By nature, mankind is self-centered. We expect others, things or circumstances to treat us the way we think we deserve. When this does not happen, we take over, trying to control situations and people, either directly, indirectly, or covertly. Only by giving up control can one be truly free.
Control comes from a Latin word meaning “counter role”.
1. dominating, commanding, governing, mastering, manipulating, having charge of
2. restraining, restricting, repressing, subduing
Ways ineffective irresponsible control manifests itself:
I have to have things my way regardless.
My needs are the only ones that really matter.
My opinions are more valid than any one else’s.
Bad case of the “have to’.”
I deserve to be treated fairly and justly at all times.
The big “I” and little “you”.
It must never rain on my parade.
Performance is all important.
Language of the controller:
“You (they) need to…”
“You should have …”
“Why didn’t you…”
“If only you would…”
“I would never do that!”
“If I was you, I would…”
Here are suggestions for effective choices in choosing to give up control counter roles):
I choose to accept my worth and value as a person alive and living on planet earth.
I do not really know myself, my wants or my motives.
I do not really know what another things or means through his/her words or actions.
I am incapable of solving all problems.
I do not have the definitive answer for myself, let alone for you.
There are more variables involved that I am aware of and I am willing to consider them.
I choose to not be sucked into another’s problems or emotions.
I choose to give up control - even when it seems unreasonable.
I do not always have to have my way.
I choose to not be driven by my emotions.
What is more important, my way or this relationship?
I cannot be all things to all people and I accept my freedom to quit trying.
I choose to be a unique individual and to let others be unique individuals.
I cannot control another person and I give up my assumed right to do so.
Others cannot make me happy and I choose to stop expecting them to.
I cannot make another happy and I choose to stop attempting to do so.
The only person I can control is me and as I control me I will be a more positive influence.
Live. Learn. Love. Co-operate.