In the Christian faith, epiphany is a term used to mark the arrival of the Magi in their search for the Christ child. Epiphany has expanded to mean a sudden realization or deep understanding brought about through ordinary circumstances that made a profound change in an individual’s life. Here are three epiphanies in my life.
Beauty is more internal than external. I struggled with self-esteem issues for years. I had the mistaken idea that if only my weight was less and I was shorter than my 5’6” height and if my nose was a different shape then magically all my problems would be over. I erroneously reasoned that I would be little and cute and everybody would like me.
An individual came into my life that was overweight, tall and with less than perfect facial features. She was loving and kind and funny and people were drawn to her. It dawned on me that there may be reasons to dislike a person, but the package is not one of them. If people did not like me, it had to be something more than looks. And, if someone did not like me because of my weight, who really had the problem?
Peace came through recognition that I could not “add one cubit to my stature” (or take away) and calm reigned with thankfulness that my nose worked okay regardless of its size. Silence descended with the realization that I could manage my weight with self-discipline. I began to work on things that were within my control, like letting go of the chip on my shoulder.
Vows are not to be taken lightly. I hate to admit this, but I went into marriage with an escape clause in the back of my mind. From divorce statistics, that seems to be the irrational reasoning of society today. Through contemplation of separation I became aware of the sacredness of vows I had made before God and man. The wedding covenant is necessary because we are not capable of loving a flawed individual, therefore the need for public and spiritual accountability. Instead of looking for ways out, I began to pray for grace to stay. And God’s grace is sufficient. It has been forty-two years and these two flawed individuals are still together. I am glad that we each have made the work-through-it-commitment again and again.
It is relationship, not religion. From childhood I have been tender toward the things of God. Even though teenage rebellion drove me in other directions, the wooing of Holy Spirit never let up – sometimes to my defiant anger. I relented and tried again and again to live godly, always messing up. In a downtime, a knowing although non-audible still small voice spoke into my conscious: “Mona, stop trying so hard. Quit trying to make me Lord and Master. Just let me be your friend.”
I needed a friend. My response was a subdued nodding of my head and a faint whisper of “Okay.” Rockets did not zoom and bells did not go off, but there was a definite change in my life from that day forward. I allowed Jesus to be my friend. It is a friend relationship that continues to grow, allowing me to be accepting of myself and compassionately charitable with a universe filled with other flawed human beings.
None of these transformations were instant; each gave enough light to foster permanent growth. Another meaning of epiphany is “a manifestation of a divine being.” The Magi were searching for solutions in a promised ruler king and were humbled to encounter the author of authority revealed in a vulnerable baby. The peace and life-changes I have encountered, and continue to chance upon, are brought about through my search for the Christ child – born, died and resurrected. The guiding star is still shining. Follow it and receive.
Mona Dunkin is a Motivational Speaker, Corporate Trainer and Personal Success Coach. Read past articles at http://www.monadunkin.blogspot.com/. Contact her at mdunkin@flash.net.
Showing posts with label Ask Mona. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ask Mona. Show all posts
3/16/09
9/2/08
How Do You Make Choices?
ASK MONA: Insights into perplexing questions
Dear Mona,
How do you make choices?
Rodney
Dear Rodney,
That is a broad subject and a difficult topic. Let me see if I can give you a few guidelines that will cover a wide array of circumstances.
First, you need to determine what you value and what your priorities are, as this acts as your compass for life. Next, take a pad and pen and make a list of pros and cons. Be specific and be honest. Weigh the pros and cons independently, not necessarily against each other.
After thoughtful evaluation, make a decision and go with it for a few days or weeks, giving it your all. After a period of time, re-evaluate by revisiting your options and choices. Does the choice need to be continued, dropped or revamped? If the choice results in inner peace, improved relationships and increased success that is a pretty good indication you are on the right track.
Happy decision making,
Mona
Dear Mona,
How do you make choices?
Rodney
Dear Rodney,
That is a broad subject and a difficult topic. Let me see if I can give you a few guidelines that will cover a wide array of circumstances.
First, you need to determine what you value and what your priorities are, as this acts as your compass for life. Next, take a pad and pen and make a list of pros and cons. Be specific and be honest. Weigh the pros and cons independently, not necessarily against each other.
After thoughtful evaluation, make a decision and go with it for a few days or weeks, giving it your all. After a period of time, re-evaluate by revisiting your options and choices. Does the choice need to be continued, dropped or revamped? If the choice results in inner peace, improved relationships and increased success that is a pretty good indication you are on the right track.
Happy decision making,
Mona
8/31/08
Balancing Family and School
ASK MONA: Insights into perplexing questions
Dear Mona,
I work, go to school, and take care of my family, so I feel I have to do everything I do, but I never feel like I accomplish anything. How do you feel accomplished?
