At an Organization Seminars, a lady who had established a home business with her husband asked, “How do you live and work peaceably with a slob?” Although a Felix Unger and Oscar Madison combination is difficult, following are a few thoughts that may contribute to harmony.
State it, don’t stuff it. Rather than stuff your frustration, state your position in a positive manner and with a pleasant attitude. Use “I” statements. Focus on things that can be changed and do not stack attack. Have a resolve suggestion in mind before addressing.
Do not respond negatively to negativity. Relationship has a lot to do with maturity and a mark of maturity is emotional stability. See love as an action rather than an emotion. Responding pleasantly to another’s reaction lessens the impact of their actions on you.
Ask for change without demanding change. Demands engender defensiveness whereas asking lends to cooperation. Be specific. Do not beat around the bush and do not hint. Openly communicate. You cannot control another’s ambition nor lack thereof.
Assess the situation. Is the mess a character flaw or lack of resources? Is there a need for file cabinets, or storage bins? Could a closet be added? In tight quarters, utilize wall space for shelves over existing furniture. Has the time come to move to a larger space? Do you need to hire office assistance or cleaning help?
Eliminate, simplify or be neat. Some have a knack for organization and others do not. Rather than berate his/her weakness, offer non-threatening ideas. Stack it neatly. Box it up. Put it in drawers or behind cabinet doors. Throw or give it away or recycle. Offer to help in the tidiness project.
Everything needs a home. If it doesn’t have a home, it is clutter. A lady come to me out of frustrated with her husband and children because they threw things down and the home was constantly cluttered. After assessing the situation, we purchased baskets and organization items. We labeled the baskets and placed them in strategically. A large basket by the den door and a coat-hanger strip became home to sports equipment. Baskets on the kitchen counter became home for mail, coupons, pens/scissors, keys and pocket change. A basket was placed on the fireplace with each child’s name. As the room became cluttered with shoes, books, or toys, the wayward items were temporarily placed in the child’s box for him/her to return to its original home. Even though the husband had been a major contributor to the clutter, he told his wife, “I am so glad you did this. All that junk made me nervous.” Go figure.
What if they will not cooperate? First, assess your options. Is the mess unbearable or just not up to your standards? Is the disorderly situation new, or have you failed to set boundaries and now have had your fill? What is more important, neatness or the relationship? Is the clutter contributing to lost sales? Secondly, assess the locos of control. Being pleasant in a difficult situation is more about you than them. I love the Catholic prayer, “For the sake of Your passion, grant us grace.” Grace is giving undeserved leniency. As an aside, being a peacemaker sometimes involves making waves.
Relationships are difficult. Handle with love.
We welcome reprinting of articles in your newsletter or magazine, providing credit is given as follows: “This article was written by Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, www.monadunkin.blogspot.com or www.monadunkin.com.” Contact her at mdunkin@flash.net.
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