Truth or Dare with Social Distancing

In the long ago Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In TV series (1967-1973), actress Lily Tomlin portrayed Edith Ann, a five-year old with outlandish truths about life. Edith Ann sat in a huge rocking chair and recounted strange adventures from her childish point of view. Each segment ended with her looking directly into the camera and boldly proclaiming, “And that’s the truth!”

Life tickles your funny bones. The audience saw comedy in Edith Ann’s truth because it emphasized how we, too, may see things askew. You find humor in situations with which you identify. And sometimes it’s good to laugh at ourselves. To see our foibles. To recognize our shadow side.

Sometimes life breaks your hearts. The heart ache is not from seeing truth, but from refusing to be set free by the truth we see. Truth hurts only when it is supposed to. Allow the sting to take you to self-evaluation for loving adjustment or forgiveness.

Feelings don’t tell you the truth; they just emphasize how you feel. Beliefs are not necessarily truth, they are just what you tell yourself you believe. What you believe is your best guess in the moment at what is real. Your best guess at reality is conditioned by the society in which you live.

Society doesn’t tell you the truth; society goes with fads, trends or the in-thing. Your thoughts don’t tell you the truth; they just try to tell how you measure up to society’s dictates. Or not. Circumstances don’t tell you the truth. No matter how real they seem to be they are really your thoughts trying to prove to you that your beliefs and that your feelings and your viewpoints are truth.

What does tell you the truth? Life.

Life demonstrates truth. Truth is universal and applies to everyone equally. Life speaks truth whether we believe it or not, whether we can handle it or not. Rain or drought, hurricanes or tsunamis falls equally on the just and on the unjust.

Life reveals when actions are plume. It matters not if one is a skilled iron worker or a nuclear scientist or an adventurous roof-scaling child, the truthful law of gravity shows itself to always be accurate. Whether gravity works for us or against us depends on our respect for its truth.

Don’t Cope, Overcome. There is a big difference in thinking you are a fool and in thinking you did a foolish thing. When your thoughts bring increased frustration, anger, sadness or instability, then maybe it is time to challenge your truth. Does what you believe hold water? Is your attitude working for you or not?

When circumstances are less than ideal, look deep inside to see what lesson life is teaching you. Obey the rules of the road and the chances of a speeding ticket, wreck or traffic violation are greatly diminished. Listen to your internal moral compass. NOTE: it speaks quietly, softly and gently. It must be tuned into to be heard. It must be given space to grow. It must be proven to stand firm.

Need a Life Coach? Contact Mona at 254-749-6594 or monadunkin@gmail.com

Agreement vs. Appeasement

Have you ever been guilty of agreeing when you did not really agree only to be caught up in a conundrum? Then, since the non-agreement was just a front to avoid unpleasantness - you went on your merry way doing whatever you chose?

And it backfired on you?

It damaged your credibility? It cast doubt on your ethics? It may have even done damage to the relationship? You were called to task for not acting on your pseudo-agreement?  You find yourself stuck in excuses and rationalization and justification?

“Oh what a tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive.” Sir Walter Scott

One may think that agreeing to appease makes things easier, but does it really? It may pacify for today, but what about tomorrow? Or next week? Or ten years down the road? Does mollifying place strain on the relationship? Is each non-truthful act another blow to the dividing wedge?

What will continue conciliating do for your health - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually?

Stuck is when you keep moving and it’s time to be still. That rubbing movement causes friction that leads to provocation, the very thing your false agreement was trying to avoid.

In a moment of stillness, consider the hard truth that no one likes to be pacified. You do not like it. S/he does not like it. Although we absolutely cannot read someone's mind, there is something mystical about knowingly/unknowingly discerning what is truth or lie.

You perceive legitimacy or falsehood in others. They perceive legitimacy or falsehood in you.

The current moment is attached to all your future moments. Make them ring true.

Think with the mind and know with the heart. Be proactive by deciding in advance how you will response when the faithfulness of life and relationships presents this scenario again. Decide your truth beforehand. Not for a canned or condescending reply, but for comfort and flow.

Sometimes a person will “agree” with an aggressor as a way of stopping communication. Take a moment to dialogue with yourself to find your truth then verbalize it rather than deflect. If your agreement is not true, summons the courage to speak your truth in love. “I think I understand where you are coming and I do not agree.” “It is alright with me if you fill-in-the-blank and I choose not to be a part.” Note that a simple “and” instead of a “but” softens a descending comment.

See the value in the relationship as you work to repair the damage. Respect will bloom again. 

