Truth or Dare with Social Distancing

In the long ago Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In TV series (1967-1973), actress Lily Tomlin portrayed Edith Ann, a five-year old with outlandish truths about life. Edith Ann sat in a huge rocking chair and recounted strange adventures from her childish point of view. Each segment ended with her looking directly into the camera and boldly proclaiming, “And that’s the truth!”

Life tickles your funny bones. The audience saw comedy in Edith Ann’s truth because it emphasized how we, too, may see things askew. You find humor in situations with which you identify. And sometimes it’s good to laugh at ourselves. To see our foibles. To recognize our shadow side.

Sometimes life breaks your hearts. The heart ache is not from seeing truth, but from refusing to be set free by the truth we see. Truth hurts only when it is supposed to. Allow the sting to take you to self-evaluation for loving adjustment or forgiveness.

Feelings don’t tell you the truth; they just emphasize how you feel. Beliefs are not necessarily truth, they are just what you tell yourself you believe. What you believe is your best guess in the moment at what is real. Your best guess at reality is conditioned by the society in which you live.

Society doesn’t tell you the truth; society goes with fads, trends or the in-thing. Your thoughts don’t tell you the truth; they just try to tell how you measure up to society’s dictates. Or not. Circumstances don’t tell you the truth. No matter how real they seem to be they are really your thoughts trying to prove to you that your beliefs and that your feelings and your viewpoints are truth.

What does tell you the truth? Life.

Life demonstrates truth. Truth is universal and applies to everyone equally. Life speaks truth whether we believe it or not, whether we can handle it or not. Rain or drought, hurricanes or tsunamis falls equally on the just and on the unjust.

Life reveals when actions are plume. It matters not if one is a skilled iron worker or a nuclear scientist or an adventurous roof-scaling child, the truthful law of gravity shows itself to always be accurate. Whether gravity works for us or against us depends on our respect for its truth.

Don’t Cope, Overcome. There is a big difference in thinking you are a fool and in thinking you did a foolish thing. When your thoughts bring increased frustration, anger, sadness or instability, then maybe it is time to challenge your truth. Does what you believe hold water? Is your attitude working for you or not?

When circumstances are less than ideal, look deep inside to see what lesson life is teaching you. Obey the rules of the road and the chances of a speeding ticket, wreck or traffic violation are greatly diminished. Listen to your internal moral compass. NOTE: it speaks quietly, softly and gently. It must be tuned into to be heard. It must be given space to grow. It must be proven to stand firm.

Need a Life Coach? Contact Mona at 254-749-6594 or monadunkin@gmail.com

Building Your Safety Net

Restlessness and complacency are twin rivals of the human psyche. Carl Jung  

We are complicated individuals with dualities striving for fulfillment.  Here are some thoughts on being whole, complete, real, united and living/walking in congruency with our true self. 

Accept who you are now and grow into whom you want to become. Give up the fairy tail world of “Someday I’ll…” Wishing and dreaming are not enough. Such irrational thinking sees self as whole and complete. It takes out the temptations and struggles of today’s reality. Get in touch with your humanness, accept help and guidance and develop your latent strengths.

Monitor your growth. Set a benchmark to focus on and keep track of day-to-day progress. For example, studies show that weight loss is twice as effective for those who record their food intake as those who do not. Monitored activity or thoughts makes reality more visible, whereas non-measured activity lends to error.

Give up trying (low energy) and go with doing (high energy). Look at how far you have come “since when” and embrace where you are now. Trying embraces struggle whereas doing releases ideas, energy and results.  Success in small increments ups the ante to keep on keeping on. 

Change your playground and your playmates.  The body is a remarkable instrument that wants to heal itself.  The cells in the body have only two positions: closed for protection and open for growth.  Glucose is a willpower enforcer that is released into the blood stream in nurturing environments. Glucose “willpower” is constricted in hostile, not-good-for-you settings.  Consider who is good for you and hang around them. Get honest with who/what is not good for you and limit exposure.

Change is invigorating to soul, mind, body and spirit. Like most things, habits are both good and not so good.  The habit that propels you to brush your teeth is great, not so much the one that unthinkingly reaches for the cigarettes. When surroundings are the same, so too are ingrained habits. A slight change in your environment can cause you to re-think.  Replace junk food with fruits and vegetables. Put interesting reading material on top of the TV remote. Keep dumbbells in an accessible spot for impromptu strength training.  Every time you chose a positive move, consciously tell yourself you are brain-training your mind.

Believe it and see it.  Everything is created twice, first in the mind and then in reality. Athletes who visualize overcoming an obstacle win hands down over the also-rans who tried to do their best. Anticipate challenges and see yourself succeeding anyway. Practice graciously yet boldly saying “No, thank you” to those tempting offers that are sure to come.

There is strength in numbers. Align yourself with people who embody the character qualities you want to develop. Get involved with wholesome groups like church, sports and mentors.  Hang around those who encourage you, support you and cheer you on.

Be kind and patient. Beating yourself up serves no worthwhile purpose whereas self-compassion - especially in light of setbacks - leads to self-control and a do-over motivation. Refuse to indulge in the vicious cycle of error, guilt, condemnation and greater error. Self-forgiveness sets you up to focus on what you really want,  who you really are and whom you really can become. 

Watch your self-talk directed at others. Judging, condemning and criticizing others turns them into your enemy whether they are or not.  We need community. The person you judge as self-righteous may be dealing with his own demons in a different manner than you. Just maybe what you see as nagging is a mishandled way of encouragement. Suppose they (mom, mate, co-worker, authority) see the real possibilities within you and - out of frustration -tries to force you into being you. With the reciprocity of life such as it is your extending compassion to him comes back to you.

Don't Cope. Overcome. Walking a high wire needs a safety net.  So does life.  The good news is that with a self-balancer in hand, it requires less and less effort to stay aright. A setback does not mean failure. What counts is how you recover. Get up, dust yourself off and get right back on track.  It’s worth it.

Need trainer? Mona Dunkin leads individuals and companies to greater levels of success. Contact her at 254-749-6594 or monadunkin@gmail.com View training topics at www.monadunkin.com

Benefits of Getting Your Z's

Every parent knows that a cranky child is more pleasant after her “beauty sleep”. It works for adults too. If your life has become so busy that you have decided to give up on sleep, please reconsider. There are numerous benefits. Here are a few.

