Stories We Tell

You’ve seen the TV sitcom where four or five individuals give their rendition of events. Have you noticed how each one paints self in a favorable light?

As with most words, there is both a positive and a negative slant to storytelling. Stories engage us in a life we did not live. Through stories we identify with heroes, connect with others and find ourselves. Stories have a transforming effect through battles fought and victories won.

We relate to others and ourselves as though we are our feelings. In fact, we even invent whole stories of why we feel the way we feel in order to justify or explain this misperception of our identity.

In the sitcom example, stories are told in an effort to create a different reality. Problem comes when we use stories to avoid facing reality. This storytelling leads to disassociation and fantasy. The stories are repeated to self (and maybe to others) so many times we believe our own lies. And feel hopeless. FEEL = false evidence enveloping lies.

Judgment does not help and it does not change reality. It is interesting to note the emotional component of holding on and releasing, and the degree to which our bodies are impacted by our feelings.

Stories are also told to keep things from happening. Such as, “I will do so and so when the kids are grown.” But they are grown. “Oh, I meant the grandkids!”

“We almost always have choices, and the better the choice, the more we will be in control of our lives. Good or bad, everything we do is our best choice at that moment.’ Dr. William Glasser

We must become aware of the stories we tell. Without awareness, we relate to others as though we are our feelings. It is not that feelings don’t occasionally appear to be justified.

The truth is that feelings are just feelings. Feelings are not who we are; therefore, we can choose to let them go. Choosing to let go of feelings frees us to recognize what stories we may be telling. Choosing to let go of feelings prepares us to see what is real and to act accordingly - or to refrain from acting. Not being emotionally involved gives perspective.

Feelings have their place – in the rear – to follow rather than to lead. This translates into an ability to handle life better and to make choices with clarity. It allows us to act in ways that support achievement of goals as opposed to self-sabotaging.

Choosing to take decisive action based on conscious, rational thought, frees the individual without having to relive or explain their life stories. Even though seeds may have been planted in the past, the current emotion is exactly that, the current emotion.

The emotion is in the present and you are in the present so you can choose to act in the present to choose a different present. This releases the past and sets the stage for a positive future. One of storytelling of adventures taken and lessons learned; your true reality stories that inspire and encourage.

We welcome reprinting of articles in your newsletter or magazine, providing credit is given as follows: “This article was written by Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, www.monadunkin.blogspot.com or www.monadunkin.com.”