Long after the turkey is deboned and the pumpkin pie is only a memory, the meaning of the family celebration lives on. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday as it is the only one that remains unmarred by crass commercialism. It is a time for us to pause and reflect on the things for which we are thankful.
I am thankful for obvious things.... I am thankful for having being born an American where we have certain unalienable rights and are free to exercise them, to take them for granted, or to ignore them.
I am thankful for the Pilgrims who braved an angry ocean and withstood seeming insurmountable hardships to blaze a country with freedom to worship. I am thankful for our forefathers and the foresight and wisdom of our Constitution. Harpers Magazine, in 1858, published the fate of the signers of the Declaration of Independence: two had sons kidnapped; five were captured as British traitors; nine died on the battle field; twelve had their houses ransacked and burned; all suffered hardships, ridicule and rejection. All died with a clear conscience of having served their country well.
So I am thankful to be an American where we have so many freedoms. And, even though it has been abused and taken to extremes, I am thankful for free speech.
I am thankful for my family ... I am thankful for parents who reared me to have character, integrity and an appreciation for an honest days work. They gave me independence by giving me security; they gave me freedom by giving me roots; they gave me responsibility by giving me freedom to suffer the consequences of wrong choices.
I am thankful for my brothers whose harassing taught me endurance and whose kidding taught me to laugh at life and at myself. I am thankful for my sister whose unconditional love taught me to accept myself as I am and whose tolerance of my childish acts taught me patience. I am thankful for my elderly aunt who, until her death at age 98, taught me that life is fun at any age and worth living to the fullest.
I am thankful for my husband whose encouragement has supported my dreams, whose strengths have complimented my weaknesses and whose security with who he is has given me the freedom to remain who I am.
I am thankful for our daughter whose sheer delight in life brings joy to my days and purpose to my existence. I am thankful for our son-in-law who has added a wonderful dimension to our family. I am thankful for our grandchildren whose winning ways melt my heart and reestablishes hope for the future.
I am thankful for assorted relatives who have touched my life in various ways - some good, some bad - but all uniting us as a family. I am thankful for friends. For acquaintances whose smiling greetings make casual encounters more fun; for neighbors whose comity lends unity to my corner of the world; and for those special comrades who laugh with me, cry with me, grow with me.
I am thankful for each person whom I have come in contact with for he/she has touched my life in a unique way.
I am thankful for less obvious things.
I am thankful for misunderstandings, because they teach me to be a better communicator. I am thankful for criticism, for it forces me to examine actions and attitudes of self-righteousness and leads to repentance.
I am thankful for failure, because it makes me appreciate successes. I am thankful for adversity, because it is in the winter that roots grow deepest to find fresh nourishment; for financial reverses, because it helps me to be grateful for what I have.
I am thankful for challenges that tax every fiber of my being, for it forces me to grow in new directions. I am thankful for dreams, ideas and goals, for they keep me active, energetic and alive. I am thankful for a contented mind and a grateful heart.
Once a year we celebrate Thanksgiving. Everyday let us celebrate Thanksliving.
DON’T COPE, OVERCOME: The prophet Moses proclaims to the children of Israel, "Don't forget." When you dwell in this new land that flows with milk and honey, don't forget it was God who brought you here. When you prosper, don't forget it is God who gives you the ability to work and dream and accomplish. When your children multiply and your cattle increases, don't forget it is God who gives the increase. Don't forget. Don't forget. (Deuteronomy 27-29)
TESTIMONIALS: What others say about Mona’s training.
“Mona always has a unique way of delivering information. I always get so much for these classes. Well presented! Thanks.” David Townsend
“I think a lot of people that don’t realize they need help in areas of their life until the information is presented and then your eyes are opened. I was one of them” Sheryl Curtis
“Motivational speakers are a dime a dozen, but this one was great!”
11/15/06
8/15/06
Stress and Significance
All of us are searching for identity, position, purpose and significance. Often in the process we encounter stress.
I was recently in Jersey City on the Hudson to attend and to present at the International Conference of the William Glasser Institute. The vendors were nearly finished setting up when I arrived at the book room to display my materials. Only I did not have the books with me as I had previously shipped them to the hotel and they were still in storage. The vendor room attendant was ready to lock up and agreed to wait if I would quickly go to the Concierge and retrieve the books.
The conference was held at the Hyatt Regency and the personnel’s helpfulness and attitudes were exemplary. The young lady graciously took my request and assured me the books would soon arrive. I waited. I went back to the vendor room to give a progress report to the attendant. I waited some more. I checked with the Concierge again. She made a phone call. I waited some more.