Sleep aids in the processing of emotions. REM is when sleep experts say dreaming takes place. Supposedly we start by reviewing the events of the day and trying to make sense of them. Thus, the right-brain/left-brain battle brings on some weird images or nightmares. As the night progresses these issues are settled and dreams become more positive, going into the realm of problem solving and goal setting type of daydreaming. What a shame to get too few hours’ sleep and miss out on this beneficial imagery.

Sleep helps to balance perspectives. Research says that because of the right-brain, left-brain switches over during sleep, one’s dream state gives more input and creativity than one’s awakened state. Also, in the relaxation of sleep, the intuitive side willingly receives new insight from the logical side.

The old recommendation to “sleep on it” bears a lot of truth. While your body is being reset through the restful mechanics of sleep, the mind is fully active, exploring through buried files unhindered by conscious thought. The engaged mind reviews and sorts and categorizes and comes to conclusions. Even though it happens frequently, I am still impressed when I awaken with the answer to last night’s cross-word puzzle.

Sleep helps elongates short term memory. Harvard University studies taken from different angles, has impressive research showing sleep improves information storage. Students that study intensely followed by sleep then awaken to testing, scored consistently higher than students who studied intently then immediately was tested while “it was still fresh on their mind.” There is something mysterious about sleeping that allows the mind to better understand information, associate it with prior knowledge, store it and easily retrieve it later.

Experts say the amount of regular sleep effects one’s overall weight. Too little restful sleep the more pounds on the frame and the more difficulty in losing weight.

Sleep resets our systems. As a person who functioned well on only a few hours of sleep, I was reluctant to stay abed longer. These benefits have been motivators to me to and have improved my life and health. It may take a while to learn new sleep habits and it is well worth the effort.

For all your speaking and training needs, contact Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, monadunkin@gmail.com www.monadunkin.com.”

Dreams, Goals and Our 'Quality World' Pictures

Our ‘Quality World Pictures’ was coined by Psychiatrist William Glasser to represent people, places, things and beliefs that we unknowingly isolate from our all-we-know-world. These things are selected and separated because they add value to our life in some measure. We isolated them as desiring to make them a part of our everyday life. Although they are pictures in our head, we devote our time and attention into developing them into reality.

In non-Reality-Therapy-Choice-Theory-language, I suppose dreams could be seen as the same thing as quality world pictures. We can have both Quality World pictures as well as dreams, yet not be aware of either. We may think it is ‘common sense’ to want this or that or to not want this or that.

Before we proceed further, I need you to know that my definition of ‘common sense’ is those things we bought into pre-conscious and pre-verbal. It is those things we were born into and automatically accepted without question. Those commonalities became our worldview of life and by default became our ‘everybody’s-like-that’ position. We pre-judged that ‘them and their’ were like ‘me and mine’; not necessarily in an ugly prejudicial way but in a limited understanding of differences in individuals, families, tribes, cultures and nations.

And that is where conflict comes in. The real world – people, places, things and beliefs that really exists - tries to educate us. Wake us up. Broaden our perspectives.

Dr. Glasser said, "We control the world for need."

What? I like to put it in a think-about-pattern -- "We control _______ for ______."

EXAMPLES:
We control co-workers for cooperation.
We control the horn for faster traffic flow.
We control our anger for getting our way.
We control being lovey-dovey for getting our way.

(Note the last two control tactics are different approaches with the same end result in mind. Each can be legitimate or a false front, depending on the emotion behind the drive.)

We (attempt) to control ... others or situations or the weather, or traffic or the government or what-have-you... in an attempt to get a need met whether it is our belonging need or our power need or our fun need or…
You get the picture.

But here is the conundrum (riddle). Until we learn Choice Theory, we may be ineffectively attempting to get a need met –even one we don't yet know we have - using pictures we don't know we are trying to develop. Our needs, as well as our ways of securing them, are illusive. We search for pleasure or success following the 'common sense lie'.

How we gather these Quality World pictures is multi-dimensional and lasts a lifetime. Perhaps from old TV shows like Ozzie and Harriett we extrapolate a picture of a happy, healthy marriage.

If I think money will make me happy, then money is a major picture in my quality world even though it may look like a big house or a fancy car or beautiful clothes that I inadvertently adopted as wanting and associated those “things” with money.

If I think love will make me happy then I look for an unspecific person – probably one with money - especially if the people I currently associate with do not make me "feel" loved.

And that is another 'common sense' lie. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Or ‘feel’ unloved or anything else. Feelings come from thoughts.

When we think unloving thoughts, we feel sad, depressed, angry, etc. Conversely, when we think loving thoughts, even if they are neutral – “maybe I misunderstood” – then our feelings do not hijack us as easily.

We may be in a family where we are loved very much but if their love is not shown to us in agreement with our illusive Quality World picture of what love looks like, then to us they do not love us.

And so the search goes on in another person, another job, a newer house, prettier clothes, whatever is just beyond our grasp but looks like it is the all-encompassing thing.

Newborns have the five basic needs as well as adults do. A baby knows when something is askew - hungry tummy, dirty diaper, cold or lonely - and he has no idea how to have this 'feeling' satisfied. So he cries. He makes noise. Mom shows up and offers comfort and baby is satisfied. Over time, the baby unknowingly places mom in his QW as the comforter, the food vendor, the problem solver, or as the what-ever-I-need fixer.

Maybe those pre-verbal picture labels contributes to mother's frustrations when the kid is fifteen and continually hollers "MOM!" Rather than lovingly responding, she may yell, “Get it yourself!”

This is how our Quality World pictures are collected, grow and distort.

And here is a rub with our selection of Quality World pictures. We isolate our Quality World pictures as having value to us that will add meaning, whether it is something we embrace or something we wish to fight against.

Oh, dear, such a tangled web. No wonder it is difficult to know our selves.

As an Instructor with the William Glasser Institute, I teach a not-so-common-sense worldview approach to effective living that brings peace and success in every area of life. Interested? Give me a shout out - monadunkin@gmail.com

Dreaming of a Blessed New Year

The Christmas Story is filled with angels, dreams and interpretations. That phenomenon was not just for long-ago and is still prevalent for us today.

Our awake mind takes in information and responds. Sleep allows the brain to rearranges recent memories, a process that can lead to insight and new knowledge. Researchers believe that sleep is not only good for our physical health but also for our mental well-being.

