Creative Problem Solving

Creativity is a matter of perspective. It is the ability to look at the ordinary and see the extra-ordinary. When face with problems, we can take the low road of pain, frustration, and unhappiness or we can take the high road of information, value, and happiness. Your chose.

Learn to develop your creativity. Work puzzles. Engage in something artistic like paints or clay. Turn on the music and do impression dancing. Play games or rhymes or tongue-twisters with a child. Rearrange furniture. Prepare an exotic cru sine. Go camping. Make do. Giving freedom to your innate creativity lends itself to solutions.

Live life in pencil. There is usually more than one answer to a problem, or at least many sections to the overall answer. You are continually choosing from many possibilities. Try, fail, learn and try again. Brainstorm and come up with many possibilities, then focus on the most plausible without ruling out the absurd. Photo Journalist Dewitt Jones of National Geographic uses 400 rolls of film and 14,000 pictures taken per assignment with the results of 30 photos per issue.

Ask pertinent questions. Reframe problems into possibilities.
* what factors/causes/variables are we ignoring?
* what information do you still need?
* whom do you need to consult?
* for clarity, define the problem in writing
* what is the worst that could happen?
* what good could come even if the worst happened?

Do not be afraid to make mistakes. Lighten up; a mistake is a behavior that does not get what you want. Break the pattern. If you continue in a habit long enough, it becomes organized behavior performed by habit and never improved. Summons the courage to make the tough decisions.

Train your techniques. Until you own your new behavior, when pressure comes, you revert to the old pattern. Set up a safe environment in which to change and to practice. Practice becomes permanent as you practice correctly. Remember, you are always practicing. That is how habits are formed – or broken.

Accept problems as a passage of life. Once you realize that life is difficult, you transcend the difficulty and can creatively concentrate on problem solving.

Mona Dunkin is a Motivational Speaker, Corporate Trainer and Personal Success Coach.

Control Issues

“Give me a BIG ’C’, little ‘o’, little ‘n’, little ‘t’, little ‘r’, little ‘o’, little ‘l’.

What have I got? Control - CONTROL – CONTROL!!! Yea!”

Okay, so maybe we do not make a cheer out of it, but do our actions and attitudes yell – nay, demand – control?

Here is the irony about control. The more controlling you are of others and of situations, the less in control you are of yourself. The more in control you are of yourself, the less controlling you will be of others. Or things or situations for that matter.

Control yourself – your attitudes, your actions, your thoughts, your behaviors, your prejudices – and see how much life begins to flow. You cannot control another, but you do influence him/her. And the less controlling your demeanor is, the more influential you are.

YES YOU CAN control your thoughts. As a youth, I went to a horror movie that impacted my life forever, but at the time I thought the only thing I learned was to never attend scary movies again. Planet earth had been invaded by alien creatures with the intent to destroy all humans. The aliens looked alike and had the ability to read a person’s mind – but only the frontal lobe. Since the aliens could read the human’s frontal lobe, they were aware of plans to destroy them, and thus thwarted all attempts. Except for one man. He prepared a bomb to blow up the intruders, but when he was in their presence, he consciously made himself think only of a brick wall.

He would deliberately say to himself, “Brick wall. Brick wall. Brick wall” over and over to keep his other thoughts at bay. It worked. All the aliens gathered around him, trying to determine the meaning of ‘brick wall’; the bomb went off and - amid eerie music - the aliens were blasted to bits, with their eyes glowing in the fire.

When destructive thinking invades, I consciously make myself think only of a brick wall. I deliberately say to myself, “Brick wall. Brick wall. Brick wall” over and over to keep other thoughts at bay. It took time to learn, but it works.

The gossip I wanted to share, the ill feelings toward another person, the negatives about myself and life, the fantasies that invaded, I deliberately destroyed them all by blocking the thoughts. And although their eyes glowed for awhile, they soon faded and are no longer a part of my life. When new destructive thoughts try to come in, it is easy to shoot them down. You can change your mind. And doing so keeps it clean and happy.

