It's Just a Thought

You are going through your day when something triggers a stream of disagreeable thoughts – anger, resentment, lack, criticism, fear –or the thoughts as easily could be pining for reconciliation, preparing for an upcoming event, or taming a  huge to-do-list. 

How do you handle it?  Do you go to a dark place? Would you like to see things differently? Would you like to identify, re-frame, resolve, and smile as you go on your productive way?

More than likely, the critical thought is something you had pushed down, maybe in fear of not knowing what to do, or dread of how long I twill take, or to abandon completely. Your creative mind brings it back to your right now conscious thinking so you can be accountable.  Thoughts becomes negative and stress producing when discounted.  

What to do?    

Stop Immediately. Pause. Breath. Talk yourself down.  Beating yourself up does absolutely no good plus it compounds your stress. Gently acknowledge the thought.  Talk to the thoughts.  “Thank you for reminding me of this pressing issue.”  “I can handle this.” “I’ll take the high road.”  “I’ll do what I can to preserve this relationship.”

Know that your Creative Mind listens in on your self-talk and gently asks, “How can I help you with that?”  In that moment of pause, allow your brain chemist to organically drop calming chemicals into your system. Relax as you take pen and paper to jot down positive loving ideas as to what, when and how.  You just gave your creativity a task to decipher.   

“The faintest ink is better than the most retentive memory.” Mary Kay Ash

Get back to the business at hand while trusting and allowing your creative mind and wisdom heart to problem solve for you. 

Next time you think you have been misunderstood, violated, have a huge to-do-list – or whatever it is you want to fix - check and see if the sky has turned cloudy or the sun has stopped shinning.  If not, you will probably make it through this.  Do not allow yourself to fall down the Alice in Wonderland Rabbit Hole.  Lewis Carroll wrote, “She (Alice) generally gave herself very good advice (though she seldom followed it.)”

Give and follow your wisdom heart.  When those shoved down thoughts jettison you into the RIGHT NOW. give yourself another thought. A calmer thought.  A saner thought.  A healthier thought.

DON’T COPE. OVERCOME.  Think about these things. 

·      Give yourself room to grow
·       Take yourself out of the middle
·       Witness you from a balcony position – not to look down on, but to see all sides with more clarity
·       Be aware of negative identity thoughts and reframe – “I’m learning.” “I used to think that way.”
·       Know that you are enough - you are enough, you have enough, you do enough. Be okay with that.  
·       Find a way to be kind and accept regardless of rather than because of – as is, warts and all
·       Find an honorable way to release your ideal caricature expectation 
·       Respect without dismissing, ignoring, or trying to change another’s quirks
·       Be willing to make reasonable concessions
·       Develop communication skills of speaking your truth as well as listening to understand
·       Become aware how you may be demoralizing another to make yourself look good
·       Know that being “right” gains nothing and deepens the separation

Being a Blessing

Our topic today is being a blessing.

Being in the grammatical sense is a gerund. Which simply means that any time you add ing to a word – any word – it brings it into present tense – the NOW – right this second - that expresses a generalized or uncompleted action. As in “I’m going to the store.” You understand what is happening, but it is an uncompleted action.

I love ironies. One of which is, we cannot give out of an empty basket. We cannot give what we have not received. What have we received? Life. Breath. Gifts. Talents. Love. Because of these free gifts from God, we are able to give and to bless others.

In the book of Acts we have the story of Paul and Silas traveling around telling people about the one true God and his marvelous blessings bestowed on all of us, whether we give him credit for it or not. This God is the one who is always near to us, leading us, guiding us, directing us, loving us, comforting us. In trying to paint a picture of this wonderful invisible God, in poetic form, Paul said, “In Him – in this one true God – we live and move and have our being.” You are an animation of God.

We are all human beings. Beings
• Being - the quality or state of having an existence
• Being - qualities that constitute essence

All of that tells me that we’re not done yet.

You bake a cake for the recommended time and on the surface it looks done, but you stick a toothpick in it, and it’s a little gooey inside. That’s us. No matter how many years we have been in the oven, we’re not done yet.

But, no worries, we are human beings and we’re still learning.

Psychologists tells us that we are most open to learning when we are in love. When we are in love – with a person, a hobby, an adventure - we are open to new information and we willingly take it in and try it out. Being a blessing is not only being thankful and gracious and appreciative; it’s also being and staying in love with life and people and God and yourself.

