How Much Do You Help?

Reaching out to another is an excellent way of showing that you care. Yet, this noble attribute begs the question, “How much do you help?”

Giving too much or too little is based on perspective. From the giver’s standpoint, the help may be minimal. From the receiver’s view, it may be a boundary breaker.

We are complex individuals comprised of diverse life-experiences. Each interaction pits one’s life-experiences against another’s life-experiences. All one has to bring to the table at any given time is his collective quality of beliefs, perceptions, thoughts, actions and relationships. All come up short.

In toxic spills, the first response team is taught key elements. These guidelines are for everyone’s safety:
· Become familiar with the placards (know what toxin is being hauled)
· Evaluate the situation before engaging
· Determine plan of egress (when/how to leave or call in other help)

Dialogue with yourself before jumping in to do for another. Assess the need. Determine your level of expertise and check your motive.

· What is his/her lifestyle? Her level of clean may not match yours. His view of organization may lean to the messy side. Their style of parenting may be more relaxed than yours.
· Why are you doing this? Is it to impress? Is it to reap personal benefit? Do you keep score? Do you tally rewards? Do you collect favors? Is it an obligation? Is it something you think you “should do”? Or are you pitching in because you think you are expected to do it? It is a duty or a delight? Does helping give you a warm feeling or build resentment? Are you pleased to be of service or is it another demand upon your time? Can you receive? How about a compliment?
· Can you determine when enough is enough? Are you sensitive to another’s need for when enough is enough?

Remember the air safety advice: “Put on your oxygen mask first”.

After you have taken care of your own basic needs you can better take on a needed sacrifice. Enjoy the feeling of self-worth and maintain positive relationship with the one being helped (whether little or much). Do not lost touch with your limitations. Do not neglect your own well-being. Graciously do what is within your scope. Graciously receive thanks. Graciously stop. Effective help assures that on a grand scale everyone gets the support they need.

See a need and fill it. The day of the teen’s funeral there was a gully washer. After the burial, family and friends gathered at the church for a meal together, honoring the teen's life and comforting each other. Muddy shoes were removed and stacked by the door.

In anonymity, without fanfare or recognition, someone cleaned all the mud-packed shoes. Shiny footwear awaited the mourners upon departure. The act was thoughtful; it was just enough. The gratitude was deep.

Whether large or small, genuine good deeds are about the character of the giver. Whether large or small, receptivity to the help given is largely dependent upon giving and or doing just the right amount.

Feel free to post your comments. I love hearing from you.