YES YOU CAN control your attitude. Attitude is habits of thoughts, and habits can be changed. Change your attitude by developing a larger perspective than the one you have now. Challenge yourself to see outside yourself, to celebrate a life other than your own. Deliberately raise your horizons and consciously grow less selfish. Changing your attitude is accomplished by being open to change, by welcoming diversity, by appreciating all people and by a willingness to learn from all experiences.

YES YOU CAN control your life. Victor Frankl wrote in Man‘s Search for Meaning, “Man is ultimately self-determining. Man does not simply exist but always decides what his existence will be, what he will become in the next moment… Man is capable of changing the world for the better if possible, and of changing himself for the better if necessary.”

YES YOU CAN Take Charge of Your Life and be in control of many - perhaps most - personal elements of your life. NO YOU CANNOT control another and certain other things such as the weather.

Seeing Beyond the Mental Fog

When fog settles in visibility lessens. Ordinary objects become distorted, perception is askew and navigation treacherous. Some souls have been lost at sea or driven over a cliff.

The same is true on the road of life when emotions cloud one’s vision. Annoyance become paramount, perception is out of kilter and course-plotting underhanded. Jobs are lost, relationships are harmed and happiness is illusive.

Where you are is where you are. The meaning you give to where you are is your perception based on the meaning you attach to where you are. Anxiety is the body’s response to thinking and feeling. When one makes a clear distinction between the event and the meaning given to it, one is better prepared to handle the realities of life.

Example: Driving on an unfamiliar road one may think, “I don’t know where I am.” “I’m lost.” You feel you should have gone another way; that you should have stayed home, that this road is too dangerous. Your body is tense and anxiety sets in.

Reframe: Distinguish between event and the meaning it warrants. “I am unfamiliar with the road and the surroundings. I am a good driver and will navigate cautiously. I will slow down and arrive alive. It is okay to be a little late.” Tension abates.

Example: You are told what to do when you already know what to do! You begin to mind read; “You think I am stupid.” “You think you are so smart.” “Get off my back!” You feel judged and criticized. Your body tenses as anger rises and hard feelings compound.

Reframe: "He/she means well. Maybe they know something I have overlooked or have not yet learned. Either way, I will respect their input and treat them with civility." Calm is restored. Relationship remains intact.

Example: A botched performance. Meaning attached, “I am a big goof. I ruined the entire event.” “People are placating me.” Feelings attached are discouragement, despair and failure. Body’s response is tight muscles, headache and depressing.

Reframe: Make a clear distinction between event and the meaning you give it. “Even though I messed up a little I gave some salient points. I am learning to be a presenter and will do better the next time.” Let yourself off the hook. Be able to receive compliments.

All day, every day four things are happening simultaneously:
1) the event
2) your thought regarding the event
3) your emotions associated with what you perceive about the event
4) your body responding to how you see, think and feel about the event

Reframing helps you to see what was not clean when clouded by emotions. Reframing takes you to a detached position where you might be able to see what a bystander would see (about the situation as well as about you).

Rethink and let the sunshine reflect a better light on success, relationships and happiness.

Overcome Being Overwhelmed

Overcome being overwhelmed by recognizing the pattern. This pattern includes exaggerated thinking – “I have a million things to do” – confused emotions – “I’m so stupid” – relentless mind chatter and physical sensations of fatigue, frustration and fear.

Knowing that you want a change is easier than knowing what to do. We are intelligent beings. We are also emotional beings. When overwhelming emotions take over, thinking takes a holiday.

The secret to keeping our total behavior of thinking, doing, emoting and physical responding is found in breathing. Slow. Deep. Purposeful. Deliberately. Allow incoming oxygen to calm the passion and send blood flow to the brain to re-engage rational thinking.

Think rationally about your to-do-list. Yes, several things demand your attention but it is nowhere near a million.

Gracious thinking about your self-esteem. You may have made a less than stellar choice, but you are not stupid.

Conscious, focused breathing calms the body’s systems to respond humanely. Use it for you to lessen opposition. Gently give it to your perceived adversaries. Without fanfare, allow him to take a minute to calm down. Do not demand answers.

In heightened emotions, we do not have answers anyway; we only have rationalizations that cloud rather than clarify. Or defenses that destroys rather than build.

