Relationship and Communication

Language is a way of communicating and therefore is code for understanding. Our words convey information. Only the words used and the way in which the words are understood often do not match. This results in miscommunication and difficulty in the relationship.

Developing relationship means letting go of the things you cannot change. Maintain your sanity in the midst of relationship miscues by finding healthy alternatives.
When a non-response is seen as a choice of a person’s will, serious thought needs to be given to how you will respond. The hearing impairment may not be able to hear but there are things we can do to improve communication.

Likewise the child lost in play is not necessarily being disobedient or difficult. So also for the one involved in work, reading or even TV. Get his attention before speaking, form words distinctly, use a pleasant tone and do not disrespect his personhood. We are each self-determining and a lot of things vie for our time and attention.

Find the locus of control. You cannot change the behavior of another, only of yourself. The more you develop relationship with the non-compliant person, the greater your influence on him/her to want to change to please you. Continually ask, “Is what I am about to say or do going to draw us closer together or push us farther apart?” Change your approach. Look for solutions not faults.

There is a difference in asking someone to give up who she is for your preference and in asking that she acknowledge your position. If you cannot accept her point of view, please respect the person enough to refrain from ridicule or put-downs.
When things are seen as “Her fault”, then you think she needs to change.

If you see self as being right, the line is crossed into being the one who makes her change. When you demand someone change to please you, the line is crossed into controlling.

Bruised egos often fear their own value of being loveable. In self-protective defense they project suspicions onto the one they love. Fears are waylaid and healing comes through calm and open communication. Peace is regained through the realization that this independent individual with a multitude of choices is choosing relationship with you. Work on it.

Men and women see things differently and often take opposite routes to come to the same conclusion. The goal is for harmony in the long run. To be more objective, take yourself out of the middle. Listen to and respond to the words only and tease out presumed hidden agendas.

Sometimes we make our own complications and do not realize it. Stop looking for “what' or “something” or the fantasy life or the "but" in life. Responding with “that’s interesting” is a neutral, time-delaying, non-threatening response that does not destroy relationship.

P.S. Let us hear from you.