I did not set my stopwatch but I am certain that the actual wait time was not as long as it seemed. Choosing to not stress, I breathed deeply and turned to enjoy the beautiful scenery. The Hyatt Regency is located on the Hudson River directly across from New York City’s financial district and the vacant twin-towers lot. I had visited the site earlier. It is a sobering experience.
As I stood there I reflected on the Chinese Proverb, “Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.” I realized my stress was not over a slight delay in retrieving books but in my over exaggerated sense of self-importance.
In the book , The Camel Knows the Way, Lorna Kelly recounts being overwhelmed with Calcutta’s mass filth and poverty-stricken humanity. Lorna commented to Mother Theresa that all of her work was like a drop of water in a bucket. Mother Theresa countered. “No, my child. All our work is like a drop of water in the ocean.”
When I feel stressed over lack of quick acknowledgement, I realize my priorities are out of order. The more I am in touch with the vastness of the universe and the widespread wounds of the world, the more I realize the significance of each human being and the importance of every act of kindness. And the more content I am with who I am.
DON’T COPE, OVERCOME: Humility is a do-it-yourself job. Humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less. We overcome the stress of self-importance by adopting humility, and in the process we find significance.
TESTIMONIALS: “I have just completed reading Creating Value, what a blessing. The "kiss" approach you have applied in your writing reinforces many applicable goals in my life. I do hope any time you are in the Tri-State New York area, I will be first in line to be blessed. Please sign me up for your monthly 'e-zine’ and also to be alerted of your upcoming 'Workbook’. Thanks again for Creating Value.” Samuel Greene, New York City
I was recently in Jersey City on the Hudson to attend and to present at the International Conference of the William Glasser Institute. The vendors were nearly finished setting up when I arrived at the book room to display my materials. Only I did not have the books with me as I had previously shipped them to the hotel and they were still in storage. The vendor room attendant was ready to lock up and agreed to wait if I would quickly go to the Concierge and retrieve the books.
The conference was held at the Hyatt Regency and the personnel’s helpfulness and attitudes were exemplary. The young lady graciously took my request and assured me the books would soon arrive. I waited. I went back to the vendor room to give a progress report to the attendant. I waited some more. I checked with the Concierge again. She made a phone call. I waited some more.
I did not set my stopwatch but I am certain that the actual wait time was not as long as it seemed. Choosing to not stress, I breathed deeply and turned to enjoy the beautiful scenery. The Hyatt Regency is located on the Hudson River directly across from New York City’s financial district and the vacant twin-towers lot. I had visited the site earlier. It is a sobering experience.
As I stood there I reflected on the Chinese Proverb, “Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.” I realized my stress was not over a slight delay in retrieving books but in my over exaggerated sense of self-importance.
In the book , The Camel Knows the Way, Lorna Kelly recounts being overwhelmed with Calcutta’s mass filth and poverty-stricken humanity. Lorna commented to Mother Theresa that all of her work was like a drop of water in a bucket. Mother Theresa countered. “No, my child. All our work is like a drop of water in the ocean.”
When I feel stressed over lack of quick acknowledgement, I realize my priorities are out of order. The more I am in touch with the vastness of the universe and the widespread wounds of the world, the more I realize the significance of each human being and the importance of every act of kindness. And the more content I am with who I am.
DON’T COPE, OVERCOME: Humility is a do-it-yourself job. Humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less. We overcome the stress of self-importance by adopting humility, and in the process we find significance.
TESTIMONIALS: “I have just completed reading Creating Value, what a blessing. The "kiss" approach you have applied in your writing reinforces many applicable goals in my life. I do hope any time you are in the Tri-State New York area, I will be first in line to be blessed. Please sign me up for your monthly 'e-zine’ and also to be alerted of your upcoming 'Workbook’. Thanks again for Creating Value.” Samuel Greene, New York City
Testimonials
What others are saying about Mona's training.