Frazzled Student
Dear Frazzled Student,
I think part of the problem comes with your feeling that you “have” to do everything you do. Life is all about choices. With everything there is tradeoffs. You have chosen to go to school to better yourself, and I encourage you to choose to attend class and choose to do the homework and choose to study.
You have a family that you choose to take care of, so choose to go to the grocery story and choose to prepare meals and choose to do laundry or cleaning as a way of showing your love. Making things your choice is a great stress reducer over the dread of “have to”and also lends itself to a sense of accomplishment.
May you truly enjoy your family in the midst of your learning experience.
Mona
Dear Mona,
I work, go to school, and take care of my family, so I feel I have to do everything I do, but I never feel like I accomplish anything. How do you feel accomplished?
Frazzled Student
Dear Frazzled Student,
I think part of the problem comes with your feeling that you “have” to do everything you do. Life is all about choices. With everything there is tradeoffs. You have chosen to go to school to better yourself, and I encourage you to choose to attend class and choose to do the homework and choose to study.
You have a family that you choose to take care of, so choose to go to the grocery story and choose to prepare meals and choose to do laundry or cleaning as a way of showing your love. Making things your choice is a great stress reducer over the dread of “have to”and also lends itself to a sense of accomplishment.
May you truly enjoy your family in the midst of your learning experience.
Mona
8/15/08
Children and Culture
ASK MONA: Insights into perplexing questions
Dear Mona,
In our culture, we have a coming-of-age celebration on the 12th birthday. Mine was a big deal and I loved it. I want the same thing for my daughter, however, at age five she wants to wear make up and carry a purse and I want her to wait. I have said “No” to make up until age 12 but she still wants a purse. What should I do?
Young Mother
Dear Young Mother,
Give her a purse. Does she have a doll even though she is not of child-rearing age?
Sure she does. It’s a toy. It is a way of looking forward to being a mommy and practicing nurturing skills. Let her do the same thing with appreciating her female status and budding femininity. Be pleasantly firm in the boundary of a certain age before wearing make-up while allowing her to have pretend toiletries such as plastic lipstick and compact. And give her a purse to keep them in.
In the process of learning about and respecting your culture, allow your daughter to be true to herself.
Mona
Dear Mona,
In our culture, we have a coming-of-age celebration on the 12th birthday. Mine was a big deal and I loved it. I want the same thing for my daughter, however, at age five she wants to wear make up and carry a purse and I want her to wait. I have said “No” to make up until age 12 but she still wants a purse. What should I do?
Young Mother
Dear Young Mother,
Give her a purse. Does she have a doll even though she is not of child-rearing age?
Sure she does. It’s a toy. It is a way of looking forward to being a mommy and practicing nurturing skills. Let her do the same thing with appreciating her female status and budding femininity. Be pleasantly firm in the boundary of a certain age before wearing make-up while allowing her to have pretend toiletries such as plastic lipstick and compact. And give her a purse to keep them in.
In the process of learning about and respecting your culture, allow your daughter to be true to herself.
Mona
5/10/06
Ask Mona
Following are Questions posed to Mona and her thoughtful responses.
Dear Mona,
I work, go to school, and take care of my family, so I feel I have to do everything I do, but I never feel like I accomplish anything. How do you feel accomplished? Frazzled Student
Dear Frazzled Student,
I think part of the problem comes with your feeling that you “have” to do everything you do. Life is all about choices. With everything there is tradeoffs. You have chosen to go to school to better yourself, and I encourage you to choose to attend class and choose to do the homework and choose to study. You have a family that you choose to take care of, so choose to go to the grocery story and choose to prepare meals and choose to do laundry or cleaning as a way of showing your love. Making things your choice is a great stress reducer over the dread of “have to” and also lends itself to a sense of accomplishment.
Blessings, Mona
A: Dear Mona,
In your teachings you talk a lot about making choices. Just how do you go about make choices? Rodney
A: Dear Rodney,
That is a broad subject and a difficult topic. Let me see if I can give you a few guidelines that will cover a wide array of circumstances.
First, you need to determine what you value and what your priorities are, as this acts as your compass for life. Next, take a pad and pen and make a list of pros and cons. Be specific and be honest. Weigh the pros and cons independently, not necessarily against each other.
After thoughtful evaluation, make a decision and go with it for a few days or weeks, giving it your all. After a period of time, re-evaluate by revisiting your options and choices. Does the choice need to be continued, dropped or revamped?
If the choice results in inner peace, improved relationships and increased success that is a pretty good indication you are on the right track.
Blessings, Mona
Dear Mona,
I try to be appreciative but so many things go wrong. How can I develop an ‘attitude of gratitude’?” Seminar participant
Dear Friend,
The first step to any life-style change is to become aware of a need for change. Actively pay attention to how you respond to all situations and to feedback from others regarding how you respond. Monitor your thought processes: do you think like a victim or a victor? Monitor your self-talk: is it negative and depreciating or positive and problem solving? Look for life-lessons to be learned from difficulties and allow character qualities to be developed. Over time, this outlook can become the foundation, not only for a pleasant attitude, but also for wisdom.