Who will you re-fall in love with today? Or you could start from scratch and pretend it's for the first time.

Science and technology are discovering many new things daily. But they are not really new. King Solomon said, “There is nothing new under the sun.” There is nothing new under the sun because at creation everything that was destined to be was pre-programmed into the mystery of this universe to come forth “in the fullness of time.” Just like the birth of Christ. Just like the birth of you.

Becoming a Blessing is synonymous with becoming yourself – your true self, your essence - your DNA God-Code self. It’s that simple, and it’s also that difficult. It’s difficult because we too often second guess our self. We listen to our ego instead of our wisdom heart. Wayne Dwyer suggests that ego means “edging God out”.

When I have a not so gracious feeling toward me - and Jesus said I am to love me as I love you, my neighbor - I pause and evaluate: “Even though I burned the pie, I’m still a pretty good cook.” Likewise, when I have a not so gracious feeling toward someone else - and Jesus said I am to love my neighbor as much as I love me - I pause and evaluate: “Just like me, that person is doing the best they can.”

Loving attributes acknowledged. Grace restored.

The Heart-Math Institute says that our heart sends out more neuro transmissions than our brain does. Sadly, those transmissions don’t always reach our brain -- until we prepare our mind to receive the wisdom from our heart. Our heart’s invisible transmissions expand up to a three-feet circumference outside our bodies. It is something we unknowingly transmit whether positive or negative.

So how do we attune our mind to receive the heart’s wisdom? My go-to is the holy language of Scripture.

In the Sermon on the Mount (Matt 5:43-48) Jesus contrasts what we think or what we have heard with what he says. “You have heard it said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate our enemy’, but I say, ‘Love your enemies, do good to them that hate you and pry for them which despitefully use you and persecute you.” He goes on to talk about how good God is to everyone; sending sunshine and rain equally on the righteous as well as the unrighteous. Sending drought and tornados equally on the righteous and the unrighteous – no respecter of persons.

Jesus completed the thought with “Be perfect even as your Father in heaven is perfect.”

A long-time friend of mind has a delightful habit of smiling and giving a nodding approval and openly says “God love it” when someone does something special. She is not speaking to anyone in particular, but the heart-math translation is there.

When someone acts out, she gives an understanding nod and openly says – to no one in particular – “You gotta love ‘em”.

I may want to say, “I most certainly do not ‘gotta love ‘em.” And God gently speaks to my wisdom heart, “Yea, you do. That is, if you really want my kingdom to come to earth, that as above so below.”

Me? Perfect? How? One definition of perfect is “just right for the stage of growth”. An apple seed is a perfect apple, for its stage of growth. The goal is to keep on growing.

I suggest we attune to our wisdom heart by meditating daily for divine favor through the Lord’s Prayer (Luke 11:1-4). “Our Father” …. Pause and think about people groups all over the world, diverse socio economic, intelligence and abilities. Yet they are all our neighbors, and God is their Father. Even if you don’t get past the Our Father part, that can be enough.

We grow into our true essence by realizing that we have enough. “Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof” (Matt 6:31-34) Enough. We have enough. Sometimes we try to be thankful, but it seems difficult because we really focus on lack. I didn’t get enough sleep last night, not enough time, not enough money, not enough energy. …I’m not enough. What we focus on is what we draw to us. Begin to proclaim, "I have enough for today." That mysterious portal of ‘enough’ overflows into natural abundance through creativity, repurposing, thankfulness, generosity, appreciation, celebrating, blessings, accomplishments, good-will.

A wonderful measuring rod of being is III John 2, “May you prosper and be in health even as your soul prospers.” May you prosper – mentally, emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually, relationally – even as your soul prospers. Pause and evaluate. Content yourself by having enough.

All through the book of Philippians, the Apostle Paul admonishes us to be happy, glad and content (enough). This is not Paul in the Penthouse speaking, but Paul in the jailhouse. In all things give thanks. For all things give thanks. “Rejoice in the Lord always….” I can just see him pacing around the prison writing or dictating and searching to bring it to a powerful conclusion…. “And again, I say ‘Rejoice’.” Enough.

I examine my own life and how to be more thankful.

