Loyalty Above All, Except Honor

Honor is as real to the human condition as love. Honor is formulated by one’s experiences, dignity and character; it is the totality of an individual’s trustworthiness and based on his social status, attitudes and actions. In teaching classes on character qualities such as integrity and honor, I am sometimes asked, “Are you telling me that you never do anything wrong, not even speed.”

My answer: “I do not intentionally speed.” I am not saying that I never do anything wrong; I am saying that I listen to my conscience and I do not “practice sin”. When my conscience is pricked, I take careful measures to heed the warning, evaluate and make corrections. My deepest desire is to be more than I am; to be true to my innate gifting.

Insight leads to change. Whether one believes it or not, we have enough light for the step we are on.

Which moral value is the most important? What does self-respect mean?
Honor: mark of distinction, respect, admiration, credit, reputation, tribute, principle, nobility, pride, mark of distinction, award, prize (Antonym: shame, disgrace)

“I was the perfect con man. No one could do it better than me. Others would marvel at the way I could talk my way out of any tight spot or talk someone else into doing whatever I wanted. Then one day I was sitting all alone on my cot looking through the bars on my window and a question hit me: If I was all that great and masterful, why had nine out of my last eleven years been spent in a cell?” The Con Game, Serenity Support Services, Inc. (used without permission)

Honor is a principle – not a rule – and is open to interpretation. Dr. Samuel Johnson suggests that honor has several senses with the most important ones being “nobility of soul, magnanimity and a scorn of meanness.” Dictionary of the English Language


Formula for change: Decision + Discipline + Divinity = Destiny

• Make a decision - basic; think through, ponder, come to a conclusion
• Develop discipline - determine steps and summons the courage to take them
• Divinity - God’s help is imperative. It is not magic but it is a mystery

Develop an “edit function”. Those without an edit function are into people pleasing or doing the “in” thing, without regard to moral values and often to their own harm. It does not take honor to self-protect or to go along with the crowd. It takes honor to do what scares you. The self-protection of loyalty in the face of honor deceptively cushions one for his personal stupidity. A powerful enforcing tool in conformity is shunning.

We live in community and look around us to determine what is normal. Perception is based on two realities: 1) general observation of others and 2) specific personal experience. When they match, we assume it to be truth. When there is dissonance, we are in the position to embrace and to change.

Every choice has it own set of new circumstances. The devil you don’t know is better than the devil you know? Getting rid of one devil one may bring honor, but it also may bring negative ramifications. There are devils everywhere. As you get honest with you, you find that roaring monsters live in the dark and light exposes them to be the squeaking mice they really are.

Stress and Significance

All of us are searching for identity, position, purpose and significance. Often in the process we encounter stress.

I was in Jersey City on the Hudson to attend and to present at the International Conference of the William Glasser Institute. The vendors were nearly finished setting up when I arrived at the book room to display my materials. Only I did not have the books with me as I had previously shipped them to the hotel and they were still in storage. The vendor room attendant was ready to lock up and agreed to wait if I would quickly go to the Concierge and retrieve the books.

The conference was held at the Hyatt Regency and the personnel’s helpfulness and attitudes were exemplary. The young lady graciously took my request and assured me the books would soon arrive. I waited. I went back to the vendor room to give a progress report to the attendant. I waited some more. I checked with the Concierge again. She made a phone call. I waited some more.

I did not set my stopwatch but I am certain that the actual wait time was not as long as it seemed. Choosing to not stress, I breathed deeply and turned to enjoy the beautiful scenery. The Hyatt Regency is located on the Hudson River directly across from New York City’s financial district and the vacant twin-towers lot. I had visited the site earlier. It is a sobering experience.

As I stood there I reflected on the Chinese Proverb, “Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.” I realized my stress was not over a slight delay in retrieving books but in my over exaggerated sense of self-importance.

In the book , The Camel Knows the Way, Lorna Kelly recounts being overwhelmed with Calcutta’s mass filth and poverty-stricken humanity. Lorna commented to Mother Theresa that all of her work was like a drop of water in a bucket. Mother Theresa countered. “No, my child. All our work is like a drop of water in the ocean.”

When I feel stressed over lack of quick acknowledgement, I realize my priorities are out of order. The more I am in touch with the vastness of the universe and the widespread wounds of the world, the more I realize the significance of each human being and the importance of every act of kindness. And the more content I am with who I am.