Each night we go through stages of sleep. In the process of falling asleep breathing and pulse slows and muscles relax. The brain waves are regular and the body can be easily awakened. In deep sleep the brain waves slow down with occasional spikes depending on surrounding noise or interference. In the deepest sleep, known as REM or rapid-eye-movement, the brain stem releases chemicals and fires electrical signals. The muscles are so relaxed the body is virtually paralyzed.

During REM is when dreams occur. Scientific research reveals that everyone dreams every night, whether remembered or not. During REM sleep chemicals go to all parts of the brain gathering a mix of visual images and emotional feelings and coalescing them into a dream that has elements of both the real and the bizarre.

You can train yourself to remember and benefit from your dreams but it may take time. Start by deliberately putting you to bed. Quiet your breathing and deliberately turn off your mind’s rehearsal of the day’s events or tomorrow’s worries. Tell yourself that you will remember your dream upon awakening. Learn to wake naturally, without an alarm.

Write it down. Up on awakening, continue to lie still and concentrate on remembering your dream. Keep a pad and pencil by your bedside and immediately jot down the dream exactly as you remember it. Do not embellish and do not edit.

At off moments during the day, reflect on your dream for insights. Was it meaningful or simply entertainment? Embrace success and look forward to more.

An example. I had a recurring dream of various meetings and demands made on me. Mixed up with all this was a nagging that I had lost a library book and a huge fine was awaiting. Upon awaking I was puzzled. The thing that stood out the most was the library book. It made no sense since I prefer to own the books I read.

My interpretation. I began to reflect upon the last time I had visited a library. Then I remembered having called several bookstores and the library trying to find a certain book for a client. The library had it and put it aside, in my name, to be picked up. I gave the information to my client. He never went. Consciously I dismissed it. Unconsciously my name was on the line. Once the problem came to light a solution was formulated.

Science gives validity to Mom’s advice to “sleep on it”. The function of the unconscious mind is to protect you. When you have a decision to make or a problem to solve, your mind works over-time - day and night - to honor you. Sleep allows the brain to rearranges recent memories, a process that can lead to insight and new knowledge.

Effective Leadership

To advance your career it is important to learn new skills. You cannot have quality service without trained and motivated people. Leadership is blending the tough and tender sides to take people and the business to new heights. Leadership is balancing the demanding and the caring.

Know Yourself. Effective leaders know their innate talents, strengths and weaknesses. They capitalize on strengths while encouraging growth in others. They work on their weaknesses while offsetting the disparity with co-workers who excel in that area. They pursue personal growth; address fears head on, eliminate negative emotions and continually set forward goals.

Establish trust through relationship. Correction fears or evaluation dreads disappear as you develop relationship. Everyone wants constructive input from a friend.

Provide a learning atmosphere. Learn and improve by holding ‘group think’ sessions. My definition of synergy is “all of us are smarter than any of us.” Put egos aside. Allow each person to give positive points as well as improvement points. Brain storm together to determine effective communication, customer service, or whatever the issue may be.

Handle losses with grace and maturity. Everybody has difficulties; it is how you handle them that set you apart from the pack.

Grade on the curve. Give the benefit of the doubt while holding to accountability.

“What” verses “Why”. Asking “Why” comes off as accusing and encourages excuses and arouses negative emotions. Looking at “What” promotes accountability and problem solving. “Why” looks at the here and now; “What” looks at the present and future.

Play “What If”. Not for doom and gloom and do not get bogged down in worst case scenarios, but evaluate the possible outcome and what fail safes need to be put in place.

Assign tasks and accountability. Name a specific individual to a specific task. Giving general directions such as “someone needs to ..” leads to no follow through because of lack of delegation. When ambiguous orders are given, staff assumes another will do the task and your problems are compounded by personality conflicts.

Assess if your message is getting through. According to Management Resources, a person’s body language indicates confusion. A confused person will do one of the following six things: 1) Avoid eye contact; 2) Tilt their head; 3) Squint the eyes; 4) Close their mouth and keep it closed; 5) Lower their eye brows; 6) Cross their arms and/or legs.

Take Action. The best laid plan will never work without action. Use the 48-hour rule. The longer the delay in starting a project, increases the waning of enthusiasm for solving issues and the more the problems are compound. Set project deadlines as well as incremental action steps for accomplishment.

Baby steps are okay as long as you are going in the right direction. Several small leaps prepares you for the big jump when it comes.

Letting Go of Anger, Part 1

We live in a painful that inflicts anger producing situations. How you respond determines your emotional, spiritual and physical well being. According to Dwight L. Carlson, M. D., anger and psychological problems are directly connected. Dr. Bernie S. Siegel asserts that anger and physical disease have an unswerving correlation. My experience tells me that anger and relationship difficulties are one and the same. Anger is a spiritual issue.

Here are a few thoughts on letting go of anger.

Be willing to change. Change is an inside job. Each person is self-determining and your approach to life is exactly what you want it to be. If it were not, you would change it. Relating to people in anger is a misguided attempt to control them to get your way. Since it does not really work, be willing to use a different approach.

Take personal responsibility for change. Just wanting something is not enough. It takes desire and discipline to determine destiny. Discipline is being personally responsible for your thoughts, your judgments, your prejudices, your words, your tone of voice, your facial expressions and your actions. Taking personal responsibility may, on occasion, mean literally biting your tongue. Because you have a thought does not mean you have to express it.

Insights into change. We easily lie to ourselves by thinking if we want something badly enough it will happen. And so we see ourselves as changing, when in reality we have rearranged our prejudices and put a new face on the same old problem.

Do not allow your emotions to rule. Emotions are fickle, often false, and always fast fleeting. When emotions rise, thinking plummets. When emotions rise, blood flow to the brain decreases resulting in irrational thoughts and irresponsible behavior. The more emotionally involved you are, the more aggressive the behavior. The more emotional attachment the greater the propensity for hurt. The more emotions are involved the more hasty the reaction.

Not all needs are unmet. Sometimes we feel we have been wronged when we have not. Sometimes we feel we have a right to be angry when we do not. We feel our needs have not been met when they have. Because you wanted steak and got a hotdog does not mean you have been treated unfairly. Because you overslept and was late to work does not mean the world is out to get you. Sometimes a person feels he has no way out when there are solutions. Because expectations are so high, if they are not met precisely, a person feels wronged, hurt and devalued. When emotions are overly involved, the pain and injustice becomes distorted.

