In the movie, The Call of the Wilderness, Stewart Little befriended Carlos the Skunk. In building their relationship Stewart Little taught Carlos valuable life lessons. Carlos said “I thought the other animals didn’t like me because I smelled. Now I realize they didn’t like me because I was a jerk.”
Here is a simple assessment of jerky behavior and thoughts for overcoming.
Are you tactfully and respectfully able to speak openly and honestly? Do you give thought before addressing an issue? Do you respect the person even when you disapprove of the behavior? Or do you blurt out your truth (opinion) and let the chips fall wherever they may?
Can you address hard issues without undue anxiety? Are you emotionally honest about your feelings? Do you allow anger to mask your hurt?
Do you enjoy spending time with your family? Or do you dread togetherness? What is your attitude in taking care of common household responsibilities? Forced or willing? Are you a team player or a lone-ranger?
Do you recite a litany of what everyone is “supposed” to do? Do you keep score? If things do not go your way, do you raise a stink?
How do you handle criticism? Being defensive when corrected is a mark of immaturity. Rather than get honest with one’s shortcomings and deal with them head-on, a jerk tries to protect self at all cost. The ego is too bruised to handle the comment so he counter-attacks.
The jerk views his offensive behavior as an ill-fated flaw which he has no power to correct. It goes beyond being wrong to being a failure. Overcome being a jerk by realizing you have been given the opportunity of seeing yourself from another’s point of view. One outside of yourself. That the critic’s response is a mirror reflecting you back to you.
Do you mask your imperfections? Perfectionists are especially tough on themselves. Not so much from not knowing their faults but from fear of another finding them out.
Get over yourself. Become a part of the human race; one flawed individual interacting with other flawed individuals. See their comment as a meaningful suggestion not as a pronunciation of your being a totally inept person. Good response: “Oh, I hadn’t thought of it that way. Thank you for pointing it out.”
Are you willing to forgive? Regardless of how painful, do not allow a passing moment to become a lifetime hurtful memory. Do not allow your scars to turn into sarcastic, demeaning responses, aimed at the guilty and innocent alike. Start with the decision to forgive you. In time, that will give you the courage to extend forgiveness to others. Come to grips with your past so you can move beyond it.
Rationalization is not evaluation. Cessandra Farmer says that “Rationalization is giving a socially acceptable answer for a socially unacceptable behavior.” Rationalization is being a jerk. No matter how much information is given, either positively or negatively, until the individual evaluates the situation for himself, the confrontation is mute.
I suggest Carlos came to his conclusion by observing his previous off-putting behavior and assessing the lack of fulfillment. I encourage you to do the same. Self-evaluate, get honest and overcome. Even skunks can become pleasant to be around.
Let’s start a conversation. What jerky behavior have you observed? What are positive steps for change? Please make a comment regarding this post. Thanks.
We welcome reprinting of articles in your newsletter or magazine, providing credit is given as follows: “This article was written by Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Personal Success Coach, www.monadunkin.blogspot.com or www.monadunkin.com.”
7/4/11
America, Land of the Free
"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal,
that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights,
that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."
Declaration of Independence
The human spirit loves freedom. The human heart also searches for truth. Truth, morality and rights, are not of human origin, but of divine origin. The rights we enjoy in America did not come from Thomas Jefferson, nor from the founding fathers, nor from our constitution, but from a higher source.
Man is not the creator and arbitrator of right and wrong. Right and wrong, good and evil are universal moral facts. It is not a matter of relativity. Some things are right. Some things are wrong. And you know it. To try to alter them is to invite chaos. The ambiguity of morality is evidenced in the actions of a society by what it esteems and by what it disdains.
Although we do not have the right to make up our own right and wrong, we do have a duty to enforce established civil laws. This fact is evidenced in literature of all ages with the theme being good vs. evil, from the Bible to Harry Potter. Regardless of the ensuing death and destruction, good always wins in the end. Michael Esses observed, “An endless number of laws have been enacted just to uphold the Ten Commandments.”
Mankind has been gifted with a conscience; that innate knowing of right and wrong. Conscience is that small voice inside that compels us to do what is moral, honest and encourages humane actions. Conscience produces guilt when disavowed.