“I just wanted you to know how much I’ve enjoyed your classes. You make learning easy and fun at the same time.” - Sue Stephenson“I think the information given was very informative and helpful, and Mona has a real knack for making a connection with her audience.” Sonny Payen
"Mona Dunkin has the unique ability as well as drive to reach out and help others with her gift of coaching and mentoring. Mona taught me the importance of separating my actions from my words. Many times if I do something that is not wise, I will attack my self-esteem instead of calling the action unwise. She also taught me how to resolve a specific conflict with a friend. Creating Value does not just appeal to a specific person, but applies to everybody." Darnel Kimble
"Mona has truly been an inspirational figure to me. I have a problem trying to please too many people and Mona gave me permission to say “No” when it is in my own best interest. I now use this advice every single day and it has had a huge positive impact on my life. Mona is a very dedicated and wise person. She is driven to succeed for all the right reasons. The thing that impresses me most about her is that she does not judge people. " Matt Levin
"Mona is multi-talented. I have listened to other speakers and looked at my watch, hoping they would soon be finished. But Mona is so interesting, as well as encouraging class participation, that I am never wishing it would end. She is informative, witty, smart, and very sincere." Nina Olson, frequent seminar participant
"Mona has held two classes at our office. She always arrives promptly and prepared. She is very easy to listen to and creates a relaxing atmosphere. Mona urges class participation and questions." Donna Rice, Office Manager, Consumer Finance Company
"It was very interesting and you gave us plenty to think about.""Good information that can be used not only in the business world, but in child rearing and relationship with family and others."
"The seminar flowed"
"You teach from a perspective that I can relate to and respect."
"Mona Dunkin teaches everything as though she was there, which she has been. She can teach so well because she has experienced the ups and down sof life and has learned much that she can only try to show others."
"It gives some understanding of what one can do to be better at what they are doing. Examples you can understand and how and in what ways you can be a better person and better employee."
“I have just completed reading Creating Value, what a blessing. The "kiss" approach you have applied in your writing reinforces many applicable goals in my life. I do hope at any time you are in the Tri-State New York area, I will be first in line to be blessed. Thanks again for Creating Value.” Samuel Greene, New York City
“Mona always has a unique way of delivering information. I always get so much for these classes. Well presented! Thanks.” David Townsend
“I think a lot of people that don’t realize they need help in areas of their life until the information is presented and then your eyes are opened. I was one of them” Sheryl Curtis
“It’s a great experience. A lot of important information is found in Mona’s presentations. It will better your work performance, your people’s skills, how to organize and how to maintain a great work place. In the end, get good results from your workers. It really teaches you a great deal.” Coyletha Williams
“The seminar let me know about myself and how to treat others.” Hector J. Leels
“This will help you to be more responsible and have more motivation in the future.” Sarina Samuels
“As we near the 7th year of our business connection, I just wanted to tell you how valued you are by our staff and students alike. Your congeniality makes everyone feel so welcome and at ease in your workshops and your enthusiasm for life proves infectious!”
Katie Garrett, M.S. Project Director, SSS
McLennan Community College Waco, TX
Katie Garrett, M.S. Project Director, SSS
McLennan Community College Waco, TX
6/15/06
Ask - Don’t Tell
Have you ever been guilty of telling another what he did wrong and how to fix it? How did that work? If someone was about to take a destructive path, did you point out the pitfalls? How was that received?
What is the underlying message you give people when you tell them what to do?
In my work with recovering addicts many have the noble goal of working with youth to tell them the dangers of drugs and thus prevent their downfall. My question is: “Did you not have anyone in your life tell you of the harm?” One hundred percent answer in the affirmative.
My next question is: “What makes you think your telling them will make a difference?”
My goal is to train individuals the art of asking thought provoking questions that leads to self-evaluation and personal accountability. It is about helping the person come to terms with who he is and who he wants to be.
Ask pertinent questions to get the person thinking in a new vein. The purpose in asking self-evaluation questions is not necessarily for the person to rattle off answers, but to give them something to privately consider and come to a conclude.
We have to agree there is a problem before we are willing to explore an answer to the problem. We have to see that we are vulnerable before we are willing to set boundaries. We have to be asking the questions before we will listen to the answers. When we come to the conclusion on our own, then we are more open to insight and change becomes easier. In order to see the problem, rather than to defend our position, it is important that the focus is on self-evaluation vs. feedback.
Following are a few suggestions to get the questioning process going:
What do you hope to accomplish through this action?
What are you doing to help meet this goal?
What will you do if things do not go as you assume they will?
What else can you do? What resources do you need?
As you help establish a benchmark, he is better able to gauge his present behavior. The more thought provoking insights, be they questions or comments, the more effective the individual’s self-evaluation can be.
Ask for permission to give suggestions and then respect their wishes. This is not to say that there is not a place for feedback. One of the best ways to defuse resistance is to respectfully ask something like, “Have you considered…” or “What would you think about…” Giving specific feedback will reinforce the behaviors we are teaching.
