Seven Steps of De-Stressing

Natalie Goldberg suggests that stress is an ignorant state because it assumes everything is an emergency. Though many demands are made on your time do not compound stress by giving it more importance than it rightly deserves.

State it. Name it and claim it. Name it and calm it. Make a list of all your to-dos from the major to the minor. Naming them is what is important. Whatever is named can be tamed. Once you see it in black and white, the paper recalls it for you and your energy is devoted to accomplishing the task, not to remembering all the things you would be stressed over if you forgot!

Sort it. After making your list, sort it into segments. Determine what is immediate and long-term. Decide which things can be done quickly and marked off and which ones need additional steps. Establish what needs extra resources or to be outsourced. Give up multi-tasking and concentrate on the job at hand.

Start it. You begin by beginning. Overcome the law of inertia by putting yourself into action. Stop procrastinating and get busy! Pick up the phone. File the folder. Do not rationalize, justify or excusify. Just do it!

Heaven never helps the person who will not act. Sophocles

Split it. What can be started now and followed up later. What can be eliminated? What is busy work rather than business? How can you simplify? Q: How do you eat an elephant? A: One bite at a time spaced over days with intervals for digestion and elimination. Go back to your to-dos and determine short and long term deadlines as needed.

Staff it. What can be delegated? Whose job are you micro-managing? A mark of a leader - whether CEO, MOM or DAD - is to share responsibilities with other members of the team. Caution: Delegating does not mean dumping. Delegating involves training and accountability. Trying to be the solution, strength and savior compounds stress.

Stop it. Stop procrastinating. Stop exaggerating – you do not have a million things to do!
Stop devaluing co-workers. Stop the perfection; go for excellence and learn and grow. Stop the madness; rush less and rest more. Stop saying, “Yes” to more than you can easily handle.

Savor it. Looked at things accomplished and appreciate your efforts.

DON’T COPE, OVERCOME Soften it with a smile. I am not sure if the delay of this e-letter is from busy-ness or procrastination, but I am considering this your August issue even if it is September 10th. Your attitude determines your behavior. By handling life in a serious, yet lighthearted manner, stress is relegated to its proper place of reserve for responding to real emergencies

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Recognizing Patterns

An acquaintance of mine made me think with her business card that proclaimed:

“If you always do what you’ve always done,
you’ll always get what you’ve always got.
IS IT ENOUGH?
If you want more, call…”

A familiar definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” Her question, “Is it enough”, got me to thinking. My conclusion was, “No, it is not enough. I want more sales. I want more peace. I want improved relationships.” I did not call my friend, but I did look into the insanity of some of my repeated unproductive patterns. You can too.

Do not dismiss it as fate. There are some things over which you have no control but a lot of things which you did not even try to control; or tried in a negative way. Look back and challenge the outcome if you had acted differently. This is not to wallow in “what ifs,” but to become proactive in future like situations.

If it’s not working, it needs fixing. You know when life is not working and it is time to look into overcoming options. With whom do you need to counsel? What books would be helpful to read? Who do you need to emulate as a good role model? What organizations would contribute? What education do you need? What training would prove invaluable?

Balance, don’t juggle. Juggling has a note of deception, as in “Enron juggled the books.” Plus juggling takes so much strained attention. What do you need to eliminate in order to gain equilibrium? Use your creativity to determine ways that routine tasks can be simplified? With whom do you need to share the work load?

Immediate gratification or delayed fulfillment. Look into the future and get the big picture. Maxing out the credit cards today delays the freedom of debt free living. Porking on chocolate chips today postpones the exuberance of a lean healthy body. Immoral sexual encounters greatly deter the development of a meaningful relationship.

Be open to feedback. Family and friends can be faithful to point out character flaws. But how do you respond? Denial is that ever widening gap between what you do and what you say you do, which leads to deception and believing the lie you have told yourself. As much as you do not want to hear their complaints, honestly give it some consideration. Do you have an edge to your voice? Are you lazy? Are you irresponsible? Do you leave the toothpaste uncapped? They are trying to help you. Graciously receive it.

Seek outside insights. Everyone has blind spots. Except maybe the blind spots aren’t so blind as much as a “willful ignorance”. Ask a trusted friend to observe triggers for your anger, moodiness, over-eating, etc. Attend seminars that define assertive behavior. Read articles that outline co-dependent mannerisms. Study self-help books. Become a part of a support group.
Playing the blame game. Blaming is a game but it is certainly no fun. Rather than placing the blame on another, take an honest look at your contribution to the problem. Rather than blaming yourself, honestly evaluate the situation for the locus of control. The only person you can control is you. The more effective control you have over your attitudes, words and behaviors the greater your influence with other.

It takes courage to evaluate non-productive patterns. It takes maturity to address them. May these suggestions be beneficial to your growth.

DON’T COPE, OVERCOME. A help in breaking non-productive patterns is positive affirmations. The key is to state it in present tense as thought it is already happening. Examples: "I manage my time and achieve my goals." "I plan my day around high pay-off activities." "I make my decisions based on my pre-determined goals." "I faithfully evaluate and follow-through."

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