It's All About Relationship

From the cradle to the grave, one of the most basic universal human needs is love and belonging. Or, in non “touchy-feely“ words, it’s all about relationship. Relationship is being accepted for who we are, feeling like we “fit in”, and that we matter. It is the mutual exchange of genuine caring and flow of ideas. Relationship is being esteemed as valuable and that your input counts. Relationship is akin to relate, meaning to connect, to understand, to be a part of.

No matter what the venue, from home life, to the workforce, salesmanship, community involvement, government, law enforcement, or to breakthrough science like Albert Einstein’s Theory of Relativity, it is all about the state or quality of relating.

Einstein’s Theory of Relativity applied to physics, and the same principles apply to human relationships. 1) the laws of love and belonging are the same in any system regardless of its velocity. 2) light (conscience) is a constant, independent source of the system. 3) an entity flowing in successful relationships, to a passive observer, appears to have happened with little or no effort. Relationship is about people skills. People skills is about healthy tension.

Choose to respect others, while earning respect from them. It’s more about you than them.

The only person you can control is you. But do you? Things over which you have control includes your words, your attitudes, your facial expressions, your actions, your thoughts, your choices, your feelings, your schedule, what you spend, where you go, with whom you associate. If you do not set the tone and pace of your life, then someone else will set it for you.

Feelings?! Did I say you can control your feelings? Yes, you can control your feelings, but it starts with controlling your thoughts and actions. It is easier to think and act yourself into feeling differently, than it is to feel yourself into thinking or acting differently.

You are always influencing others, either positively or negatively. Once words are harshly uttered - even if true - enormous damage has occurred in the relationship. Choose to be a positive influence by remaining pleasant, even in a difficult situation. Hold the person in high regard as a human being with infinite worth and value, even if you disagree with his/her ideas or politics. Find something good in each person and in every situation. See problems as solvable and as a challenge to build godly character in you.

Discover the door-way to communication. Your attitudes and behaviors create a door-way to you as well as away from you. If someone behaves according to your specifications, it equals an open door. If the person interacts (intentionally or unintentionally) against your specifications, your door closes – partially, all the way or locked and bolted. Set the pace as the relationship builder by choosing to adjust your style so the result is open communication, win/win relationships, and lessening or removal of tension.

Provide an inclusive, accepting environment that gives room to grow. The tension here is that acceptance does not mean approval. Many relationships are harmed by failure to accept the person as he is because of disapproval of how he thinks or behaves. Trying to make this person change results in resistance. As relationship is built, the other person is in a greater position to receive your vast wisdom.

You do not have to attend every argument to which you are invited. You do not have to acknowledge or try to correct every comment, behavior or attitude. Ignore as much bad behavior as possible and commend acceptable behavior. Accentuating the positive sets the environment to empower eliminating the negative. As Ann Landers says, “Just because a donkey brays, does not mean you have to acknowledge him.” But you do need to be kind to him.

DON’T COPE, OVERCOME: Power is the know-how to make things happen. Authority is the license to make things happen. Relationship is the ability to influence to make things happen. Influence supercedes power and authority in effective relationships to make things happen.

TESTIMONIALS: What others say about Mona’s training.

“Mona Dunkin has ben a consultant, coach and friend in helping me to accomplish goals I sometimes wasn’t certain I’d be able to meet. Mona doesn’t muddy the waters with whip cracking, ‘ata-girling’ or patronizing; she simply provides insight, guidance and true regard.”
Gloria M. Gonzales, Parents for Public Schools

“The information shared can easily be used in every area of life - the business world, relationship with family and others.” Seminar attendee

NEED A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER: One of America's most interesting speakers can be enjoyed in person in a presentation tailored to your specific need. Whether organizational, business or civic, you will be entertained with her humor, challenged with her gift of uncommon insights, and motivated by her thought provoking poems. Mona has developed a dramatic series of life changing, solution principles that address the universal needs of people.