Be objective. Take yourself out of the middle. Replace feelings with thinking – rational thinking. Carrying a chip on your shoulder lends to a slight infraction being taken as a personal affront. Instead of viewing others as out to ruin your day, accept human frailty for what it is; selfish and imperfect - your as well as theirs. Get honest and analyze the problem.

Begin to notice and put these suggestions into practice. We will look at more strategies next week. Share your ways of letting go with us.

Life and Relationships

No matter the venue, from home life, to the workforce, salesmanship, community involvement, government, law enforcement, or to breakthrough science like Albert Einstein’s Theory of Relativity, it is all about the state or quality of relating.

“We are motivated by love, controlled by it, inspired by it, healed by it and destroyed by it.

Each of life’s challenges is a lesson in some aspect of love.” Carolyn Myss

1. Choose to respect others, while earning respect from them.

2. The only person you can control is yourself. But do you? Things over which you have control includes your words, your attitudes, your facial expressions, your actions, your thoughts, your choices, your feelings, your schedule, what you spend, where you go, with whom you associate, how hard you are willing to work, how to interact with others, and how you take care of yourself. If you do not set the tone and pace of your life, then someone else will set it for you and you will feel put upon.

3. You are always influencing others, either positively or negatively. Be a positive influence by remaining pleasant, even in a difficult situation. Hold the person in high regard as a human being with infinite worth and value, even if you disagree with his/her ideas, attitudes, or behaviors. Find something good in each person and in every situation. See problems as solvable and as character building challenges.

4. Discover the door-way to communication. Your attitudes and behaviors create a door-way to you as well as away from you. If someone behaves according to your specifications, it equals an open door. If the person interacts (intentionally or unintentionally) against your specifications, your door closes – partially, all the way or can be locked and bolted. Set the pace as the relationship builder by choosing to adjust your style so the result is open communication, win/win relationships, and lessening or removal of tension.

5. Provide an inclusive, accepting environment that gives room to grow. The tension here is that acceptance does not mean approval. Many relationships are harmed by failure to accept the person as he is because of disapproval of how he thinks or behaves. Trying to make this person change results in resistance. As relationship is built, the other person is in a greater position to receive your insights.

6. You do not have to attend every argument to which you are invited. Choose your battles. It takes two to argue. You do not have to acknowledge or try to correct every comment, behavior, or attitude. Ignore as much bad behavior as possible and commend acceptable behavior. Accentuating the positive sets the environment to empower eliminating the negative. As Ann Landers says, “Just because a donkey brays, does not mean you have to acknowledge him.” But you do need to be kind to him.

7. Focus on the problem, not the personality. Don’t take comments or actions so personally.
What is more important, relationship or being right? Relationship or your opinion?

Improved Relationships

“But I’m doing the best I can.”

I’ve been tempted to use that excuse myself. Only my self-awareness, social understanding and spiritual consciousness prod me until I do some self-evaluation. Asking and answering defines the problem and seeks solution.

Look at your own history. Do you have a string of rocky/broken relationships, unsatisfactory jobs, contention with authority, stressful living and overall lack of happiness and success? Do not joust at windmills trying to fix everyone else. Look at the common denominator – you.

Pointing out a problem is not enough. Look for your underlying motive through reflection and find solutions through trial and error. The path includes honest thought, sincere planning, decision-making, willingness to sacrifice and unassuming action.

Questioning your hidden agenda is a good place to start. There is faith in honest doubt. Will you meet your need to belong by following the crowd or by being true to your authentic self? Listen and heed the still small voice inside. And you must become quiet to hear it.

Conscious is an inward knowing of right from wrong with a compulsion to do what is right. One’s faithful life purpose always includes doing what is best for you and, by default, is also best for others. We are all connected and our lives enter-twine.

Be responsible for your thoughts and your actions. Placing blame on someone puts the situation outside yourself and causes one to think and act like you have to fix him/her. When you identify your part of the problem and take responsibility for you – your thoughts, your attitude and your actions – you have something you can work with.

That is not to say that you work independently. I/we messed this us. I/we are each responsible to some degree. I/we need course correction. The thing is, the only one whom you have control over is the “I” portion, not the “we” factor(s). To take personal responsibility results in immediate empowerment. You have found the one and only locus of your control.

It is always need verses need. Once you make the decision to quit blaming and to take responsibility for your part, the atmosphere mysteriously softens and the seeming opponent is placed in a more comfortable position to follow your lead. Or at least to hear your input.

The greatest threat to taking charge of your own life is comparing yourself with others and deeming self as having fallen short. This leads to following the crowd and participating in group-think. It becomes a self-depreciating way that leads to stagnation and conflict (with you more than them).

Understand the necessity of self-imposed limits. I define responsibility as “having ability to determine how to respond”. It is through discipline that we move from dissatisfaction to hopeful. Placing limits leads to fulfillment.

Don’t Cope, Overcome: Flourish and overcome by really doing the best you can. Think it through, make a choice, act upon your decision and relish the feel good results. Your life is a gift worth receiving (or taking back).

For counsel or speaking engagements, contact Mona at mona@solutionprinciples.com 254-749-6594

Dreaming of a White Christmas

The Christmas Story is filled with angels, dreams and interpretations. That wonderful phenomenon was not just for long ago and is still prevalent for us today.

The dream center. Our conscious awake mind takes in information and responds. Sleep allows the brain to rearranges recent memories, a process that can lead to insight and new knowledge. Researchers believe that sleep is not only good for our physical health but also for our mental well-being.

Stages of sleep. In the process of falling asleep breathing and pulse slows and muscles relax. The brain waves are regular and the body can be easily awakened. In deep sleep the brain waves slow down with occasional spikes depending on surrounding noise or interference. In the deepest sleep, known as REM or rapid-eye-movement, the brain stem releases chemicals and fires electrical signals. The muscles are so relaxed the body is virtually paralyzed.

IT is during REM that dreams occur. Scientific research reveals that everyone dreams every night, whether remembered or not. During REM sleep chemicals go all parts of the brain gathering a mix of visual images and emotional feelings and coalescing them into a dream that has elements of both the real and the bizarre.