I find most people are open to feed back if it is not forced upon them. Once, in a delicate situation with a client, I wanted to give some insight but sensed defensiveness. I asked, “May I make a comment regarding that decision?” He immediately answered, “No!”
I smiled and said, “Okay. I will respect that. What’s next on the agenda?” He called later. When I answered the phone his immediate response was, “Okay. I’m ready. Let’s hear it.”
Leave the final decision up to the individual regardless of the consequences. What is your motive when advising another? If they take your advice and the consequences are favorable, rejoice with them and do not take credit for their decision. You may have given the schedule, but they bought the ticket and got on the bus.
If they ignore the principles and life continues in a downward spiral, have compassion for their misery and continue to be an encourager.
What is the best way to help? Telling someone what to do" Or, asking questions that lead to the individual’s accountability and growth? I suggest it is by helping them to question their own behavior that may well lead to new conclusions. As you learn to ask thought provoking questions, it will lead the individual to self-evaluation and personal accountability. It is about helping the person come to terms with who he is and who he wants to be.
DON’T COPE, OVERCOME. Carry the message not the person. The message is that you can change but I cannot do it for you. The message is that you can overcome difficult circumstances. The message is that I can give you tools, but I cannot use them for you. The message is that there are other perspectives but I cannot make you receive them. The message is, there is help but I cannot force it on you. Each person is self-determining, even if he chooses destructive behavior or believes differently. The message is you have to do for yourself. I care, but I will not carry you.
NEED A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER: One of America's most interesting motivational speakers can be enjoyed in person in a presentation tailored to your specific need. Whether organizational, business or civic, you will be entertained with her humor, challenged with her gift of uncommon insights, and motivated by her thought provoking poems. Mona has developed a dramatic series of life changing, solution principles that address the universal needs of people.
What is the underlying message you give people when you tell them what to do?
In my work with recovering addicts many have the noble goal of working with youth to tell them the dangers of drugs and thus prevent their downfall. My question is: “Did you not have anyone in your life tell you of the harm?” One hundred percent answer in the affirmative.
My next question is: “What makes you think your telling them will make a difference?”
My goal is to train individuals the art of asking thought provoking questions that leads to self-evaluation and personal accountability. It is about helping the person come to terms with who he is and who he wants to be.
Ask pertinent questions to get the person thinking in a new vein. The purpose in asking self-evaluation questions is not necessarily for the person to rattle off answers, but to give them something to privately consider and come to a conclude.
We have to agree there is a problem before we are willing to explore an answer to the problem. We have to see that we are vulnerable before we are willing to set boundaries. We have to be asking the questions before we will listen to the answers. When we come to the conclusion on our own, then we are more open to insight and change becomes easier. In order to see the problem, rather than to defend our position, it is important that the focus is on self-evaluation vs. feedback.
Following are a few suggestions to get the questioning process going:
What do you hope to accomplish through this action?
What are you doing to help meet this goal?
What will you do if things do not go as you assume they will?
What else can you do? What resources do you need?
As you help establish a benchmark, he is better able to gauge his present behavior. The more thought provoking insights, be they questions or comments, the more effective the individual’s self-evaluation can be.
Ask for permission to give suggestions and then respect their wishes. This is not to say that there is not a place for feedback. One of the best ways to defuse resistance is to respectfully ask something like, “Have you considered…” or “What would you think about…” Giving specific feedback will reinforce the behaviors we are teaching.
I find most people are open to feed back if it is not forced upon them. Once, in a delicate situation with a client, I wanted to give some insight but sensed defensiveness. I asked, “May I make a comment regarding that decision?” He immediately answered, “No!”
I smiled and said, “Okay. I will respect that. What’s next on the agenda?” He called later. When I answered the phone his immediate response was, “Okay. I’m ready. Let’s hear it.”
Leave the final decision up to the individual regardless of the consequences. What is your motive when advising another? If they take your advice and the consequences are favorable, rejoice with them and do not take credit for their decision. You may have given the schedule, but they bought the ticket and got on the bus.
If they ignore the principles and life continues in a downward spiral, have compassion for their misery and continue to be an encourager.
What is the best way to help? Telling someone what to do" Or, asking questions that lead to the individual’s accountability and growth? I suggest it is by helping them to question their own behavior that may well lead to new conclusions. As you learn to ask thought provoking questions, it will lead the individual to self-evaluation and personal accountability. It is about helping the person come to terms with who he is and who he wants to be.
