Choices and Assertiveness

Choices are all around us. Even where there does not seem to be a choice, there is; no choice is a choice. Only it is by default. A choice without consent. A choice that brings stress and resentment. Rightly used, choices are empowering. The key for healthy choices is assertiveness. Assertive behavior speaks up without undue anxiety whether choosing for or against.

Chose to: When asked to do something that is right-up-your alley, be upfront in saying, “Yes”. Assertiveness does not wait to be begged; they may pass over you. Follow up with immediate action or planning. Put it on your calendar. Make cursory notes of resources, time frame and people you will ask to be co-creators.

Choose not to: It is okay to say “No” and feel good about it. Even if it is something you are super good as doing and have done a hundred times before. “No” is a complete sentence and does not have to be explained. Gently refuse with “this is not a good time” or “I already have something planned.” Personal downtime is a valid “something else”.

To continually say “Yes” when you prefer to say “No” builds resentment in you. Resentment undermines the very relationship that your dishonest “Yes” is trying to build.

Choose to: Sometimes jobs have assignments met with dread, obligation or duty. The saving grace is to accept the task with a spirit of choice. Change “I have to” to “I choose to”. This refreshing challenge-accepted attitude sets you up to: learn something, hone skills, improve relationships, value work, earn your pay, be healthier and relieves stress.

Choose to: When asked to do something that scares you, yet you really want to accept (run for president, chair a committee, be promoted), go ahead and jump in. Overcome the false humility and agree. Others see in your possibilities you may not see in yourself. There will be a learning curve and you can grow into it.

How to choose: The first step in making any choice is to be aware. Anxiety is the body’s way of saying “pay attention”. Your survival mechanism wants to keep you healthy and cannot do so without your cooperation. Embrace a pregnant pause before responding. This small retrieve calms emotions and engages rational thinking. Discern if the anxiety is the feeling of being put upon or fear of a new challenge.

Allow your mind to scan for repeat patterns. Who/what are you passionate about and were the outcomes positive or negative? Has your default position left you being controlled or being in control? What is effective? What has not been effective? Based on your internal guidance system, make the choice that is best for you.

Glean life-changing information through self-help articles and books. Beware; knowledge absorbed without an outlet stagnates. The Dead Sea, though full of rich minerals, cannot support life. Action is the distraction. Knowledge applied, even in a fledgling way builds wings to soar. Allow your “Yes” or “No” to determine what is possible.

Making assertive choices is both a process and a product. The process involves regarding everything as though you do have a choice. You do. The product, the end result, is a life lived on your own terms while in cooperation with others. It is not to rule over others, but to make peace with you.






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