• I am thankful for misunderstandings, because they teach me to strive to be a better communicator
• for criticism, for it forces me to examine actions and attitudes and leads to repentance for failures
• for adversity, because it is in the winter that roots grow deepest to find fresh nourishment
• for financial reverses, because it helps me to be grateful for what we have.
• I am thankful for challenges that taxes every fiber of my being forcing me to grow in new directions.
• I am thankful for dreams, for ideas and for goals, for they keep me active and energetic and alive.
• I am thankful for a contented mind and a grateful heart.

Some may say, “but I don’t have that kind of faith.” Au Contraire! The Scripture says that everyone has been given a ‘measure of faith’. A measure. How much is a measure? Enough.

Everyone has enough faith to listen to their wisdom heart. You know what that is. It’s the inner guidance that directs you to do the right thing. It is the gentle inner voice that does not yell, does not condemn and does not lead astray. Just as everyone of us has been given life, so too have we been given breath for a certain number of days. Breath that breaths us.

God is sometimes seen as being too big, too powerful, too holy, too far away to have anything to do with me. Maybe we have a longing to serve God and others, but first we have to clean our self up.

Don't Cope, Overcome. About 45 years ago God spoke to my confused mind, “Just let me be your friend.” It resonated. I needed a friend. Out loud I said a faint, “okay”. No big deal. But it was a big deal. The friendship took and continues to grow.

May it do the same for you.

Holiday Priorities and Organization

Sunrise. Sunset. Life is a continuous, on-going process. Planting, weeding, harvesting and canning. As much as we accomplish, there is always more to do. As much as we know, there is always more to learn. Here are a few thoughts on prioritizing and organizing.

Identify the most important. Write down all the needs for the day, arrange in order of priority and tackle number one. Stay with number one until completed. Continually assess, “What am I doing now?” Weigh the current activity against what you have identified as the most important.

Make it a part of your routine. Remember the hare and the turtle? It is better to consistently devote one-hour a day to planning and implementation than hours of stressful catch-up. Habits form character and determine destiny.

Practice the One to Four Ratios. Time management experts say that for every one of planning reduces execution by four to ten times. One hour of advance preparation can take up to ten hours off the finished project. One day of concentrated planning can reduce the job by four to ten days. One week of deliberate groundwork can knock off ten weeks from the completed task.

Preto’s 80/20 Law of Predictable Imbalance. This principle ascertains that 20% effort produces 80% results. Using this predictable imbalance, 20% of your outfits are worn 80% of the time, leaving 80% of the items in your closet as clutter. Busy-ness does not mean business. In a given workday, 20% of your activities produce 80% results, leaving 80% as non-productive bustle. Twenty-percent of your social interaction will produce 80% of your leads. By eliminating 10% public commitments, you will gain time to develop better customer service.

Simplify through elimination. Be realistic about what you can do, what you cannot do and what you do not intend to do. Rather than delaying and denying, let yourself know your conclusion. Schedule in and pursue the can do’s and will do’s. Obtain help where needed and discard the rest.

Be an investigative reporter. Budget your time by asking pertinent questions, such as who? what? when? where? and how? Who needs to be involved in this task? Who will benefit from my completing this chore? What resources are needed for efficiency? What results are anticipated? What benchmarks point to accomplishment? When will supplies be available? Where do we eliminate fluff? How does this element compliment that component? Keep these qualifiers and quantifiers in sight to help you stay on track.

Find balance. Live one day-at-a-time while planning for the future. Plan around your entire life; being diligent to include family.

Much of the business of life is repeated over and over. Michael Gerber states that the “solution is in the system.” Developing a smooth running system reduces frustration, increases productivity and is easily taught to new workers.

Financial Freedom

"Money has never made a man happy yet, nor will it. There is nothing in its nature to produce

happiness. The more a man has, the more he wants. Instead of filling a vacuum, it creates one.

If it satisfies one want, it doubles and triples that want in other ways. - Benjamin Franklin

Step up to the challenge of getting debt free and living within your means. Use wisdom in planning and in spending. Be frugal. Shop for bargains and sales. Time is currency. Are you willing to trade time with your family – which you can never get back – for time spend to get money to buy stuff. Anything worth anything takes discipline. Most Americans put spending ahead of saving, yet saving is what builds security. Spending patterns account for your future. Living within your income contributes to happiness, and living outside your income compounds misery. The number one cause of financial failure is THE INABILITY TO DELAY GRATIFICATION. The number one means of failure to delay gratification is CREDIT CARDS

“Don’t charge anything that is down the drain before you get the bill. That includes gasoline,

restaurant meals, grocery purchases, hair cuts, etc. Here’s my promise: If you will stop incurring

new unsecured debt and commit to pay every month the same minimum payments you were required to

pay this month – not paying a lower amount as your balance goes down- you will be out of debt

completely in about 36 months – that’s the average amount of time it takes. It’s really simple.”