Blessings, Mona
Dear Mona,
I work, go to school, and take care of my family, so I feel I have to do everything I do, but I never feel like I accomplish anything. How do you feel accomplished? Frazzled Student
Dear Frazzled Student,
I think part of the problem comes with your feeling that you “have” to do everything you do. Life is all about choices. With everything there is tradeoffs. You have chosen to go to school to better yourself, and I encourage you to choose to attend class and choose to do the homework and choose to study. You have a family that you choose to take care of, so choose to go to the grocery story and choose to prepare meals and choose to do laundry or cleaning as a way of showing your love. Making things your choice is a great stress reducer over the dread of “have to” and also lends itself to a sense of accomplishment.
Blessings, Mona
A: Dear Mona,
In your teachings you talk a lot about making choices. Just how do you go about make choices? Rodney
A: Dear Rodney,
That is a broad subject and a difficult topic. Let me see if I can give you a few guidelines that will cover a wide array of circumstances.
First, you need to determine what you value and what your priorities are, as this acts as your compass for life. Next, take a pad and pen and make a list of pros and cons. Be specific and be honest. Weigh the pros and cons independently, not necessarily against each other.
After thoughtful evaluation, make a decision and go with it for a few days or weeks, giving it your all. After a period of time, re-evaluate by revisiting your options and choices. Does the choice need to be continued, dropped or revamped?
If the choice results in inner peace, improved relationships and increased success that is a pretty good indication you are on the right track.
Blessings, Mona
Dear Mona,
I try to be appreciative but so many things go wrong. How can I develop an ‘attitude of gratitude’?” Seminar participant
Dear Friend,
The first step to any life-style change is to become aware of a need for change. Actively pay attention to how you respond to all situations and to feedback from others regarding how you respond. Monitor your thought processes: do you think like a victim or a victor? Monitor your self-talk: is it negative and depreciating or positive and problem solving? Look for life-lessons to be learned from difficulties and allow character qualities to be developed. Over time, this outlook can become the foundation, not only for a pleasant attitude, but also for wisdom.
Blessings, Mona
11/5/05
Why Do Bad Things Happen?
ASK MONA: Insights into perplexing questions
Dear Mona,
During a routine water baptism, our young, dynamic and much-loved pastor was electrocuted. If God is so good why did he let him be electrocuted? Why did God not intervene?
Sorrowful congregant
Dear Sorrowful,
My deepest concern for you and your fellow parisioners.
May I start off with an insight: When God created the universe, he put certain laws into effect and they work regardless of who uses, or misuses, them. One of those principles is that electricity and water does not mix. This principle was in effect before it was discovered by man and before being harnessed into electricity. Note Benjamin Franklin and the key and the lightening.
God is good and he is fair, even though we may not understand or agree. God gave each of us the wonderful gift of a free will and he chooses to not take our choices away from us regardless of the consequences. To do so would make him a bully. We often question the goodness of God when difficult things happen, but take it for granted at all the blessings received. We do not question him as to why he is so good to us.
It is easy to remember the resurrection and overlook the cross. God did not spare his own son the effects of the ravages of sin. God is so fair, he allows sin to show its ugly head so it will show itself to be what it truly is – evil and destructive.
God is always with us in our suffering and he shares our pain, even though he does not try to
explain it. Never forget the suffering Jesus went through and how God’s heart was broken. To deny suffering is to deny who Jesus is.
May you rest in God's comfort,
Mona
Dear Mona,
During a routine water baptism, our young, dynamic and much-loved pastor was electrocuted. If God is so good why did he let him be electrocuted? Why did God not intervene?
Sorrowful congregant
Dear Sorrowful,
My deepest concern for you and your fellow parisioners.
May I start off with an insight: When God created the universe, he put certain laws into effect and they work regardless of who uses, or misuses, them. One of those principles is that electricity and water does not mix. This principle was in effect before it was discovered by man and before being harnessed into electricity. Note Benjamin Franklin and the key and the lightening.
God is good and he is fair, even though we may not understand or agree. God gave each of us the wonderful gift of a free will and he chooses to not take our choices away from us regardless of the consequences. To do so would make him a bully. We often question the goodness of God when difficult things happen, but take it for granted at all the blessings received. We do not question him as to why he is so good to us.
It is easy to remember the resurrection and overlook the cross. God did not spare his own son the effects of the ravages of sin. God is so fair, he allows sin to show its ugly head so it will show itself to be what it truly is – evil and destructive.
God is always with us in our suffering and he shares our pain, even though he does not try to
explain it. Never forget the suffering Jesus went through and how God’s heart was broken. To deny suffering is to deny who Jesus is.
May you rest in God's comfort,
Mona
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