One of the first phrases a child says is, “I do it.” And that is good. It shows the social need of serving is in tact. Anything can be taken to extreme. The need to serve can become so distorted that you try to become all things to all people while being so out of balance that you will not allow someone to serve you (and resenting it in the process). Here are some thoughts as to how to step off the merry-go-round and take back your life.
Recognize that “I can’t do that.” One of your greatest strengths is to know your weaknesses. Look at your priorities to see how you have neglected them in lieu of low-pay off activities. Be honest with determining how much you have over-committed.
Being good at something does not obligate you to do it. Just because you are good at baking or carpentry or leading scouts, does not mean you are mandated to do it. Do not commit yourself to a task unless it is a passion and you have time and resources for it.
You are more than a workhorse. Who you are is not defined by what you do. You are a multifaceted individual with multiple talents to share and needs to be fulfilled. Although who you are is a factor in the quality of work you do, the fact remains that you are more than an activity.
You are more than your job. You are more than your looks. You are more than your possessions. You are more than your clubs or social events. The student is more than his/her grades.
Make choices. You always have options whether you realize it or not. Become aware and use them. Do not short change yourself by settling for the status quo or another’s demands. If you are not actively engaged in making choices for yourself, someone else will make them for you.
Speak up. We teach people how to treat us. Set boundaries by using your words. Use phrases such as, “I need you to…” “I need you to stop…” “I need you to know…” “I choose to…” “I choose not to…” “I like…” “I don’t like…” I feel…” “I think…” “Thank you.” “No, thank you.”
Enlist help. You need them to need you and they need you to need them. One of the greatest ways to develop relationship is through joint projects. Ask, don’t tell. You can tell but asking produces a more favorable response.
Give yourself permission. Remember when you wanted to grow up so you could make your own decisions? It is time. Give yourself permission to say “No” when it is in your own best interest; others will benefit also. Give yourself permission to not like someone; you can still be kind. Give yourself permission to not be perfect; you are still loveable. Give yourself permission to put yourself to bed, to follow your dreams, to not keep up with the Joneses, to give up dieting, to take the day off… the list is endless and so empowering.
Life is the greatest gift that God and our parents gave to us. Only sometimes it becomes the greatest burden we bear. Using these suggestions will move you forward to regaining the joy in living.
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