Mary Hunt, Cheapskate News

Make a radical commitment to be content with what you have. Adjust your focus of the important. I would suggest that buying less and paying cash will help will help get back the true meaning of living. Lower your expectations and develop contentment. Want what you have.

“Wants may be easily satisfied, either by producing much or desiring little.” Marshall Sahlins

Develop a healthy respect for “Just $1.00”. Depending on your income tax bracket, you have to earn more than $1.00 to replace the $1.00. Fifteen percent bracket repays $1.41; 28% = $1.73; $31% = $1.82; 36% = $2.01; $39% = $2.16. When you spend, you are spending more than $1.00. When you save, you are saving more than $1.00. You can nickle and dime yourself into financial misery.

“Beware of little expenses. A small leak will sink a great ship.“ Ben Franklin

Challenge your spending habits. On a scale of 1-10, will you use it? How often will you use it? It is of value to you? Can you afford it? Budgeting focuses on lack and attracts spending. Focus on savings; see the challenge of getting a bargain. Let the savings feeling supersede the spending feeling. Become dignified and independent by learning to live within your income. You can do it!

“There is no dignity quite so impressive, and no independence quite so important,

as living within your means.” - Calvin Coolidge

Get in touch with your God-given creativity.

“One of the biggest things we lose by getting caught up in all this is the capacity for

imagination. People are at a loss to imagine what kind of existence they would have if

it were not for the ever-constant purchasing of new gadgets.” -Scott Moore, BU Philosophy Professor

Developing A Spending Plan

　

“A budget feels like a diet. It curtails your freedom.

But with a spending plan, the choices are yours.” Deena Katz Moral

With the holidays upon us what better time to become spending conscious. Preparing for and living within one's budget contributes to peace on earth, good will to mankind.

1. Determine monthly income. Income is the money you bring in on a consistent basis and includes, but is not limited to, the following: regular income from primary job(s), regular overtime, tips, public assistance, child support, pension, social security, disability, commissions, bonuses, etc. If some of the regular income is flexible, choose a smaller amount but do include it in the total.

2. Determine monthly expenses. Expenses are things you spend money on/for and includes housing (rent/mortgage), utilities, telephone, car payment(s), car repair and maintenance, gasoline and oil, insurance, medicals, groceries, eating out, clothing, snack items, doctor visits, pet supplies, etc. Include small expenditures as well as large ones. Calculate yearly car repairs and maintenance (gas/oil/washes) and divide by twelve to arrive at the monthly expense. Do this on other items also that are not spent on a given date, such as groceries and clothing. Relegate the new school clothes purchases to a monthly expense. This way you will not be caught unawares and be in crunch time.

3. Know where your money goes. For the next two months, record all of your purchases. Record what you bought, the amount, the date and time, whether you used cash, check/debit or charge card, and your emotions at the moment. Note the impulse buys. Become aware of emotional purchases. Buying to feel good is a temporary false fix and makes you feel worse in the long run. Think and reason before buying. Remember, stuff does not bring happiness.

4. Look at other expenses and rank them in order of importance to you. Are you spending too much on fast foods? Where are you wasting money?

“Don’t worry that you’re going to lose your dignity. Engrave this motto on your mind,

‘Wherever I am, whatever I do, there is a way to do it for less’.” Mary Hunt

5. All successful spending plans require trade-offs. When you determine your core values and have something worth sacrificing for, it transcends the situation and sacrifice is not a sacrifice. “I choose to live within my budget; I will buy cool aid instead of more expensive soft drinks.” “We can rent movies rather than going to the movie house.” “I choose to live within my budget, so we can do without cable for a while.”

6. All successful spending plans require trade-offs. When you determine your core values and have something worth sacrificing for, it transcends the situation and sacrifice is not a sacrifice. “I choose to live within my budget; I will buy cool aid instead of more expensive soft drinks.” “We can rent movies rather than going to the movie house.” “I choose to live within my budget, so we can do without cable for a while.” Give up about keeping up with the neighbors. Make relationships more important than stuff.

7. Discipline yourself to paying by cash, debit card, or check. If the money is not in the bank, do not stress yourself by extending credit.

