Forgiving the Past and Moving On

 

New Years and  “Auld Lang Syne” - the song about choosing to let bygones be bygones and to get on with life while choosing to value the personhood of the individual.

Often we hear “just forgive and forget,” yet I suggest that the human spirit is incapable of forgetting severe hurts and indiscretions of the past, whether done to you or committed by you.  So what can we do? 

 

Make restitution where possible.  Some times an apology does wonders for healing the past.  I have seen instances where people have carried regrets and grudges for almost a lifetime, only to find restoration at the very end.  It is never too late, but why wait so long?  Whom do you need to contact today and apologize to?  Whom do you need to release today from hurts?

 

Prayer the universal prayer: “Lord, I ask that you forgive and release all those who have hurt and harmed me.  I pray that you forgive and release all those whom I have hurt and harmed.” 

 

Pay for it.  I do consulting work for a Federal Prison transitional housing and every week meet people who are paying for their past through fines and incarceration.  Some hold on to the proclamation of injustice. Those who see the justice in it have a newfound peace and a new foundation upon which to built and restore relationships. 

 

“People tend to see only the stubble fields of transitoriness but overlook and forget the full granaries of the past into which they have brought the harvest of their lives: the deeds done, the loves loved, and last but not least, the sufferings they have gone through with courage and dignity.”  Dr. Victor Frankl in Man’s Search for Significance

 

Redeem it.  At least to a degree.  Redeem comes from two Latin words combining “back” and “again”.  Hence, to redeem is to buy back, or to retain a possession, or to fulfill a promise.  It is to be rescued from wrongs and its heavy price. The thief can become an honest productive citizen. The lazy person can become productive.  The unscholarly can return to school.  

 

I saw a movie where an absent father became a doting grandfather.  When the hurt son asked why his father was now being so attentive, the man replied, “I feel God has given me another chance.”  In the process, the father and son formed a closer relationship with each other and with the lad. 

 

Forgive it.  And forgive yourself in the process.  Do not waste time and energy on unresolved issues.  Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.  Let go of the past, good and bad, and move into freedom.  It takes courage to be an overcomer.  It takes timidity to hide and to place blame. 

 

Forgiveness is to know your worth and value regardless of the infraction by you or against you. Forgiveness is to quit rehashing the event and re-feeling the emotions. Forgiveness is to give up your right to get even for having been hurt or misunderstood.

Forgiveness is a great way to start 2014.  Happy New Year. 

 

Need trainer?  Mona Dunkin leads individuals and companies to greater levels of success. Contact her at mona@solutionprinciples.com  View training topics at www.monadunkin.com

A Progressive Holiday Blessing

The Christmas Season is a time for joy and peace and goodwill to all men. Unfortunately for some it is a time of sadness; not only on a personal scale but also with family tension of togetherness. May these thoughts bless you, not just today, but progressively, on and on, again and again, forever.

Life is too short to hold on to grudges, stress or anything that weighs heavy on your mind and heart.

And too long.

We live in a fast paced society and seem to want everything instantly. Yet character is developed over time and by going through difficulties. Struggles have the ability to forge qualities in us such as patience, compassion, humor and moral fiber. 　

Lower emotions such as fear, anger or stress damage your nervous system. Higher emotions such as love, courage and forgiveness repairs, heals and energizes every system in your body.

Prepare your heart – or a special place of your choosing – to be the location where you exchange and transform lower emotions into higher ones. 　Make this special spot internally as your emotional recycle center. Give permission to your body, mind and soul to be the healing place it is designed to be.

Light dispels darkness. Truth weakens the shadow side. Breathe in the white light of truth and feel it permeate every cell, tissue, system and muscle in your body. Let the white light of truth goes as deep, as broad and as expansive as you can imagine.

Expose darkness to the light and be healed physically, emotionally, relationally and spiritually. The quality of your thoughts determines the quality of your actions.

Allow the following Progressive Blessing to be instrumental in effecting transformation.

May you awaken each morning filled with excitement over a new day.
May you eagerly taste the deliciousness of life.
May you revel in challenges presented and humbly triumph.
May heaven shower you with love, joy, mercy, compassion and faith to overflowing.
May you be overcome by the awe of a sacred moment.
May you embrace change and see it as the life-giving force that it is.
May you be healed of poverty, lack, intimidation, or anything that keeps you bound.
May you be released from unforgiveness, anxiety, or whatever that may keep you stuck.
May you allow God to love you and to bless you.
May you receive the gift of yourself.
May you be free from fear, doubt, scarcity and be empowered to risk success.
May you be encompassed by peace in the midst of turbulence.
May you experience restful sleep and pleasant dreams.
May your last thought of the day be one of profound, yet simple, “Thanks”.
© Mona Dunkin 2008

Dreaming of a White Christmas

The Christmas Story is filled with angels, dreams and interpretations. That wonderful phenomenon was not just for long ago and is still prevalent for us today.

The dream center. Our conscious awake mind takes in information and responds. Sleep allows the brain to rearranges recent memories, a process that can lead to insight and new knowledge. Researchers believe that sleep is not only good for our physical health but also for our mental well-being.

Stages of sleep. In the process of falling asleep breathing and pulse slows and muscles relax. The brain waves are regular and the body can be easily awakened. In deep sleep the brain waves slow down with occasional spikes depending on surrounding noise or interference. In the deepest sleep, known as REM or rapid-eye-movement, the brain stem releases chemicals and fires electrical signals. The muscles are so relaxed the body is virtually paralyzed.

IT is during REM that dreams occur. Scientific research reveals that everyone dreams every night, whether remembered or not. During REM sleep chemicals go all parts of the brain gathering a mix of visual images and emotional feelings and coalescing them into a dream that has elements of both the real and the bizarre.

Train yourself. You can remember and benefit from your dreams but it may take time to train yourself. Put you to bed, quiet your breathing and deliberately turn off your mind’s rehearsal of the day’s events or tomorrow’s worries. Tell yourself that you will remember your dream upon awakening. Learn to wake naturally, without an alarm.

Write it down. Upon awakening, continue to lie still and concentrate on remembering your dream. Keep a pad and pencil by your bedside and immediately jot down the dream exactly as you remember it. Do not embellish and do not edit. Think on it. At off moments during the day, reflect on your dream for insights. Was it meaningful or simply entertainment? Embrace success and look forward to more.

Pay attention to your dreams. Even the wild ones. Dr. Carl Jung belived that dreams is how our unconscious tries to make sense of the way we think and act. Consider all the characters in your dream as being you in disguise; once you "own" that personallity as genuinely you, it becomes a catalysis to problem solving.

An example. I had a recurring dream of various meetings and demands made on me. Mixed up with all this was a nagging that I had lost a library book and a huge fine was awaiting. Upon awaking I was puzzled. The thing that stood out the most was the library book. It made no sense since I prefer to own the books I read.

My interpretation. I began to reflect upon the last time I had visited a library. Then I remembered having called several bookstores and the library trying to find a certain book for a client. The library had it and put it aside, in my name, to be picked up. I gave the information to my client. He never went. Consciously I dismissed it. Unconsciously I knew my name was on the list and my reputation was on the line. Once the problem came to light a solution was formulated.

Science gives validity to Mom’s advice to “sleep on it”. The function of the unconscious mind is to protect you. When you have a decision to make or a problem to solve, your mind works over-time - day and night - to honor you.

Sleep allows the brain to rearranges recent memories, a process that can lead to insight and new knowledge. Sweet dreams.