How to Complain Effectively

In working with business I often mention the need to train employees in how to complain. I am met with protest: “No thanks. They complain enough as it is.” There is a difference in gripping and making a legitimate complaint. One exacerbates the problem, while the other finds solution.

Choose your battles. And don’t make everything a battle. It is to one’s credit to overlook small infractions, for “love covers a multitude of sins.”

Complain to the right person. Go through the proper channels. Ideally, the right person would be the one against whom you have the offense. The right person is one who can be a part of the solution.

Speak only from your point of view. Use “I” statements rather than generalities or blaming.

Check your attitude. Is the complaint legitimate or because of your bad mood?

Be specific and accurate. No generalities and exaggerations. No “You always” or “You never”. Take notes so you can speak with authority.

Be brief. Get to the point and do not beat around the bush.

Know your aim. What is the purpose of the complaint? What changes are you wanting? Are they reasonable? Are they doable? How much are you a part of the problem?

Be a problem solver. Is it fixable? If so, how so? What is your part? What is their part?

Leave emotions behind. Work through your frustrations before making the complaint. Be calm and cool. Take yourself out of the middle.

Be a good-finder. Find something favorable about the person or situation. How can it produce growth? How can the situation build character?

Put it in writing. It will help to clarify your thoughts to see how legitimate the complaint is, or how to arrange your words to be most effective. If you are not willing to put it in writing, then it is a gripe and not a true complaint.

Leave the final decision/action to a higher authority. Once the complaint has been lodged, the problem it is out of your hands. You can ask for change without demanding change.

Know when to let it go. Like acid will destroy the container in which it is held, so bitterness over unresolved issues will destroy you. There are two types of circumstances in life: Those I can change and those I cannot change. Know the difference.

If there is no solution, why complain? It just makes you look small, petty, controlling and difficult. Allow the unpleasant situation to develop enduring character qualities in you.

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