In correcting another, the overarching goal is for mutual respect and improved citizenship. Unfortunately the manner in which it is carried out often prevents this noble endeavor from taking place. Always check your intentions; is it to control another or to practice and to teach self-control. When the objective is for cooperation and healthy relationship, the correction will be administered impartially in a detached and neutral manner. It will be goal directed, not emotion driven.
Discipline is carried out in a caring manner with intent of character development of the child. Discipline sets a positive, creative learning environment by teaching the logical consequences of actions. Discipline is instruction by example that behavior results in outcome. Discipline aids in the child learning internal control. Discipline is the belief that outcome is an effective teacher. “Life is more pleasant when you listen and obey.”
Examples: A child who refuses to put his toys away may have the item put up for a few days to teach responsibility. If a child will not eat her dinner, she may be allowed to go to bed hungry to teach her healthy eating habits and to respect the family mealtime schedule.
Discipline teaches:
· A choice has been made
· Actions have consequences
· Child is responsible for his actions
· Internal control... self-discipline, respect for authority, to be neat, to listen and obey, etc.
Punishment carries with it an undertone of harshness and external control. Punishment reflects the parent’s displeasure of the child having done something that he/she considers to be wrong. Punishment is the belief that pain is an effective teacher. Punishment is rarely seen as being connected to the inappropriate act but as the parent’s angry response to a perceived wrongdoing. “You better do exactly as I say or there is anger and pain.”
Punishment teaches:
· Disconnect between actions and consequences
· Fear and resentment of authority
· To deny, manipulate, lie and cover up wrongs so as not to “get caught”, thus avoiding pain
· External control… the biggest bully rules
Disciplining another starts with self-discipline. Care enough about the future that you choose to take action today. Encourage positive behavior. Set routines like chores, mealtime and bedtime so the child knows what to expect. Gently remind of the rules and give room for compliance. Even though correction must be made, use a pleasant tone and always say something nice to the child.
Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker, Corporate Trainer and Personal Success Coach of Solution Principles, specializes in maximum people development. Contact Mona at 254-749-6594 or mdunkin@flash.net Read past articles at www.monadunkin.blogspot.com
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