It is a common malady. Saying “Yes” when “No” is really in your own best interest. Assuming responsible for others and overstepping your bounds. Fall into the try-to-be-all-things-to-all-people syndrome and being unappreciated. Erroneously thinking “If it’s to be, it’s up to me.”
Evaluate responsibility. Responsibility is an honorable trait and it is imperative to understand its limits. Be responsible for you and to others. You are responsible for your choices, your attitude, your thoughts, your actions, and whom you associate with. You are not responsible for another’s choices, attitude, actions and associations. In trying to control what (whom) we cannot control that contributes to being overwhelmed. Assess your position and adjust. Being responsible for the world is too heavy a burden for your shoulders. It creates stress, guilt and unnecessary frustration. Let it go! Embrace the flowing freedom on being less responsible. Pause before ever considering a “Yes” response or a dictate of what “should” be done.
Relationships are not one-sided. Unmet expectations breed frustration that is played out in negatives acts (consciously or unconsciously). You are not obligated to cajole your mate out of his snit. Let him work through it on his own. The same is true for teens and co-workers. You can speak to the need for an attitude adjustment, but you are not the mechanic. Step out of the emotion of the moment into a detach frame to assess if the mood is vindictive. If the intention was not for harm, then together engage in clean up.
Do not keep score. Tit-for-tat is futile. If someone accomplished more on the project than you, appreciate it. Go for teamwork where all win together. If the neighbor has a bigger house so what? Your worth and value is not attached to material things. Maybe he did not apologize, but if his actions changed then receive it graciously. Another may be better looking or have a greater physique, but your significance is not tied to externals.
Re-think and Re-teach. We teach others how to treat us by the things we allow and/or do not allow. Mistaken cooperation allows the offender to get away with disrespect; to break boundaries; to intrude and wreck our space. Speak up. Say something like, "I realize that I have led you to believe that my time is your time. I have allowed you to disrespect me and acted as if it didn't matter. It does matter. I apologize for being weak. I ask you to never speak to me in that manner again."
Take care of you. You cannot give out of an empty basket. When you are running on fumes, not only are you depleting you, you are also shortchanging them. Put yourself to bed at night. Make alone time for you to regenerate. Do something special just for you. Sit down to eat and make it healthy stuff. Leave a project undone; the sun will still rise tomorrow.
Let’s revisit the “If it’s to be it’s up to me” statement. In some instances that is exactly true. And this is one of them. Overcoming is a do-it-yourself job. To rise above being overwhelmed the ball is in your court. Say “No” and feel good about it. Be responsible to but not for others (family included with the exception of small children). With surrender comes a big exhale. Enjoy.
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