Train yourself. You can remember and benefit from your dreams but it may take time to train yourself. Put you to bed, quiet your breathing and deliberately turn off your mind’s rehearsal of the day’s events or tomorrow’s worries. Tell yourself that you will remember your dream upon awakening. Learn to wake naturally, without an alarm.

Write it down. Upon awakening, continue to lie still and concentrate on remembering your dream. Keep a pad and pencil by your bedside and immediately jot down the dream exactly as you remember it. Do not embellish and do not edit. Think on it. At off moments during the day, reflect on your dream for insights. Was it meaningful or simply entertainment? Embrace success and look forward to more.

Pay attention to your dreams. Even the wild ones. Dr. Carl Jung belived that dreams is how our unconscious tries to make sense of the way we think and act. Consider all the characters in your dream as being you in disguise; once you "own" that personallity as genuinely you, it becomes a catalysis to problem solving.

An example. I had a recurring dream of various meetings and demands made on me. Mixed up with all this was a nagging that I had lost a library book and a huge fine was awaiting. Upon awaking I was puzzled. The thing that stood out the most was the library book. It made no sense since I prefer to own the books I read.

My interpretation. I began to reflect upon the last time I had visited a library. Then I remembered having called several bookstores and the library trying to find a certain book for a client. The library had it and put it aside, in my name, to be picked up. I gave the information to my client. He never went. Consciously I dismissed it. Unconsciously I knew my name was on the list and my reputation was on the line. Once the problem came to light a solution was formulated.

Science gives validity to Mom’s advice to “sleep on it”. The function of the unconscious mind is to protect you. When you have a decision to make or a problem to solve, your mind works over-time - day and night - to honor you.

Sleep allows the brain to rearranges recent memories, a process that can lead to insight and new knowledge. Sweet dreams.

Root Causes of Anger

Anger is a legitimate emotion and is common to all.  How often we give into angry expressions is a personal choice.  As we learn to be aware of the roots of anger we can “nip it in the bud”. 

 

A major cause of anger is when a need is not met, whether the need is real or perceived.  We act on the way we feel things are, not on the way they are.

 

Two of mankind’s greatest needs in life are to love and to be loved. The feeling of being loved results in personal stability and confidence. Feeling unloved produces insecurity, hypersensitivity and anger. Striving for unmet love leads to becoming dependent on another to prove your self-worth. It allows inner thoughts and emotions to be dictated by external circumstances. 

 

Another factor in anger is when one’s worth is questioned or one feels devalued.  Without the confidence of independent thinking, others are used to validate who one is, his beliefs, actions and behaviors. 

 

Another root behind anger is when one’s views, convictions or beliefs are threatened. Everyone has opinions and everyone has things she values. Holding on to them too tightly for fear of being proved wrong, is expecting others to authenticate those things that shape your outlook, principles and faith.  

 

Anger breeds unforgiveness toward those who do not esteem you (as you need to be esteemed), who devalue me or who trample my beliefs. 

 

When one lives a lifestyle inconsistent with core beliefs, an unexplained anger toward self and life is displayed.  If you believe in “God, mom and apple pie”, yet do not reverence the divine, do not respect your heritage and eat peach cobbler, you have set yourself up for anger.  If you believe in morality, yet live immorally, you set yourself up to self-destruct.  If you believe in honesty, but fudge on expense accounts, speed limits and income tax, you set yourself up for anger.  If you believe in integrity, yet tell “white lies” or askew the truth to make yourself look good, you have set yourself up for anger.  To violate the truth held in one’s heart is to self-destruct.  How can you adjust your lifestyle and attitudes to your congruency?    

 

Low self-esteem and over-inflated ego. Self-image is the picture you have of you, true or false. Self-esteem is the value you place on you, high or low. Self-worth is the reality of your intrinsic value and dignity as a human being regardless of externals. Failure to accept the gift of yourself leads to anger with life.

 

An attitude of entitlement. This is displayed in a mind-set of “I didn’t ask to be born so somebody owes me.  Mom owes me. Dad owes me. Siblings owe me. My friends owe me.  My boss owes me.  The government owes me.  Somebody owes me!”  The truth is, life is the greatest gift God and your parents gave you.

 

Although anger has its place, to have one’s personality marked by anger does not.  Become aware of your frequent angry by making an x on your calendar every time you become frustrated. Recognize your hot buttons and steer clear of them. Change your stance; sit down, lower voice, breath deep, recite mantra or count to ten. Deal with the real issue; evaluate what is really bothering you.

 

 

 

The Freedom of Anger Resolution

Life hurts.

A physical wound heals through proper attention of cleansing, ointment and time. So too with an emotional hurt. Only the proper attention is not to nurse, curse and rehearse.

Thought is reflected in the body as emotion. Thoughts may not be conscious, but emotions are. As the negative thought is replayed, one stays emotionally overwrought (raw). Lack of perspective unconsciously causes one to identify with his emotions and that emotion becomes “you”.

Emotion is the body’s reaction to thought. Hostile thoughts build up energy in the body that is experienced as anger. The more one identifies with his thoughts (likes, dislikes, judgments and interpretations) the stronger the emotional energy charge.

Some things are so painful the only way to handle it is through denial. An important function of the mind is to remove emotional pain, thus the confused flurry of mental activity and the need to deny reality. Emotional pain is lessened through reflection that brings resolve.

Resolution involves opening the mind to consider all sides of an issue; to be willing to see the pros and cons of all parties involved. Resolution brings things to an end. Problem solved. Resolution declares the conflict is over.

VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: It takes one to resolve, two or more to reconcile.

The resolution within yourself frees you in several ways:
1) It frees you to be civil toward the offender.
2) It frees you to be open to your part in the conflict.
3) As your attitude sets a gracious atmosphere, it frees the offended/offending party to be receptive to your insights.
4) It paves the way for reconciliation.
5) It strengthens you to live peacefully with unresolved issues.
6) It promotes overall spiritual and physical health.
7) It gives you courage to set boundaries and/or to respect boundaries.
8) It builds tenacity within to embrace a spirit of forgiveness to self and others.

When we cease to draw identification from the pain, we are freed to be free. We are freed to find resolve whether through action or inaction. We are freed to experience love, joy and peace. Love, joy and peace transcend emotions all the way to the state of being.

Don't Cope. Overcome. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. Forgive yourself for things you did do as well as things you did not do. Forgive yourself for things you said as well as things you did not say. Do it today.

