Miscommunication

“I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure
you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” Bonnie Libhart

What?

Communication is sharing information with another person in such a way that they understand not only what you say but also what you mean.

We speak in words but think in pictures. When what we say does not match the picture of the one with whom we are speaking, we have a miscommunication.

Example, my grandchildren and I returned from swimming and I asked them to hang their wet suits on the swing. The picture in my mind was the porch swing that we had just passed while entering the house.

Later as I was gathering laundry, there were no swimsuits on the swing.I inquired about the swimsuits; they insisted they were on the swing.

And they were.

They were on the swing they pictured in their minds - the swing set in the yard.

I chuckled as I thought of my friend Bonnie’s amusing transfix of words about how what we say is not always what is heard. If we do not give and or get corresponding pictures, then we have not understood one another.

Sometimes those miss-matched-pictures of miscommunications are humorous, sometimes they are irritating and sometimes they are dangerous.

Perhaps the three most common communications errors are 1) talking too much, 2) listening too little and 3) failure to understand. The failure-to-understand-coin is two-sided; incorrectly assuming we have spoken accurately and thus, equally incorrectly assuming the one to whom we have spoken has heard what we meant to say.

When instructions are given, there is always a speaker and a receiver. Know that things are not always as they seem. Consider the context. Consider your audience (i.e. age, life experiences). Be gracious. Rather than insisting your communication was 100% right on, be willing to see it from the other person’s point of view.

What I say, plus what you hear. What does it equal? What I have said? What you have heard? Neither? Where is the break down? Was it with the receiver? Was it with the sender? Both?

If your message is not getting across, spend time thinking and learning how better to express yourself. If you are not receiving information well, spend time thinking and learning how to seek understanding.

In both instances be patient, gracious and develop empathy. It’s worth the effort.

A good place to start is with St. Francis of Assissi’s prayer:

“Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console, To be understood as to understand, To be loved as to love… ”

Take Charge of Your Life

Noted Psychiatrists, Dr. William Glasser, suggests the term “mental health” be replaced with “responsibility”.

Responsibility is the ability to get one’s needs met without depriving others of meeting theirs. When needs are unmet we feel unfulfilled and fail to live at optimum wellness. We are not taking charge of our lives.

In 1998 I attended a lecture given by Dr. Glasser in which he intimated that certain physical and mental maladies are chosen. I took issue with that; I mean, anyone who would choose pain and misery and unhappiness would have to be crazy!

He went on to explained our basic needs and how we are driven to have them met. Our health – physical as well as mental and emotional - is dependent on how our body responds to our actions, our thoughts and the way we feel about things.

This led me to do some deep thinking. I ask myself some hard questions: Was swallowing my anger inflaming my joints? Was my angry not only harming relationships but also my physical heart and blood pressure? How am I hurting myself?

I believe in God and wish to be responsible with the freewill given me. I began to pray. “Lord, I do not want to hurt others but neither do I want to harm myself.”

I began to practice the genius of Dr. Glasser’s wisdom. When we begin to lovingly notice our disconnecting habits of thought and actions we can then choose to turn our attention to matters that leads to greater health and happiness and improved relationships. Only when we come to a conclusion for our self are we willing to make changes or take charge of our own life.

Oh, and my health today? Thanks for asking. Peace reigns, relationships flourish, business is good, movement is pain free, most meds have been cut in half and I am releasing weight every day.

How about you? Are you ready to take charge of your life?

Well here’s the deal. William Glasser International has unveiled a new course titled, Take Charge of Your Life, an introduction to choice-theory psychology. The focus in this course is application to one’s personal life. It is involves the empowering notion of making our own choices in every area – thinking, feeling, acting, relating, responding. The concepts are easy to learn easy to apply and produce amazing results.

Dr. Glasser died in August at his home in Los Angeles, CA. This course was developed to provide a living tribute to Dr. Glasser’s vision to “Teach The World Choice Theory.” www.glassersunbelt.com

For the months of June and July 2014, the Faculty of the William Glasser Institute is offering this introductory course at no charge to the participants. There is no limit to the number of participants. It can be taught in one 6-hour session, two 3-hour sessions or three 2-hour sessions.

To schedule Take Charge of Your Life for your business, school, church or civic organization, please contact Mona Dunkin, 254-749-6594. A limited number of spaces are available. Call today.

As A Seed Grows

Growth is a natural by-product of a seed being planted in harmony with nurturing elements.

Some seeds are released only through harsh circumstances. Ego is a seed shell of one’s identity held in place until circumstances breaks the hard outer covering so the internal nugget can emerge and grow from form into substance.

Ego is designed to keep you the same while giving the illusion of change. Ego set point returns to identity. Example, you make positive changes in your life and have a measure of success. A setback happens and you zombie out in front of the TV. You don’t even know that you have just reinforced your set point of only earning so much. Or the weight battle treadmill; lose, gain, lose, regain. All ego identity set points.

So you stop. You gather information. You listen to other ideas. You go in another direction, change jobs or get a new mate. Like a thermostat set to kick-in or off to keep the room at a certain temperature, so too the ego holds on to a ‘set points’ to keep us from changing. That is not “just the way you are”.

That is the way the neuro pathways of your brain have been laid down as your internal set point. They were laid down through habit of thoughts and actions. The more they are traversed, the more ingrained they become.

Even when the habit road is rutty and rough and difficult, your habit thought says you can’t and your habit action stays lazy.

Your soul’s set point is not small. That is why you know deep down in your knower that you are more than what you are currently being. Failure to thrive is not your soul’s set point; it is your ego’s set point.

Unless a seed dies it cannot bring forth fruit. When a seed dies – if it had conscious awareness – it would put the brakes on and become devastated because it was falling apart. But the shell has to be removed before the interior nugget can root and grow.

Can your ego identity change? Sure. Your ego identity changes as you nurture it to identify with a new stage of development.

That becomes your new set point. And then you grow into another identity set point.

No matter how broken the body, the soul is never broken. There is a part of you that is always whole and complete. A corrupted damaged seed will grow in cultivated soil. Accept your defeats with grace and self-compassion and begin again. Be your own master gardener and nurture your own soul.