Choosing Humility

Humility is a do-it-yourself job.

You may humiliate yourself through some ill-thought out behavior or even deem that another has humiliated you - usually by their having seen a chink in your armor - but choosing to be humble - in the face of great accomplishment or heartbreaking failure - is a personal choice, rooted in a true understanding of humanity. Humble is derived from the Latin word humilis, meaning low or lowly and is the same root word in humus (ground) and homo (man).

Humus… human… humility; all have the same root word. Humility is recognizing our humanness. We humans are on equal footing - good and bad, positive and negative, giving and selfish, shadow and light sides. It takes humility to accept both in self and others.

There are five ways of dealing with humiliating situations; the first three comes to us rather naturally and are more destructive than constructive. Doing those things that come naturally often gets us into big trouble. The later two have to be learned, cultivated and nurtured; they entail choosing humility.

1. Passive: suppressive, avoiding problems, gives in; mentally says, “I’m uncomfortable.” “I’ll withdraw. “I’ll get out.”

2. Aggressive: attacks others, demanding, abrasive; mentally says, “I can take care of myself.” “I win, you lose.” “I’m right!”

3. Passive-Aggressive: indirect, sneaky, underhanded, sabotage; mentally says, “I’ll give in, but I’ll get you.” “Got-cha!”

4. Assertive: open, honest, mature, mutual respect; the mental attitude is, “I have worth and value and you have worth and value.” “We may disagree and I’ll still hold you in high regard.”

5. Overlook: Recognizing personal limits and making healthy choices. The mental attitude is “Live and let live.” “ I choose to forgive.”

Learning to overlook an offence requires humility.

There are two questions that can never correctly be answered “Yes”. One is, “Are you asleep?” The other is, “Are you humble?” To answer either in the affirmative belies reality.

One may think of self as being humble, yet has difficulty accepting a simple compliment. It takes humility to graciously receive a flattering remark even though you may think your performance not up to par or deem your hairdo as the worst cut ever.

To respond in a self-depreciating stance, to deny another’s assessment or to launch into defense of the defect is actually to lapse into a false humility.

Learning to graciously respond in humiliating situations requires rigorous self-honesty. You cannot become truly honest and examine your actions and attitudes while in self-denial. As long as you stay in denial, you deceive yourself into believing your actions and attitudes are right. Remove face-saving masques and allow honesty to give fresh perspective.

When you, with God's grace, choose to get honest and to change, you begin to like you better, in a healthy way. You are working on the do-it-yourself project of being humble.