Risking Success

The story is told of war, crime, punishment and prisoners-of-war scheduled for the firing squad.
The prisoners were given a choice of facing the volley of guns or an unknown fate that lay beyond the ominous “black door”. One by one, each man chose known death rather than the unknown horrors of “the black door”.

Few people are brave enough to explore the unknown; they stay in the rut, surviving but not thriving. Life is a risk even though the devil you know may seem better than the devil you don’t know. God left poetry unwritten, cities unbuilt, innovations unfounded and space unexplored that we might participate in the act of creation. Scary though it may be, decisions await that takes us from the mundane known to the blissful unknown.

Oh, and what was beyond the “black door”? Freedom. To take risk is to live by faith.

Get in touch with your inner child. What did you want to be when you were a child? You know, the innocent confidence before someone said you could not be or do that. The more we are in touch with our natural gifts the greater our success and fulfillment. Go ahead, get in touch with your creativity, live by your own rules, march to your own drum and make beautiful music.

Picture it. We think in pictures and the more vivid your life-dreams the easier they are to be developed. Use imaginings to keep you motivated to live up to your God-given potential. Caution: Do not deceive yourself into thinking you can do something if you really put your mind to it. Action must follow the dream or it is a mere fantasy.

Give yourself room to grow. Often we will give grace to others but not to ourselves. Remember learning to ride a bicycle? It was so much fun you did not mind skinned knees and the training wheels were a part of learning. Crutches are okay when needed to promote healing. Know that a delay is not denial; learn to differentiate between a set back and failure. Do not cling to false beliefs that impede your growth.

Act in spite of your fears. Sometimes fear is a good place to start as it makes you more cautious. But don’t be too cautious or you will stay stuck in preparation. Be like Anna in The King and I: “Whenever I feel afraid, I strike a careless pose, and whistle a happy tune, and no one ever knows: I’m afraid.” After whistling and dancing, she goes on to sing, “The result of this deception is very strange to tell…. For when I fool the people I fear, I fool myself as well.”
Action is the distraction. It will work for you too.

Answer the hard questions. Part of the pain of mediocrity is realizing you have not been honest with yourself.

• What do I have to gain from taking this risk?
• Am I holding on to the familiar because of a supposed vague undefined loss?
• What false beliefs stand between me and success?
• When am I going to begin?

The threat of losing false security undermines risking success. Freedom lies behind your “black door”. Open it. Receive it. Embrace it.

DON’T COPE, OVERCOME: To risk is to exceed one’s self-imposed limits. Admit you are not where you want to be and lose your pretense. In every risk there is a potential loss so give it conscious thought, develop an action plan and take the plunge.

UPCOMING SEMINAR: Journey to Healing of Spirit, Soul and Body.

This seminar embraces principles to keep your total being in balance and healthy. During our time together we will discuss the question of nature or nurture, is it inborn, acquired or developed? And how much control do we have over either? We will explore the reality of pain; its purpose and meaning. You will enjoy centering exercises for the body, soul and spirit connection. Perhaps the most prevailing element will be learning the power of self-evaluation, a primer on how to and the benefits thereof.
Date: Sunday, February 18, 2007
Time: 9AM until 2:00 PM
Cost: $45.00 per person (includes workbook)
Location: Dutczak Retreat Center on Lampasas River, Killeen, TX (directions will be sent)
Contact: Sally Dutczak, Phone 254-547-8004

TESTIMONIALS: What others say about Mona’s teaching

“If every business would adopt some of these points and philosophies, there would not be so many disgruntled employees and businesses would stay in business longer.” NAFE

“The session was thoroughly and thoughtfully prepared. The speakers delivery was convincing, natural and spontaneous. She communicated with integrity. It made me want to hear more of this speaker’s presentations.” Small Business Development Center

NEED A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER: One of America's most interesting speakers can be enjoyed in person in a presentation tailored to your specific need. Whether organizational, business or civic, you will be entertained with her humor, challenged with her gift of uncommon insights, and motivated by her thought provoking poems. Mona has developed a dramatic series of life changing, solution principles that address the universal needs of people.

