Forgiveness: You and the Past

 

How can something from the past continue to be so hurtful?

It continues to be hurtful because it is not really over. Even though it may have happened weeks or years ago - if it has not been settled in your mind and heart and emotions - then it is still a fresh wound today. You are reliving yesterday today. The burr is still there. Although the person may be gone - through separation, divorce or death - the unfinished business looms in your present-day reality.

 

Why is it so difficult to be willing to forgive? Could it be the mistaken idea that to forgive the offender lets him off the hook?  Choosing to forgive lets you off the hook of being the one who is responsible for his punishment. Choosing to forgive is giving all consequences to a higher authority - civic, federal, God. Giving the judgment phase to a higher authority may include your reporting and testifying.

 

Some feel guilty because - having proclaimed forgiveness - the memory and the pain linger. There are some offenses that, although forgiven, would be egregious to forget. There are some offenses that, once forgiven, are no longer worth remembering.   

 

My mom had been deceased six years before I made my peace with her. The reasons for my wounds are irrelevant. I had held on to them so they were still fresh. They were also affecting my current relationships. 

 

Psychologists say that our raw emotions react to someone. What we don’t know is that the person against whom we are reacting is - in reality - a mirror reflecting us to us.  The tender spot is trying to awaken us to something we have done (present or past; deed or thought) to someone. This nightmarish insight is our friend. It is a manifestation of something within us that has come to show us what we are like so we can take care of it. So we can make friends with our humanness. So we can be healed.

 

Are there some things you wish you could move past? Allow the pain to remind you that your evolution isn’t finished yet. That you are being call to a place of offering forgiveness so you can find healing.

 

There are two types of guilty people.  There are the guilty who acknowledge their wrongs, make restitution, are forgiven, redeemed and are restored. There are the guilty that fail to see anything wrong with their actions. We all fall into this category.

 

Ho'oponopono is a beautiful Hawaiian prayer that helps one take personal responsibility for whatever shows up in life.  “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you.” 

 

“I’m sorry.” This expresses compassion for you. I am so sorry that while doing the best I could, something happened to hurt me and I created this reactionary behavior as a coping mechanism. I am so sorry this has become my default-handling-hurts position.

 

“Please forgive me.” Please forgive me for those whom I have hurt or harmed in thought, word or deed. Please forgive me for harboring unkindness and hurt toward those who have hurt or harmed me in thought, word or deed. Please forgive me for forgetting how much God loves me - and you. 

 

“I love you.” (This portion is directed mutually to you, to the offender and to all humanity.) I love you for being the person God is creating you to be. I love you for recognizing the need to explore this area for your continued growth. I love you for the gifts you are bringing to the world.

 

“Thank you.” Thank you for showing me that I am ready to release anger and unforgiveness. Thank you for the challenges that propel us to awaken to the beauty of the world and of people. Thank you that when I release me, I also release those who offend me so they, too, can be healed. 

 

It is easier to choose to forgive another when we receive the reality that we are forgiven and that we are loved and loveable.

Life Plans

According to Success Motivation Institution, most people put more planning into a two-week vacation than into their lives. How sad. Yet, planning is vital to success in all areas.

We are self-determining and do not have to just take whatever comes our way. We can be pro-active in the say of which direction our lives will take.

Many times wonderful opportunities come to us and we do not recognize them, for we did not know what we wanted.

If you don't know where you're headed...
If you do not know where you are going, any old road will do.
If you do not know where you are going you may wind up somewhere you do not wish to go.
If you do not know where you are going you will become weary on the journey.
If you do not know where you are going, you will not know when you get there.

Life is in session. Are you present?

There are two important elements of making a plan. The "What" and the "When".

"What" is the actual planning - to decide what you want and what you are going to do, and guidelines for getting there. The quality of your decision making is an essential factor in determining your success.

"When" is the scheduling - putting in on the calendar so you know when to suit up and show up. Whatever is scheduled gets done. You will never rise above your clendar.

Elements of a good Life Plan:
1. Simple and easy to remember. Not complicated.
2. Accomplishable yet challenging.
3. Specific: defined and detailed. Is it something you picture yourself doing?
4. Reasonable: must make sense to you. What value do you see in doing it?
5. Positive: a doing plan, not a stopping plan.
6. Independent; not dependent on what someone else does or does not do.
7. Repetitive; something you can do each day or fairly often (80% success rate)
8. Reinforcing; pleasure producing - makes you feel good about doing it
9. Evaluate: you do not have to go back to not square one!
10. Make a commitment and keep it. In order to accomplish something, you must be willing to do whatever it takes to do so, and the first step is planning.

Don't Cope. Overcome. Life is in session. Be present.

The Freedom of Anger Resolution

Life hurts.

A physical wound heals through proper attention of cleansing, ointment and time. So too with an emotional hurt. Only the proper attention is not to nurse, curse and rehearse.

Thought is reflected in the body as emotion. Thoughts may not be conscious, but emotions are. As the negative thought is replayed, one stays emotionally overwrought (raw). Lack of perspective unconsciously causes one to identify with his emotions and that emotion becomes “you”.

Emotion is the body’s reaction to thought. Hostile thoughts build up energy in the body that is experienced as anger. The more one identifies with his thoughts (likes, dislikes, judgments and interpretations) the stronger the emotional energy charge.

Some things are so painful the only way to handle it is through denial. An important function of the mind is to remove emotional pain, thus the confused flurry of mental activity and the need to deny reality. Emotional pain is lessened through reflection that brings resolve.

Resolution involves opening the mind to consider all sides of an issue; to be willing to see the pros and cons of all parties involved. Resolution brings things to an end. Problem solved. Resolution declares the conflict is over.

VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: It takes one to resolve, two or more to reconcile.

The resolution within yourself frees you in several ways:
1) It frees you to be civil toward the offender.
2) It frees you to be open to your part in the conflict.
3) As your attitude sets a gracious atmosphere, it frees the offended/offending party to be receptive to your insights.
4) It paves the way for reconciliation.
5) It strengthens you to live peacefully with unresolved issues.
6) It promotes overall spiritual and physical health.
7) It gives you courage to set boundaries and/or to respect boundaries.
8) It builds tenacity within to embrace a spirit of forgiveness to self and others.

When we cease to draw identification from the pain, we are freed to be free. We are freed to find resolve whether through action or inaction. We are freed to experience love, joy and peace. Love, joy and peace transcend emotions all the way to the state of being.

Don't Cope. Overcome. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. Forgive yourself for things you did do as well as things you did not do. Forgive yourself for things you said as well as things you did not say. Do it today.