8. Limit yourself to one credit card and pay the balance each month. If you have existing credit card debt, pay off the high interest cards first, then use the extra amount to reduce the next highest, etc. This is also an excellent strategy to apply to reducing mortgage and car loans.

Have a Blessed Thanksgiving.

Clutter Cures

Do you want your surroundings functional and pleasant but are not yet up the Gold Standard of Organization? Not to worry, here's how to conquer the clutter monster forever.

Define Clutter. Clutter is that stuff you hang on to that might be needed when that illusive “someday” arrives. Clutter accumulates awaiting a decision to be made. In other words, disorganization is a result of procrastination.

Know this: You can never organize clutter.

Start small but do start. An overwhelming job becomes easier to accomplish when divided into digestible bites. Instead of looking at the entire project, select one area in which to begin. Within that one area, choose one spot to sort through – perhaps the junk drawer or one file cabinet or one section of the closet.

Commit to fifteen minutes. You will be amaze- and inspired - at what you can accomplish in such a short time. This flurry of productivity will motivate you to continue, either now or the next time.

Add some red! Researchers that study the effects of colors on our psyche have discovered that red invigorates us. It seems that people exposed to red are more successful at competing tasks that require concentration and memory. So, wear red, use red files/boxes, display red flowers, hang a red picture – something to put you into high gear to tackle the task at hand.

POST IT! Have you ever reorganized and then forgotten its new hiding place? Red Post-It notes to the rescue. Use bold post-it notes to indicate where you moved it and display your red-reminder in the old spot.

Take a power break. When tackling a difficult task, especially one not in your routine, it can quickly become overwhelming. If you feel beleaguered, step away for a few minutes to clear your head. A small respite can re-energize you and give perspective needed to problem solve.

It’s Niki Time. Just do it. Research shows that in the face of a challenge accepted – and you have to let yourself know that you are stepping up to bat - the brain will reorganize thinking skills to accomplish and the endocrine system will release chemicals to enhance self-control, willpower and stamina. The mind and body conspire to give you a second wind.

Don't Cope. Overcome. Curing yourself of being a clutter has a snowball effect. Organizational skills go hand-in-hand with time management and stress reduction.

Need a speaker? Contact Mona at mona@solutionprinciples.com.

The Mystery of Quiet Reflection

"Time is at once the most valuable and the most perishable of all our possessions."
Oliver Wendell Holmes

Do you compete with time? Or complain there is not enough of it? Are you guilty of bragging about how much you have to do? Or how long it has been since you have had a vacation? Or even a day off?

What is your reaction when another tells of their hectic life? Do you feel the need to one-up? Do you regard busy-ness as proof of self-worth?

Everyone has been given twenty-four hours in a day, yet some seem to make better use of it than others. Effective use of time is not magic, but it is a mystery. It starts with the wisdom of self-evaluation.

Redeem the time. Suppose you use a pizza coupon. The size and quality of the pizza remains the same but the financial outlay to you is less. Through use of a coupon the pizza proprietor gave you more bang for your buck. Quiet time stretches your spending. It is not another item on your “to do” list; it is actually a time maker.

Attune your heart and mind to inner peace. Did you know that noise comes from the same root word as nausea? For a few minutes deliberately shut out the noise of your surroundings. Push all the brain chatter aside and focus on the rhythm of your breath. According to brain science, as you focus on calm, the frontal lobes turn down the brain volume and ushers you into a place of serenity.

Listen to the still small voice inside. Conscious is defined as “an inner knowing of right from wrong, with a compulsion to do right.” Begin to listen to you; the answers are within. Brain scan of people meditating takes them to what scientists call “the God spot.”

Practice makes permanent. I have been told that runners reach a high to which they become addicted. Energy is released when the position is assumed on the runner’s block. I don’t know about exercise yet, but I can vouch for the longing for meditation. Assume the position and peace enfolds. Meditation is the silent language of creation.

Whether for a few minutes or an hour discover the mystery of quiet time and find the enchantment of wonderland. When you think you do not have time for quiet time is when you need it most. Taking a few moments of quiet reflection to realign thoughts and release pent up emotions helps you sort out true priorities vs. the tyranny of the urgent. Quiet time allows one to temporarily disengage from the rat-race to find your humanity.

