The Meaning of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

We often struggle with the idea of forgiving someone because the meaning of forgiveness is misunderstood. Forgiveness does not involve condoning the offense. Forgiving is a critical element in moving past the hurt so the transgression does not hold power over one’s life.

Forgiveness does not mean that the offender’s slate is wiped clean with no need of justice. It does mean that the dispensing of justice is out of your hands; that you are not the prosecutor, judge, jury and executioner. It is to give reckoning over to a higher power (administrative and spiritual).

To forgive does not mean forgetting. The hurt may be so deep it is emotionally and psychologically impossible to forget. An offense may be so egregious that even the thought of forgetting is equally offensive. No, not to forget, but to stop dwelling on, to quit rehashing the event and re-feeling the emotions; to stop nursing, rehearsing and cursing past wounds. It is to choose to put an end to the misuse of valuable time and fragile energy on unresolved issues; issues that are out of your hands.

To forgive is to choose to speak about the breach only to bring resolve or to receive wise counsel. It is to stop keeping the offense alive and growing alive by using it as a weapon. To do so keeps the wound open and engenders estrangement. Perhaps, in time, it is to look at the problem together for healing and growth; to build a bridge of understanding.

Forgiveness does not mean that trust is automatically restored. Trust is fragile and once broken takes work for restoration. Forgiveness lays the groundwork to give another change (within reason). After all, who has not made a promise and failed to follow through. Trusting takes a healthy dose of skeptical believing in self as well as in others. Rebuilding of trust involves talking about the infraction, giving and receiving forgiveness and making plans to prevent it from happening again. When someone repeatedly breaks trust you need to trust what that behavior is showing you.

Forgiveness is a calm, quiet decision to release you from self-destructive bitterness. It equips you to release a deceptive right to wrong someone for having hurt you; to rise above the unhealthy need for power of being right or getting even.

Forgiveness is an internal job spawned by a heavy heart that longs to be lighter. Forgiveness is a personal decision that can be given whether asked for or not. To forgive involves only one person - you; restoration requires two or more. Forgiveness means you recognize your own worth and value regardless of what another has done to you or said about you.

It takes courage to be an overcomer. Forgiveness is a profoundly deep spiritual experience. To forgive does not mean that what was done to you was okay, it does means you have been angry long enough. You are not letting the other person off the hook, you are setting self free.

Please let me hear from you.