Creative Conflict Resolution

There seems to be two constants in life: change and conflict. Conflict comes from the Latin words con (together) plus fliere (to strike). Conflict is to strike together or together to strike. Conflict is an ongoing state of hostility between two or more people or groups of people. To bring a satisfactory end to the conflict takes creativity, not necessarily something never tried before, but something you have not yet put into practice.

My definition of resolution is "to find an answer". “Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer every man. Colossians 4:6
Conflict may seem inevitable but does not have to be permanent. Resolve comes from a Latin word meaning “to loosen”. Thus, conflict is solved when we loosen our grip and allow a decision to be made.

There is a big difference in an answer and a comeback. A comeback engenders the "big but" syndrome. Resolution – decision to find an answer. Answer vs. comeback. "Big but" syndrome.
Creative – construct, give birth to, originate

You can buy matches that are "strike anywhere" and others that will strike only on a certain surface. The reasons for conflict, in a word is differences. Differences attract. Differences compliment.

Differences help retain identity. Differences lead to disagreement. The greater the emotion in the disagreement over differences, the wider the difference gap becomes.
Emotion Tense Action
Resentment Past Revenge
Anger Present Justify
Fear Future Withdraw/Push Away

1. Determine your real objective. Is it domination or win/win. Ask yourself, "Am I willing to not win?"

2. Ascertain what may be clouding your vision? We cannot see clearly when controlled by preconceptions. Be willing to overlook some misbehaviors and differences.

3. Be willing to accept compromise for the good of the whole. What is more important,
being right or relationship? Do not be offensive. Do not be defensive.

4. Develop several options. Recognize there are multiple nuances. Consider other solutions.

5. Evaluate outcomes of winning, losing and compromising. What is a stake here? For you? For them? What have you really won? What have you really lost? How much? You can win a battle and still lose the war. You can win the issue and still lose a relationship. Is it really worth it? Will it matter next week? Next year?

6. Clarify communications. Have I effectively communicated my choices and reasoning? Have I painted understandable word pictures. Has my position been received? Have I listened to his/her choices and reasoning? Have I acknowledged his/her input? If you think communication is all talking, you haven’t been listening.

7. Explore commitment. What else do I need to do to work out this situation? How much do you appreciate the other side’s hard work to resolve this issue? How much do you value the relationship with the individual or appreciate the job? Is this issue totally incompatible?

There are two constants in life: change and conflict. I suggest the more adept we are at being flexible, the less we will engage in conflict.