Commit to Commitment

In welcoming the new year we have wonderful intentions and renewed hope for accomplishment. At the close of 2007, the Grand Avenue cartoon featured an exchange between the twins regarding New Year’s Resolutions. As Michael looked over his sister’s 2008 list, he observed that she had merely recycled 2007’s list and that she did not accomplish anything on the 2007 list. The girl boldly pronounced him wrong. Indeed she had fulfilled Resolution # 1 which was “Avoid time-consuming duplicative efforts.” Oh, how easily we can lie to ourselves.

Praeto’s 20/80 principle. Human beings are afflicted with what I call a “Bad Case of the Overs” – over-scheduling, over-committing, over-indulging, over-reacting, over-spending, and the list goes on. We make more commitments than we can keep. Yet, of all your possible activities, 20% will produce 80% of your intended results. When it comes to overcoming the overs, know that 20% of your activities will take you further and advance you faster than the others. Identify your 20% and doggedly stay with those the majority of your time, giving them your full mental and physical energy. Commitment to and completion of that 20% transforms ideas into reality, time into money, acquaintance into relationship, stress into energy, and inefficiency into effectiveness.

Seduction of Distractions. I’m guilty. I’ll just do these one or two itty-bitty things and get them out of the way so I can devote my full energy to the most important job. Those little distractions can grow to encompass 80% of time, leaving you less accomplished, unfulfilled, and a longer list of tomorrow tasks. Recognize your self-enticed distractions for what they are: self-sabotage. Spending time, resources and energy on things not in your 20% impairs, disrupts and incapacitates today’s success.

Practice of Procrastination. Webster’ dictionary defines procrastination as the intentional putting off of something that should be done. Perhaps procrastination is a ruse to atone for perfection: if I can’t do it perfect then I won’t do it. Challenge your excuses, step out of your comfort zone and just do it. Learn something in the process and know that the next time you will accomplish the task with more proficiency. Trust yourself to learn, to grow, to produce.

Secret of Concentration is Elimination. Multitasking is a deceptive ploy that binds us to the 80% inefficiency. Trying to do too many things at once is an enemy of focused attention and you are prone to make oversights and mistakes.. In a misguided attempt to get the small stuff out of the way, your mind’s primary thinking is consumed with the dread of the major project. Out of sight, out of mind. Stack the 80% into a neat pile and put it aside. Eliminate it from your field of vision. It will wait for you. Focus on your top priority, prune your schedule and hone your performance.

DON’T COPE, OVERCOME. A commitment is a binding vow and to commit is to obligate self or hand over. Fear is a powerful, yet subtle, motivator. Psychologists tell us we have only two real emotions – fear and love – and everything else is an outcropping of or watered-down expression of fear or love. Sometimes the two get mixed together. Perhaps an underlying motivation for the 80% less productive activities is a fear of success and the obvious passion for the 20% focused endeavors is genuine love of your selected mission. Spend time in thoughtful meditation to determine your trust in your pledges. Settling this issue and you move light years closer to achieving your goals.

ASK MONA. Q: In our culture, we have a coming-of-age celebration on the 12th birthday. Mine was a big deal and I loved it. I want the same thing for my daughter, however, at age five she wants to wear make up and carry a purse and I want her to wait. I have said “No” to make up until age 12 but she still wants a purse. What should I do?

Signed: Concerned Mother

A: Give her a purse. Does she have a doll even though she is not of child-rearing age? Sure she does. It’s a toy. It is a way of looking forward to being a mommy and practicing nurturing skills. Let her do the same thing with appreciating her female status and budding femininity. Be pleasantly firm in the boundary of a certain age before wearing make-up while allowing her to have pretend toiletries such as plastic lipstick and compact. And give her a purse to keep them in.

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Seven Steps of De-Stressing

Natalie Goldberg suggests that stress is an ignorant state because it assumes everything is an emergency. Though many demands are made on your time do not compound stress by giving it more importance than it rightly deserves.

State it. Name it and claim it. Name it and calm it. Make a list of all your to-dos from the major to the minor. Naming them is what is important. Whatever is named can be tamed. Once you see it in black and white, the paper recalls it for you and your energy is devoted to accomplishing the task, not to remembering all the things you would be stressed over if you forgot!

Sort it. After making your list, sort it into segments. Determine what is immediate and long-term. Decide which things can be done quickly and marked off and which ones need additional steps. Establish what needs extra resources or to be outsourced. Give up multi-tasking and concentrate on the job at hand.

Start it. You begin by beginning. Overcome the law of inertia by putting yourself into action. Stop procrastinating and get busy! Pick up the phone. File the folder. Do not rationalize, justify or excusify. Just do it!

