Changing Perspectives


All we have thus far in life is our experiences. Those experiences are both general (with people) and specific (with individuals). When specific understanding is confirmed by generalities, perceptions become concrete. When general experiences are matched by specifics, perception changes.

Living with a “get” mindset is common and so subtle that most aren’t aware it’s happening. Simply put, living in a get mindset refers to thoughts or feelings stemming from a lack or scarcity. It’s seeing the glass as half empty vs. half full. Half empty thinking is about what is missing, what’s lacking and ultimately, what you need to get to fill it all the way up.

“There’s enough for our need but not for our greed.”  Gand

When you see the glass as half full, you're more in a be, do, have, and give, mindset. You're not worried about the glass not being completely full. You're confident that you're a vibrational match for the abundance you want and that you're doing what is needed. 

Confucius said, “Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change.”

If you do not fall into one of those two categories, here are some thoughts on choosing to change.  Change is good.  Change is the only thing that is permanent and our adjustment to it keeps life in balance.  

All we have thus far in life is our experiences. Those experiences are both general (with people) and specific (with individuals). When specific understanding is confirmed by generalities, perceptions become concrete. When general experiences are matched by specifics, perception changes.

Every choice has its own set of new circumstances. Restlessness causes one to consider that the devil-you-do-not-know is better than the devil-you-know.  However, quitting the job or leaving the marriage brings with it both solutions and problems. If the problem within you has not been settled, it shows up in the next employment or relationship.

Look within. Monitor your pre-conceived perceptions for truth or error. Check your attitude for off-putting or engaging. Screen your responses for answers rather than comebacks. 

Change your mind. Each time you feel negative, stop, acknowledge the thought and deliberately dismiss it. Look deeply to find the root of your emotion and consciously replace it with the greater truth of your potential. As Coach Lombardi says, “Potential meals you ain’t done it yet.” This practice is profoundly spiritual and life changing. Use it. Embrace it. 

Make a decision.  Indecision keeps you stuck. Wrong decisions can be examined and corrected but indecision causes one to stagnate.   

Renew your environment.  The space in which you live, and work have a major impact on the way you see things. Move the furniture, add new accents, and replace dated items.   Changing small things about your environment gives the opportunity to think differently as your mind will not have the familiar rut to fall back into. A commitment to date-night can work wonders in a sagging marriage.  

Use the zoom focus.  When you are overwhelmed with tiny, yet significant details, zoom out and see the bigger picture. When the demands of marriage, parenting or work seem too much, project years down the road to relaxation, grandchildren and retirement. Mentally see the result of your current struggles. This skill can be your saving grace. 

Consciously relax.  The ability to relax is directly connected to constructive critical thinking. Look honestly at the situation and develop an “even though” mantra. “Even though I am engulfed with frustration, I lovingly accept that I am a person of infinite worth and value and I release my failure.”   

 Think about what you think about.  The soil will return whatever seeds you sow, but the land does not care what you plant. You become what you think. Whatever seeds you nurture in your mind will return to you. Make them encouraging and positive about you and about others. 

We are not static individuals; we are continually being exposed to new information. Become aware of it and be open to change. Take a hint from Tony Luna's advice below. 

…to be fully appreciated, I had to be me. I didn’t have to act like anyone else. I wouldn’t be overlooked if I was true to myself. I just had to be the best me I could be. It may not sound               like much to anyone else, but it was one of the biggest revelations of my life." Tony Luna




How Can 2023 be Different?

The answer is YOU. 

Things can be different depending on you and your choices, your thoughts, and your actions. Change depends on your receiving and on your giving.

Notice that receiving precedes one's giving. We are not self-made individuals. We absolutely cannot give out of an empty basket. 

The more a muscle is exercised, the stronger it becomes. It's the same with gratitude and possibilities. When come one counts on you to do something, you must deliver. It is the same principle with counting on yourself. 

We are in the third week of a new year. That can be a letdown after the pump of new year celebrations and the hype of incoming universal success. Physics speaks of time/space continuum so no worries. You still have time. You will always have time. 

Time is not the issue, action is. And perception is. 

Question: What would make you happy right now?

Stop and think. Speak it aloud. 

And now, are you confused?

Please notice that "make" is an outside force. The more I employ the fact that each individual has been given a freewill, and that we can utilize Choice Theory psychology in every mode of decision making, I realize that no one can make us do anything we do not want to do. It is always our choice. 

Even the choice to put off the "New Year" success race. Or not. 

A new year brings us face to face with the truth of life cycles. There is history to back up the "whys" of cycles, and the beginning of calendars, etc., etc., but the essence of cycles encompasses a much broader scope. 