Balancing Our Emotional Scales

Dr. William Glasser, founder of Reality Therapy, likens our emotional state to mental scales that weights what we have against what we want to have. The more we are living the life we want to live, the happier we are. The more evenly balanced our mental scales are, the more connected one is with reality.

Automotive experts tell us that cars run more efficiently on a full tank of gas. The gas is used up driving long distances or in stop-and-go traffic. The driver keeps an eye on the fuel tank and makes adjustments as needed. When the gauge is nearing ‘E’, the driver does not panic but simply keeps an eye out for a gas station to fill up.

Likewise, our lives run more smoothly when our emotional tank is full.

Emotions are there to communicate with us and to alert us to what we are creating in our lives. When you feel lower level emotions, such as frustration or anger, it is because you perceive that you are not getting what you want.

So, what’s a body to do? And that is just the point. The body responds negatively to drained or overwrought emotions. All behavior is total that includes the enmeshed employment of thoughts, actions/inactions, emotions and physical responses all at once.

Feel it. Recognize that you are feeling the way you feel and allow yourself to feel it. Emotions have to be owned before they can be kept, adjusted or discarded. Denying the emotion does not eliminate it; it just pushes it down to fester.

Self-evaluate. Ask yourself why you are feeling the way you feel. And more importantly, do you want to continue to feel that way? If not, what choices are you willing to make to adjust or discard the emotion?

The basic trigger behind drained emotions is the failure to get what you want in any given situation. The more stack attacks of such deficiency, the greater the scales are askew. Not getting what you want fits into a number of categories from the trivial wanting steak and being served soup to the serious boundary breakers. Are you willing to make the choice to enjoy cheese and crackers? Are you willing to speak up despite the butterflies in your stomach?

We are never in perfect balance but our objective is to stay as balanced as possible. Balance is maintained by being aware of your feelings and patterns. When you see yourself drifting off course, take notice and make an adjustment.

It is really hard to have a bad day when the emotional tank is close to full. Life’s journey runs smoothly as we keep an eye on the emotional scales and fill up. It is the total behavior that drains; it is the total behavior that re-fills. Connect with whatever brings you back to reality: run, jump, dance, meditate, work, play, cuddle or whatever.

Please leave a comment. Let's get a conversation going. 

The Relationship Question

It’s all about relationship. Will they do what you want because they want to please you? Will they do the opposite of what you want because they want to spite you?

The Ultimate Question is: "Is what I am about to say or do going to draw us closer together or push us farther apart?"

Do you habitually fall into using the seven deadlies? They chip away at the relationship. Whereas, practicing the seven caring habits built, reinforce and repair. Pay attention to your interaction with mate, children, co-workers, boss, neighbors and strangers. Once you are aware you are in a position to decide which really work and which you want to incorporate.

Criticizing is a disconnecting way of making a request. Reframe the situation into an appeal.

Complaining is negative communication to a person about that person in an attempt to control him to stop something or to start something.

Blaming is disregarding your own involvement and turning the situation into the other person’s fault, thus placing you as the victim. “We are late because you did not clean up your mess.”

Nagging is repeating over and over and wrongly assuming it will help. “If you said it three times and they haven’t done it probably saying it three thousand more times will not get it done either.” Dr. Glasser

Threatening is pointing out negative outcome without allowing truth or consequences or without follow through.

Punishing is following through on your threat but done in a demeaning, demoralizing way. Punishment leads to rebellion more than to correction. Punishment temporarily appeases the ‘victim’ while solidifying spite in the offender.

Bribing is rewarding to get what you want and does not help the individual do what you want out of respect. For bribing to continue to work the reward needs to get bigger and better the next time. Once the bribes stop, negative behavior returns or worsens.

If this list has given you an “ouch”, don’t try to stop. Do start to pay attention. Increased awareness will help you stop without trying. The more you incorporate the seven caring habits, the easier and quicker the transition.

Supporting is being there. It is maintaining a foundation to fall on and to rebuild upon. It is not agreeing with but believing in.

Encouraging is to pour courage into. It is seeing undeveloped potential and believing in the person before he believes in himself. It is projecting a “you can do it” attitude until they acquire a fledgling “okay, maybe so” outlook. It is your verbal evidence that helps him believe in himself.

Listening is hearing where the person is coming from, not to agreement but to understanding. Once an individual feels understood, he is better equipped to evaluate whether to proceed or to adjust.

Trusting is having faith in something not as yet seen. When trust has been broken rebuilding can be difficult but not impossible. Who among us has not made a promise and failed to follow through. It takes a healthy dose of skeptical believing in self as well as in the other. It is talking about the infraction, giving and receiving forgiveness and making plans to prevent it from happening again. When someone repeatedly breaks trust you need to trust what that behavior is showing you.

Accepting is one flawed individual getting along with another flawed individual. It is understanding the innate worth and value of the person over and above his/her imperfections.

Respecting is treating the other person as though you were the other person. Respect looks different to each of us. You know what respect looks like to mom (child, mate, boss, friend). Give her what she wants not what you want in a similar situation.

Negotiating Differences is working together for an amiable solution. It takes communicating; speaking, listening, understanding, consulting and adjusting until the issue has been resolved in a way that is satisfactory to both/all.

The more you incorporate the seven caring habits, the easier and quicker the transition - and the more enjoyable the relationships with self and others.

Let's communicate. Leave a comment about your caring relationship habits.

Making a Difference, Having Fun (Part 2)

The routine of daily life affords opportunities to make a difference in your own life as well as in the lives of others and (since everything is connected) in the world. To continue to do so without damage to personal health, relationships and career is to employ an element of fun.

Remember your humanity – and the aspects of your personality.

In eagerness to do great things we can get caught up in the work and forget our humanity. That all work and no play produces stressed individuals and strained relationships. That we are a multi-dimensional being with needs and it is okay to have those needs met. Needs like sleep, family time, worship, community service… Deliberately schedule in down times. Purposely set a no-electronic break. DO take a yearly vacation, preferably without cell phone or e-mails.

In eagerness to prove who we are one often take on too much. “I can do that.” “I can do that.” “I can do that.” In the overload reality sets in; “I cannot do that!” Just because you are good at something does not mean you have to do it. Never say “Yes” just to be liked. It doesn’t work!