Thinking For a Change

“As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” - Jesus

 

Or so he becomes. It behooves us to think about what we think (believe).   

 

Psychiatrist Carl Jung is known as the “doctor of the soul”.  Dr. Jung traveled worldwide living among and studying cultures, religions, arts, myths, legends, dreams and fairytales. His research led him to many psychological revelations such as the conscious and unconscious, the anima and animus and the human realities that connect us all - generations past, present and future.

 

Dr. Jung concluded that man is not complete without religion or myths. Mythology and religion support each other; it is our way of working out our understanding of God, the universe and people.

 

Dr. Jung’s sought to discard the “invisible pressure of being European.”  What invisible pressure do we, individually and corporately, need to examine? How can we know truth? We believe what we believe until we believe something else.

 

How can we know truth? We believe what we believe until we believe something else. True seekers observe without preconceived ideas. As sincerely as possible, accept what is whether it makes sense or not. Respect different – even opposing – viewpoints. Search for hints of truth in what may appear contradictory. There is an element of truth in most lies and a component of falsehood in most truths.

 

Live in the question. How can something as passive as mediation effect change? Where do ideas come from? Mystics and writers of profound truths lived in isolation, what does that say about our modern busy lifestyles?   Where does our dark side come from? How do we access the light? Prayer seems to work, but how? How does faith practices work for people who believe differently than me? Are dreams – nighttime as well as daydreams - really God speaking to me? Are my dreams trying to tell me things about myself that I am not yet ready to receive? How does a feminine divine fit in?

 

Live in the mystery. If the true King-of-kings and Lord-of-lords, the one before whom everyone bows and worships, has a secret name – as the book of Revelations states – how can anyone believe the name of his god is absolute?

 Are we all connected? Can people be spiritual and not religious? Are the Tibetan prayer flags and the Christian prayer shawls cousins? What about a Buddhist Zen garden and a Christian prayer garden? How can we know truth? We believe what we believe until we believe something else.

Challenge your truth. Be willing to release whatever stifles growth or engenders prejudice and stereotyping. I examine my own unresolved bias for solid foundation. When measured, is my position plumb? Those times I come face-to-face with my prejudice – such as contempt toward an obese person even though my own double-digit dress size is not that much smaller – I hear my sweet then-seven-year-old-daughter saying to me, with absolutely no guile, “Yes, Mrs. Pot.” 

 

Carl Jung says that people and life experiences are mirrors showing us to us. Give pause for open-minded contemplation whether you like or dislike what you see.  Know what you know while being open to other glimmering facets of the multi-dimensional diamond of life.

Truth or Dare

Lily Tomlin, portraying five year old Edith Ann, was a regular feature in Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In TV series (1967–1973).  Edith Ann sat in a huge rocking chair and recounted outlandish adventures from her childish point of view. Each segment was ended with her looking directly into the camera and boldly proclaiming, “And that’s the truth!”

Life tickles our funny bones. The comedy in Lily’s skit came from the audience’s knowing that Edith Ann’s truth may not have been quite like she saw it. We find humor in situations with which we identify. And sometimes it’s good to laugh at ourselves. To see our foibles. To recognize our shadow side.

 

Only sometimes life breaks our hearts. The heart ache is not from seeing truth, but from refusing to be set free by the truth we see. Truth hurts only when it is supposed to.

 

Feelings don’t tell you the truth; they just tell you what you feel. Beliefs don’t tell you the truth; they just tell you what you believe. And what you believe is your best guess at what is real. Our best guess at reality is conditioned by the society in which you live. 

 

Society doesn’t tell you the truth; society goes with fads, trends or the in-thing.  Your thoughts don’t tell you the truth; they just try to tell how you measure up to society’s dictates. Or not. Circumstances don’t tell you the truth. No matter how real they seem to be they are really your thoughts trying to prove to you that your beliefs and your feelings and your viewpoints are truth.

 

So what does tell you the truth? Life.

 

Life demonstrates truth. Life is not prejudice. Life tells us the truth whether we can handle it or not. Rain or drought or hurricanes or tsunamis falls equally on the just and on the unjust.

 

Life reveals whether our actions are plume or not. It matters not if one is a skilled iron worker or a nuclear scientist or an adventurous roof-scaling child, the truthful law of gravity shows itself to always be accurate.

 

When feelings are bruised, look deep inside to see if you really are a fool or if maybe you just did a foolish thing.  Big difference.  When your thoughts bring increased frustration or anger or sadness or instability then maybe it is time to challenge what you believe. Does it hold water? How’s it working for you?  When circumstances are less than ideal, look deep inside to see what lesson life is trying to teach you. Obey the rules of the road and the chances of speeding tickets, wrecks or traffic violations are greatly diminished.