There are cycles of all kinds - three meals a day, sleeping, waking, blue Mondays, TGIF's, months, years, breath, grooming, pay bills, taxes, laundry, work, birthdays.... 

Cycles unfold as repetitive patterns. But will they be new or the same old same old? Will we sleep through another year, or will we become awakened?

Consider this: An old year ends every day of the present year and a new one begins. No matter what day you choose to embrace the following concept, facts are when you change your ideas, your mind, your words, your intentions, your actions, you change your life. 

Why? Because life is relational. Life relates to us as we relate to life. Life is interpersonal. 

What are you wanting from 2023? What are you wanting from yourself? What are you imagining that you do not dare speak aloud? Or are you afraid to make plans because of past failures? 

As much as we want to think of a new year as magical, it just isn't so. The change must be within. It may be a new day, a new year, a new challenge, but if we stay the same, things will not change. It may be a new job, a new marriage, a new city, a new church, but unless we wonk on the inside character qualities, things will stay (or become) the same as now. 

Seeing where we are now, seeing who we are now, or what we are now, is one of the most challenging steps in getting where we want to go and being who we want to become.


   1.  Change is the only thing that is permanent. 

  2.  Change is awkward and seems difficult because it is different.

  3.  Change becomes easier once you get over the fear of changing.

  4.  Change becomes easier once you see the benefits of change.

  5.  Change can be risky and well worth the risk.   

  6.  Change is slow and incremental but does not have to take forever. 

  7.  Change does not come by knowledge or insight alone, but by action.

  8.  Change is growth. To resist change makes growth difficult.

  9.  Change is accomplished through action.  

10.  Change is fun once you receive enough you can change.

True change comes with an adjustment in thinking, feeling, and doing. It is with intellect that we reason, weigh, consider, and understand the issues of life. It is with our emotions that we feel the issues of life such as joy, sorrow, pride, shame. It is with the will that we decide the issues of life. That we say yes or no to opportunities, yes or no to temptations, yes or no to actions.


Habitual Emotions

One’s behavior seems automatic. It is hard to believe –consciously or unconsciously, on purpose or default – that you chose it. Repeated behavior becomes habit. 

Habit takes on a life of its own and seems innate; that you just can’t help it – that it is just the way I am. When confronted by a negative attitude or action one may rationalize, “Everybody’s that way.” 

Being pleasant and thankful when things go your way is a habit you taught yourself.  So is being disagreeable and unappreciative when things do not go your way. Being agreeable or disagreeable both are habits you taught yourself and they habitually surface upon command. 

 “Surface comes from the French meaning “above the face”. The behavior probably seems automatic and is thus hard to see as your having set it. What is “above the face” is also hidden in your creative mind and out of your known control. Repeated behavior becomes habit.

Stop and ponder:  Have you ever responded negatively in a situation and blamed the circumstances for your behavior?  “You made me mad.” “The traffic made me late.” “You did me wrong and I’ll show you!”

Someone or something making you do something is not like an allergy to cats. With an allergy your body’s immune system automatically responds whether the kitten is cute and cuddly or if it is a mangy flea-infested stray.

Get honest and think hard.  Has a similar situation occurred, and your response was different? “No big deal.”  “No harm done.” 

If one day Sue/Sam “made you mad” and the next day – when you were more rested or were not so rushed or so stressed or had spent time meditating or whatever to put yourself in the better frame-of-habit-mindset – then obviously Sue/Sam was not the organic cause of your negative response. In either scenario, you drew on habit responses you taught yourself. 

Forming new habits involves awareness. To determine what you do want to change starts with understanding what you do not want to change. Exert mental effort to become aware of your attitude and behaviors – those times you are pleased with yourself for speaking rationally or remained calm or for boldly asserting yourself. Out of this awareness determine effects and whether you wish to maintain them – or not. 

Forming new habits involves doing one thing differently. Every time we modify our behavior, we have a different experience. This new experience sends a new footpath to our brain. Treading this new path again and again causes our brain to become wired, or habituated to new attitudes, actions and outcomes. 

Don’t Cope. Overcome. Avoid the stack-attack-syndrome of frustrated aggressive behavior by learning a sever-assessing-system of assertiveness – one step at a time – one path at a time – to a new hard-wired brain habit.

NEED A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER: One of America’s most interesting motivational speakers can be enjoyed in person in a presentation tailored to your specific need. Whether organizational, business or civic, you will be entertained with her humor, challenged with her gift of uncommon insights, and motivated by her thought-provoking poems. monadunkin@gmail.com