Humility is a do-it-yourself job. Humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less. We overcome the stress of self-importance by adopting humility, and in the process we find significance. Have a great Thanksgiving.


Mona Dunkin is a Motivational Speaker, Corporate Trainer and Personal Success Coach. Read past articles at www.monadunkin.blogspot.com. Contact her at mdunkin@flash.net. -30-

The Value of Appreciation

It’s tax time. Instead of allowing paying taxes to be a burden, let’s look at ways to see it as a blessing. Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr., proclaimed that, “taxes are the price we pay for civilized society.”

I recently attended a Get Motivated seminar with renowned speakers like Zig Ziglar, Tim Timmons and Krish Dhanam. Krish is from India. As a child he dreamed of coming to the United States to live the American dream. Upon arrival he was disheartened with the pervading attitude of complaints and ingratitude. To the axiom of “the grass is always greener on the other side,” Krish said that a good eighty -percent of the world’s population knows the harsh reality that there is no grass on the other side. Krish noted that American’s complain about having nothing to complain about. I wanted to dismiss this assessment despite an inner agreement of conviction and sadness.

Garland and I had the wonderful opportunity of taking a cruise to Veracruz and Progresso, Mexico. When it came time came to debark, there was a rush to exit the ship back into the rat race. It takes a long time to wait for 2000 tourists plus luggage to go through the narrow hallways and down a gangplank, and even more time at customs. The complaints were abundant. I whispered a prayer for those weary souls who vacationed without being re-created. I also said a prayer for me to be patient with the impatient and to not be judgmental of the critical.

In years past I had the awesome privilege of being Education/Outreach Minister at Victorious Life Church in Waco, TX. Although I was staff and had a regular salary, income tax was not withheld. I set my own schedule and operated like contract labor. Having been self-employed before, I knew the value of deductions and kept accurate records of mileage, travel and entertainment expenses. When my CPA did our taxes, these deductions were not applicable, stating that since I had an office at the church away from my home-office those items were “un-reimbursed employee expenses.” Imagine my shock at owing a few thousand dollars immediately to the IRS.

I sat quietly to think about this predicament before responding. My CPA voiced surprise at my calm acceptance of this pronouncement of deductions annulled and funds owed.

Here is my thought process:

• Arguing and angering will not change the situation
• We have good credit
• The high road is always the smoothest road
• I had a responsibility to find out if I truly was contract labor and had tax privileges rather than assuming what someone else said was accurate
• I have a job that I love, working with employees that I love, being able to help others
  I am thankful to be an American

I continued to work in that position for five more years until starting my own consulting and training business in 1999. In the grand scheme of things, living in a country with income tax is a small price to pay for our freedom, abundance and many blessings.

DON’T COPE, OVERCOME:

“In all things give thanks and for all things give thanks.” (Ephesians 5:20 and I Thessalonians 5:18)

“WHAT? In all things and for all things give thanks. Surely you jest! Are you telling me that I am supposed to be thankful for hardships, rejections, toil, death and taxes? Are you telling me that it is God’s will for sickness, handicaps, accidents, rape and murder?”

I am suggesting that a thankful spirit for the mundane or the ordinary sets us up to be healthier and happier and to avert discouragements and disorders. I am suggesting that it is God’s will for us to be thankful – not for the difficulty - but even in the midst of difficulties. I am suggesting that a thankful spirit in spite of the devastating results of a sinful world sets us up to overcome even in times of tragedy.

TESTIMONIALS: What others say about Mona’s seminars

“Mona is multi-talented. I have listened to other speakers and looked at my watch, hoping they would soon be finished. But Mona is so interesting, as well as encouraging class participation, that I am never wishing it would end. She is informative, witty, smart, and very sincere.” NJ

“I can see things in my life as your speak and can instantly begin to apply these principles and solutions to my problems. Your seminars are very effective and fun as well. As you said, 'Learning is fun' and I had fun learning.” Seminar participant

ASK MONA: Insights into perplexing questions

Q: “How can I develop an ‘attitude of gratitude’?” Seminar participant

A: The first step to any life-style change is to become aware of a need for change. Actively pay attention to how you respond to all situations and to feedback from others regarding how you respond. Monitor your thought processes: do you think like a victim or a victor? Monitor your self-talk: is it negative and depreciating or positive and problem solving? Look for life-lessons to be learned from difficulties and allow character qualities to be developed. Over time, this outlook can become the foundation, not only for a pleasant attitude, but also for wisdom.