DON’T COPE, OVERCOME. Carry the message not the person. The message is that you can change but I cannot do it for you. The message is that you can overcome difficult circumstances. The message is that I can give you tools, but I cannot use them for you. The message is that there are other perspectives but I cannot make you receive them. The message is, there is help but I cannot force it on you. Each person is self-determining, even if he chooses destructive behavior or believes differently. The message is you have to do for yourself. I care, but I will not carry you.
NEED A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER: One of America's most interesting motivational speakers can be enjoyed in person in a presentation tailored to your specific need. Whether organizational, business or civic, you will be entertained with her humor, challenged with her gift of uncommon insights, and motivated by her thought provoking poems. Mona has developed a dramatic series of life changing, solution principles that address the universal needs of people.
5/15/06
Conflict Resolution
“War in the world is a large-scale reflection of war in the human heart.” Anne Graham Lotz
In 1868 General John Logan proclaimed May 30 as the official day to honor those who have died in service to our country. There are many stories regarding the beginning of Memorial Day observances with several people, dates and cities laying claim to originating this solemn remembrance. The exact details are not important. It is about honoring those who gave their all.
Conflict is opposing views without grace. Conflict is part of the human condition.
The human heart is a conflicted place containing love and hate, respect and disrespect, war and peace. Following are a few thoughts on how to nurture respect, thereby reducing conflict and promoting peace at home, in the workplace and the world.
Make relationship more important than being right. When relationship is built, the ability to give or to receive information is greatly enhanced. When relationship is lacking, even the slightest difference can become a major source of contention. Be willing to ignore as much bad behavior, rotten attitudes and wrong information as possible. To give up trying to control another is to give up being miserable.
Take responsibility for your thoughts and actions. Ask yourself creative conflict resolution questions:
1. What pre-conceived ideas do I have about this situation? How relevant are they?
2. What is the problem? Define the problem; do not generalize.
3. Is the problem as much with me as with them?
4. Am I trying to force my ideals or priorities onto someone for my benefit?
5. What hidden agendas do I have? What is the secondary pay off?
6. How do I send conflicting messages?
7. What is the solution?
8. Is there a solution?
Maturity is being able to live with unresolved issues and remain respectful of the dissenter. Do not make it a win or lose situation. Have no point to prove and be a willing learner. It does not have to be all-or-nothing; some is better than none.
Do not become defensive. “A good defense is a strong offense” is a wonderful strategy in football but not in the game of life. In times of conflict, do not defend your position so staunchly that you are unwilling to allow a point through. The point might be vital.
Do not become offensive. Use productive strategies to make your point.
- Rephrase. “Let me see if I understand what you are saying.” Watch tone of voice.
- Listen. Let the person acknowledge “Yes” or “No” to your understanding. If “no”, let the person rephrase what they are saying or meaning.
- Gain clarification. “What do you understand my position to be?”
- Avoid exaggerations. Do not assign statements to “everyone”, “nobody”, “always”, or “never”. Be more specific as in “John states …”, or more general as in “Some people believe that…”
- Ask for proof. If right, supplying proof is no gain or loss but confirmation. If she cannot supply proof, this throws doubt on the validity of the rest of the argument. If he cannot supply proof, be gracious and let him save face.
- Clearly state points where you do agree as well as points where you do not agree.
- Know when to let go, either in proving or disputing a point. A truth is not validated
by debate or agreement: it just is.
Receive criticism graciously. Take comments seriously but not personally. Value the person as having an interest in your well-being. Use the criticism as constructive to bring growth and maturity by requesting specific information and suggestions for improvement. Actively listen to words and filter out supposed hidden agendas.
“Everyone who compliments me makes me feel good, and everyone who criticizes me makes me do better the next time. It’s a no-lose situation.” Marilyn Vos Savant
Give criticism effectively. Determine your aim in criticizing and never speak in anger. Watch your tone of voice and hidden agendas. Have the person’s best interest at heart. Be direct; state the problem and what you want done. Once is enough. Give space for evaluation and change. Be gracious with relapse.
Say more by saying less. Use magic words like “please”, “thank you” and “I appreciate it.” Avoid threats and let truth or consequences prevail. Do not gloat when consequences come into play.
DON’T COPE, OVERCOME: Get over it by rising above it. By acknowledging that conflicts are inevitable, you transcend it, and the difficulties are seen as character building possibilities. Resolution is opposing views tempered with grace.