Balancing Our Emotional Scales

Dr. William Glasser, founder of Reality Therapy, likens our emotional state to mental scales that weights what we have against what we want to have. The more we are living the life we want to live, the happier we are. The more evenly balanced our mental scales are, the more connected one is with reality.

Automotive experts tell us that cars run more efficiently on a full tank of gas. The gas is used up driving long distances or in stop-and-go traffic. The driver keeps an eye on the fuel tank and makes adjustments as needed. When the gauge is nearing ‘E’, the driver does not panic but simply keeps an eye out for a gas station to fill up.

Likewise, our lives run more smoothly when our emotional tank is full.

Emotions are there to communicate with us and to alert us to what we are creating in our lives. When you feel lower level emotions, such as frustration or anger, it is because you perceive that you are not getting what you want.

So, what’s a body to do? And that is just the point. The body responds negatively to drained or overwrought emotions. All behavior is total that includes the enmeshed employment of thoughts, actions/inactions, emotions and physical responses all at once.

Feel it. Recognize that you are feeling the way you feel and allow yourself to feel it. Emotions have to be owned before they can be kept, adjusted or discarded. Denying the emotion does not eliminate it; it just pushes it down to fester.

Self-evaluate. Ask yourself why you are feeling the way you feel. And more importantly, do you want to continue to feel that way? If not, what choices are you willing to make to adjust or discard the emotion?

The basic trigger behind drained emotions is the failure to get what you want in any given situation. The more stack attacks of such deficiency, the greater the scales are askew. Not getting what you want fits into a number of categories from the trivial wanting steak and being served soup to the serious boundary breakers. Are you willing to make the choice to enjoy cheese and crackers? Are you willing to speak up despite the butterflies in your stomach?

We are never in perfect balance but our objective is to stay as balanced as possible. Balance is maintained by being aware of your feelings and patterns. When you see yourself drifting off course, take notice and make an adjustment.

It is really hard to have a bad day when the emotional tank is close to full. Life’s journey runs smoothly as we keep an eye on the emotional scales and fill up. It is the total behavior that drains; it is the total behavior that re-fills. Connect with whatever brings you back to reality: run, jump, dance, meditate, work, play, cuddle or whatever.

Please leave a comment. Let's get a conversation going. 

Being Overwhelmed

Do you relate?

A major factor behind feeling overwhelmed is allowing yourself to be besieged by today’s fast-paced multi-tasking society. One becomes inundated with so many things to do that mismanagement holds sway. Priorities are neglected. Goals are abandoned. One becomes filled with guilt over broken promises and overdue deadlines. Fear and frustration reign.


Stop. Take a deep breath.

There, didn’t that one simple suggestion help?

The act of stopping allows you to catch up with you. Stopping permits the tornadic whirlwind to settle. One deep meaningful breath calms emotions and engages rational thinking.

Observe. Once you are off the fast-track you are better able to see your surrounds. It is not so much what is going on around you as what is going on inside you. As the fevered tension subsides, purposely monitor your self-destructive patterns.

The body’s cells operate in one of two positions: closed for survival or open for growth. Frustration is the chaotic combination of distorted mental pictures, critical self-talk and the physical cells closing down (in order to keep you alive!). With the release of pent-up frustration, energy flows for accomplishment.

Assess. Examine your to-do-list in order to judge or evaluate its validity.

• Quickly write down all the pressing thoughts in your head. Do not judge the need or organize the outcome. Just write from the largest to the minutest; have to’s and want to’s.
• Once your random thoughts are on paper, distinguish between a project and the tasks that aide in the completion of the project. Example: The project is organization; associated tasks are: sort out (closets, shelves, files) systematize reading materials, de-clutter desk, scrub floors, take off recycle, donate to Salvation Army, hold garage sale. Projects dwarf once you see how details to be accomplishment are one and the same.
• Independently calculate the weight of each project. On a scale of 1-10, with ten being the heaviest, assign power to each project. Although all are important, give due diligence to the one of greatest weight over those that appears urgent. Even if two of the lesser weights are marked-off, your loan will not be lightened because the heaviest is still waiting in the wings.
• Set a time and date. Today, tomorrow, this week, this month, this year; long term, short term. You cannot rise above your calendar. Once tasks are given a time frame in which to be accomplished, energy is directed to the outcome more than the minutia.
• Ask and answer self-evaluation questions. Is it really important? How so? Is it really that urgent? Why? Have I given it more power than it warrants? What if I saw it as a choice rather than a command? Is the fate of the world dependent upon my doing this? Or my family? Who do I need to help me? How can I delegate?