LET US GIVE THANKS

Long after the turkey is deboned and the pumpkin pie is only a memory, the meaning of the family celebration lives on. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday as it is the only one that remains unmarred by crass commercialism. It is a time for us to pause and reflect on the things for which we are thankful.

I am thankful for obvious things.... I am thankful for having being born an American where we have certain unalienable rights and are free to exercise them, to take them for granted, or to ignore them.

I am thankful for the Pilgrims who braved an angry ocean and withstood seeming insurmountable hardships to blaze a country with freedom to worship. I am thankful for our forefathers and the foresight and wisdom of our Constitution. Harpers Magazine, in 1858, published the fate of the signers of the Declaration of Independence: two had sons kidnapped; five were captured as British traitors; nine died on the battle field; twelve had their houses ransacked and burned; all suffered hardships, ridicule and rejection. All died with a clear conscience of having served their country well.

So I am thankful to be an American where we have so many freedoms. And, even though it has been abused and taken to extremes, I am thankful for free speech.

I am thankful for my family ... I am thankful for parents who reared me to have character, integrity and an appreciation for an honest days work. They gave me independence by giving me security; they gave me freedom by giving me roots; they gave me responsibility by giving me freedom to suffer the consequences of wrong choices.

I am thankful for my brothers whose harassing taught me endurance and whose kidding taught me to laugh at life and at myself. I am thankful for my sister whose unconditional love taught me to accept myself as I am and whose tolerance of my childish acts taught me patience. I am thankful for my elderly aunt who, until her death at age 98, taught me that life is fun at any age and worth living to the fullest.

I am thankful for my husband whose encouragement has supported my dreams, whose strengths have complimented my weaknesses and whose security with who he is has given me the freedom to remain who I am.

I am thankful for our daughter whose sheer delight in life brings joy to my days and purpose to my existence. I am thankful for our son-in-law who has added a wonderful dimension to our family. I am thankful for our grandchildren whose winning ways melt my heart and reestablishes hope for the future.

I am thankful for assorted relatives who have touched my life in various ways - some good, some bad - but all uniting us as a family. I am thankful for friends. For acquaintances whose smiling greetings make casual encounters more fun; for neighbors whose comity lends unity to my corner of the world; and for those special comrades who laugh with me, cry with me, grow with me.

I am thankful for each person whom I have come in contact with for he/she has touched my life in a unique way.

I am thankful for less obvious things.

I am thankful for misunderstandings, because they teach me to be a better communicator. I am thankful for criticism, for it forces me to examine actions and attitudes of self-righteousness and leads to repentance.

I am thankful for failure, because it makes me appreciate successes. I am thankful for adversity, because it is in the winter that roots grow deepest to find fresh nourishment; for financial reverses, because it helps me to be grateful for what I have.

I am thankful for challenges that tax every fiber of my being, for it forces me to grow in new directions. I am thankful for dreams, ideas and goals, for they keep me active, energetic and alive. I am thankful for a contented mind and a grateful heart.

Once a year we celebrate Thanksgiving. Everyday let us celebrate Thanksliving.

DON’T COPE, OVERCOME: The prophet Moses proclaims to the children of Israel, "Don't forget." When you dwell in this new land that flows with milk and honey, don't forget it was God who brought you here. When you prosper, don't forget it is God who gives you the ability to work and dream and accomplish. When your children multiply and your cattle increases, don't forget it is God who gives the increase. Don't forget. Don't forget. (Deuteronomy 27-29)

TESTIMONIALS: What others say about Mona’s training.

“Mona always has a unique way of delivering information. I always get so much for these classes. Well presented! Thanks.” David Townsend

“I think a lot of people that don’t realize they need help in areas of their life until the information is presented and then your eyes are opened. I was one of them” Sheryl Curtis

“Motivational speakers are a dime a dozen, but this one was great!”