Remember that you cannot be all things to all people so give up the stress of trying. Psychologist Carl Jung says that of all the people we meet in a lifetime, 1/3 love us, 1/3 tolerate us and 1/3 loath us. Joyfully adopt the mantra: “Some will. Some won’t. So what? Next! J”

Remember their humanity

Co-workers or family members have viable ideas and legitimate needs. They tire and become stressed. They make mistakes and need compassion. They have an identity and need acknowledgment and respect.

In the movie Patch Adams the training doctor took lowly interns on rounds. With pontification he pointed out maladies and pronounced treatment. To his humiliation (and I trust humbling), Patch gently reminded Doc that “the gall bladder in 202 has a name; Mrs. Smith.”

How easy is it to expect a child to be something the parent is not willing to be; patient, calm, understanding. How easy is it to respond “Again?” to an appeal to restock a local food pantry?

We human beings are more alike than we are different. Find commonality and soften irritants.

Use humor appropriately. If you are going to laugh about it someday, go ahead and make that day today. Be on the lookout for the absurd and find something funny about it. Laugh at yourself and with others. Never make another the bunt of a joke. Eliminate sarcasm.

Life is a gift given to us by God and our parents. What we do with our time on planet earth is a gift given in return. You will not live forever. Pass it on. Be promotable. Leave a legacy.

“Let your vision become larger than yourself, or it will die with you.” - Cleddie Keith

We welcome reprinting of articles in your newsletter or magazine, providing credit is given as follows: “This article was written by Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, www.monadunkin.blogspot.com or www.monadunkin.com.”

Solving the Problem of "Changing Your Mind"

“Get over it!” “Let it go.” “Just move past it.”

Sounds good, but how? Emotions reflect what we are currently attracting. Negative emotions are neon signs trying to get your attention that your choice of thoughts is not taking you where you want to go. Change your mind by thinking better-feeling thoughts.

Assign new words. When something is "lost", the psyche unconsciously searches for it. This highlights the battle of weight and the losing/regaining syndrome. Instead of "losing" pounds I have begun to focus on "releasing” them. Whatever is released it is gone without a bungee cord attached. When released, like a helium balloon, it rises up and up out of grasp never to be seen again.

This principle applies to everything. Rather than trying to figure out why you need something, or why you do something, or why you cannot give something up, or why you are not receiving something, or why someone else is or is not... ad nauseous, simply choose to release it. To let it go.

And release it again the next time. Every time it comes up, release it again and again and again. Even the slightest doubt that “it just might work” is enough of a chink in your armor to allow a fragment of light to seep in.

You can never change things by fighting existing reality… To change things you
build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete. R. Buckminister Fuller

Tense muscles and relax. Muscles are made to tense and relax; to close and open; to hold on and to release. Pick up an object and hold it firmly in your grasp. You will not put it back down unless you choose to release the tightened muscles. Tension remains in the body through the failure to release and let it go.

Behavior controls results. To release unconscious emotional attachment to pain, consciously say aloud: “I choose to release all things known and unknown that keeps me stuck. I choose to hold on to the positive life lessons for my health and success."

It is okay to be uncomfortable. As with most things, releasing has a learning curve. Sit with your pain in a state of love for you and direct love to the issue. When you direct loving attention to any issue, the dynamics change.

Direct love to you, to the situation, to the people directly involved, to the people peripherally involved, to whomever. The power of prayer (and sending love is the greatest form of praying) moves through the airwaves or the collective unconscious or whatever unexplainable ways God works to bring unknown solutions to solve both known and unknown problems.

Please share your thoughts. Let's get a conversation going.

We welcome reprinting of articles in your newsletter or magazine, providing credit is given as follows: “This article was written by Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, www.monadunkin.blogspot.com or www.monadunkin.com.”

The Power of Words

Words are so powerful. The Holy Scriptures asserts that God spoke the worlds into existence. To a lesser but equally important degree　we also speak our world into existence. Words are very powerful - how we use them as well as whether we choose to use them or do not use them.

Words have meaning. Words paint pictures that produce the blueprint from by which we build our "house". Words are alive and therefore　meaning changes with usage.　 When words are fueled by emotion they become more powerful, to motivate or to de-motivate.

Human beings are a tricodomies, among them are: body, soul and spirit; eat, learn, and sleep; ego, id and super-ego; want, have and　need; and mind, will and emotion.

With our mind we consider the issues of life - think about, weigh, measure and judge. Our mind puts words to the experiences of life. With our emotions we feel the issues of life - content, happy, sad, angry, frustrated, confused, etc. Our emotions assign meaning to the events of life. With our will we decide the issues of life - "Yes I will" or "No I will not". Our will accepts or rejects life’s happenings.

Here’s another tricodomy: pleasure, pain and neutral. Our internal sonar-system seeks as much pleasure and success as possible while avoiding as much pain and failure as possible. With the striving for attainment and the struggle to overcome losses, it can be difficult for one to find the neutral zone. And even more difficult to live there.

Emotions are the sonar that sends and receives signals.　The mind (psyche) formulates actions based on　the signals　received.　The body obeys the commands given to it by the mind.　The mind operates on the concrete words, not nebulous thoughts or emotions.

Signals received/sent become our perception that in turn becomes our reality. Only　it may not be real.　We may have assigned incorrect words to the event and therefore see things askew. No wonder we are so complicated. No wonder life is so wonderful (full of wonder).
　
Non-acceptance of what is creates pain. How futile to resist what already is. Use your words to acknowledge what is so you can move forward. I misunderstood. I spoke hastily. I made a bad investment. The tornado destroyed my home. The economy is trashing my lifestyle.

Accept what is and then act. Use your words to redefine the happening. Soften it from horrible to not so good. Use your words to formulate the future.

One’s life becomes calm when lived in the neutral zone. Neutral is accepting what is. And lovin’ it. Neutral acknowledges that pain is a messenger to be heeded. Neutral mysteriously turns potential into energy (for problem solving). 　　
　
Let’s start a conversation. Give your feedback.

We welcome reprinting of articles in your newsletter or magazine, providing credit is given as follows: “This article was written by Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, www.monadunkin.blogspot.com or www.monadunkin.com.”

What Goals Do For (in) You

Everyone seeks identity, meaning and significance. These qualities are revealed when thought is given to one’s purpose; life becomes more fulfilling when followed by strategies for accomplishment. The mystery of goals is twofold. They work for you to align focus and strategies; they work in you to produce energy and passion. Goals are great motivators.