Heaven never helps the person who will not act. Sophocles

Split it. What can be started now and followed up later. What can be eliminated? What is busy work rather than business? How can you simplify? Q: How do you eat an elephant? A: One bite at a time spaced over days with intervals for digestion and elimination. Go back to your to-dos and determine short and long term deadlines as needed.

Staff it. What can be delegated? Whose job are you micro-managing? A mark of a leader - whether CEO, MOM or DAD - is to share responsibilities with other members of the team. Caution: Delegating does not mean dumping. Delegating involves training and accountability. Trying to be the solution, strength and savior compounds stress.

Stop it. Stop procrastinating. Stop exaggerating – you do not have a million things to do!
Stop devaluing co-workers. Stop the perfection; go for excellence and learn and grow. Stop the madness; rush less and rest more. Stop saying, “Yes” to more than you can easily handle.

Savor it. Looked at things accomplished and appreciate your efforts.

DON’T COPE, OVERCOME Soften it with a smile. I am not sure if the delay of this e-letter is from busy-ness or procrastination, but I am considering this your August issue even if it is September 10th. Your attitude determines your behavior. By handling life in a serious, yet lighthearted manner, stress is relegated to its proper place of reserve for responding to real emergencies

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NEED A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER: One of America's most interesting speakers can be enjoyed in person in a presentation tailored to your specific need. Whether organizational, business or civic, you will be entertained with her humor, challenged with her gift of uncommon insights, and motivated by her thought provoking poems. Mona has developed a dramatic series of life changing, solution principles that address the universal needs of people.

Recognizing Patterns

An acquaintance of mine made me think with her business card that proclaimed:

“If you always do what you’ve always done,
you’ll always get what you’ve always got.
IS IT ENOUGH?
If you want more, call…”

A familiar definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” Her question, “Is it enough”, got me to thinking. My conclusion was, “No, it is not enough. I want more sales. I want more peace. I want improved relationships.” I did not call my friend, but I did look into the insanity of some of my repeated unproductive patterns. You can too.

Do not dismiss it as fate. There are some things over which you have no control but a lot of things which you did not even try to control; or tried in a negative way. Look back and challenge the outcome if you had acted differently. This is not to wallow in “what ifs,” but to become proactive in future like situations.

If it’s not working, it needs fixing. You know when life is not working and it is time to look into overcoming options. With whom do you need to counsel? What books would be helpful to read? Who do you need to emulate as a good role model? What organizations would contribute? What education do you need? What training would prove invaluable?

Balance, don’t juggle. Juggling has a note of deception, as in “Enron juggled the books.” Plus juggling takes so much strained attention. What do you need to eliminate in order to gain equilibrium? Use your creativity to determine ways that routine tasks can be simplified? With whom do you need to share the work load?

Immediate gratification or delayed fulfillment. Look into the future and get the big picture. Maxing out the credit cards today delays the freedom of debt free living. Porking on chocolate chips today postpones the exuberance of a lean healthy body. Immoral sexual encounters greatly deter the development of a meaningful relationship.

Be open to feedback. Family and friends can be faithful to point out character flaws. But how do you respond? Denial is that ever widening gap between what you do and what you say you do, which leads to deception and believing the lie you have told yourself. As much as you do not want to hear their complaints, honestly give it some consideration. Do you have an edge to your voice? Are you lazy? Are you irresponsible? Do you leave the toothpaste uncapped? They are trying to help you. Graciously receive it.

Seek outside insights. Everyone has blind spots. Except maybe the blind spots aren’t so blind as much as a “willful ignorance”. Ask a trusted friend to observe triggers for your anger, moodiness, over-eating, etc. Attend seminars that define assertive behavior. Read articles that outline co-dependent mannerisms. Study self-help books. Become a part of a support group.
Playing the blame game. Blaming is a game but it is certainly no fun. Rather than placing the blame on another, take an honest look at your contribution to the problem. Rather than blaming yourself, honestly evaluate the situation for the locus of control. The only person you can control is you. The more effective control you have over your attitudes, words and behaviors the greater your influence with other.

It takes courage to evaluate non-productive patterns. It takes maturity to address them. May these suggestions be beneficial to your growth.

DON’T COPE, OVERCOME. A help in breaking non-productive patterns is positive affirmations. The key is to state it in present tense as thought it is already happening. Examples: "I manage my time and achieve my goals." "I plan my day around high pay-off activities." "I make my decisions based on my pre-determined goals." "I faithfully evaluate and follow-through."

NEED A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER: One of America's most interesting motivational speakers can be enjoyed in person in a presentation tailored to your specific need. Whether organizational, business or civic, you will be entertained with her humor, challenged with her gift of uncommon insights, and motivated by her thought provoking poems. Mona has developed a dramatic series of life changing, solution principles that address the universal needs of people.