Root Causes of Anger

Anger is a legitimate emotion and is common to all.  How often we give into angry expressions is a personal choice.  As we learn to be aware of the roots of anger we can “nip it in the bud”. 

 

A major cause of anger is when a need is not met, whether the need is real or perceived.  We act on the way we feel things are, not on the way they are.

 

Two of mankind’s greatest needs in life are to love and to be loved. The feeling of being loved results in personal stability and confidence. Feeling unloved produces insecurity, hypersensitivity and anger. Striving for unmet love leads to becoming dependent on another to prove your self-worth. It allows inner thoughts and emotions to be dictated by external circumstances. 

 

Another factor in anger is when one’s worth is questioned or one feels devalued.  Without the confidence of independent thinking, others are used to validate who one is, his beliefs, actions and behaviors. 

 

Another root behind anger is when one’s views, convictions or beliefs are threatened. Everyone has opinions and everyone has things she values. Holding on to them too tightly for fear of being proved wrong, is expecting others to authenticate those things that shape your outlook, principles and faith.  

 

Anger breeds unforgiveness toward those who do not esteem you (as you need to be esteemed), who devalue me or who trample my beliefs. 

 

When one lives a lifestyle inconsistent with core beliefs, an unexplained anger toward self and life is displayed.  If you believe in “God, mom and apple pie”, yet do not reverence the divine, do not respect your heritage and eat peach cobbler, you have set yourself up for anger.  If you believe in morality, yet live immorally, you set yourself up to self-destruct.  If you believe in honesty, but fudge on expense accounts, speed limits and income tax, you set yourself up for anger.  If you believe in integrity, yet tell “white lies” or askew the truth to make yourself look good, you have set yourself up for anger.  To violate the truth held in one’s heart is to self-destruct.  How can you adjust your lifestyle and attitudes to your congruency?    

 

Low self-esteem and over-inflated ego. Self-image is the picture you have of you, true or false. Self-esteem is the value you place on you, high or low. Self-worth is the reality of your intrinsic value and dignity as a human being regardless of externals. Failure to accept the gift of yourself leads to anger with life.

 

An attitude of entitlement. This is displayed in a mind-set of “I didn’t ask to be born so somebody owes me.  Mom owes me. Dad owes me. Siblings owe me. My friends owe me.  My boss owes me.  The government owes me.  Somebody owes me!”  The truth is, life is the greatest gift God and your parents gave you.

 

Although anger has its place, to have one’s personality marked by anger does not.  Become aware of your frequent angry by making an x on your calendar every time you become frustrated. Recognize your hot buttons and steer clear of them. Change your stance; sit down, lower voice, breath deep, recite mantra or count to ten. Deal with the real issue; evaluate what is really bothering you.