Life Tensions

Some tension is necessary for good mental health. Good tension represents the gap between what one has achieved and what he has yet to achieve. It is the difference between where one is and where she is aiming to be. Allowing the challenge to “be all that you can be” stimulates one from latent potential to actual meaning.

In architecture, to strengthen an arch, more weight is put on top to force the parts to join together into a stronger, cohesive whole. Positive stress creates healthy tension that re-orientates one toward the “will to meaning”, thus giving equilibrium to life. Too much tension is harmful to one’s body and mental health.

Reset a faulty stress monitor. All human beings are equipped with biological machinery for handling stress. Stress is endemic based on the “fight or flight” concept. Everyone has a built-in gauge that self-regulates. To panic when one encounters a bear in his path is one thing; to go to pieces when there is no milk is quite another. Like a set-point in an over-charged battery, when stress is activated unnecessarily, the body’s reactive system stays revved up and life becomes a continual crises. The response system reserved for a life-threatening event is unleashed to the boiling point over trivial matters.

Like begets like.
We are creatures of learned behavior. The inability to handle stressful situations results in the inability to handle minor annoyances. This unstable environment sensitizes impressionable children to follow reactionary patterns. Losing control of yourself may have occurred before you were old enough to prevent it yourself. But you are not a child anymore. The window of change is yours through information.

It’s Never Too Late. Although the way you handle stress today may have been influenced by a non-nurturing environment, it is never too late to make a conscious decision to change. In order to function one may suppresses the activating event but the emotional outworking continues until the issue is consciously resolved. We have to be connected to the emotion in order to change it.

Start with a deep breath, hold for three seconds and slowly force the air out through your lips. Repeat, saying to yourself: “I breathe in peace and release anxiety.” In the calmness open your mental data-base where the source of the trauma exists.

As you review the emotion in a detached state, you are in position to make a life changing conscious shift; to truly allow bygones to be bygones. You become equipped to live in the now and grow into whom you were created to be.

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Making Changes

Change is inevitible. It happens all the time in big and small ways. Sometimes change is stressful; sometimes it is energizing. Here are thoughts on being empower to make positive life-altering changes.

Replace “should’s” with choices. Instead of saying “I should do so and so” change it to either “I want…” or “I could ….” Better yet, get in the habit of knowing your actions are choices so state your intentions assertively. “I choose to do so and so.” “I choose not to do so and so.” That is impowering. You are in the driver’s seat following your own road map and intentions, even when giving in to the suggestions of another.

Identify fears. Our emotions keep tabs of past failures. What have you tried before that has not turned out as successful as you planned? That was then and this is now. You have more skills now and more information now and more patience now. You have resources at your disposal now you either did not have then or did not choose to access. Face the fear head on and show it you are choosing to overcome. Allow your emotions to have success feelings to grab onto. It’s contagious.

It’s so easy… yea, yea, yea. Seeing a task as a big deal is only a big deal when you make it a big deal. Tell yourself aloud, “I can do this.” “I am up to the challenge.” “It’s easy.” So it is your choice. You can see it as difficult or impossible or, you can see it as a challenge, an opportunity to learn and improve skills. That is not to say it will be a piece of cake. But that it is doable and attitude is a big deal in the outcome.

Be your own best friend. How many times do you encourage family, friends or co-workers? How many times do you encourage you? Quit beating up on yourself. It does absolutely no good. Even if your performance was less than stellar, you are still a person of infinite worth and value with gifts and talents to offer that will bless self and others. Take your new best friend (you) by the hand and encourage her/him to discover new strengths, new skills, new attitudes and new outcomes. You can do it.

Life is not a dress rehearsal. This is the real thing. Today matters. Everything you do matters. Prepare for the big stage by practicing your lines. Lines like, “I am getting better and better and better.” “I don’t know how we will make it until payday, but I’ll find a way.” I (insert name) am so grateful for my wonderful family.” “I appreciate my job and co-workers.” Speaking a positive outcome into existence plays a major role in bringing it into reality. If the relationship does not improve today, then it is in readiness for tomorrow. God spoke the world into existence; in a major way, we do too. Keep rehearsing a pleasant world with your words and find yourself living it.

Change is an inside job. Choose to sit with your eyes closed and visualize the above-mentioned changes. Go inside your mind, heart and emotions and start the process. Choose to repeat this exercise two or three time a week. And be amazed.

We welcome reprinting of articles in your newsletter or magazine, providing credit is given as follows: “This article was written by Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, www.monadunkin.blogspot.com or www.monadunkin.com.”


Common Errors of Dogma

A person can be seen as difficult when he continues to act upon a belief that once worked for him. Life becomes harder and relationships more complicated, yet he refuses to investigate different venues. In spite of a changing technological universe and scientific discoveries, he holds own to his core beliefs and behaviors. Here are some common belief errors that result in dogma.

Using theories as facts: whether personal or professional. Sigmund Freud published his Id, Ego and Super-ego theory as fact. As soon as it was in print, his partners – Carl Jung and Alfred Adler – took opposing views. They each came up with their own theory. Many people have taken as these theories as fact. And so the ruse continues. A person may have some of the truth, but not necessarily all of the truth.

The refusal to acknowledge new discoveries. Many continued to belief that the world was flat even after Christopher Columbus proved the theory wrong. Some postulated the earth as the center of the universe, after Galileo and telescopes proved that the sun, and not the earth, was the central qualifier of the cosmos. A hermit may refuse to believe there is electricity.

Citing an authority figure as absolute. The nurturing of home and the companionship of peers can be wonderful. Beliefs such as “My mother/father/pastor/teacher/boss/friend said it and so it is so!” Error is error regardless of who espouses against it. Conversely truth is truth regardless of who denies it. Truth need not be defended.

Going with the flow. “Can a million people be wrong?” Yes, they can. This argument appeals to the sheep mentality of blindly follow a leader or creed. Thinking as a group is dangerous. Truth easily becomes watered down. Groups are more immoral than individuals. Think things through: become your own person in charge of your own mind and choices.

The more we have communication devices, the less we communicate. Listening to devices and/or multi-tasking make us double-minded and unstable. It puts us in constant partial attention. The stress associated with lack of focus lends to a sense of constant crises. It fosters a lack of commitment. Constant access to everyone makes you inaccessible to what really matters.

Failure to think it through. People often speak dogmatic non-truths because of impulsive responses or lack of thinking. They speak too hastily or answer too quickly. Think before you speak in order to avoid non-truths.

Value the dogmatic people in your life and respond to them gently. Every encounter between two people involves both people. The breakdown in relationship is always communication. When the talking, understanding and caring stops, the relationships is imperiled. Care enough to respectfully counter the dogma with something like, “Really? I don’t see it that way.” Suggest a news article to them or watch the discovery channel together. Allow the person to change his mind.

Mona Dunkin is a Motivational Speaker, Corporate Trainer and Personal Success Coach.
Contact her for your next event: mona@solutionprinciples.com