TESTIMONIALS: What others say about Mona’s seminars
“It’s a great experience. A lot of important information is found in Mona’s presentations. It will better your work performance, your people’s skills, how to organize and how to maintain a great work place. In the end, get good results from your workers. It really teaches you a great deal.” Coyletha Williams
“The seminar let me know about myself and how to treat others.” Hector J. Leels
“This will help you to be more responsible and have more motivation in the future.” Sarina Samuels
5/10/06
Ask Mona
Following are Questions posed to Mona and her thoughtful responses.
Dear Mona,
I work, go to school, and take care of my family, so I feel I have to do everything I do, but I never feel like I accomplish anything. How do you feel accomplished? Frazzled Student
Dear Frazzled Student,
I think part of the problem comes with your feeling that you “have” to do everything you do. Life is all about choices. With everything there is tradeoffs. You have chosen to go to school to better yourself, and I encourage you to choose to attend class and choose to do the homework and choose to study. You have a family that you choose to take care of, so choose to go to the grocery story and choose to prepare meals and choose to do laundry or cleaning as a way of showing your love. Making things your choice is a great stress reducer over the dread of “have to” and also lends itself to a sense of accomplishment.
Blessings, Mona
A: Dear Mona,
In your teachings you talk a lot about making choices. Just how do you go about make choices? Rodney
A: Dear Rodney,
That is a broad subject and a difficult topic. Let me see if I can give you a few guidelines that will cover a wide array of circumstances.
First, you need to determine what you value and what your priorities are, as this acts as your compass for life. Next, take a pad and pen and make a list of pros and cons. Be specific and be honest. Weigh the pros and cons independently, not necessarily against each other.
After thoughtful evaluation, make a decision and go with it for a few days or weeks, giving it your all. After a period of time, re-evaluate by revisiting your options and choices. Does the choice need to be continued, dropped or revamped?
If the choice results in inner peace, improved relationships and increased success that is a pretty good indication you are on the right track.
Blessings, Mona
Dear Mona,
I try to be appreciative but so many things go wrong. How can I develop an ‘attitude of gratitude’?” Seminar participant
Dear Friend,
The first step to any life-style change is to become aware of a need for change. Actively pay attention to how you respond to all situations and to feedback from others regarding how you respond. Monitor your thought processes: do you think like a victim or a victor? Monitor your self-talk: is it negative and depreciating or positive and problem solving? Look for life-lessons to be learned from difficulties and allow character qualities to be developed. Over time, this outlook can become the foundation, not only for a pleasant attitude, but also for wisdom.
Blessings, Mona
Dear Mona,
I work, go to school, and take care of my family, so I feel I have to do everything I do, but I never feel like I accomplish anything. How do you feel accomplished? Frazzled Student
Dear Frazzled Student,
I think part of the problem comes with your feeling that you “have” to do everything you do. Life is all about choices. With everything there is tradeoffs. You have chosen to go to school to better yourself, and I encourage you to choose to attend class and choose to do the homework and choose to study. You have a family that you choose to take care of, so choose to go to the grocery story and choose to prepare meals and choose to do laundry or cleaning as a way of showing your love. Making things your choice is a great stress reducer over the dread of “have to” and also lends itself to a sense of accomplishment.
Blessings, Mona
A: Dear Mona,
In your teachings you talk a lot about making choices. Just how do you go about make choices? Rodney
A: Dear Rodney,
That is a broad subject and a difficult topic. Let me see if I can give you a few guidelines that will cover a wide array of circumstances.
First, you need to determine what you value and what your priorities are, as this acts as your compass for life. Next, take a pad and pen and make a list of pros and cons. Be specific and be honest. Weigh the pros and cons independently, not necessarily against each other.
After thoughtful evaluation, make a decision and go with it for a few days or weeks, giving it your all. After a period of time, re-evaluate by revisiting your options and choices. Does the choice need to be continued, dropped or revamped?
If the choice results in inner peace, improved relationships and increased success that is a pretty good indication you are on the right track.
Blessings, Mona
Dear Mona,
I try to be appreciative but so many things go wrong. How can I develop an ‘attitude of gratitude’?” Seminar participant
Dear Friend,
The first step to any life-style change is to become aware of a need for change. Actively pay attention to how you respond to all situations and to feedback from others regarding how you respond. Monitor your thought processes: do you think like a victim or a victor? Monitor your self-talk: is it negative and depreciating or positive and problem solving? Look for life-lessons to be learned from difficulties and allow character qualities to be developed. Over time, this outlook can become the foundation, not only for a pleasant attitude, but also for wisdom.
