the kind of love for whatever is still left - things, places, activities, chocolate.
Love, passive and active. The Hebrew language has two words for love and both of them are in the active tense. “Ahab” is choosing to love from afar with the intent to pursue and woo. It is hopeful. “Hessedh” is choosing to love and to keep on loving whether received or rejected. It is steadfast and eternal.
Faith, hope, love. With or without a Rabbi’s assignment, the Apostle Paul wrote a beautiful essay on love. He gave a benchmark for us mortals to use to measure our romantic and brotherly love. He said outrageous things such as; “Love is kind. Love does not envy. Love does not get puffed up or pout. Love does not always have to have its own way. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things.” (I Corinthians 13)
A flip of the coin. In meditating, I like to look at issues from all sides. To observe what is the direct meaning and also to see what it indirectly inferred. One day in measuring myself by Paul’s love yardstick I noticed two phrases coupled together. “Love is long-suffering” - I had that down to a fine art (I could roll my eyes and sigh deeply and it was so obvious I was suffering in my patience) - “and is kind.”
Give me a break. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I said out loud to God, “Surely You jest! Are You telling me You expect me to be kind to my mother-in-law?!” (Or mate, or boss or neighbor; you fill in the blank.) Another word for love is “charity”. “Charity” is used instead of “love” in that passage in the King James Bible translation. I like that. I find in many incidents that it is easier to be charitable than it is to be loving. Over time I am learning to be kind to the lovely and the unlovely alike. To overlook bad attitudes and respond in kindness to irritants or rudeness or disrespect.
Charity begins at home. Garland and I married forty-four years ago this February 24th. I am humbled by the fact that this guy loves me and keeps on loving me. Opposites attract. Over time, that refreshing opposite way of seeing life from the way you view it becomes stale. Irritating. Wrong.
The hormonal passive love of Eros and Ahab may draw a couple together, but it is the active, on-going, over-and-over choosing to love of Hessedh that keeps a family together. And it is the friendship of Phileo love and the fun-seeking adventure of Stoic love that makes the relationship enjoyable. Valuable. In-it-for-the-long-haul.
Forty-four years and counting. It has been a wonderful, magical ride so far and the road ahead looks promising. Happy Valentines Day, on the fourteenth and everyday.
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