Who would have thought that moving forward starts with stopping? Rather ironic, huh? Don’t just imagine what three or five deep breaths would do; experience it. Live it. Keep your cells open for growth.

Please share your insights below.

Taking Responsibility for Change

A key concept is to be willing to take responsibility for change. Knowledge is not enough. All I or any one else can do is give information, what you do with it is entirely up to you. Knowledge without application is as crippling as not knowing.

Another key word is responsibility. I define responsibility as,” Respond-ability, Meaning I have the ability to, control I how I will respond,” How will I respond to the information received? How will I respond to the action taken? How will I respond to set backs and frustrations? How will I respond to success?

In a Cathy cartoon a few years back, she was lamenting to her mother about woes of life. To each problem, Mom had the definitive answer.

Cathy’s problem: The Need to lost weight. The need to be more productive. Financial concerns.

Mom’s solution Eat less. Exercise more. Get up early. Prioritize time. Organize. Spend less. Budget. Save more

Cathy left in huff.

Confused Mom stated, “If only I weren’t so brilliant.”

Why was Cathy so upset with Mom? Could it have been because Cathy already knew the answers but was not willing to be responsible for the actions needed. Thus she became frustrated with the one who directed her to the solutions, that- in the reality - pointed out the flaws she refused to see.

Every person has a conscience. Conscience is defined as “an inward knowing of right from wrong, with a compulsion to do right.” The answers are within. It takes time, not only to discover them, but also to receive the strength to be responsible.

The tension of change is to acknowledge,” I won’t know unless I try,” but then only trying the new concept once or twice and declaring it ineffective. The tension of change is discounting the need for continued effort with a trite, ” I tried that once and it didn’t work!” A key word is ”tried” Trying is lying. Trying is giving a two-cent effort, while sabotaging self, thus justifying that the solution was wrong. Quit trying and start doing, sometimes again and again until it takes.

Do pro athletes say,” I’ll try?” No, their language, attitude, and actions are “I will” Later, their language, attitude and actions become: I did it!”

Please share your thoughts.

How To's of Meditation

Meditation is not another thing to do. It is an invitation to stop doing. It is an invitation to be true to you. Unfamiliar things seem strange, new things seems awkward and anything untried remains foreign. Here are suggestions for the practice of meditation.

Find a focal point. Concentrate on something constant and easily accessible - like your breath. Inhale deeply through your nose, taking the air all the way down into your diaphragm. Hold the breath for 2-3 seconds then exhale through pursed lips. This simple act promotes mindfulness of the moment. It releases the trauma of yesterday without rehearsing the tension of tomorrow. It also changes the chemical compounds in your body.

Picture it. We breathe in oxygen and breathe out carbon dioxide. Imagine the fresh oxygen circulating through every cell in your body picking up toxins and being released with an exhale. Put color into it. Breathe in relaxing blue and breathe out grey stress. Breathe in sunshine yellow and breathe out blackened depression. Direct the breath to an area of tension and – like WD40 – imaging it releasing the hold and setting free.

Find the secret place. The human condition regrets yesterday and worries about tomorrow, thus failing to live in the present. For a few minutes deliberately set aside the noise around you – people talking, the buzz of traffic, a ringing phone. For a few minutes deliberately set aside the noise inside you – the to-do list, the looming deadline, the guilt. Go inside yourself; to your interior. Go to the God-spot within you, the one placed there at the moment of your conception.

Melt tension. Meditation has been clinically proven to reduce levels of cortisol in the body. Cortisol is the culprit that holds negative stress in the body. It is the “fight-flight” chemical that keeps one revved up, unable to flow. Cortisol is also the hormone attributed to “cravings” as well as the storage of food into belly fat.

Discover serenity. Meditation has been shown in studies to decrease stress and increase production of endorphins, the brain’s “happy drug”. When endorphins are activated through quiet reflection a spirit of thankfulness overtakes stress; an over-all-good feeling settles in.

Become wholly integrated. We are a composite whole and cannot divide ourselves from ourselves. Through consistence practice of meditation the mind’s irrational rationalizations and judgmental justifications begin to slip away and truth becomes real. You made an unwise decision, you are not stupid. It is a difficult situation, it is not horrible. He made a bad choice, he is not the devil personified. She was harsh, she is not evil incarnate. With frequent times of quiet reflection, the mind chatter is calmed. You learn to just be, and that is enough. You learn to let frustrations float away.

