All of us are searching for meaning. This search leads to the need for change. The change process encounters pain. It is easy to lie to ourselves. We think we know our intensions and that we also understand our reasoning for lack of follow through. And therein lies the self-sabotage that begs for self-honesty. Speaker/Writer John Maxwell observes that people change only “when they hurt enough they have to, they learn enough they are able to, or they experience enough they want to.”
Need for control: Problems can be a manifestation of deep-seated fear or worry that weighs us down. It is often related to anxiety or anger about losing control. Problems may begin during a particularly stressful situation and progress with on-going “out-of-control” phases of your life. Pay attention to your feelings and see notice patterns of blame, shame or victimization.
Live today today. Be present. Objectively observe self and applaud or correct. Observe the things you avoid and determine why. Avoidance narrows your life.
This too shall pass. When negative emotions arise, you have the power to decide what to do with them. You can nurse, curse and rehearse the offense or you can chose to move past the hurt. To stay infects; to move beyond promotes healing.
Values clarification. Sacrifice transcends and is no longer sacrifice when you see the meaning of sacrifice. It is always need versus need. Such as the need to be your own unique self against the need for peer-acceptance. Be aware of conflicting values and make conscious choices rather than settling.
Evaluate your mental state. An overly emotional reaction to an event leads to neuroses. When you feel the room is closing in on you, sit calmly and breathe deeply. Focus on a distance object and say aloud, “That is over there and I am over here.” Look at your hands and say aloud, “I am over here and that is over there.” Repeat. Feel the space opening up. Verify that a Mac truck is not barreling down on you.
Develop discipline. Make intentional decisions and let yourself know you have reached a conclusion. The bottom line is, you either do or you do not. No decision is a decision.
Tests prove that brain chemistry changes positively when one interacts with people he trusts. For genuine transformation we need feedback from those who love us and we need to be accountable to them. It is through community that we learn enough and experience enough to be able to change. And in the process we find meaning.
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