You are fabulous. Regardless of what Jane/John says (fill in appropriate name) you are great. You are a being of infinite worth and value. You are a unique and special one-of-a-kind individual, a work of art with a designer label.
You are flawed. Regardless of what ego trip you may take, you are imperfect. To determine your authentic fabulous self from a generic-follow-the-crowd-brand starts with asking and answering some difficult questions.
Nothing shapes relationships and success like the picture you have of you. The trouble is that we often assume our identity based on hearsay, and therefore, give too much weight to what others say. Or to what you think others think. Although you are a product of your environment you can choose to not be victimized by it. Disillusionment sets in when you feel you are not good enough.
When you think about you what do you say? What is your self-talk? Do you feel you are not capable? That you do not live up to another’s expectation of you? That you do not deserve the position or the accolades?
Do you feel anxious when you make a mistake? Do your actions testify that on some level you believe that your mistakes make you a bad person? Listen to your self-talk. Although you may disagree intellectually, doesn’t insignificance feel true on some gut level?
A mistake is a mis-take (miss take). “Back up the trolley” and give yourself a do-over.
Should vs. could. “I should have” is weighty. “Shoulds” brand you emotionally as an idiot. “I could have” is empowering, giving new insight to do the do-over with more wisdom, grace and accuracy. The “I should” take up wasted space for “I could” action.
Should is past tense, focusing on doing something yesterday that is virtually impossible. Or “I should” can be used to placate being lazy or refusing to take action. They add to your self-view of being flawed. It is also stress-producing.
Could is present tense; look at the reality of now and the ability of you to do or to learn to do. Determine what you could do and enhance your self-view of being fabulous. Decide what you could do, do it and disassociate with should. Enough said.
Speak up. Assertive is a freeing way to live. It is learning to be able to speak up for fabulous you without undue anxiety. It is learning to say "No" or "Yes" only when it is in your own best interest. Say "No" and feel good about it. Say "Yes" when you have the energy, time and resources to do so without depleting you. You cannot give out of an empty basket; assertive is taking care of you so you can joyfully give to others.
Assertive is easy to learn and effective in making life better and improving relationships. It is becoming your own person so the wonderful, fabulous person God has created you to be shines through those pesky flaws.
Share with us how you are fabulous inspite of flaws.
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