 

Listen to your internal moral compass and obey its directions. BUT NOTE: it speaks quietly, softly, gently. It must be tuned into in order to be heard. It must be given space in order to grow.  It must be proven in order to stand firm. 

 

Need a Life Coach?  Contact Mona at 254-749-6594 or mona@monadunkin.com   

The Mystery of Christmas

The Christmas holiday celebrates yet another difficult-to-understand-concept of God’s working in human affairs. Famed newscaster Paul Harvey told a story of the incarnate Christ that is worthy of reflection.

A man did not believe in all the hum-bug of Christmas. He reasoned that if God was so powerful why visit planet earth in human form at all, much less as a weak baby.

One bitter cold Christmas Eve the man’s family went to a local church to worship. The man sat home in front of his warm fireplace as the lights from their Christmas tree shown through the plate glass window. He was startled by a crashing sound against the window.

Going outside, he found a little bird dead in the snow. Apparently the bird was attempting to fly into the warm room and met his fate against the cold glass. The man saw other birds shivering in the nearby trees and got an idea.

He opened the garage door so the bird could fly inside and be out of the gusty wind. The man waited. The birds did not come inside. He beckoned to the birds that it was safe. The birds still did not come in. He sprinkled bird food leading from outside into the safe garage. Still, the birds did not come inside.

The man thought, “If somehow I could just become a bird for a few minutes, I would fly among them, chirp their language and then show them that the garage is a safe haven.”

As the man was thinking these thoughts, the Christmas bells chimed to celebrate the birth of baby Jesus. He fell to his knees. “Oh God, now I understand. You spoke from heaven and the people thought it was thunder. You sent prophets and they did not heed. You choose to become man to show the way.”

As a human being, what capabilities did the man have? If he could have become a bird, what limitations would he have? Human knowledge may have been retained, but as a bird the range of abilities were severely constrained.

When things are hard to understand, human nature comes up with something even more difficult to comprehend – a fat man in a red suit visiting every home in the world in one enchanted evening. May you embrace the life-changing love and mystery of Christmas.

Please share your thoughs. I love hearing your insights.

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The Power of Words

Words are so powerful. The Holy Scriptures asserts that God spoke the worlds into existence. To a lesser but equally important degree　we also speak our world into existence. Words are very powerful - how we use them as well as whether we choose to use them or do not use them.

Words have meaning. Words paint pictures that produce the blueprint from by which we build our "house". Words are alive and therefore　meaning changes with usage.　 When words are fueled by emotion they become more powerful, to motivate or to de-motivate.

Human beings are a tricodomies, among them are: body, soul and spirit; eat, learn, and sleep; ego, id and super-ego; want, have and　need; and mind, will and emotion.

With our mind we consider the issues of life - think about, weigh, measure and judge. Our mind puts words to the experiences of life. With our emotions we feel the issues of life - content, happy, sad, angry, frustrated, confused, etc. Our emotions assign meaning to the events of life. With our will we decide the issues of life - "Yes I will" or "No I will not". Our will accepts or rejects life’s happenings.

Here’s another tricodomy: pleasure, pain and neutral. Our internal sonar-system seeks as much pleasure and success as possible while avoiding as much pain and failure as possible. With the striving for attainment and the struggle to overcome losses, it can be difficult for one to find the neutral zone. And even more difficult to live there.

Emotions are the sonar that sends and receives signals.　The mind (psyche) formulates actions based on　the signals　received.　The body obeys the commands given to it by the mind.　The mind operates on the concrete words, not nebulous thoughts or emotions.

Signals received/sent become our perception that in turn becomes our reality. Only　it may not be real.　We may have assigned incorrect words to the event and therefore see things askew. No wonder we are so complicated. No wonder life is so wonderful (full of wonder).
　
Non-acceptance of what is creates pain. How futile to resist what already is. Use your words to acknowledge what is so you can move forward. I misunderstood. I spoke hastily. I made a bad investment. The tornado destroyed my home. The economy is trashing my lifestyle.

Accept what is and then act. Use your words to redefine the happening. Soften it from horrible to not so good. Use your words to formulate the future.

One’s life becomes calm when lived in the neutral zone. Neutral is accepting what is. And lovin’ it. Neutral acknowledges that pain is a messenger to be heeded. Neutral mysteriously turns potential into energy (for problem solving). 　　
　
Let’s start a conversation. Give your feedback.