The higher your energy level the more efficient your body – your total behavior. Focus helps you to prioritize your choices to pursue and to eliminate.

We become overwhelmed when we take things personally – as though we are the savior of the world – and it’s all about us to do or die.

We overcome when we come to terms that the stress from the situation is more about our own thinking than it is about the actual tasks at hand. That is not to discount the responsibilities of work and home and community involvements. It is to say that trying to do – or think about and plan for – at the same time is humanly impossible. It is too confusing; mind-boggling,

Go for excellence by doing the best you can do while in a state of calm learning. Let go of the paralyzing, stressing idea of perfectionism.

Don’t Cope. Overcome. Once you buy into being aware and put the awareness into practice, you become empowered - which is the highest form of power/control there is - internal rather than external; control of self rather than control of others. When we are in control mode, our forced control over the others backfires into making them push back with equal or greater force (whether that force is aggressive or passive). When we give up control techniques we are in a much greater position to influence the offender to the positive.

Choices and Assertiveness

Choices are all around us. Even where there does not seem to be a choice, there is; no choice is a choice. Only it is by default. A choice without consent. A choice that brings stress and resentment. Rightly used, choices are empowering. The key for healthy choices is assertiveness. Assertive behavior speaks up without undue anxiety whether choosing for or against.

Chose to: When asked to do something that is right-up-your alley, be upfront in saying, “Yes”. Assertiveness does not wait to be begged; they may pass over you. Follow up with immediate action or planning. Put it on your calendar. Make cursory notes of resources, time frame and people you will ask to be co-creators.

Choose not to: It is okay to say “No” and feel good about it. Even if it is something you are super good as doing and have done a hundred times before. “No” is a complete sentence and does not have to be explained. Gently refuse with “this is not a good time” or “I already have something planned.” Personal downtime is a valid “something else”.

To continually say “Yes” when you prefer to say “No” builds resentment in you. Resentment undermines the very relationship that your dishonest “Yes” is trying to build.

Choose to: Sometimes jobs have assignments met with dread, obligation or duty. The saving grace is to accept the task with a spirit of choice. Change “I have to” to “I choose to”. This refreshing challenge-accepted attitude sets you up to: learn something, hone skills, improve relationships, value work, earn your pay, be healthier and relieves stress.

Choose to: When asked to do something that scares you, yet you really want to accept (run for president, chair a committee, be promoted), go ahead and jump in. Overcome the false humility and agree. Others see in your possibilities you may not see in yourself. There will be a learning curve and you can grow into it.

How to choose: The first step in making any choice is to be aware. Anxiety is the body’s way of saying “pay attention”. Your survival mechanism wants to keep you healthy and cannot do so without your cooperation. Embrace a pregnant pause before responding. This small retrieve calms emotions and engages rational thinking. Discern if the anxiety is the feeling of being put upon or fear of a new challenge.

Allow your mind to scan for repeat patterns. Who/what are you passionate about and were the outcomes positive or negative? Has your default position left you being controlled or being in control? What is effective? What has not been effective? Based on your internal guidance system, make the choice that is best for you.

Glean life-changing information through self-help articles and books. Beware; knowledge absorbed without an outlet stagnates. The Dead Sea, though full of rich minerals, cannot support life. Action is the distraction. Knowledge applied, even in a fledgling way builds wings to soar. Allow your “Yes” or “No” to determine what is possible.

Making assertive choices is both a process and a product. The process involves regarding everything as though you do have a choice. You do. The product, the end result, is a life lived on your own terms while in cooperation with others. It is not to rule over others, but to make peace with you.






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Solving the Problem of "Changing Your Mind"

“Get over it!” “Let it go.” “Just move past it.”

Sounds good, but how? Emotions reflect what we are currently attracting. Negative emotions are neon signs trying to get your attention that your choice of thoughts is not taking you where you want to go. Change your mind by thinking better-feeling thoughts.

Assign new words. When something is "lost", the psyche unconsciously searches for it. This highlights the battle of weight and the losing/regaining syndrome. Instead of "losing" pounds I have begun to focus on "releasing” them. Whatever is released it is gone without a bungee cord attached. When released, like a helium balloon, it rises up and up out of grasp never to be seen again.