As with exercise and healthy eating, meditation results are not as immediate as one might wish but they do work. And it is well worth the effort; paying off like compound interest.

Invite Mona to speak to your group. Whether business, organizational, civic or faith-based, you will be entertained with her humor, challenged by her gift of uncommon insights ad motivated by her thought provoking poems. mona@solutionprinciples.com

Leave 'Em Wanting More

Google gives several speculations as to who coined the phrase “leave ‘em wanting more”. Some say it started with show business. If your audience wants more, they will be repeat customers. Regardless, the underlying message suggests stopping while you are ahead. Or stop in order to get ahead.

To give too much renders one under-appreciated.

TMJ (too much information). To unleash excess information on another may be put you in a bad light. Too much complaining, even if valid, makes you appear petty. Too many details, even if your passion, become boring to those with a cursory interest. Too much self-depreciation makes others uncomfortable. Too much self-aggrandizement spurs companions to the exit door.

TMT (too much time). Time is a valuable gift life has given to each of us. How we use it is our gift to others. Giving too much time to a project can produce undue stress. Giving too much time to an individual can breed discontentment. Taking too much time to make a decision can leave one either behind or stuck.

TMS (too much stuff). Giving can be a touchy subject. When gifts are forced, the giver is often resented. How many toys do the grandkids need? Or even want? When gifts are thoughtless they are often under-appreciated. Is your giving in keeping with what you want to give (i.e. want them to have) rather that what the recipient wants to be given. Are you willing to give what the recipient prefers even if not to your liking? Or does it become something to be hidden and displayed only to appease guilt?

TMH (too much help). Reaching out is a noble attribute and can be an excellent way to show that you care. From the giver’s standpoint, the help may be minimal, but from the receiver’s view, it may be a boundary breaker. Harmony in knowledge and skill sets renders a pleasant exchange. Ask politely before jumping in and doing. If part-way through tension suggests too much, graciously stop without offense.

Psychiatrists Carl Jung said that others are mirrors reflecting us back to us. When you sense tension from another, allow that to mirror a need to self-evaluate one’s own approach.

In what ways might you on the verge of “too much”? Project a little mystery. Not to be difficult, just to be less predictable. It’s to “leave ‘em wanting more.”

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Becoming Balanced

A new year filled with new possibilities lends itself to seeking the age-old dilemma of becoming balanced; how to find it and how to keep it. The truth is, there is no magic formula of 8 hours work, 8 hours sleep, 4 hours family time, 4 hours personal time, etc. As much as one might like neatly pocketed time slots and agendas, the real world does not work that way.

The way we see our outer world is a symptom of what is going on inside. Evaluate: What do you feel deprived of? What is your level of appreciation for the ordinary? How is your life out of sync? What are you really searching for? What expectations are too high or too low?

How to walk a tight wire. Like a trapeze artist or a bicycle rider, balance knows when to lean left or right - and how much - while continuing to move forward. With a little lean, you adjust and regain equilibrium. If you over-correct and crash, get back in the game with a renewed commitment to balance.

Do not allow work to control you. The just-one-more-thing syndrome will keep you bound to work; often at the sacrifice of family and health. Do not allow the seduction of ambition to distract you from what is truly important.

How do you eat an elephant? An elephant is too big to be consumed in one setting. Not only is it to be eaten “one bite at a time”, but also with lapses for processing, digesting and elimination. The large carcass may need to be shared with others and some may need to be frozen for another time.

Do not expect easy. Most tasks have a learning curve, so give yourself room to grow. This goes for relationships also. Give you room to grow. Give them room to grow. Make the focus and intention on growing together, not apart.

Make routine your friend. Author Michael Gerber says “the solution is in the system”. A well-reviewed accounting system keeps the books in balance. A well-planned and executed schedule keeps life in flow. Continually reviewed priorities keep first-things-first. A running list of to-do’s keep you on track and the joy of marking off a task add to the feeling of accomplishment. .

If you assign the same priority to everything then you feel overwhelmed. Balance is making plans in keeping with your priorities and adjusting along the way. Balance is doing what needs to be done within an acceptable time frame. A key factor is to know what to focus on and when.


We welcome reprinting of articles in your newsletter or magazine, providing credit is given as follows: “This article was written by Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, www.monadunkin.blogspot.com or www.monadunkin.com.”