Blessings, Mona
4/5/06
The Value of Appreciation
It’s tax time. Instead of allowing paying taxes to be a burden, let’s look at ways to see it as a blessing. Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr., proclaimed that, “taxes are the price we pay for civilized society.”
I recently attended a Get Motivated seminar with renowned speakers like Zig Ziglar, Tim Timmons and Krish Dhanam. Krish is from India. As a child he dreamed of coming to the United States to live the American dream. Upon arrival he was disheartened with the pervading attitude of complaints and ingratitude. To the axiom of “the grass is always greener on the other side,” Krish said that a good eighty -percent of the world’s population knows the harsh reality that there is no grass on the other side. Krish noted that American’s complain about having nothing to complain about. I wanted to dismiss this assessment despite an inner agreement of conviction and sadness.
Garland and I had the wonderful opportunity of taking a cruise to Veracruz and Progresso, Mexico. When it came time came to debark, there was a rush to exit the ship back into the rat race. It takes a long time to wait for 2000 tourists plus luggage to go through the narrow hallways and down a gangplank, and even more time at customs. The complaints were abundant. I whispered a prayer for those weary souls who vacationed without being re-created. I also said a prayer for me to be patient with the impatient and to not be judgmental of the critical.
In years past I had the awesome privilege of being Education/Outreach Minister at Victorious Life Church in Waco, TX. Although I was staff and had a regular salary, income tax was not withheld. I set my own schedule and operated like contract labor. Having been self-employed before, I knew the value of deductions and kept accurate records of mileage, travel and entertainment expenses. When my CPA did our taxes, these deductions were not applicable, stating that since I had an office at the church away from my home-office those items were “un-reimbursed employee expenses.” Imagine my shock at owing a few thousand dollars immediately to the IRS.
I sat quietly to think about this predicament before responding. My CPA voiced surprise at my calm acceptance of this pronouncement of deductions annulled and funds owed.
Here is my thought process:
I recently attended a Get Motivated seminar with renowned speakers like Zig Ziglar, Tim Timmons and Krish Dhanam. Krish is from India. As a child he dreamed of coming to the United States to live the American dream. Upon arrival he was disheartened with the pervading attitude of complaints and ingratitude. To the axiom of “the grass is always greener on the other side,” Krish said that a good eighty -percent of the world’s population knows the harsh reality that there is no grass on the other side. Krish noted that American’s complain about having nothing to complain about. I wanted to dismiss this assessment despite an inner agreement of conviction and sadness.
Garland and I had the wonderful opportunity of taking a cruise to Veracruz and Progresso, Mexico. When it came time came to debark, there was a rush to exit the ship back into the rat race. It takes a long time to wait for 2000 tourists plus luggage to go through the narrow hallways and down a gangplank, and even more time at customs. The complaints were abundant. I whispered a prayer for those weary souls who vacationed without being re-created. I also said a prayer for me to be patient with the impatient and to not be judgmental of the critical.
In years past I had the awesome privilege of being Education/Outreach Minister at Victorious Life Church in Waco, TX. Although I was staff and had a regular salary, income tax was not withheld. I set my own schedule and operated like contract labor. Having been self-employed before, I knew the value of deductions and kept accurate records of mileage, travel and entertainment expenses. When my CPA did our taxes, these deductions were not applicable, stating that since I had an office at the church away from my home-office those items were “un-reimbursed employee expenses.” Imagine my shock at owing a few thousand dollars immediately to the IRS.
I sat quietly to think about this predicament before responding. My CPA voiced surprise at my calm acceptance of this pronouncement of deductions annulled and funds owed.
Here is my thought process:
- Arguing and angering will not change the situation
- We have good credit
- The high road is always the smoothest road
- I had a responsibility to find out if I truly was contract labor and had tax privileges rather than assuming what someone else said was accurate
- I have a job that I love, working with employees that I love, being able to help others
I am thankful to be an American
I continued to work in that position for five more years until starting my own consulting and training business in 1999. In the grand scheme of things, living in a country with income tax is a small price to pay for our freedom, abundance and many blessings.
DON’T COPE, OVERCOME:
“In all things give thanks and for all things give thanks.” (Ephesians 5:20 and I Thessalonians 5:18)
“WHAT? In all things and for all things give thanks. Surely you jest! Are you telling me that I am supposed to be thankful for hardships, rejections, toil, death and taxes? Are you telling me that it is God’s will for sickness, handicaps, accidents, rape and murder?”
