Controlling Your Emotions

Emotions, can you trust them?

Emotions have a wide range of expression; some are pleasant, such as happiness, and some are uncomfortable, such as fear. Unwelcome emotions like grief or anger are for our good, acting as a tutor to steer us in different directions in similar future circumstances. Emotions are expressions of feelings, tools for self-protection and means of motivation.

A mark of maturity is how well one handles his emotions. To raise your emotional IQ, use the following suggestions to deal positively with criticism or negativity.

Do not take it personally. Suppose Monk is your favorite TV show and your mate thinks it is silly. Choose not to be defensive; do not see it as a personal rejection. People have different tastes, various likes and dislikes, and dissimilar takes on humor. Do not make it into more than it is. Be aware and intentional about how you respond. Beware lest emotions backfire and cause reverberating effects.

What vs. why. “Why” encourages excuses. “What” promotes accountability. “Why” looks at the here and now. “What” looks at the present and future.

Assume positive intent. What you tell yourself about what you hear determines how you will respond. Regardless of what is said or done, see things at face value and do not look for hidden agendas. You want to respond to the need, not the emotion. This will aid in objectivity and give you a fresh approach to people.

Negative assumptions lead to misunderstandings and anger. Positive assumption allows you to listen with the intent to understand what is being said and to respond calmly and respectfully, without profanity or sarcasm. Assuming positive intent allows you to acknowledging everyone as right from their own perspective.

Emotions and biology. According to Dr. Henry S. Lodge of the Columbia Medical School, emotions charge our cells to either live or die. Destructive emotions such as anger, resentment, stress and loneliness send a “starvation” message telling cells to decay. Constructive emotions of optimism, caring and community activate cellular growth to build body, mind, spirit and relationships.

Reinterpret the message. Jax Place of the Beakman column suggests that emotions are “messages we send to ourselves; from you to you, using a language that is yours alone.” Emotions include feelings and responses. Although you may not be able to control your feelings, you can control how you behave.

Change how you respond and you change how someone's action affects you. Use your emotions in ways that are good for you. Ways that promote health and happiness and wholesome relationships.