This principle applies to everything. Rather than trying to figure out why you need something, or why you do something, or why you cannot give something up, or why you are not receiving something, or why someone else is or is not... ad nauseous, simply choose to release it. To let it go.

And release it again the next time. Every time it comes up, release it again and again and again. Even the slightest doubt that “it just might work” is enough of a chink in your armor to allow a fragment of light to seep in.

You can never change things by fighting existing reality… To change things you
build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete. R. Buckminister Fuller

Tense muscles and relax. Muscles are made to tense and relax; to close and open; to hold on and to release. Pick up an object and hold it firmly in your grasp. You will not put it back down unless you choose to release the tightened muscles. Tension remains in the body through the failure to release and let it go.

Behavior controls results. To release unconscious emotional attachment to pain, consciously say aloud: “I choose to release all things known and unknown that keeps me stuck. I choose to hold on to the positive life lessons for my health and success."

It is okay to be uncomfortable. As with most things, releasing has a learning curve. Sit with your pain in a state of love for you and direct love to the issue. When you direct loving attention to any issue, the dynamics change.

Direct love to you, to the situation, to the people directly involved, to the people peripherally involved, to whomever. The power of prayer (and sending love is the greatest form of praying) moves through the airwaves or the collective unconscious or whatever unexplainable ways God works to bring unknown solutions to solve both known and unknown problems.

Please share your thoughts. Let's get a conversation going.

We welcome reprinting of articles in your newsletter or magazine, providing credit is given as follows: “This article was written by Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, www.monadunkin.blogspot.com or www.monadunkin.com.”

How to See Beyond the Mental Fog

When fog settles in visibility lessens. Ordinary objects become distorted, perception is askew and navigation treacherous. Some souls have been lost at sea or driven over a cliff.

The same is true on the road of life when emotions cloud one’s vision. Annoyance become paramount, perception is out of kilter and course-plotting underhanded. Jobs are lost, relationships are harmed and happiness is illusive.

Where you are on the road is where you are. The meaning you give to where you are is your perception. One’s emotions depend upon the meaning attached to the event. The physical anxiety is the body’s response to the thinking and feeling attached to the event. When one makes a clear distinction between the event and the meaning given to it, one is better prepared to handle the realities of life.

Example: Driving on an unfamiliar road one thinks, “I don’t know where I am.” “I’m lost.” You feel you should have gone another way; that you should have stayed home, that this road is too dangerous. Your body is tense and anxiety sets in.

Reframe: Distinguish between event and the meaning it warrants. “I am unfamiliar with the road and the surroundings. I am a good driver and will navigate cautiously. I will slow down and arrive alive. It is okay to be a little late.” Tension abates.

Example: You are told what to do when you already know what to do! You begin to mind read; “You think I am stupid.” “You think you are so smart.” “Get off my back!” You feel judged and criticized. Your body tenses as anger rises and hard feelings compound.

Reframe: Mom/Dad/mate/boss/co-worker means well. Maybe they know something I have overlooked or have not yet learned. Either way, I will respect their input and treat them with civility. Calm restored. Relationship remains intact.

Example: Botched a performance. Meaning attached, “I am a big goof. I ruined the entire event.” “People are placating me.” Feelings attached are discouragement, despair and failure. Body’s response is tight muscles, headache and depressing.

Reframe: Make a clear distinction between event and the meaning you give it. “Even though I messed up a little I gave some salient points. I am leaning to be a presenter and will do better the next time.” Let yourself off the hook. Be able to receive compliments.

All day, every day four things are happening simultaneously: 1) the event, 2) your thought regarding the event, 3) your emotions associated with what you perceive about the event, and 4) your body responding to how you see, think and feel about the event.

Reframing helps you to see what you were not seeing when clouded by emotions. Reframing takes you to a detached position where you might be able to see what a bystander would see (about the situation as well as about you). Rethink and let the sunshine reflect a better light on success, relationships and happiness.

Mona Dunkin is a Motivational Speaker, Corporate Trainer and Personal Success Coach. Read past articles at www.monadunkin.blogspot.com. Contact her at mdunkin@flash.net.