I am suggesting that a thankful spirit for the mundane or the ordinary sets us up to be healthier and happier and to avert discouragements and disorders. I am suggesting that it is God’s will for us to be thankful – not for the difficulty - but even in the midst of difficulties. I am suggesting that a thankful spirit in spite of the devastating results of a sinful world sets us up to overcome even in times of tragedy.
TESTIMONIALS: What others say about Mona’s seminars
“Mona is multi-talented. I have listened to other speakers and looked at my watch, hoping they would soon be finished. But Mona is so interesting, as well as encouraging class participation, that I am never wishing it would end. She is informative, witty, smart, and very sincere.” NJ
“I can see things in my life as your speak and can instantly begin to apply these principles and solutions to my problems. Your seminars are very effective and fun as well. As you said, 'Learning is fun' and I had fun learning.” Seminar participant
ASK MONA: Insights into perplexing questions
Q: “How can I develop an ‘attitude of gratitude’?” Seminar participant
A: The first step to any life-style change is to become aware of a need for change. Actively pay attention to how you respond to all situations and to feedback from others regarding how you respond. Monitor your thought processes: do you think like a victim or a victor? Monitor your self-talk: is it negative and depreciating or positive and problem solving? Look for life-lessons to be learned from difficulties and allow character qualities to be developed. Over time, this outlook can become the foundation, not only for a pleasant attitude, but also for wisdom.
3/15/06
Better Late Than Never
Where does the time go? Can you believe it is March already and daffodils are blooming? Seems like yesterday we were making, and breaking new years resolutions. With everything green and growing, seems like yet another opportunity to make or renew commitments. Here are a few thoughts to ensure your personal and business success.
Be realistic about the time frame needed for accomplishment. Perhaps your plans have not materialized because you stopped too soon. The resolve was for accomplishment within a calendar year. On Good Morning America, Robin Roberts and Dianne Sawyer are just now getting around to beginning to fulfill their new years resolutions. Robin’s goal was to organize her dressing room, a feat that could be accomplished within a few days of intense work. Diane’s goal is to fit into a smaller skirt size, a task that by its very nature requires a deeper commitment and longer time frame.
Give yourself room to grow. If your goal is not beyond your reach, then it is not a true goal. The distance between what you are already doing and what you want to do is called growth. Life is about tension. We need challenges that are invigorating; yet not so challenging they are frustrating. Yet, the distance between challenging and frustrating is called growth.
I have planted bulbs and wildflower seeds. In order to grow they need good soil, nutrients, water and sun. What do you need in order to grow? As the seedlings grow, they need to be thinned and replanted or discarded. What needs to be pruned from your life that will allow better growth?
Develop tenacity that overcomes tiredness, discouragement and unbelief. Suppose you were given a bucket of 100 oysters with the promise of finding two pearls. Would you take on the task of opening them? Most would readily exclaim, “Sure! Give them to me!”
In theory that sounds wonderful. You eagerly begin, but oysters are tough little critters to open. You open twenty and not one pearl. Thirty - and still no pearl. Forty, fifty, sixty, and no pearl! Not one. Not even a hint of one forming. Tiredness takes over. Discouragement sets in. Unbelief rears its ugly head. All too many people give up in despair.
Take heart! There are forty oysters to go. See the experience thus far as strengthening your muscles and resolve for throughput. To open 100 oysters requires personal growth. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. And it better late than never.
DON’T COPE, OVERCOME: Remember, it is better late than never. A goal set and accomplished. An expression of thanks given. An apology rendered. A word of encouragement spoken. A relationship mended. A bucket of oysters tacked.
TESTIMONIALS: What others say about Mona’s teaching
“As we near the 7th year of our business connection, I just wanted to tell you how valued you are by our staff and students alike. Your congeniality makes everyone feel so welcome and at ease in your workshops and your enthusiasm for life proves infectious!”
Katie Garrett, M.S. Project Director, SSS
McLennan Community College Waco, TX
NEED A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER: One of America's most interesting motivational speakers can be enjoyed in person in a presentation tailored to your specific need. Whether organizational, business or civic, you will be entertained with her humor, challenged with her gift of uncommon insights, and motivated by her thought provoking poems. Mona has developed a dramatic series of life changing, solution principles that address the universal needs of people.
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