The Niagara River flowed over the falls for hundreds of years. It’s beauty and energy provided water and food. But it was not until that force was harnessed that electricity was provided to multitudes of home and businesses. Busy-ness does produce some results. Goals harness your energy and concentration to create phenomenal outcome. They give passion and focus.

Goals are powerful tools in making decisions. Knowing where you are going and why empowers you to say “Yes” to opportunities and “No” to distractions. Goals act as a compass to guide you toward completion. They help you settle conflicts before they arise. Goals help you to recognize opportunities and see possibilities instead of focusing on problems.

Goals free you from the past by empowering you to break from the tyranny of yesterday. Goals create a sense of purpose for your life and draws needed resources to you. Goals empower you to pay the price because you have a purpose greater than yourself.


Elements of a Goal:
Believable - know you are worthy of them
Written - put to paper so the intangible becomes tangible
Measurable - specific, no guessing or illusive thinking
Strategic - must have nuts and bolts plans for accomplishment
Personal - has to resonate with your core being
Challenging - get you out of bed and re-motivates you when HALTed
Transforming - all goals include a personality change
Inclusive - benefits self and community
Exit plan - predetermine when it is time to move on

The reality of life interacting with the human condition lends itself to halting one’s progress. The Twelve Step recovery programs states that one is prone to HALT recovery when Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. You are especially vulnerable when these elements are prevented as a stack attack.

After the “speed bumps” of life, goals get you back on track. You do not have to go back to square one. Goals get you on track, keep you on track and encourage self-motivation


“Decide before you face the conditions that will cause you to stop and drop out. You don’t want to be out there saying, ‘Well, gee, my leg hurts. I’m a little dehydrated. I’m sleepy. I’m tired. It’s cold and windy.’ and talk yourself into quitting. If you are making a decision based on how you feel at that moment, you will probably make the wrong decision.”
Ultra marathoner Dick Collins


Invite Mona to speak to your group. Whether business, organizational, civic or faith-based, you will be entertained with her humor, challenged by her gift of uncommon insights ad motivated by her thought provoking poems. mona@solutionprinciples.com www.monadunkin.com

The Freedom of Anger Resolution

Life hurts. A physical wound heals through proper attention of cleansing, ointment and time. So too with an emotional hurt. Only the proper attention is not to nurse, curse and rehearse.

Thought is reflected in the body as emotion. Thoughts may not be conscious, but emotions are. As the negative thought is replayed, one stays emotionally overwrought (raw). Lack of perspective unconsciously causes one to identify with his emotions and that emotion becomes “you”.

Emotion is the body’s reaction to thought. Hostile thoughts build up energy in the body that is experienced as anger. The more one identifies with his thoughts (likes, dislikes, judgments and interpretations) the stronger the emotional energy charge.
An important function of the mind is to remove emotional pain, thus the confused flurry of mental activity and the need to deny reality. Some things are so painful the only way to handle it is through denial.

Emotional pain is lessened through reflection that brings resolve. Resolution involves opening the mind to consider all sides of an issue; to be willing to see the pros and cons of all parties involved. Resolution brings things to an end. Problem solved. Resolution declares the conflict is over.


VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: It takes one to resolve, two or more to reconcile.
The resolution within yourself frees you in several ways.

1) It frees you to be civil toward the offender.

2) It frees you to be open to your part in the conflict.

3) As your attitude sets a gracious atmosphere, it frees the offended/offending party to be receptive to your insights.

4) It paves the way for reconciliation.

5) It strengthens you to live peacefully with unresolved issues.

6) It promotes overall spiritual and physical health.

7) It gives you courage to set boundaries and/or to respect boundaries.

8) It builds tenacity within to embrace a spirit of forgiveness to self and others.

When we cease to draw identification from the pain, we are freed to be free. We are freed to find resolve whether through action or inaction. We are freed to experience love, joy and peace. Love, joy and peace transcend emotions all the way to the state of being.

Mona Dunkin is a Motivational Speaker, Corporate Trainer and Personal Success Coach. Read past articles at www.monadunkin.blogspot.com. Contact her at mdunkin@flash.net.
　

Control: Compete or Compliment

Mankind has been given a wonderful, albeit dangerous, gift called free-will. With this free-will we make choices that self-determines outcome. To use personal control is within one's scope to compete (disconnect) or to compliment (connect) with others.


You cannot control another person’s actions. Not only can you not control another's actions, you cannot control how s/he thinks or feels. To project your thoughts and feelings onto another is to magnify your own frustration.

For every leader who steps forth and takes charge, there’s a behind-the-scenes person who needs to be shown what to do. To denigrate either is failure to appreciate their unique place in this universe. The follower is no less valuable than the leader; s/he just likes the shadows better.

The same is true with those who openly show emotions and those who are hesitant to connect. It does not mean their love is any less deep; it means their way of expression is more subdued.

Everyone is such a wonderful mix of personality traits, chemical make-up and genes combined with life experiences, education, age differences, skills, talents and opinions that it is a wonder any of us get along. Our interaction with others is hard-wiring as well as conscious choices. The personality who races through life like the hare can be an irritant to the individual who prods along like the turtle. And vice-versa. Yet both cross the finish line. Each gets the job done.

A line in the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi is, “Lord, may I seek to understand more than to be understood.” As we choose to honor another’s humanity, his differences become less stark. As we choose to appreciate another’s creativity, her disparity becomes less important.

The opposite is also true. As we choose to honor our unique gifting without one-upmanship or one-downmanship, we find our place in the universe. As we appreciate our quirky personality without sanction or denial, we understand how others relate to us. As we develop our own shadow side, we increase our tolerance. As we balance give and take, we grow in compassion.

To accept what is, is to live in the moment. To accept what is, is to be a problem solver rather than a complainer. To accept what is, is to give yourself choices in your response. You can keep the pressure on and destroy relationship. You can detach completely and dissolve the relationship. You can work with what is and modify your involvement. The less energy you spend on fixing another, the more you have for self-improvement.

Acceptance does not mean approval. Acceptance means the only person’s actions, thoughts or emotions you can control are your own.

We welcome reprinting of articles in your newsletter or magazine, providing credit is given as follows: “This article was written by Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, www.monadunkin.blogspot.com or www.monadunkin.com.”