6/20/17

Overcoming Shyness







We are born social creatures and the need for human contact never ceases. But it can sometimes be painful. Research shows that emotional and physical problems are frequently related to those with interpersonal disabilities. Here are thoughts for overcoming shyness.

Adjust your attitude. When entering a room with conflicting emotions of connect-with- me-but-do-not-draw-attention-to-me, we send an avoidance message. Instead of “here I am so you notice me”, let your mind-set be “There you are and I want to connect with you.”

Speak first. Be proactive with the greeting and introduction. Do not waste time in uncomfortable silence. Make it simple, such as “Hi, my name is Mona, how are you?”

Names are important. During the course of conversation make it more memorable by using the person’s name once or twice. Use it sparingly as too much seems fake.

It is more about listening and thinking than speaking. Rather than worry about how to keep the conversation going, intentionally listen to what is being shared and respond by asking appropriate questions or making relevant comments. Not as an interrogator, but as an interested friend. Keep them talking and be at ease with not having to come up with a topic. As odd as it may seem, listening translates as you being good conversationalist.

Interject naturally. As you become comfortable with focused listening, allow your mind to remember personal reflections that would add to the topic. Speak up and be a contributor.

Be others focused. Ironically, as you lose self-focus and become interested in people - their stories and needs - you become the center of attention.

Although many things impact shyness, including personality type, parenting skills, environment and lack of social opportunities, change is possible, it is easy to learn, and it is permanent. Go for it.



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