Family is the backbone of civilization and is always in transit. The gift of children not only enriches our lives, they also consume our energy, time and resources. And what a void there is when they go out on their own. Here are some thoughts on fulfilling the emptiness.
Appreciate and let go. Rather than bemoan the inevitable of the child growing up and living independently, acknowledge that the relationship has taken on a new and exciting dimension. Your role becomes more friend, advisor and confident. Embrace his adult maturity and enjoy the fruits of your labor.
Plan ahead. You had nine months to get ready for the birth, now put preparation into the pending transition into interdependent adulthood. Give yourself something to look forward to. Be proactive by scoping out new activities and become involved. Check out going back to school, to work or commit to volunteering. Continuing your education or complete your degree. Do not engage is self-pity or self-imposed abandonment. Become a vital part of the community; group activities are a good antidote to isolation.
No shrines allowed. Welcome your newfound freedom with all its promised opportunities. Turn the extra room into a home office, hobby room or exercise parlor. Home will still be home whether the room is intact or not. I remember the wise advice of our daughter in my dilemma over redoing her room; “Mom, when I say I miss home, I mean you, not this floor plan.”
Reconnect as a couple. The marriage bond is a permanent contract and needs constant renewal. Travel to discover new lands, local or faraway, and rediscover the adventure of relationship building. Spend leisure time over morning coffee and discuss local events. Make it a point to develop an interest in your mate’s activities and become a supporter. Reflect together on the pleasures and problems of the wonder years; see how each brought you closer as a couple/family.
Begin those “someday I’ll’s”. The time has come to complete those one-of-these-days- promises. Redecorate the living room. Organize closets. Become a Master Gardener. Put your life accumulation of photos in order and scrapbook. Write the family history. Everyone has a book inside them so begin your novel.
Get involved in the community. Redirect your need to nurture into volunteer work. Fulfill your need to connect by becoming involved with church, AARP, political interests or social clubs. Reconnect with family and friends.
Walk it off. Get physically active - this is good not only for physical health, but also for your mental health, plus it is a great stress reliever. Movement keeps you limber for getting on the floor with your future grandchildren.
Change your perspective. Instead of seeing yourself as being put out to pasture, embrace your life accomplishments and revel in a job well done. Know that you will always be an important part of your children’s lives.
Being an involved parent in the formative years is vital. Good parents work themselves out of a job. Relax, appreciate and learn to be your own best friend.
Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker, Corporate Trainer and Personal Success Coach of f Solution Principles, specializes in maximum people development. Contact Mona at 254-749-6594 or mdunkin@flash.net.
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