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To the Secret Place

“When mind and soul agree, belief is born.” Abraham Heschel

God is not far from any of us. Everyone has an inner chamber into which he can retreat at will. It is a sanctuary free from the multitude of daily cares, free from human judgment, free from agitation, change and turmoil. It is a place where your senses rest, where you are regenerated and re-created. The longer one stays in the secret place, the better equipped to handle the public life of the ordinary.

Embrace the mystery of suffering. Compassion testifies to the presence of Christ within us. Develop compassion, not to master the suffering, but to enter into it. Through embracing the pain in true compassion, we are put in a position for our actions to correspond according to God’s love.

Repair love for people. In the secret place the love cycle is completed. One becomes aware that worth and value are gifts from God. Allow yourself to be nurtured by the mother heart of God to rediscover the power of love – from God to us, through us, back to God and spilling over to others. As gratefulness is directed toward God the human heart is filled with the ability to love generously – the loveable and the not so lovely.

Relive tension between “now” and “not yet”. Faith is looking forward to something that has not happened yet. Time spent in the secret place results in your being more collected, able to accomplish more, thinking deepens and you are able to be present – really present - wherever you are.

Rest without empirical evidence. Troubling questions such as “Why child abuse?” are quieted. God gave mankind the awesome gift of free will and he will not violate that gift, even when the exercise of it brings harm to the individual and others. God’s goodness made laws that He does not violate. God so believes in laws that he governs Himself. In the secret place these issues are understood and courage to be a change agent is garnered. The heart is called to intercession.

Our bodies store information for us. In quiet meditation the mind will reveal these secrets bringing healing and wisdom. We are born with a will to meaning. When the self is soothed, one can then become self-less. Once a need is met, it ceases to be a main focus and life runs smoothly. You find this in the secret place.

We welcome reprinting of articles in your newsletter or magazine, providing credit is given as follows: “This article was written by Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, www.monadunkin.blogspot.com or www.monadunkin.com.”

Coming to Terms with Discrepancy

We are complicated individuals filled with many contradictions. Anthony Robbins says we have a core need for certainty and uncertainty. And they operate both at the same time!

Our need for consistency wants everything to flow in the same predictable, secure, and comfortable routine. Even if that consistency is a rut.

Our need for variation craves risk, change, variety and challenges.

No wonder relationships are so complicated. It is difficult enough to come to terms with this yin/yang in us, let alone rectify it with spouse, parents, children, co-workers, neighbors, etc.
I believe it can be done. It takes work. And maturity.

Absolute truth vs. truisms. I believe there are some absolute truths. Absolute truth includes the law of gravity (within earth's atmosphere) and the rotation of the earth around the sun with a pattern of day/night and seasons. I suggest absolute principles include the Ten Commandments and that all human misery can be traced to the breaking of one or more of those directives.

Truisms are sayings that contain an element of truth that may be applied to a specific situation but not across the board. This would include “Look before you leap” book-ended by “He who hesitates is lost.” There is an element of reality in each. There are times immediate action is required without extended deliberation vs. times when analysis brings paralysis. The underlying truth in each is that decisions require the right amount of thought.

Happiness - external vs. internal. Although ultimate happiness is an internal-do-it-yourself-job, there are external contributors. Happiness includes relationship with people, primarily our family members. Dr. William Glasser says that human misery is the result of living under tyranny, abject poverty, debilitating sickness or the inability to get along well with those people that are important to us.

Others definitely contribute to our happiness but it is too much of a burden to place on anyone to make him/her responsible for our happiness. It is freeing to meld the truth that “I cannot make you happy” and “You cannot make me happy” with “I am happy to be with you” and “I am happy you are with me.”

Control – internal vs. external. Getting along well with people has a lot to do with locus of control. Namely, whose behavior can you control? Attempt to control another results in tension and unhappiness. The more we are in control of our own behavior - that includes thoughts we think and actions we take and emotions we exuded - the less controlling we will be of others.

Conversely, the less we are in control of our own thoughts, our actions and our emotions; the more one will attempt to control others. External control uses the “seven deadly habits of highly ineffective people” that are complaining, blaming, guilting, criticizing, nagging, threatening and punishing.

Relationship building - and happiness - comes through employing the “seven healthy habits of highly effective people” that are supporting, encouraging, listening, accepting, trusting, respecting and negotiating. The foundation of these habits is forgiving.

Consistency is found through personal contemplation and discipline.

We welcome reprinting of articles in your newsletter or magazine, providing credit is given as follows: “This article was written by Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, www.monadunkin.blogspot.com or www.monadunkin.com.”