Psychiatrist Victor Frankl, a survivor of four concentration camps assessed the state of America by suggesting that a Statue of Responsibility on the West Coast supplement the Statue of Liberty on the East Coast. The liberties we enjoy - the ones fought for and sustained by the sweat and blood of patriots - are being threatened by usurped individual freedom to do what one sees as right.
Thanks to our God-given gift of freewill, mankind is ultimately self-determining. The liberty we experience and the world reputation we esteem will remain strong (and grow) in proportion to our individual and corporate appreciation of freedom and our moral responsibility to all humanity. Let freedom ring loud and clear.
7/1/11
Communicating Appreciation
A concerned parent asked, “How do I get my child to say ‘Thank you’ without prompting? Here are some thoughts.
Model a leadership role. Manners are more caught than taught. Be diligent in verbalizing thanks to others for acts of kindness, large or small. As you create an optimal environment of appreciation – at home as well as in social settings – the child is going to mimic you.
Give time time. It takes an incubation period, but at the end of the day, children are mirrors reflecting you. In YOU Raising Your Child, Drs. Oz and Roizen pronounce parents as the most powerful messenger in a child’s life from day one and that the communication “may involve no words at all.”
Robert B. Sloan, Jr., former President of Baylor University and father of seven, calls it the “lunch pail principle”. If you plan to be a good parent, then bring your lunch pail, for it is an all day affair.
Observe and comment. As a young mother I watched our daughter’s childish response to an impromptu gift given to her. She received the beautifully wrapped box with wide-eyed wonder. She issued “aahs” and “oohs” while un-wrapping it, but did not utter “thanks”.
As she removed the object from its container, she said, “I have always wanted one of these.”
Still no magic words.
The giver was obviously receptive to the child’s joy. It took great patience for me to observe without prompting.
As Melinda rewrapped the gift and returned it to its treasure chest she said, “Well, all I know to say is, ‘Thanks’.
I breathed a sigh of relief and learned a valuable lesson. A smile can imply “thank you” before words are formulated. To anxious parents I preempt their prodding by acknowledging the child’s unspoken communication. You can do that too.
Be gracious and give grace. In reflection, what is more gracious, an instant canned reply or a delayed genuine response? Extending training and patience is more a test of the parents own character than that of the child.
Parenting skills do pay off. Enjoy your child as you learn and teach each other.
We welcome reprinting of articles in your newsletter or magazine, providing credit is given as follows: “This article was written by Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Corporate Trainer, www.monadunkin.blogspot.com or www.monadunkin.com.”
Model a leadership role. Manners are more caught than taught. Be diligent in verbalizing thanks to others for acts of kindness, large or small. As you create an optimal environment of appreciation – at home as well as in social settings – the child is going to mimic you.
Give time time. It takes an incubation period, but at the end of the day, children are mirrors reflecting you. In YOU Raising Your Child, Drs. Oz and Roizen pronounce parents as the most powerful messenger in a child’s life from day one and that the communication “may involve no words at all.”
Robert B. Sloan, Jr., former President of Baylor University and father of seven, calls it the “lunch pail principle”. If you plan to be a good parent, then bring your lunch pail, for it is an all day affair.
Observe and comment. As a young mother I watched our daughter’s childish response to an impromptu gift given to her. She received the beautifully wrapped box with wide-eyed wonder. She issued “aahs” and “oohs” while un-wrapping it, but did not utter “thanks”.
As she removed the object from its container, she said, “I have always wanted one of these.”
Still no magic words.
The giver was obviously receptive to the child’s joy. It took great patience for me to observe without prompting.
As Melinda rewrapped the gift and returned it to its treasure chest she said, “Well, all I know to say is, ‘Thanks’.
I breathed a sigh of relief and learned a valuable lesson. A smile can imply “thank you” before words are formulated. To anxious parents I preempt their prodding by acknowledging the child’s unspoken communication. You can do that too.
Be gracious and give grace. In reflection, what is more gracious, an instant canned reply or a delayed genuine response? Extending training and patience is more a test of the parents own character than that of the child.
Parenting skills do pay off. Enjoy your child as you learn and teach each other.
We welcome reprinting of articles in your newsletter or magazine, providing credit is given as follows: “This article was written by Mona Dunkin, Motivational Speaker and Corporate Trainer, www.monadunkin.blogspot.com or www.monadunkin.com.”
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